Relationship With My Father

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

For the first time in two years, my father called me yesterday, and I was overjoyed. For the first 20 minutes, we had a good conversation.

But, then, my father started doing what he has done to me all my life, and does to others as well. He picks a subject that is very sensitive or uses words that are insulting, that got me upset and angry. I should know how to deal with him by now, but he lives 2,000 miles away, so we've never talked often. And, right now, my emotional strength is at a pretty low ebb (it usually takes all the emotional strength I have to just to get through the day), so I have few if any emotional defenses against attacks, especially from my father.

Without going into detail, he attacked my character, and accused me of doing things I have never done in my life, and of showing poor judgement. In a perfect world, I would let those attacks go by, since they are so "off the mark," but right now I'm not able to do so.

My father is 87, and VERY stubborn (not to mention, an atheist), so there is little, if anything I can do to change his mind. His health isn't good, and I don't know how much longer I'll have him, so I don't want to cut off relations completely. (If he were younger, cutting off relations for a time until I got stronger, might be one possibility to protect myself from his attacks.) Even though I understand intellectually why he is acting the way he is, the insults still hurt deeply.

The effort is going to have to come from me, but I don't have the strength, so it will have to come from God--I can't do it right now. I discovered today that there is a St. Donald (my father's name) so I have been praying to him, and to other saints known for helping with hopeless causes (or seemingly hopeless causes), as well as to St. Joseph, our model for a good, loving, caring father--the father I never had.

Please pray for my father, and also for me. This incident is making me far more upset and depressed than it should if I were looking at it from a rational perspective. But, he is my father, and it is almost impossible (at least for me) to be totally rational when it comes to relationships with our parents.

Thanks in advance for your prayers for both of us.