Uneasy Feelings

[Brother Adam]

Question for you converts.

There are a few of us non-Catholics on phatmass who have noticed how incredible Catholic theology is, but there is still something, that we can't pinpoint really, that is making us pretty uneasy about Catholicism.

Did any of you experience these feelings as you were understanding what it meant to be Catholic?

How did you deal with them? Do you still have them?

[Sojourner]

Bro. Adam,
Can you explain a little more what you mean when you say you're uneasy? Is it a particular doctrine, or line of thinking, or attitude that you're describing? Is it more with church teaching, or with Catholic culture, or is it something else?

Sojourner

[Brother Adam]

Catholicism as a whole. You can explain doctrine, justify everything that is done culturally...Yet for me an a couple of other phatmassers it just doesn't sit well. I don't know how else to explain it. Maybe another convert will have an idea.

[Fiat_Voluntas_Tua]

I know what you mean Bro. Adam...I had that feeling...I would say it doesn't have to dowith the Catholic Church...It has to do with pre-conceptions about the Catholic Church. I was raised to believe the catholic Church was wrong. I was taught it was "evil". I was taught that the Church was completely wrong. So obviously I would have a dislike for the Catholic Church. And even when I became educated about the Catholic Church, and started going to daily Mass (even though I could not receive the Eucharist), and praying the rosary daily, and reading the CCC, I still felt that something wasn't right...And I couldn't pin point it, untill I knelt down before the Tabernacle, and asked Christ to be my feet, and lead me down the road towards His Church. I just burst out in tears, when I realized that we already lead me down that road. He walked me right down that road, and placed me at the door of the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. It was my decision to go inside the Church and become part of the Body of Christ. And I made that decision to become part of the Body of Christ, and at first I wasn't sure about it, but it was a leap of Faith. And now being a Catholic, I know that once I leaped I was carried by Christ, and all the Angels and Saints were cheering for me. It was like I was gone from my family for 18 years, and then I finally returned home, to My Father, and My Mother.

Pax et Agape per Maria, Andy

[Sojourner]

Bro. Adam,
I wonder if what you're describing is something like getting cold feet before you get married ... you know that this is the right person for you, you love her, but there's still something inside that balks, something that makes you apprehensive about the whole deal. I think this is a common feeling for anyone contemplating a big commitment.

I think all along the way I wrestled with doubts, and I kept asking God if he was sure this was the path he was calling me to walk. This was true all the way up to my confirmation, and I imagine it will be true at various points along the rest of my journey.

You're right that Catholic theology makes a lot of sense, everything can be explained and justified, but somehow just knowing that it's true on an intellectual level isn't enough.

There were for me a handful of points in which I knew on and emotional and spiritual level that what I had heard and understood was true, and during the times when I doubted, it was these things that I came back to, over and over. I think through these events that the Spirit bore witness to me of the veracity of the Church and its teaching in a way that simple apologetics never could have done.

Is that anywhere near what you mean, and what you're feeling?

[megamattman1]

[quote]Catholicism as a whole. You can explain doctrine, justify everything that is done culturally...Yet for me an a couple of other phatmassers it just doesn't sit well. I don't know how else to explain it. Maybe another convert will have an idea. [/quote]

I'm actually a cradle catholic but I think I might know your problem. If it's not what Sojourner mentioned, which is a very, very good point, then it might have to do with the fact that Church history as it pertains to the papacy isn't really black and white. You have about 150 to 200 years of next to nothing. Then it's somewhat compelling. Then it's very compelling. Yes the history is defendable, but not really offendable... I mean it can't go on the offensive as much. ;- ) It's hard to tell if it's a natural Godly development or a natural man made occurance.

If this is not it, then again what Sojourner said.

[theculturewarrior]

Much of my reserve was due to the fact that Catholicism has a bad rep and I didn't want to be part of that. I could see past most of the anti-Catholic misperceptions. My main problem was pedophilia in the priesthood. I thought, "Am I supporting pedophiles by becoming Catholic?" This is ridiculous, of course, but I think it is probably a common objection. There were other objections, but that one stands out, in retrospect.

Anyway, now I don't feel uneasy at all with Catholicism. In fact, the one time I went to an evangelical church since my conversion, I felt VERY uneasy. I had to quietly say Hail Mary's just to acclimate.

[annie]

Bro Adam,

I, too, had uneasy feelings on my journey to the RC Church. I think MY problem was too much crow-eating. Y'know, I breathed contempt for the Church and her practices, members and programs. I had a lot of 'crow' stacked up to consume when the Holy Spirit did His work--and I think that it took time to purge my soul of all those instances of me being wr---. (wrong!) It was my pride for sure that kept me from giving in totally at first---I mean, wow, I was becoming one of 'them' and even though I intellectually accepted it, I still had all those years of 'feelings' to purge. Hey, did you get my pamphelt I sent you?

[homeschoolmom]

I had and still have a lot of crow to eat too...

I think I understand, Bro. Adam. I can't quite pinpoint it, though.

You know, people mention the great joy of being Catholic... shedding tears etc. I just don't have that. I am super emotional (a used to ball at AT and T commercials when i was pregnant)... but I just don't feel that way... Although it's coming. I just keep trusting God that he knows what he's doing... I'm just following along for the ride. I really enjoy being Catholic... but I enjoyed being Baptist, too....
Oh, Sorry... tangent...

I think many fundamentalists and evangelicals are so trained against Catholicism... it seems like your trading teams. Like you're betraying everything... but I don't think so... to me it feels like finding the missing jigsaw pieces. Now I am just having to put them into place so I can see the whole picture...

[Brother Adam]

Thank you for your responses. It was a lot of good input. Sitting at mass last night (Saturday night), part of me felt right at home and yet part of me was going "You've totally lost your mind, what the heck do you think your doing sitting here yearning for their communion".

I've been reading Scott Hahn's The Lamb's Supper the past two days. I can usually put away his books inside a day. I keep putting it down though going "No, this is making too much sense, and I can't deal with that". The more I think about it the more I think I may be being called to the Catholic Church much sooner than I would like. I always figured, if it was true, than maybe in 5 or 10 years.

*Sigh*, but for now, I'll keep my claws firmly dug into the ground and refuse to move for anyone but the only One who can move me anyway.

Kicking and Screaming all the way,
Bro. Adam

[megamattman1]

Bro Adam,
Remember when you had in your details (the words at the end of each post) that you were up to something and only you and another girl on here knew what it was and something to the effect of "she ain't talkin"? What was it that you were up to then?

[Sojourner]

Bro. Adam,
You and Teresa (I hope I'm spelling her name right!) are in my prayers. Blessings on both of you.

Abby

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='megamattman1' date='Apr 18 2004, 12:25 PM'] Bro Adam,
Remember when you had in your details (the words at the end of each post) that you were up to something and only you and another girl on here knew what it was and something to the effect of "she ain't talkin"? What was it that you were up to then? [/quote]
Are you refering to going to Mass? No. It was that I was growing in a desire to see Catholicism as the truth, but didn't really want anyone else to know that. There is a thread somewhere on that in the open mic forum.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='Apr 18 2004, 09:54 AM'] I always figured, if it was true, than maybe in 5 or 10 years.
[/quote]
This is exactly what HS_Dad said!!! Someday in the far off future he might become Catholic.... (I think he said after the children leave home)... But I said what a disservice that would be to them to raise them in a faith he didn't beleive in so that he could wait... I told him it was important to figure it out now so that we could do as little damage as possible with possibly shaking their faith (in us and God)... You and Teresa are so fortunate to be able to be figuring this out now. I can't tell you how painful this is for our little ones...

[Fiat_Voluntas_Tua]

Bro. Adam...(I am 18) when I was considering converting my parents didn't want me to...So I said when I was like 20 I would convert...But the more I waited, the more I became educated, and the more I became educated the more I believed, and the more I believed the more I loved, and the more I loved the more I wanted to receive the Body and Blood of Christ.......What I am saying is that if you trully believe that the Catholic Church is THE TRUE CHURCH, than you will not be able to wait one day without wanting to become part of the Body of Christ. Conversion all starts with understanding...once you understand The Faith God will take over and fill your Heart with a desire...You will know when that happens. Just pray that God gives you a desire to do His Will. Prayers are with you Bro. Adam.

Pax et Agape per Maria, andy

[willguy]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='Apr 18 2004, 10:54 AM'] Thank you for your responses. It was a lot of good input. Sitting at mass last night (Saturday night), part of me felt right at home and yet part of me was going "You've totally lost your mind, what the heck do you think your doing sitting here yearning for their communion".

I've been reading Scott Hahn's The Lamb's Supper the past two days. I can usually put away his books inside a day. I keep putting it down though going "No, this is making too much sense, and I can't deal with that". The more I think about it the more I think I may be being called to the Catholic Church much sooner than I would like. I always figured, if it was true, than maybe in 5 or 10 years.

*Sigh*, but for now, I'll keep my claws firmly dug into the ground and refuse to move for anyone but the only One who can move me anyway.

Kicking and Screaming all the way,
Bro. Adam [/quote]
Br Adam,

Well, as you probly know, I'm not a convert. However, what you describe sounds like the discernment story of most priests, monks, and nuns. What I've found is that that "uneasy feeling" is the fact that all your life you've had these dreams and plans and visions of what your life would be like and what was right and wrong. No matter how much your heart and mind say otherwise, it is difficult to let go of these dreams.

[marielapin]

I've been thinking about your question for a day or so now, and this is what I have come up with.

I know that when I was discerning joining the Church I was "uneasy" 1-because I was in a type of limbo - I wasn't Catholic yet and I wasn't Methodist anymore.
2-the Catholic Church has a completely different culture than protestant churches, in prayer life, devotions, icons, saints, miracles, pilgramages, etc. I love and embrace that culture now, but truly it was a culture clash at first, almost like visiting a different country for a while. 3-I don't know if this true in your case but in mine Satan was throwing everything he could at me to try and distract me from the Church. This made me feel quite uneasy.

If I had to guess I would say that 1 and 2 are the ones that we might share.

[Brother Adam]

I know that hindsight is always 20/20. Most of the time anyway.

It is so hard to be patient sometimes. Yet I know there is still so much reading I need to get done to make an honest decision.

But it is true. I'm not Catholic, but I am no longer Baptist. That is for sure.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='Apr 20 2004, 03:11 PM'] But it is true. I'm not Catholic, but I am no longer Baptist. That is for sure. [/quote]
Yeah, I lived in that limbo for a while. It's not a very fun place to be.

[Ellenita]

I think it's completely understandable to have moments when you feel uneasy if you've come from a protestant background!

I can really identify with what Marielpin describes. I felt 'in limbo' for some time which was very confusing - in my heart I felt Catholic and yet I wasn't officially and there were all sorts of things going round in my head like panic over what if I die, will my family get me a priest of a minister, and other really rather odd worries!

If you've had a life time of being a protestant - in my case, many, many years! - then 'undoing' the culture and understanding and living a new culture, which also has a completely different language takes time - I know for me that RCIA hasn't resolved all of this, but it has set me on the journey and it's exciting and challenging.....incidently I think you're much further on this road already Bro Adam than I am!

I also believe that there were 'forces' who absolutely did not want me to make the decision, which to some extent got stronger the closer I got the Easter Vigil - at some points I really felt like there were two different people arguing inside my brain, but without a doubt I knew that going to Mass, praying the rosary etc had made my relationship and my love for God more real than I had ever experienced before, and this was without me asking for or expecting it, so it was despite myself! Once I had realised that, I knew that it was completely the right decision for me to make the committment at the Easter Vigil.....