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polskieserce

Finding Other Catholic Virgins?

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Lil Red

I was a Catholic virgin on my wedding night 2 years ago at age 26. My husband found me on Catholic Match. But he wasn't looking for a virgin, only.

 

I would not have dated and/or married someone who expressed your attitudes.

 

I am sure you a good person, but good people don't necessarily make the best spouses.

 

In some respects it's perfectly legitimate. You like what you like.

 

But your inclusion of girls who have been raped (actually penetrated) as having "lost their virginity" is very troubling and reflects pagan influences. The church doesn't look at it the way the world does. Virginity is a spiritual state and key to "losing it" is full knowledge and consent. The virgin martyrs were typically raped before they were killed; this doesn't make them any less virgin. Aquinas says on this topic that "even if the woman thus violated conceives, she would not for that reason forfeit her virginity.”

 

In evangelical Protestant circles it's not unusual for women to substitute sodomy for regular sex as a way of "preserving their virginity."  Is a girl who has willingly engaged in sodomy but not vaginal intercourse still a true virgin, in the Church's eyes? Of course not. But that's where the flat-footed legalistic approach leads. Such a woman technically falls into your marriage-able category, because her hymen is intact.

 

If the root of your concerns is insecurity about sexual performance (being compared to previous partners... your reference to being male specimen #24 seems to suggest this) a sex therapist or the person who conducts your premarital counseling can help you come to terms with it.

 

Your virginity is something you are maintaining to glorify God and simply to avoid mortal sin. it is not a "gift" to be carefully hoarded for a future spouse. Nor is it a "gift" to be demanded as part of the marriage dowry, so to speak.

 

best post. b00m. 

 

boomheadshot.jpg

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havok579257

I was a Catholic virgin on my wedding night 2 years ago at age 26. My husband found me on Catholic Match. But he wasn't looking for a virgin, only.

 

I would not have dated and/or married someone who expressed your attitudes.

 

I am sure you a good person, but good people don't necessarily make the best spouses.

 

In some respects it's perfectly legitimate. You like what you like.

 

But your inclusion of girls who have been raped (actually penetrated) as having "lost their virginity" is very troubling and reflects pagan influences. The church doesn't look at it the way the world does. Virginity is a spiritual state and key to "losing it" is full knowledge and consent. The virgin martyrs were typically raped before they were killed; this doesn't make them any less virgin. Aquinas says on this topic that "even if the woman thus violated conceives, she would not for that reason forfeit her virginity.”

 

In evangelical Protestant circles it's not unusual for women to substitute sodomy for regular sex as a way of "preserving their virginity."  Is a girl who has willingly engaged in sodomy but not vaginal intercourse still a true virgin, in the Church's eyes? Of course not. But that's where the flat-footed legalistic approach leads. Such a woman technically falls into your marriage-able category, because her hymen is intact.

 

If the root of your concerns is insecurity about sexual performance (being compared to previous partners... your reference to being male specimen #24 seems to suggest this) a sex therapist or the person who conducts your premarital counseling can help you come to terms with it.

 

Your virginity is something you are maintaining to glorify God and simply to avoid mortal sin. it is not a "gift" to be carefully hoarded for a future spouse. Nor is it a "gift" to be demanded as part of the marriage dowry, so to speak.

 

 

would give this 1000 props

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Norseman82

good people don't necessarily make the best spouses.

 

 

Virginity issues aside, as a general note I find this statement to be very sad from a Catholic/Christian perspective.  Jesus said something about where your heart is, there your treasure lies.  It's very interesting to see where many Catholics' hearts are when seeking a spouse. 

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Lil Red

Virginity issues aside, as a general note I find this statement to be very sad from a Catholic/Christian perspective.  Jesus said something about where your heart is, there your treasure lies.  It's very interesting to see where many Catholics' hearts are when seeking a spouse. 

 

i'm not sure what you mean by your statement? :unsure: 

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Lil Red

i guess Maggie's sentence about "good persons" could be taken several different ways, so maybe Maggie can clarify what she meant by that sentence? 

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Norseman82

i'm not sure what you mean by your statement? :unsure:

 

It means what do Catholics look for in a spouse?  How high a priority is "being a good Catholic" on the list?

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Norseman82

i guess Maggie's sentence about "good persons" could be taken several different ways, so maybe Maggie can clarify what she meant by that sentence? 

 

I would like to think that if one were not a good spouse that would reflect on whether one was really a good person.

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CatholicsAreKewl
In Iran, Virgin prisoners were raped before their execution so they wouldn't go straight to heaven. To be honest, saving sex for marriage is a kink. If this pmer wants a virgin, it's not that big of a deal. While I don't think anyone recommends this being his first priority, whatever. His life. #yolo Edited by CatholicsAreKewl

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polskieserce

Of course I don't think people who engage in sodomy are virgins.  That is also a form of sex, which counts as loosing one's virginity.  I am aware that some people actually do that because they have a bizarre concept of virginity, but rest assured that I'm crossing those people off my list as well.

 

Regarding rape, I don't understand why some of you are twisting my words to say that rape never happens in certain areas, or that it's the girls fault.  I didn't put words in your mouth, so please don't put words in mine.  Regarding sexual assault, I never said that rape constitutes 1% of sexual assaults.  I just said it does not constitute 100% of sexual assaults.  The main point I'm trying to make is that most girls loose their physical virginity because they willfully chose to sin, not because someone forced them to have sex.  Some of you are ignoring this fact and are trying to derail the conversation and attack me by twisting my view and making me seem like a terrible person for not overlooking a girl's virginity.

 

In some way, shape, or form, a lot of posts on her are all harping on one question, either directly or indirectly: "Why don't you just give up and settle for a non-virgin who is a practicing Catholic now.  Let me give a detailed answer, so there's no doubt where I stand on the issue.  The simple answer is NO, I will not get with a non-virgin woman, even if she is practicing Catholicism at this point in time, for these reasons:

 

1.  If a girl has been sleeping around in high school and college, and then goes back to the church, it raises questions about her motives.  Is she really repenting out of a genuine desire to follow ALL of God's rules from that point on?  Or is she doing that just because she wants to get a church wedding and sees Catholicism as a convenient backdrop for justifying a LEGALLY/FINANCIALLY (not spiritually) obsolete institution (marriage) to a man in a country where the divorce laws are set up against the man?

 

2.  It's an issue of respect.  I realize that people sin and make mistakes, but virginity is something that strikes very close to home between a man and woman.  I'm not going to lie that I would feel insulted and disrespected if a girl I dated gave herself out to someone else like that.  Everyone is different and some of you don't care, but this is how I am.

 

3.  That's what it will take me to feel like the relationship is truly special.  In our world, there is plenty of cheating, no end in sight to the abortion holocaust, and an insane divorce rate.  The dating world is a mine field, with no shortage of things that can go horribly wrong.  I want someone who could have at least waited a couple of years from the time of pubuerty, until marriage, because it shows that they were able to hold out and not just be dirty like everyone else.  I want a sign that my future relationship with a woman is going to be SPECIAL, and not like everyone else.  I don't want it to be the same old story of two non-virgins sleeping around in their youth, getting married (while still not taking god seriously), and then getting divorced after a couple of years and a few kids.  I don't want that to be me.  I want to see a sign that you are different from the rest and held out where others failed.  If a girl was able to turn down offers for casual sex for over a decade WITHOUT slipping up, then that's a very powerful sign that a girl is crossing heaven and earth to let her future spouse know that he is loved and that he is the only man worthy of such a special and powerful gift.  It's a strong sign that her desire to make the marriage work is so bright, that it can truly last a lifetime.

 

4.  This reason is overlapping with reasons 3.  I'm just not willing to put that much effort into a relationship if I already have strong doubts from the beginning that it's not going to work.  Marriage is one of the most difficult exercises in spirituality a person can do.  I don't want to be disgraced 1/2 way through life because my wife who had been looser early on decided to bail on me for whatever reason.  I am not willing to take a higher risk for being crushed as a human being.  I would be taking a higher risk with a non-virgin than a virgin.  I would rather go through life solo than settle for someone like that.

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Norseman82

In some way, shape, or form, a lot of posts on her are all harping on one question, either directly or indirectly: "Why don't you just give up and settle for a non-virgin who is a practicing Catholic now. 

 

 

One thing I've learned in the "virgin seeks fellow virgin" discussions is that many active Catholics have had checkered pasts, so they come to the discussion with a "bias", and that one needs to filter that out when looking at the answers.  That, and the fact that I get the impression that many Catholics just have accepted the modern-day promiscuity as the norm.

Edited by Norseman82

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Lil Red

To be honest, saving sex for marriage is a kink. If this pmer wants a virgin, it's not that big of a deal. While I don't think anyone recommends this being his first priority, whatever. His life. #yolo

 

props. 

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Norseman82

Can we ban this guy for repeated use of the word "loose" in place of "lose"? It's really annoying.

 

You're annoying, but we haven't banned you.... :hehe2:

Edited by Norseman82

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