Sarah147 Posted January 23, 2012 Author Posted January 23, 2012 [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlprozGcs80&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/media]
Sarah147 Posted January 23, 2012 Author Posted January 23, 2012 [quote name='IcePrincessKRS' timestamp='1327273066' post='2373451'] I know it's kind of a stupid amswer, but for me I think it's one of those things that you "just know." (that's the stupid part, now for something more thoughtful...) It's not as sappy and googly-eyed as we were in the beginning, but now, upwards of 12 years together and going on 10 years of marriage (peanuts compared to some) that love is every bit as strong--stronger even--and in some ways matured, in others every bit as much silliness as when we were 20. [b]Last night when we went to bed we laid there in the dark talking and laughing for a good 30 minutes before we fell asleep. It's like having the bestest best friend ever and multiplying it by millions. There's friendship, attraction, trust... and in a lot of ways it's overwhelming. It feels like more than I've ever felt for anyone or anything else. [/b]It's not something I can describe well or tell you how I know. I just do. At first I wasn't going to reply to this thread because I didn't want to give a standard answer. But then I changed my mind because it makes me reflect on him, and it's a good way to remember not to take him for granted. He doesn't deserve that and I never want to do that to him. [/quote] I just love that! Thank you for sharing.
MissyP89 Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 OK, so I am pondering this. Love isn't really what you feel -- that explosive joy and that ache in your chest. Those definitely are the beginnings of love, side effects if you want to call them that, sure. Being in love is more a concrete step that you take. It's a decision to open yourself up emotionally and mentally to another person with complete trust. Picture it as literally taking your heart and handing it to them to care for and nurture. You let the other person see you for exactly what you are, flaws and all. For me, I knew I was in love quite a while before I actually said it. I didn't say so because I was afraid of getting my heart broken. But in the end, that's the risk you take. The night I did say it was after the gentleman and I had an outrageously long talk about the past -- a confession of sorts. And I knew that I loved him then because, despite knowing all he had done, I still wanted to grow with him and share my life, even the bad parts. He's my partner. *shrugs* But in the end, it was a distinct choice that I made. The moment came where I knew I either had to take that risk and jump, or run away. I [i]chose[/i] to jump, to give him my heart. That was a very scary moment for both of us, but we ask for the grace every day to love better. The important thing is that we placed this relationship in God's hands from day one. We are trusting Him to guide us and help us to mature emotionally and spiritually together. And the more we humble ourselves as a unit, the more grace He seems to be giving. I'm not really sure how it all works, but I know that it is profoundly beautiful. Let me know if there's anything in this post you don't understand, or want me to explain more.
brianthephysicist Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1327261804' post='2373289'] Hello, So, I'm wondering how y'all tell? And how does it vary through the stages of courtship, engagement, marriage, and such? I know secular love tends to be all about emotions whereas Catholic love is sacrificial and in your will, right? How does is differ with love for Jesus vs. partner? God bless you. [/quote] I'm sorry that I haven't read all of the other posts yet but here's my two cents. Going into a more Catholic interpretation of what love means to me is that it is a choice, a decision, an act of the will. It mirrors our love for God in this act of the will. Sometimes it is easy for us to love God during times of spiritual consolation, but in times of spiritual desolation we must still decide to love God and follow Him. Things like infatuation and the "warm and fuzzies" are like our spiritual consolations. It's certainly a lot easier to love someone when they do things to make you smile or make you feel whole inside, but real love is more than just doing better for that person in times of joy, it is a daily decision to lay down your life for that person, regardless of how you feel or how much it might hurt. Being that I'm not married, I don't have the experience necessary to tell you exactly how it varies during the relationship. All I know is that the whole process builds toward marriage. Just like with vocations to the religious life, marriage is a lifelong decision. It not only requires discernment of marriage itself, it requires discernment of the other person. In our broken world, it isn't safe to completely open yourself up to other people upon first meeting. Being in that relationship, you are asked to lay down your life for the other person by slowly leaving that safety behind piece by piece. Marriage is the decision to 100% lay down your life and give of yourself to your spouse. We get to that decision a little at a time, some people it's months and others it's years. That's what the whole process of being in a relationship is, building up that love or that ability to choose the other person above yourself, day by day, until we can make the decision to give of ourselves fully.
Groo the Wanderer Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1327261804' post='2373289'] Hello, So, I'm wondering how y'all tell? And how does it vary through the stages of courtship, engagement, marriage, and such? I know secular love tends to be all about emotions whereas Catholic love is sacrificial and in your will, right? How does is differ with love for Jesus vs. partner? God bless you. [/quote] You are in love when your wifey fluffy air extractions so loudly dogs bark, it stinks up not just the bathroom, but the bedroom and the hallway too. It crinkles your nose in utter disgust. Yet you still love her and give her a big hug when she comes back into the living room. (man i hope she doesn;t read this thread) anyhoo....love is a decision, not an emotion. you are in love when you decide you want this person to have what is best for them so much that you empty yourself out for them and are willing to give up the things you want for them...time, attention, footrubs, etc...
StMichael Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 The world comes completely into focus. Order is seen. You want to tell the world all about this person. You see yourself growing old with them and you don't care about growing old. As I saw someone else state, you know. You will know and not even have to ask.
MissyP89 Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 And one more thing : You know you're in love when you are willing to do absolutely anything to better yourself for them, no matter what it costs emotionally or how much it hurts in the process. You're willing to change yourself for them. To beat addictions and fix flaws and change attitudes. Love is a huge motivating force. Love shows all of those broken places inside you. It's an incredible humbling process. You want to give them the world, but what you have is so meager. (Most of us feel this way about God, too!) It's a realization that you've been given this beautiful gift that you don't deserve at all.
Jaime Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 My grandma used to say "There's a fine line between true love and a restraining order"
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1327261804' post='2373289'] Hello, So, I'm wondering how y'all tell? And how does it vary through the stages of courtship, engagement, marriage, and such? I know secular love tends to be all about emotions whereas Catholic love is sacrificial and in your will, right? How does is differ with love for Jesus vs. partner? [/quote] I will echo what others have said and add a little bit. "Being in love" is not just something that you can feel and describe so that others can recognize. It is something you know. If you don't know if you are in love then you are not. It is just one of those things you know. As far as how does love vary, that question requires a very nuanced response. Love can be killed just as much as it can be fostered. However, it seems impossible for us to create where it is not, rather it grows where God plants it. As such it can grow, or wane, if one tends it and is careful with one's thoughts and actions and how one disposes oneself to love. This is what is meant, I think, by "willing love." It is not simply in the will or the intellect but in the whole of the individual who loves. Both the body and soul love and are united in the act, not just the will, though obviously appropriate to the varying degrees/stage of the relationship. A good example is the song "I thought I loved you then" with how love grows exponentially when tended, even though being in love admits of no middle (one either is in love or not). I cannot say much more than this on this subject, since I am not married. I have been in love before and this is my experience. However, more can be said about love and marriage as such. In relationship, love is not nearly the most important thing when discerning marriage but rather a "call" is. Marriage is a covenant and as such bears the hallmarks of covenant: call, promise, and stipulation. Being in love is a sign that one is called to have a special relationship with another, whether that is romantic or friendship (the latter by itself is uncommon among men and women given this sign). (There are other signs too but we'll leave that alone for now). One must discern whether one is called to marriage with the other person, not whether one loves since anyone can sacrifice and (given that there is fact a call) we trust God will give love to the relationships of those He calls to be together. One discerns whether one is called and the promise is that of promising the unconditional gift of self (in the marriage). The stipulation is that such a thing will be received and one will also give of oneself unconditionally. Obviously, we all will fail at giving unconditionally and that such a trait is something we grow in; however, it does bear importance. Stipulation is the only discernment one does directly concerning the other person/ability of the other person. One discerns whether one is called to another but that is more focused on the self than the other person (though the other person is important). One also discerns whether one can make the gift of self, which is also focused on the self. In contrast, in stipulation one discerns whether the other can receive the gift. Some people cannot and as such it is harmful to both parties involved to continue a relationship. Both people may love one another but not be able to receive one another properly, at all, or in the way the other needs to be received, and this would hinder the formation of covenant. Obviously, there is much more that can be said here, but these are just some of my ideas concerning the relationship of love and marriage. Also, a mild note, these things should be discerned before marriage and when in marriage these topics of discernment, while of the same topics, look different. That being said, love of the beloved points to covenant and thus to relationship with God, but it is not the deciding factor for entering the covenant of marriage as such but rather a "call" is, with its own hallmarks and signs. As far as the loving Jesus type of love and comparing that to romantic love, that I have very little insight on. When speaking of Jesus, I find men and women speak of their relationship with him differently. I find men tend to speak of Christ as guide, master/king, and general (military commander). I find that this tends to be different than how women relate to him. As for how this plays out specifically.....I am one who finds it easier to be religious rather than spiritual, so I don't know how much light my own experience can shed on this situation. I have no clue what people are talking about when they say "they are spiritual and not religious." The only way that I can really be spi[b][i]ritual[/i][/b] is through the very "ritual" contained in the word. I find it easier to be religious and do the ritual than be "spiritual." So my love is very much first having to strive to understand the Christian Tradition and the virtues and then forcing my will tom implement them. It is different because the emotions figure less into my love of Christ though they are important to discipline and submit to the gospel.
EmilyAnn Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I've been in love once. It was disatrous and I ended up heartbroken but that's the way of the world. He was a friend of mine and in my eyes he was perfect (for that matter that hasn't changed). For me it was finding someone who was easy to be around and with him I didn't feel judged or judging. When we were together it was like no-one else was around because we were foucsed on each other. No matter how bad a day I'd had or how down I was feeling, he made me happy. I would have done anything for him and made sacrifices for him that I wouldn't do for anyone else. We're still friends now, though since we live on opposite sides of the world we haven't seen each other in several years now. And though I'm not in love with him any more, he's still a big part of my life. When you love someone you just sort of . . . do. It's one of these things that you just 'know'.
MIKolbe Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 [quote name='jaime' timestamp='1327298143' post='2373641'] My grandma used to say "There's a fine line between true love and a restraining order" [/quote] you mean to say she was the first one to say it to you....
Papist Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1327261804' post='2373289'] Hello, So, I'm wondering how y'all tell? And how does it vary through the stages of courtship, engagement, marriage, and such? I know secular love tends to be all about emotions whereas Catholic love is sacrificial and in your will, right? How does is differ with love for Jesus vs. partner? God bless you. [/quote] Take the test, [url="http://chastity.com/chastity-qa/dating/whats-love/it-love-take-love-test/it-love"]http://chastity.com/chastity-qa/dating/whats-love/it-love-take-love-test/it-love[/url]
his_remnant Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1327261804' post='2373289'] How does is differ with love for Jesus vs. partner? [/quote] i have never fallen in love with another human person...but i fell head over heels for Jesus Christ to the point of discerning giving him my life. That's where i say there is a huge similarity and a huge difference between the two. [quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1327281232' post='2373542'] Being in love is more a concrete step that you take. It's a decision to open yourself up emotionally and mentally to another person with complete trust. Picture it as literally taking your heart and handing it to them to care for and nurture. You let the other person see you for exactly what you are, flaws and all. For me, I knew I was in love quite a while before I actually said it. I didn't say so because I was afraid of getting my heart broken. But in the end, that's the risk you take. But in the end, it was a distinct choice that I made. The moment came where I knew I either had to take that risk and jump, or run away. I [i]chose[/i] to jump, to give him my heart. That was a very scary moment for both of us, but we ask for the grace every day to love better. [/quote] What Missy says here applies to what it was like for me to follow Christ. It was a choice to trust God with my heart. Even though he is God don't let anyone tell you that makes it easier to give him your heart. He is God that is why it is hard. He is not like us we are like him. He is not a tame God but wild and infinite. As a woman I want security from my closest relationship and he gives great security because he knows me best, better than i know myself but he is also so much more than I and his ways ARE NOT our ways. He is not predictable which is frightening. Like Missy said i didn't admit to my love for God for along time because I knew he could break my heart like no other. But therein lies the difference. He is God, he can do whatever he wants with my heart but since he has chosen to desire my heart more than life I know that my fear, like Eve's fear comes from the ancient enemy. It is without foundation. So unlike falling in love with a human i don't need to hesitate. My heart will not be broken. I can take this risk and know I will win. It's a beautiful experience and I wish everyone could come to know Christ like he has allowed me to know him.
Sarah147 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljY8QOhH3Ug&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/media]
FutureSister2009 Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 This may not help but I just thought of it. [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozy9wggwQiI"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozy9wggwQiI[/url]
kujo Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Corny and cliche as it sounds, I knew as soon as I met my fiancée. It took a little while before we could test the waters--we were both seeing other people at the time--but there was undoubtedly a feeling of eventuality to it all. And once we were dating, everything just seemed...right. It's hard to put into words. It's like a feeling that everything was fitting into place, and she was everything I ever could have wanted, and then some! Even when we fought, there was this voice in the back of my head that told me that there wasn't a single disagreement that was worth damaging or losing our relationship. It's sort of a pressure valve, because we are both fairly strong willed. More than anything, I know that she makes me want to be better, and I make her feel the same. She takes me as I am, as I do her. Again, it's not particularly groundbreaking, but it's absolutely how I feel.
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