Are There Any Truly Devout Catholic Girls Out There?

[reelguy227]

So here's the story.I joined Ave Maria Singles and sent messages to two girls. One wrote me back and told me I was too young, despite the fact that I'm 20 and she's 22, which really didn't make any sense. And the other hasn't even sent back yet. I've never really had a true girlfriend, and am 20 years old!! I feel like a failure, that I'll never get into a serious relationship, and eventually never get married. I've been rejected twice, and have yet to meet any seriously devout Catholic girls...it's pathetic, what gives? I'm starting to wonder whether Ave Maria was even worth the money. I just don't even get why I bother, no one has ever truly liked me.

I hope I don't sound like I'm whining, because I'm not, I just feel really pathetic and lonely. It seems like everyone I know is in some sort of relationship and I'm the same old lonely me.....

Any words of encouragement for a guy who's pretty down in the dumps about this??


Thanks and God bless

Edited November 3, 2008 by reelguy227

[missionseeker]

Just wait. And pray. Because, maybe there's a reason that God wants you to feel lonely. Offer it up for your future spouse.

I am twenty (a girl, though) and I have never had any kind of relationship either. I was sad and lonely a lot. When I was least expecting it -I sound so cliche, I know, but really, I had made the decision that I was unable/unwilling to even think about guys or a relationship- well... God likes to laugh at me. He sent me a pretty amazing guy via ... dun dun dun PHATMASS. LOL. I wasn't even looking! I was just kinda... floundering, actually. I was at my lowest and my good friend, SMM, was there the whole time. I completely tried to ignore it and to convince myself that no, it wasn't a good idea (SMM is in Canada, I am FLorida- to *begin* with...) but... I found myself praying the rosary (the only entire rosary I had prayed in about 2 months) about him, because I was so confused. On Oct. 7, (Feast of Lady of the Rosary) he and I had ... a very honest discussion and while we aren't *dating* per se, we hope to.

It's very strange. In a good way. God asks us to wait for reasons that we may never know. Don't give up on Ave Maria, but don't *expect* a relationship. They are gifts that God gives to us, not rights which we are entitled to that we can present a slip saying "Hey, God, I'm ready now, you can give her to me now!" Patience is hard when you are lonely, I know. Just be open to the idea that maybe there is some growing God wants you to do first.

Also, two other things

you could post on phatmass a lot, there seems to be a decent chance of finding a spouse here.
Catholic college? I have been at two, and I can say: there are PLENTY of single Catholic, orthodox women who are waiting for a guy like you!

Edited November 3, 2008 by missionseeker

[reelguy227]

[quote name='missionseeker' post='1692119' date='Nov 3 2008, 02:22 AM']you could post on phatmass a lot, there seems to be a decent chance of finding a spouse here.
Catholic college? I have been at two, and I can say: there are PLENTY of single Catholic, orthodox women who are waiting for a guy like you![/quote]

Ya, but I'm not that lucky. No girl in my life has ever truly expressed interest in me, nor have I ever really gotten any complements.
And I don't go to a Catholic college because my two majors aren't offered at most of them, sadly....Ugh....

But thanks.

Edited November 3, 2008 by reelguy227

[Archaeology cat]

Don't worry. Focus on being you, and it'll happen when the timing is perfect. I never truly dated until I was out of college (1 month before turning 22). He hadn't seriously dated anyone either (he's 3 months older than I). Neither of us wanted a long courtship, which wouldn't have been possible had we still been in college. As it was, it was longer than I'd planned (we dated just over 1 year, and then were engaged for 7 months). But I can honestly say that it happened when I stopped worrying about not having a boyfriend and just started praying for God's will. As I developed feelings for him, I prayed that, if it were God's will, those feelings would grow and be returned, and if not that they would go away. And I love him more every day.

[eagle_eye222001]

[quote name='reelguy227' post='1692118' date='Nov 3 2008, 01:59 AM']So here's the story.I joined Ave Maria Singles and sent messages to two girls. One wrote me back and told me I was too young, despite the fact that I'm 20 and she's 22, which really didn't make any sense. And the other hasn't even sent back yet. I've never really had a true girlfriend, and am 20 years old!! I feel like a failure, that I'll never get into a serious relationship, and eventually never get married. I've been rejected twice, and have yet to meet any seriously devout Catholic girls...it's pathetic, what gives? I'm starting to wonder whether Ave Maria was even worth the money. I just don't even get why I bother, no one has ever truly liked me.

I hope I don't sound like I'm whining, because I'm not, I just feel really pathetic and lonely. It seems like everyone I know is in some sort of relationship and I'm the same old lonely me.....

Any words of encouragement for a guy who's pretty down in the dumps about this??


Thanks and God bless[/quote]

Failure? I don't think so. At least I don't think the same of myself. After reaching 20 without ever having a girlfriend, I wondered if I was a failure. However, after some pondering and prayer, I decided that I still had a long life ahead of me.

Deciding if you are a failure at 20 is like deciding if you are going to win a ballgame based on one innings worth of baseball. It's ridiculous. Score may be 12-0 but there have been some ridiculous comebacks in that game.

You feel pathetic and lonely? I've been there. Stinks doesn't it? Feel like your the only person. All alone for hundreds of miles. You see friends, classmates, co-workers all go out with their girlfriends and you stand there wondering. Wondering when it's your turn. Wondering what you are doing wrong. Wondering until you wonder why you wonder.

Rejection? Yeah, it's part of the game. I think I am up to 4 now. First I though what was wrong with me, but then I realized that I wasn't wrong. All four girls I was rejected by did not fit me nor did I fit them. The cool thing about batting 0 for 4 is that all it takes is one hit. You can have 1000 rejections, but if you find one...is that not all you need is that one? I have decided that it is better statistically speaking to risk rejection and ask a girl to go out with you, rather then never gathering the courage and sitting in limbo waiting for someone else to fly in and take her.

You are not alone in your dilemma. I am here to prove it.

My advice is, don't worry. Trust in God. I prayed a lot for a girlfriend in my latter years in high school and early years of college. However then I decided that maybe God didn't want me to have a girlfriend at that point in my life. So I told God, I was leaving it in his hands. I have been waiting peacefully since. I'm 20 years old, and hopefully have many left. If I don,t, I need to get a refund from God!

Another thing. Don't allow yourself to be compromised. Have confidence in yourself. If you have no confidence, you'll be miserable and set for failure. Be yourself. You may see this advice as boring, but it crops up again and again for a reason.


Oh, and for the ladies out there, I'm available.

[Andrea348]

[quote name='reelguy227' post='1692118' date='Nov 3 2008, 02:59 AM']I joined Ave Maria Singles and sent messages to two girls. One wrote me back and told me I was too young, despite the fact that I'm 20 and she's 22, which really didn't make any sense. And the other hasn't even sent back yet.[/quote]
This is completely normal. I am on catholicmatch ([i]I chose catholicmatch over ave maria because there are so many more people on catholicmatch. When I took a look at ave maria there were barely any people in their twenties and barely anyone in my state[/i]) and for every 5 people you send a message to you maybe get one back. You never know the reason why someone doesn't respond to your message, but I just take it as that is not the person for me. My best advice is to not expect any messages in return. That way if nothing comes in you are not dissappointed. If one does come back it is a bonus. That's the way I try to think about it.

[quote]I've never really had a true girlfriend, and am 20 years old!! I feel like a failure, that I'll never get into a serious relationship, and eventually never get married. I've been rejected twice, and have yet to meet any seriously devout Catholic girls...it's pathetic, what gives?[/quote]
I'm in the same boat, but I'm 25. I met one guy from catholicmatch, but it never developed into anything. He wasn't really serious about his faith, so he wasn't for me. Devout Catholic girls are out there, you just have to find us. I think the same thing about seriously devout Catholic boys.

[quote]I hope I don't sound like I'm whining, because I'm not, I just feel really pathetic and lonely. It seems like everyone I know is in some sort of relationship and I'm the same old lonely me.....[/quote]
I understand and believe me it only gets worse. It is one thing when everyone around you is dating someone, it turns even more depressing when all of the people on your facebook are changing their names and posting wedding pictures. It is also tough when you are in the workforce and EVERYONE you work with is married with kids.

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that God is in control. He has everything planned out and I just need to be patient. It has probably been posted on here, but I will repost it for those who may not have seen it. It was on The Pure Life on EWTN. This really helps me keep a good perspective.

[b]Be Satisfied Prayer

Everyone longs to give himself or herself completely to someone, to have a deep and committed soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and unconditionally.

But God says:
No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally, unreservedly to Me alone. I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me; exclusively of anyone or anything else; exclusively of any other desires and belongings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing – one that you can’t imagine. I want you to have the very best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. Just keep your eyes on Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must be patient. Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have. Don’t look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking up to Me, or you will miss what I want to give you. And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even this minute to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me…and this is perfect love.[/b]

[thessalonian]

I was the same way when I was your age. I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 26. Married my wife when I was 38. We have 8 kids. Hang in there. Trust in the Lord.

Edited November 3, 2008 by thessalonian

[LouisvilleFan]

I ran across Psalm 27 ("The Lord is my light and my salvation") pretty much by accident at a time when I was feeling the same way and it's proven very helpful by encouraging me to be patient and wait for God's lead, not just in dating, but any area of life.

[KnewInTheTrinity]

I'm sorry, dear. : (

Just pray a lot... be active in your church... don't give up.
And, deffff hang out around here. I know some people met on here and are engaged. : )

[Archaeology cat]

I should add to mine that I was not Catholic when I started dating my husband. I told him after our first date that I was converting, not for him, but because I'd been researching it more when I found out he was Catholic (when we were friends), and came to know that the Church was true.

[Luthien]

[missionseeker]

[quote name='reelguy227' post='1692122' date='Nov 3 2008, 03:38 AM']Ya, but I'm not that lucky. No girl in my life has ever truly expressed interest in me, nor have I ever really gotten any complements.
And I don't go to a Catholic college because my two majors aren't offered at most of them, sadly....Ugh....

But thanks.[/quote]

No guy in my life ever "expressed interest" in me until SMM, either. The only compliments I ever got from guys were eiother "you're a good person to vent to" or random comments about my body from completely stranger guys. In fact, my closest guy friend told me that I was person worth knowing through AIM and Facebook but not in person. After he had known me in person for two years... yeah... So, I do get where you're coming from.

My advice to you: love yourself. With or without a girl you deserve to be loved. And YOU have to do that. In the gospels, Jesus says "Love your neighbor *AS* yourself" not before yourself, and the very fact that He would include "yourself" indicates that we HAVE to learn to love our self before we can truly love another.

[rkwright]

[quote name='thessalonian' post='1692188' date='Nov 3 2008, 08:10 AM']I was the same way when I was your age. I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 26. Married my wife when I was 38. We have 8 kids. Hang in there. Trust in the Lord.[/quote]

8 kids? whoa

[rkwright]

Don't worry buddy. You still have time. I didn't date much until I met my fiance, and I was 21 (almost 22) then.

Most of my friends that were in relationships when they were 19-20 aren't with those same people now.

I didn't find my fiance until I stopped worrying and stopped looking. I started just going about my business and stopped thinking about finding a girl. Then she found me.

Don't be discouraged.

[Azriel]

I'm probably the only one on this thread who met her husband at 16, married at 22, and never dated anyone else ... so take my advice for what its worth ... someone with not a whole lot of experience in the dating game...

Do you know yourself? Do you know what you want out of life? Have you asked God to point you in the right direction? I've found over and over with friends, that, once they have accepted who they are and where God wants them to be, that doors that were previously closed, are thrown wide open.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like you don't like yourself very much. If you don't like you, how can you expect someone else to?