Does Anyone Feel Like This?

[MithLuin]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1285120431' post='2175210']
You definitely sound like a Carmelite [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img] I will keep you in my prayers for your vocation.

This intensity of consolation sometimes means a path of equally intense desolation, so build up sure foundations in your prayer life through regularity and consistency now. The life of Carmel is one of daily repetitive routine and small sacrifices that can often take more surrender than larger and more dramatic ones.

I am the last one in the world to want to dampen your enthusiasm of spirit because it is beautiful and yes, I know exactly how you feel. But as Catherine points out, this is lifetime relationship that requires the same 'for better or worse' attitude that is needed in married life. As your relationship with Jesus deepens, and your spiritual strength grows, your may also be asked to carry a heavier Cross. "To whom much is given, much is expected." In addition to your intense love for Jesus, start working on an equally strong level of trust in Him. Your faith is what is going to see you through all the way to the end.

Enjoy the bliss and embrace the crazy love but also be prepared for a possibly bumpy ride.
[/quote]

What can we here at Phatmass do to help you through the rough times?

[sistersintigo]

I want to risk disclosing a little about where my journey has brought me today.
Although I had to say goodbye to my spiritual director when I relocated to a different part of the country, the advice she has given me has continued to help me since we parted. It is pleasant to remember her counsel to me because she was so gentle and maternal; she had decades of experience in spiritual direction and I always felt safe with her.
Without her to talk to, I have had to talk to myself, and to listen to God and hope that I could actually understand what God was telling me, without somebody older and wiser to help intrepret the message.
Recently I looked long and hard at my defects of character, my faults, my shortcomings, and I asked God's help in becoming mature enough not to deny them, cover them up, or split off and dissociate from them -- to grow up and see myself through mature eyes.
By the grace of God, today I have enough humility to see my flawed presentation to my fellow humans the way it really is. Not humiliating, simply humbling. If I make such a big deal out of this, it is because I am not only by nature arrogant but also really stubborn. I will hang onto something with a grip like death, once I form an attachment. And I have hurt myself and others by doing so.
By the grace of God, today I can perceive that I have a capacity for self-deception which is truly humbling to confess to. I have deceived my own self for much of my life about many things. I have needed professional help to comprehend what is right under my own nose. And I have been mistaken, thoroughly mistaken, about my needs, my wants, my reason for being on this earth, my value to my fellow human beings -- just too mistaken for words.
Sorry if it sounds like I am beating myself up here, but I'm not, honestly. I am saying all this quietly, in a low voice, with a sigh of relaxation and relief. The truth about me is not perfect nor vile, it is acceptable as it is. After decades of straining and struggling to be worthy of peak experiences and transcendant states and whatever else, I am grateful to God that I don't have to bend myself out of shape anymore. I am grateful for even the little humility of which I am capable today, which I was not capable of before.
If this is a complete hijack of this thread, I'm sorry. I guess my subject is different than the original post. I'll just close by saying that my post is sincere and true for me today. Thanks for listening.

[Aya Sophia]

Beautiful, spirit-filled hijack - thanks very much for sharing. Rejoicing with you in your openness to God's merciful grace. Praying for the same for self and others in similar need.