New Discerner Needs Help

[osapientia]

[quote name='DameAgnes' date='03 July 2010 - 02:00 AM' timestamp='1278133255' post='2137264']

If I may offer one piece of advice that might seem strange to you, please pick up a copy of Rumer Godden's In This House of Brede. It is a novel about an extremely successful professional woman in England who enters a Benedictine Monastery at the age of 42. She believes she will be happy to give up her responsibilities, but finds obedience just as tough as it is for anyone, and I don't want to give any of it away, but the thing is, Rumer Godden lived on the grounds of a monastery for a couple of years while researching and writing this, and it shows. The book is one of the truest representations of religious life--active or contemplative--that has ever been written. And it is also a gem on its literary merits along. I think you may find a kindred spirit of sorts in Philippa Talbot, and she might end up being a great reassurance to you (or a great challenge.)
[/quote]
EXCELLENT suggestion...excellent book. I always "mean" to suggest then forget..I'm glad you didn't forget Dame Agnes. Great book and spot on for this thread.

[Tridenteen]

[quote name='ksterling' date='01 July 2010 - 11:20 AM' timestamp='1278001240' post='2136596']
I am 28 yrs. old and have been discerning a religious vocation for about a year. A month ago, my SD suggested I take my inquiry to the next level and visit some orders. I never had nuns in school and I don't recall ever meeting one in my life. My SD (let's call him Fr. X) suggested his sister's community. I went for a visit. The sisters were charming. However, the youngest was about 15 years older than me - no one has entered and stayed for more than 10 years and many of the sisters were very elderly. Part of me thought "just go where God points." The other part of me (the CPA part) worries about the finances of the order and what will happen to me. I am scheduled for a visit with Fr. X next week. I know his first question will be about my visit. He is a lovely man and I am afraid of hurting his feelings if I tell him that it was a very awkward visit. What should I do?

Question 2 - since I came back from my visit, I have been looking at some of the communities you talk about in this forum - Sisters of Mary, Nashville Dominicans, Srs. of St Francis of the Martyr St. George, Alma Mercies. I like that there are so many young women who actually seem to live in community (the order I visited had many sisters living alone in apartments). So here's my next problem. I am, as I said, 28. I am on a partnership track at my accounting firm. I own a home (well, a condo) car, etc. I serve on 2 corporate boards for local non-profits. Would I be treated like an adult in these communities? Looking at some of the websites, it seems as if there is so much regimentation and supervision, maybe I am just too old for this.

Confession - now I am getting a little discouraged. Your thoughts on my dilemma?
[/quote]


JMJ
Don't worry about hurting Fr.X's feelings, he might be a nice man, but he can take your opinion.
You seem to like the idea of a community, as in living with family, so go for that. Several Sisters in the Ann Arbor and Nashville dominicans entered in there very early thirties, and they are all very content and happy. Religious life at your age could either be very freeing and beautiful, or it might not suit you, and you could look into consecrated virginity in the world.

edited for typo

Edited July 3, 2010 by Tridenteen

[Sarah147]

"He is a lovely man and I am afraid of hurting his feelings if I tell him that it was a very awkward visit. What should I do?"

Just wanted to say that he is there to help you and direct you. Just be open and honest with Him as you do God. God will work through him to help you. I also heard from someone on EWTN that we say we are worried about hurting someone else but usually we are worried about hurting ourselves. Don't be afraid.

[ksterling]

As you all assured me, my fears of offending Fr. X were baseless. We had our meeting yesterday and I was very honest about my visit to his sister's community. He said that it was just as useful as a visit to the community that I really might enter because it gave me some perspective, ideas about questions I need to ask and made me think about what order is right for me. Some of you suggested a monastic vocation. I don't think that is the right path for me.

A funny thing happened over the holiday. I went to a BBQ at the home of a friend from my church. She had lots of guests and I didn't know a soul. I happened to strike up a conversation with a woman - after a while, she mentioned that she was from Connecticut. I replied that I was discerning a religious vocation and just been looking at the website of an order in CT - before I could even say who it was, she said "You must mean the Apostles of Jesus!" It was! This woman had 2 daughters who went to a high school at which the Apostles teach in Hamden, CT. She knew all about them and just loved them. I know you are all going to say "God works in mysterious ways." I was thinking the same thing myself. She gave me the name of a sister there who she knows well and I promply wrote her a letter. I told Fr. X and he was happy to see me exploring other communities. I will also, as some of you suggested, look at the Alma Mercies but I just have a good feeling about the Apostles. I noticed in their galleries that they have a number of sisters who look to be about my age and they teach at 2 high schools. I could certainly teach high school math - I currently teach a basic accounting course at the local community college. I am feeling very optimistic as my discerment moves forward! I don't expect an easy or clear path and I know I may make some wrong turns but if this is really my calling, I'll find the place that's right for me.

I really appreciate all your feedback!

[ksterling]

One more thing - thanks for the suggestion about "In this House of Brede." I just ordered it from Amazon - major annoyance - they don't have it for Kindle so I couldn't immediately gratify my need to read it!

[stlmom]

We have a former phatmasser who is just finishing her postulancy with the Apostles. Her name is Katie, also known at phatmass as "Shortnun". The Apostles have a strong presence here in St. Louis--they are a very fine community, and I wish you all the best in making contact with them .

[ksterling]

New Question - so sorry to be a pest - this is all so new and I have no one else to ask. The communties that attract me are not having vocation retreats until late fall or early next year. I was disappointed but now that I think about it, this, of course, makes sense to me since they are busy preparing for new entrants, receptions and vows. Do you think any of them would allow me to just come for a visit and meet the vocation director? Maybe even a day trip? I know that I would not be able to enter until next year so why not wait until the scheduled retreats. Well, I would like to narrow down the communities that might be a good fit - get to know them and, more importantly, have them get to know me to see if they would want me. What do you think?

[osapientia]

[quote name='ksterling' date='08 July 2010 - 11:30 AM' timestamp='1278599457' post='2139299']
New Question - so sorry to be a pest - this is all so new and I have no one else to ask. The communties that attract me are not having vocation retreats until late fall or early next year. I was disappointed but now that I think about it, this, of course, makes sense to me since they are busy preparing for new entrants, receptions and vows. Do you think any of them would allow me to just come for a visit and meet the vocation director? Maybe even a day trip? I know that I would not be able to enter until next year so why not wait until the scheduled retreats. Well, I would like to narrow down the communities that might be a good fit - get to know them and, more importantly, have them get to know me to see if they would want me. What do you think?
[/quote]
Give them a call...see what they say, it's certainly not unheard of that someone comes by to see the vocation director outside of a formal retreat.

[Cherie]

[quote name='ksterling' date='08 July 2010 - 10:30 AM' timestamp='1278599457' post='2139299']
New Question - so sorry to be a pest - this is all so new and I have no one else to ask. The communties that attract me are not having vocation retreats until late fall or early next year. I was disappointed but now that I think about it, this, of course, makes sense to me since they are busy preparing for new entrants, receptions and vows. Do you think any of them would allow me to just come for a visit and meet the vocation director? Maybe even a day trip? I know that I would not be able to enter until next year so why not wait until the scheduled retreats. Well, I would like to narrow down the communities that might be a good fit - get to know them and, more importantly, have them get to know me to see if they would want me. What do you think?
[/quote]

I agree with osapientia - go ahead and call the community you're interested in visiting, and ask them - I know many communities will offer a vocation visit for someone outside of their designated "vocation retreat." Sometimes they prefer the vocation retreat, since it's more focused on vocations and you get to meet many like-minded young women, which is great for support! But not everyone can manage a vocation retreat, and so they'll often allow you to visit for a few days--or even just a day, depending on what you can do--so you can meet the community. Be assured of my prayers for you in your discernment!