Why, Lord?

[Maggyie]

Today I found out that my guy failed his CFA exam. For the second time. CFA stands for Chartered Financial Analyst, and it is a three level exam. He can't seem to pass Level 1. He doesn't want to do anything else with his life. He has studied so hard and does so well on the practice exams. But on the real thing... the $700 test...pffft!

They only offer this test every six months. He is not going to take it in June (too soon). Maybe a year from now (early December) he will pass it on his third try? And then there are the two next levels...

I am so depressed about this - he is so discouraged, but he is trying to keep a good attitude and I am trying to help him with that. But when he called me this afternoon I almost burst into tears! Way to be an unhelpful girlfriend! It hurts when he hurts He is also trying to find a part-time job... he has a $300/month student loan payment and while he is NOT struggling, he wants to pay it down faster. Every restaurant he goes into tells him "sure you can fill out an application. By the way, we're not hiring." He still fills out the application but he feels so rejected

Every time he goes to a job interview, I pray. Every time his test scores are coming down, I pray. I am in the middle of a novena to St. Joseph for him. It's almost like by praying I jinx him! I know that is not true. But it seems like God has forgotten us.

I should be thanking God 1. that we are both still employed even in our less than ideal jobs and 2. we found each other - love is a miracle. Maybe the economy will get better. Maybe he will pass in December (another $700). Maybe, maybe. But what if it doesn't?

[CatherineM]

I went through this with classmates who kept flunking the bar exam. There's not much you can do except pray. If he does fine with the practice exams, but not the real thing, it is probably test anxiety. Instead of studying for the test this time, he should look into treatments for that.

[Skinzo]

[quote name='Maggie' date='27 January 2010 - 09:49 PM' timestamp='1264643396' post='2046140']
Today I found out that my guy failed his CFA exam. For the second time. CFA stands for Chartered Financial Analyst, and it is a three level exam. He can't seem to pass Level 1. He doesn't want to do anything else with his life. He has studied so hard and does so well on the practice exams. But on the real thing... the $700 test...pffft!

They only offer this test every six months. He is not going to take it in June (too soon). Maybe a year from now (early December) he will pass it on his third try? And then there are the two next levels...

I am so depressed about this - he is so discouraged, but he is trying to keep a good attitude and I am trying to help him with that. But when he called me this afternoon I almost burst into tears! Way to be an unhelpful girlfriend! It hurts when he hurts He is also trying to find a part-time job... he has a $300/month student loan payment and while he is NOT struggling, he wants to pay it down faster. Every restaurant he goes into tells him "sure you can fill out an application. By the way, we're not hiring." He still fills out the application but he feels so rejected

Every time he goes to a job interview, I pray. Every time his test scores are coming down, I pray. I am in the middle of a novena to St. Joseph for him. It's almost like by praying I jinx him! I know that is not true. But it seems like God has forgotten us.

I should be thanking God 1. that we are both still employed even in our less than ideal jobs and 2. we found each other - love is a miracle. Maybe the economy will get better. Maybe he will pass in December (another $700). Maybe, maybe. But what if it doesn't?
[/quote]

That's indeed hard. Prayer is the most important thing you have and you are just going to have to persevere. If being a CFA is what he really wants he just has to keep trying. But sometimes we have to consider other possibilities for our own survival's stake. My Dad drove a beer truck in the Great Depression. He didn't want that job, but hey it was a job! Is your boyfriend the kind of person who "freezes" up at test time? Kind of sounds like it. He maybe needs to focus on dealing with that, has he considered a therapist?
You should work through the depression and yes, be grateful for what you do have. I know some people who are in their fifties and just laid off. I know a middle aged couple who just lost their jobs almost simultaneously. Their chances of working soon are not good, but the amazing thing to me is their faith, they refuse to get depressed and they keep praying. I know what I'm saying here probably does not help a lot. But you two are young. I find in my own life the best thing to do is to forget about what you can't do anything about and focus on the things you can do something about. I think he has to consider that there may be another direction for him, other than being a CFA. I know if it was me I would be looking at what kind of jobs are available. Restaurant work is pretty slow now. A lady I know is working the night shift as a health aide in a nursing home. Not great, but she and her husband have two kids so what else do you do? He should not take the rejection too hard. So many people are feeling that now. My wife lost her job six months ago, but we will scrape by somehow and put ourselves in God's hands. Well, I hope this helps a little. Just don't get discouraged. You may have heard the expression that "tough times don't last but tough people do". So hang in. Anyhow, I'll say a prayer for both of you.

S.

[Happy_Catholic]

Is there any kind of dyslexia or learning disability? I'm dyslexic, and I do really well in essays and verbal assignments but the moment I'm in a test, things start to get a muddled.

Has he investigated this road?

If its a test anxiety thing, could he ask to do the test in a smaller room, instead of, what I'm presuming is in a room with a lot of other people.

As for God, a few questions, as others have mentioned, is this what he really wants? The question should be, is this what God wants? Sometimes what we want and what the big Man wants are two totally different things. Have someone who's non-bias pray for guidance or a word or something from the Lord to indicate if your boyfriend is on the right track.

[Maggyie]

[quote name='Happy_Catholic' date='27 January 2010 - 11:40 PM' timestamp='1264650038' post='2046185']
Is there any kind of dyslexia or learning disability? I'm dyslexic, and I do really well in essays and verbal assignments but the moment I'm in a test, things start to get a muddled.

Has he investigated this road?

If its a test anxiety thing, could he ask to do the test in a smaller room, instead of, what I'm presuming is in a room with a lot of other people.

As for God, a few questions, as others have mentioned, is this what he really wants? The question should be, is this what God wants? Sometimes what we want and what the big Man wants are two totally different things. Have someone who's non-bias pray for guidance or a word or something from the Lord to indicate if your boyfriend is on the right track.
[/quote]

You are not the first to suggest maybe it is dyslexia. I will have to think of a way to gently bring this up with him when I see him Friday. He is well-educated but it took him five years to get through undergrad and he has always told me how much he "hated" school after about the fifth grade. He majored in economics.

Many people do fail this test multiple times before succeeding. The pass rate for Level 1 this time was about 34%. The pass rate the first time he took it was 46%, which was considered high. However most people give up after failing it a couple times, figuring it is just not worth it. Finance is so hard a field to get into that the CFA is practically a pre-req.

Edited January 28, 2010 by Maggie

[Hidalgo SJS]

Prayers for sure, place you all in the garden of the Immaculate Heart of Mary to be given to Jesus.
Amen.

[little_miss_late]

Hey,

All the advice about your boyfriend's test anxiety and possible learning disabilities is good, but on a different note-- and I hope that I am not being overly personal-- I have struggled in the past with getting too wrapped up in, and depressed about, the problems of a loved one.

It is wonderful that your boyfriend can call you for comfort and support but you are right when you say that it's hard to be supportive when you're hurting because he hurts. I have been there. It is hard to let someone else hurt but at times it's also necessary. I believe that relationships are designed in many ways to help us grow into better people. Perhaps these difficulties that you two are going through will help you both grow and find balance in the ways that you support and help each other, for future difficult times.

Don't give up... I just had a relative pass a professional exam after way more than two attempts

[eagle_eye222001]

Sometimes in life, it takes a few swings. Just have to hang in there. Prayers.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='eagle_eye222001' date='28 January 2010 - 03:30 PM' timestamp='1264654802' post='2046221']
Sometimes in life, it takes a few swings. Just have to hang in there. Prayers.
[/quote]

Very true.
I feel for you Maggie. Sometimes it can be harder to bear the sufferings of others especially those very close to us, than to bear our own. It is a helpless sort of feeling I think.

I had a major life event take my life apart many years ago and when I reflected on life generally once I started to come down from the shock of it all, I discovered it was not "Why, Lord?" but "Why not, Lord" since so many bear so much very more than I did and probably ever would.
But I think what eagle_eye said above is very true. Sometimes it takes a few 'swings' at life for things to fall into place - so hang in there. Pray!
"What if" can be just about the worst thing we can say to ourselves I think - try to avoid it. Sometimes it can be difficult enough dealing with what is here and now and a reality without imagination taking over with the "what ifs" and imaginary scenarios that may or may not happen. "Today's troubles are enough for today".

God bless and may things very soon start to look up for you both....... .....Barb

[Happy_Catholic]

[quote name='Maggie' date='27 January 2010 - 10:56 PM' timestamp='1264651015' post='2046196']
You are not the first to suggest maybe it is dyslexia. I will have to think of a way to gently bring this up with him when I see him Friday. He is well-educated but it took him five years to get through undergrad and he has always told me how much he "hated" school after about the fifth grade. He majored in economics.[/quote]

There's absolutely no shame in having a what society coins "a learning disability", people with dyslexia have higher IQs and are more creative. If he does have some form of it, it might make him have, a moment of realisation, where things fall into place, the knowledge can then be used to find stratergies to make it in a world built around "normal" brains.

[quote]Many people do fail this test multiple times before succeeding. The pass rate for Level 1 this time was about 34%. The pass rate the first time he took it was 46%, which was considered high. However most people give up after failing it a couple times, figuring it is just not worth it. Finance is so hard a field to get into that the CFA is practically a pre-req.
[/quote]

Well, that's not so bad, seems that its just a matter of sticking too it, if this is what he really wants to do. I'll direct my prayers for you towards God's provision being given to you both.

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='Maggie' date='27 January 2010 - 08:49 PM' timestamp='1264643396' post='2046140']
Today I found out that my guy failed his CFA exam. For the second time. CFA stands for Chartered Financial Analyst, and it is a three level exam. He can't seem to pass Level 1. He doesn't want to do anything else with his life. He has studied so hard and does so well on the practice exams. But on the real thing... the $700 test...pffft!

They only offer this test every six months. He is not going to take it in June (too soon). Maybe a year from now (early December) he will pass it on his third try? And then there are the two next levels...

I am so depressed about this - he is so discouraged, but he is trying to keep a good attitude and I am trying to help him with that. But when he called me this afternoon I almost burst into tears! Way to be an unhelpful girlfriend! It hurts when he hurts He is also trying to find a part-time job... he has a $300/month student loan payment and while he is NOT struggling, he wants to pay it down faster. Every restaurant he goes into tells him "sure you can fill out an application. By the way, we're not hiring." He still fills out the application but he feels so rejected

Every time he goes to a job interview, I pray. Every time his test scores are coming down, I pray. I am in the middle of a novena to St. Joseph for him. It's almost like by praying I jinx him! I know that is not true. But it seems like God has forgotten us.

I should be thanking God 1. that we are both still employed even in our less than ideal jobs and 2. we found each other - love is a miracle. Maybe the economy will get better. Maybe he will pass in December (another $700). Maybe, maybe. But what if it doesn't?
[/quote]

I'm sorry. You're right to be grateful, though-- that is the best medicine. Hang in there, this is one of those rough spots that will make you stronger if you pull through it together, and it'll strengthen your relationship. I can't tell if you were in the market for suggestions, but if so has he been looking at jobs at other places besides restaurants? He might want to go through a job placement service and somehow get his resume out there on the Internet. My fiance has landed three jobs (is a not-so-good job market) because he spent several weeks doing nothing but putting himself out there. I'm not saying it works for everyone but I just wanted to offer the suggestion.

[Jaime]

[quote name='Maggie' date='27 January 2010 - 08:49 PM' timestamp='1264643396' post='2046140']


Every time he goes to a job interview, I pray. Every time his test scores are coming down, I pray. I am in the middle of a novena to St. Joseph for him. It's almost like by praying I jinx him! I know that is not true. But it seems like God has forgotten us.

I should be thanking God 1. that we are both still employed even in our less than ideal jobs and 2. we found each other - love is a miracle. Maybe the economy will get better. Maybe he will pass in December (another $700). Maybe, maybe. But what if it doesn't?
[/quote]

You know I'm sorry he didn't pass. But I guess I don't know how passing or failing a test is God's fault?

[Saint Therese]

Sometimes failure is just God's way of getting our attention or getting us to do something that we normally wouldn't have been open to.

[brightsadness]

Praying for you both.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='Saint Therese' date='29 January 2010 - 03:49 AM' timestamp='1264699198' post='2046475']
Sometimes failure is just God's way of getting our attention or getting us to do something that we normally wouldn't have been open to.
[/quote] Very true.
I read somewhere too that mistakes and failures can be a way of bringing a lesson to hand that we really need to learn that we have not as yet learnt.
God's Permissive Will or what He lets happen that is negative (out of which He will bring good)is an important theological concept to integrate.

Barb
Keeping you both and the situation in prayer, Maggie.

Edited January 29, 2010 by BarbaraTherese

[MissyP89]

Maggie, my goodness, do I ever feel for you. I've been there with the waiting and comforting through rejection and the novenas to St. Joe. Plus the tears and worry and stress when they do. It's HARD.

Pray. Keep encouraging him that there's a place for him. Consider that finance may or may not be it, even if he refuses to settle for anything less...keep your eyes and heart open. Do things together that get your mind off of things now and then. Too much worry and depression can turn the relationship sour.

And don't forget to take care of yourself and your needs! Selflessness is an incredible act of charity, but if you're not careful, it can really hurt you. Find your own things to be positive about--it's okay to be down when he is, but make sure your mood isn't 100% dependent on his.

Hugs and prayers for you both.

[Maggyie]

Thank you everyone for praying for us. Eagle eye, what you said is so comforting. I know that God will take care of us, whatever happens. My anxiety revolves around the fear that he will never get a "good" job and therefore we will never have a family. He makes just ok money right now, about thirty thou. The CFA was supposed to put him over the top to get a finance job; he gets plenty of interviews right now but he just can't close the deal. I need to stop borrowing problems from the future and learn to trust.

hot stuff your post made me burst into tears on my lunch break at work. I am not blaming God for any of this, and I know He does not owe me anything, but I am wondering where He is. In a Psalm 22 way. There is a slow train wreck of addiction, mental illness, infidelity, and financial disaster that is slowing imploding my corner of the universe so this is not just a me-and-my-boyfriend drama. Is He listening to my prayers? Is He indifferent? Would He mind freaking showing up??? Or at least comfort me enough that I don't turn into into Niagara Falls in front of my co-workers?

[Jaime]

[quote name='Maggie' date='28 January 2010 - 07:29 PM' timestamp='1264724969' post='2046756']


hot stuff your post made me burst into tears on my lunch break at work. I am not blaming God for any of this, and I know He does not owe me anything, but I am wondering where He is. In a Psalm 22 way. There is a slow train wreck of addiction, mental illness, infidelity, and financial disaster that is slowing imploding my corner of the universe so this is not just a me-and-my-boyfriend drama. Is He listening to my prayers? Is He indifferent? Would He mind freaking showing up??? Or at least comfort me enough that I don't turn into into Niagara Falls in front of my co-workers?
[/quote]

Well Maggie, you titled the thread "Why Lord?" and all you talked about was your bf failing the test that is really really hard. And I'm not of the opinion that Jesus made your boyfriend fail the test. I'm sorry that there's a slow train of bad things happening.

[BG45]

I definitely know that pressure to do better to get the "good job". Still feeling it, and do every day as I approach graduation with a Masters and nothing yet on the radar...heh. Sometimes you just need to hope and pray, because there is nothing else to do. Not sure as to your musical tastes, but I find listening to Tunnel by Third Day helps me at times. And Saint Therese's status just now of Mark 10:27 seems very appropriate.

[Maggyie]

Update: Today a pizza place called him back and offered him a job making the pie!!!! It is just a little part-time job, minimum wage, but he was so happy! It will be a nice supplement to his income, about $400 extra a month. Thank you Jesus for giving me a little bit of strength to keep on going.