New Order Of Priests & Brothers

[Luigi]

I have recently been in contact with a newly founded order and I want to spread the word about them for others who might be interested in discerning a possible vocation. They are an active order of men, the Congregation of Divine Retribution. Their charism is vigorous defense of the Church through forceful attitude adjustments inflicted on those who slander the Pope, clerics, or religious - all done in a spirit of charity and reconciliation.

In recent weeks, Brother Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse has had a confrontation - Sorry, I mean a consultation - with Maureen Dowd, Brother Destruction of Sodom & Gomorrah has met with AOL's news editor, and Brother Separation of the Wheat from the Chaff has dialogued with the management of The New York Times.

Thanks be to God, the Divine Retribution, as they call themselves, is growing rapidly. The Superior General, Fr. Plague of Locusts reports that four brothers will make final vows this summer - Brothers Cleansing of the Temple, Righteous Anger of the Lord, Cursing of the Fig Tree, and Mortification of the Flesh.

If you want more information, contact the Vocation Director, Fr. Vengeance Is Mine Says the Lord, at the Divine Retribution motherhouse in Jericho, NY.

Edited April 1, 2010 by Luigi

[linnie]

[laetitia crucis]

Salt Vampire is one of the founding members of the feminine branch.

In religion, Salty goes by the name [i]Terror of Demons[/i].

[HisChild]

Could you JUST imagine some of their nicknames during recreation... and if they were outside, say, playing volleyball, the things the neighbors would hear?


And if they heard their REAL names said out loud, because of course you know that all religious should have Mary as part of their names, it'd sure put the fear of the Blessed Virgin in the hearts of all those protestants for sure.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='Luigi' date='01 April 2010 - 02:52 AM' timestamp='1270101157' post='2084677']
I have recently been in contact with a newly founded order and I want to spread the word about them for others who might be interested in discerning a possible vocation. They are an active order of men, the Congregation of Divine Retribution. Their charism is vigorous defense of the Church through forceful attitude adjustments inflicted on those who slander the Pope, clerics, or religious - all done in a spirit of charity and reconciliation.

In recent weeks, Brother Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse has had a confrontation - Sorry, I mean a consultation - with Maureen Dowd, Brother Destruction of Sodom & Gomorrah has met with AOL's news editor, and Brother Separation of the Wheat from the Chaff has dialogued with the management of The New York Times.

Thanks be to God, the Divine Retribution, as they call themselves, is growing rapidly. The Superior General, Fr. Plague of Locusts reports that four brothers will make final vows this summer - Brothers Cleansing of the Temple, Righteous Anger of the Lord, Cursing of the Fig Tree, and Mortification of the Flesh.

If you want more information, contact the Vocation Director, Fr. Vengeance Is Mine Says the Lord, at the Divine Retribution motherhouse in Jericho, NY.
[/quote]

So what about the sisters? Do they exist? I would think they'd be called the Sisters of Mary, Crusher of the Serpent.

[HisChild]

Do they carry swords along side of their rosaries? I'd really love to see their habits. I can see them on horseback, in long red robes. Smiles should be forbidden too. This is a SERIOUS community with a solemn mission!

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' date='01 April 2010 - 07:16 AM' timestamp='1270124193' post='2084732']
Salt Vampire is one of the founding members of the feminine branch. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/mellow.gif[/img]

In religion, Salty goes by the name [i]Terror of Demons[/i]. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/D.gif[/img]
[/quote]

As you design the habits for the female branch of this Order, I recommend this style of veil for Salty. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/paperbag.gif[/img]

[Tridenteen]

JMJ
Is this for real, seriously? My name is goning to be Sr.Mary Fear of Demons

[HisChild]

Nah. I wouldn't be that name if I were you. You shouldn't fear the demons. You'd be giving them too much power. You should be Sr. Mary SLAYER of Demons.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='IgnatiusofLoyola' date='01 April 2010 - 11:58 AM' timestamp='1270133904' post='2084780']
As you design the habits for the female branch of this Order, I recommend this style of veil for Salty. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/paperbag.gif[/img]
[/quote]

But how would that help with Salty's name being "Sr. Mary Terror of Demons"?

P.S. -- I literally laughed out loud reading your comment.

[Tridenteen]

[quote name='HisChild' date='01 April 2010 - 10:18 AM' timestamp='1270135125' post='2084790']
Nah. I wouldn't be that name if I were you. You shouldn't fear the demons. You'd be giving them too much power. You should be Sr. Mary SLAYER of Demons.
[/quote]


JMJ
No as in they fear me. My cousin also like Sr.Mary Supreme Terror of Demons

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='Tridenteen' date='01 April 2010 - 12:21 PM' timestamp='1270135288' post='2084792']
JMJ
No as in they fear me. My cousin also like Sr.Mary Supreme Terror of Demons
[/quote]

So... Salty is your cousin?

New brain wrinkle.

[osapientia]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' date='01 April 2010 - 12:22 PM' timestamp='1270135366' post='2084793']
So... Salty is your cousin?

New brain wrinkle.
[/quote]
Of course the Father General would be called: Fr In The Name of Jesus I Command Thee and one a bit more meek (but just as powerful) sister named Sr. Love Conquers All....do you all know Br.Get Thee Behind Me...he's in charge of the members of the order question their mission.


Edited for typo

Edited April 1, 2010 by osapientia

[SNJM]

I will be

Sister God's Power to Uphold Me
or Sister God's Angels to Guard me from Ambush of Devils

I would like to carry the flag of the crusades on my horseback...

[cmaD2006]

Gotta love this thread

[OnlySunshine]

April Fool's!!!!!!

[Luigi]

What's the possiblity of instituting an e-Congregation of Divine Retribution?

1. We could accept both women and men since there would be no living arrangements to contend with.
2. We could keep the names we've invented so far (in this and the related thread).
3. We could send e-mails to those who need a loving & charitable reminder to be respectful - "This is an e-apostolic visitation from Brother Angel of the Flaming Sword. Show a little respect!" with appropriate graphic image.

[Tridenteen]

JMJ
I would like to remind you, Ms.Sawyer, that it is sinful to say such things about the Pope. Persisting in such behaviour will earn you a public reprimand, and eternity in Hell.
Have nice day!

Sr.Mary Get Thee Behind Me Satan CDR

[laetitia crucis]