Nunsuch Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I know of at least two congregations that admit family members to their retirement/nursing wings (on a space-available basis, of course). Some sisters I know have had their mothers spend their last years there, and it has been a real blessing for all concerned. The sisters (missioned elsewhere) see their mothers whenever they come "home," and their friends in the community visit their mothers, sometimes daily. The mothers are well taken care of, and it works out well for everybody. Of course, not all communities have space for this, but in the cases I know of, it has been really pretty wonderful. I don't know what the financial arrangements are, either, but I'm sure they are fair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinMarie Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 I tried one of the exercises described on the page recommended by Vee (thanks!) where you picture yourself on your deathbed and look back over your life. I imagined that I had been a sister and immediately my conscience was hit with the fact that I should have been there for my family. There is a lot of drama going on in my family with regards to mental illness and substance abuse (which will result in disability and serious illness somewhere down the line) and I think that perhaps I was looking at religious life as an escape from all this. I know that God has a plan for my life, and I know that whatever it is, it will be better than my will for myself. Right now might not be the best time to try to figure it out, though, even if I starting to think that religious life is off the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I know of at least two congregations that admit family members to their retirement/nursing wings (on a space-available basis, of course). Some sisters I know have had their mothers spend their last years there, and it has been a real blessing for all concerned. The sisters (missioned elsewhere) see their mothers whenever they come "home," and their friends in the community visit their mothers, sometimes daily. The mothers are well taken care of, and it works out well for everybody. Of course, not all communities have space for this, but in the cases I know of, it has been really pretty wonderful. I don't know what the financial arrangements are, either, but I'm sure they are fair. That's great! I'm glad these communities have such an arrangement in case the parents don't have anyone to take care of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) I tried one of the exercises described on the page recommended by Vee (thanks!) where you picture yourself on your deathbed and look back over your life. I imagined that I had been a sister and immediately my conscience was hit with the fact that I should have been there for my family. There is a lot of drama going on in my family with regards to mental illness and substance abuse (which will result in disability and serious illness somewhere down the line) and I think that perhaps I was looking at religious life as an escape from all this. I know that God has a plan for my life, and I know that whatever it is, it will be better than my will for myself. Right now might not be the best time to try to figure it out, though, even if I starting to think that religious life is off the table. Mental illness and substance abuse is quite serious... we don't know God's plan, at the same time. Maybe it could help to speak more to your SD, and just keep praying for God's Will in your life Have you considered something like a consecrated single life or a secular institute? I mean for myself, I'm looking at this, or religious life. This can still be an option for someone who wants to give themselves exclusively to Christ but has other obligations. Edited June 12, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlesister Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 You do have some serious things to think about, but, yes, an only child certainly can discern. The "only" status does complicate decision making, and it will always be somewhere in the back of your mind even when there is nothing concrete to worry about. That, I do believe, is part of the cross. Distance and possible also unavailability are the risks that you all take from the beginning. It is the same situation (only child and no one close in the country) and the same risks that my parents and I also took from the beginning, and that was a lifetime ago. Fortunately, a good priest said, "Go. Now, or you will only prolong the agony." It was a step out in faith for us all. If you are not in close proximity when something goes wrong, your call will be to trust that the Lord will provide whatever and whoever they need until you can get there, and even if for the moment you can't. You will have a very faithful spouse, and he will never let you down. Guaranteed by the voice of experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 You do have some serious things to think about, but, yes, an only child certainly can discern. The "only" status does complicate decision making, and it will always be somewhere in the back of your mind even when there is nothing concrete to worry about. That, I do believe, is part of the cross. Distance and possible also unavailability are the risks that you all take from the beginning. It is the same situation (only child and no one close in the country) and the same risks that my parents and I also took from the beginning, and that was a lifetime ago. Fortunately, a good priest said, "Go. Now, or you will only prolong the agony." It was a step out in faith for us all. If you are not in close proximity when something goes wrong, your call will be to trust that the Lord will provide whatever and whoever they need until you can get there, and even if for the moment you can't. You will have a very faithful spouse, and he will never let you down. Guaranteed by the voice of experience. Thank you for the encouraging post (also only child) and I love the last part you said about Jesus being a very faithful Spouse. of course if we give ourselves to Him we need to trust Him to take care of us and family. It is the family of His bride who He created and loves much more than she does. How do we grow in this trust? Of course all this presumes a vocation... But if God calls of course He will give everything we need to do His Holy Will! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Villalovos Smith Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Interestingly Mother Angelica's mother also entered the PCPA's, She was Sister Sr. Mary David of the Infant Jesus. She is buried in the crypt in the lower church at OLAM. Pax Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I was advised something encouraging by a Mother Superior of a community I visited... this kind of fear is the present cross. Just try to live in the present. The future crosses might not even happen. You can offer your family to God and the Blessed Mother to take care of. You never know maybe an opportunity will present itself for them to be taken care of, or maybe it would be allowed somehow. We can still discern to be open to God's Will it's hard to discern with fear... it sort of paralyses you. It's better to just TRUST His Will and pray remembering His goodness He knows the situation better than anyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinMarie Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 MarysLittleFlower, thank you so much for the encouraging words. I know that I said that I was going to take a break from discerning, but that didn't last long. I found myself getting farther and farther away from God and acting like someone I didn't recognize. I managed to reason from this that refusing to keep discerning because I was worried about my family was not God's will for me. I know that I have a head-heart problem when it comes to trusting God; I know in my head that I can trust God, but in my heart I am saying 'no, I need to keep control of this situation.' Turning over control to God is the scariest thing for me. When I told my (Baptist) best friend about my discernment, she got so excited for me and couldn't stop talking about it and when I told her I was struggling with whether or not I should continue because of my family, she looked me in the eye and told me that if God was calling me to this, I need to do it and not let anything stop me, not even my family. But I know that I can only see one point in time and God sees all of them; if He really wants me in religious life, He already knows how He will provide for my family. So I am trying to make a conscious decision each day to trust Him with my family and whatever my vocation turns out to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 MarysLittleFlower, thank you so much for the encouraging words. I know that I said that I was going to take a break from discerning, but that didn't last long. I found myself getting farther and farther away from God and acting like someone I didn't recognize. I managed to reason from this that refusing to keep discerning because I was worried about my family was not God's will for me. I know that I have a head-heart problem when it comes to trusting God; I know in my head that I can trust God, but in my heart I am saying 'no, I need to keep control of this situation.' Turning over control to God is the scariest thing for me. When I told my (Baptist) best friend about my discernment, she got so excited for me and couldn't stop talking about it and when I told her I was struggling with whether or not I should continue because of my family, she looked me in the eye and told me that if God was calling me to this, I need to do it and not let anything stop me, not even my family. But I know that I can only see one point in time and God sees all of them; if He really wants me in religious life, He already knows how He will provide for my family. So I am trying to make a conscious decision each day to trust Him with my family and whatever my vocation turns out to be. This is so similar to my experience... I understand how hard it is. The way I understand is that God calls to a vocation where you can love Him the best. Choosing another makes us unable to love Him to the same extent - and leads to lukewarmness. I don't know if everyone feels that way or if its a way that God makes it more obvious. In the winter I turned away in my heart from my discernment though I had already made a commitment in my heart and felt I shouldn't marry. This lead to an emptiness in me and a lack of peace, and when I prayed Christ just didn't mean as much to me. I couldn't tell Him the things I used to say. It didn't get to rebellion in general but it was the sense that God is someone I worship on Sunday but not more. Our relationship was changed. Eventually God just brought me back... And this happened several times. That's how fear attacks us... Someone left a verse in church about - perfect love casts out fear. Sorry I forgot what chapter from the Bible! That is very true. Jesus told a mystic - "close your eyes to this fear that paralyses you and throw yourself into My arms". I hope I remember correctly. I think if we reflect on God's Will and surrender to His Will... That can help. So can books like Abandonment to Divine Providence. In the end the fear is a human distrust in God's love, which is very common but treatable I'm still learning... If we go before the Blessed Sacrament and ask Jesus to teach us about His love and help to trust, I believe He will. It also helped me to read books like Words of Love and Words of Hope by TAN, and the book He and I by Gabrielle Bossis (though the translators preface uses confusing language for many - I think unintentionally on their part). I believe Jesus can give us ALL we need for these crosses. There are Saints and other good religious who suffered from them. Do you do any mental prayer? This really gives Jesus a chance to act. And the more the soul progresses the more He acts... You can just open your heart to Him and ask Him to come and do what He likes. It helps to grow in abandonment I think... I'm the same boat and still trying to figure it out! These are just some things that keep me from not giving up. God loves your family too and if you have a vocation they would receive graces from this even if there is suffering... This present cross could maybe be offered for them. God bless you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinMarie Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 MarysLittleFlower: Ok, well I thought I was doing mental prayer, but after looking it up and reading some things about it, it seems to go much deeper than what I was doing. Thank you for the book recommendations. Who wrote Abandonment to Divine Providence? And thank you again for your empathy and encouragement; it is of inestimable value. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 MarysLittleFlower: Ok, well I thought I was doing mental prayer, but after looking it up and reading some things about it, it seems to go much deeper than what I was doing. Thank you for the book recommendations. Who wrote Abandonment to Divine Providence? And thank you again for your empathy and encouragement; it is of inestimable value. I didn't know what mental prayer was till this year... Learning about it is like learning about all that God can do in a soul. Its tied to spiritual growth as well. The book I read is called Ways of Mental Prayer and I think its by the same author as the other book on Providence... Dom Vitalis Lehodey. They are old and if you search for either one online you might find them in public domain for free from a site like archive.org or they're both published by TAN publishers. God bless you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Who wrote Abandonment to Divine Providence? Jean Pierre du Caussade SJ. If one is obtaining a copy make sure his letters are included - they are very important I explaining his theology in that they answer specific problems with various people. Available online: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Paul Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I was confused when i saw the title: "Can a only child discern".but then by your post I see what you mean.If it is Gods will you be a sister.God will find a way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Paul Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Isn't Mother Angelica an only child? Her mother joined the same monastery she lived in also. Deceased Nuns of Our Lady of the Angels Monastery Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. Sr. Mary David of the Infant Jesus “One thing I ask of the Lord, this I seek, to dwell in the house of the Lord, all the days of my life.”Psalm 27:4 Born: April 23, 1899 | Died: August 22, 1982First Profession: January 2, 1965 Mother of Mother A. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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