Can an only child discern?

[MarysLittleFlower]

You do have some serious things to think about, but, yes, an only child certainly can discern.  The "only" status does complicate decision making, and it will always be somewhere in the back of your mind even when there is nothing concrete to worry about.  That, I do believe, is part of the cross.  Distance and possible also unavailability are the risks that you all take from the beginning.  It is the same situation (only child and no one close in the country) and the same risks that my parents and I also took from the beginning, and that was a lifetime ago.  Fortunately, a good priest said, "Go. Now, or you will only prolong the agony."  It was a step out in faith for us all.

If you are not in close proximity when something goes wrong, your call will be to trust that the Lord will provide whatever and whoever they need until you can get there, and even if for the moment you can't.  You will have a very faithful spouse, and he will never let you down. 

Guaranteed by the voice of experience.

Thank you for the encouraging post (also only child) and I love the last part you said about Jesus being a very faithful Spouse. of course if we give ourselves to Him we need to trust Him to take care of u​s and family. It is the family of His bride who He created and loves much more than she does. How do we grow in this trust?  Of course all this presumes a vocation... But if God calls of course He will give everything we need to do His Holy Will!

[Marie Villalovos Smith]

Interestingly Mother Angelica's mother also entered the PCPA's, She was Sister Sr. Mary David of the Infant Jesus. She is buried in the crypt 

in the lower church at OLAM.

 

Pax

[MarysLittleFlower]

I was advised something encouraging by a Mother Superior of a community I visited... this kind of fear is the present cross. Just try to live in the present. The future crosses might not even happen. You can offer your family to God and the Blessed Mother to take care of. You never know maybe an opportunity will present itself for them to be taken care of, or maybe it would be allowed somehow. We can still discern to be open to God's Will it's hard to discern with fear... it sort of paralyses you. It's better to just TRUST His Will and pray remembering His goodness He knows the situation better than anyone!

[ErinMarie]

MarysLittleFlower, thank you so much for the encouraging words.  I know that I said that I was going to take a break from discerning, but that didn't last long. I found myself getting farther and farther away from God and acting like someone I didn't recognize.  I managed to reason from this that refusing to keep discerning because I was worried about my family was not God's will for me.  I know that I have a head-heart problem when it comes to trusting God; I know in my head that I can trust God, but in my heart I am saying 'no, I need to keep control of this situation.'  Turning over control to God is the scariest thing for me.  When I told my (Baptist) best friend about my discernment, she got so excited for me and couldn't stop talking about it and when I told her I was struggling with whether or not I should continue because of my family, she looked me in the eye and told me that if God was calling me to this, I need to do it and not let anything stop me, not even my family.  But I know that I can only see one point in time and God sees all of them; if He really wants me in religious life, He already knows how He will provide for my family.  So I am trying to make a conscious decision each day to trust Him with my family and whatever my vocation turns out to be.

[MarysLittleFlower]

MarysLittleFlower, thank you so much for the encouraging words.  I know that I said that I was going to take a break from discerning, but that didn't last long. I found myself getting farther and farther away from God and acting like someone I didn't recognize.  I managed to reason from this that refusing to keep discerning because I was worried about my family was not God's will for me.  I know that I have a head-heart problem when it comes to trusting God; I know in my head that I can trust God, but in my heart I am saying 'no, I need to keep control of this situation.'  Turning over control to God is the scariest thing for me.  When I told my (Baptist) best friend about my discernment, she got so excited for me and couldn't stop talking about it and when I told her I was struggling with whether or not I should continue because of my family, she looked me in the eye and told me that if God was calling me to this, I need to do it and not let anything stop me, not even my family.  But I know that I can only see one point in time and God sees all of them; if He really wants me in religious life, He already knows how He will provide for my family.  So I am trying to make a conscious decision each day to trust Him with my family and whatever my vocation turns out to be.

This is so similar to my experience... I understand how hard it is. The way I understand is that God calls to a vocation where you can love Him the best. Choosing another makes us unable to love Him to the same extent - and leads to lukewarmness. I don't know if everyone feels that way or if its a way that God makes it more obvious. In the winter I turned away in my heart from my discernment though I had already made a commitment in my heart and felt I shouldn't marry. This lead to an emptiness in me and a lack of peace, and when I prayed Christ just didn't mean as much to me. I couldn't tell Him the things I used to say. It didn't get to rebellion in general but it was the sense that God is someone I worship on Sunday but not more. Our relationship was changed. Eventually God just brought me back... And this happened several times. That's how fear attacks us... Someone left a verse in church about - perfect love casts out fear. Sorry I forgot what chapter from the Bible! That is very true. Jesus told a mystic - "close your eyes to this fear that paralyses you and throw yourself into My arms". I hope I remember correctly. I think if we reflect on God's Will and surrender to His Will... That can help. So can books like Abandonment to Divine Providence. In the end the fear is a human distrust in God's love, which is very common but treatable I'm still learning... If we go before the Blessed Sacrament and ask Jesus to teach us about His love and help to trust, I believe He will. It also helped me to read books like Words of Love and Words of Hope by TAN, and the book He and I by Gabrielle Bossis (though the translators preface uses confusing language for many - I think unintentionally on their part). I believe Jesus can give us ALL we need for these crosses. There are Saints and other good religious who suffered from them. Do you do any mental prayer? This really gives Jesus a chance to act. And the more the soul progresses the more He acts... You can just open your heart to Him and ask Him to come and do what He likes. It helps to grow in abandonment I think... I'm the same boat and still trying to figure it out! These are just some things that keep me from not giving up. God loves your family too and if you have a vocation they would receive graces from this even if there is suffering... This present cross could maybe be offered for them. God bless you!

[ErinMarie]

MarysLittleFlower:

Ok, well I thought I was doing mental prayer, but after looking it up and reading some things about it, it seems to go much deeper than what I was doing.  

Thank you for the book recommendations.  Who wrote Abandonment to Divine Providence?

And thank you again for your empathy and encouragement; it is of inestimable value.

[MarysLittleFlower]

MarysLittleFlower:

Ok, well I thought I was doing mental prayer, but after looking it up and reading some things about it, it seems to go much deeper than what I was doing.  

Thank you for the book recommendations.  Who wrote Abandonment to Divine Providence?

And thank you again for your empathy and encouragement; it is of inestimable value.

I didn't know what mental prayer was till this year... Learning about it is like learning about all that God can do in a soul. Its tied to spiritual growth as well. The book I read is called Ways of Mental Prayer and I think its by the same author as the other book on Providence... Dom Vitalis Lehodey. They are old and if you search for either one online you might find them in public domain for free from a site like archive.org or they're both published by TAN publishers. God bless you! 

[BarbTherese]

Who wrote Abandonment to Divine Providence?

Jean Pierre du Caussade SJ.  If one is obtaining a copy make sure his letters are included - they are very important I explaining his theology in that they answer specific problems with various people.

Available online:  http://www.ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment.html

[John Paul]

I was confused when i saw the title: "Can a only child discern".but then by your post I see what you mean.If it is Gods will you be a sister.God will find a way.

[John Paul]

Isn't Mother Angelica an only child?

Her mother joined the same monastery she lived in also.

 

Deceased Nuns of Our Lady of the Angels Monastery

Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.

 

Sr. Mary David of the Infant Jesus 

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this I seek, to dwell in the house of the Lord, all the days of my life.”
Psalm 27:4

Born: April 23, 1899 | Died: August 22, 1982
First Profession: January 2, 1965

Mother of Mother A.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Jean Pierre du Caussade SJ.  If one is obtaining a copy make sure his letters are included - they are very important I explaining his theology in that they answer specific problems with various people.

Available online:  http://www.ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment.html

I forgot! Yes its his book  Dom Vitalis Lehodey wrote another book on Abandonment and Ways of Mental Prayer. All are great! 

[Gabriela]

Welcome to Phatmass, ErinMarie!

If you are discerning the active life, you might consider communities that work in elder care. I have known sisters who were only children who entered these communities specifically so that, when their parents needed care, they could be cared for in the community that the sisters served in. I know that the Congregation of the Divine Spirit in Canton, Ohio, guarantees a place in their elder home for the parents of sisters.

I have also spoken to cloistered sisters who were granted a "dispensation" of sorts by their communities to return home when their parents' health failed, so that they could care for them. When their parents died, they simply returned to the cloister. This is more unusual, and would obviously need to be discussed with the community in advance, but I find that the more "modern" communities don't rule this out. Charity applies even—especially!—to one's own family, of course.