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Just Friendship?


TeresaBenedicta

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[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1286826326' post='2179141']
I think I posted a few months ago about meeting some Franciscan Sisters of the Eucharist and finding out that not only do they have a convent nearby, but also that some of them attend daily Mass at the parish at which I work. For the past two months, I've chatted with one of them a few times after Mass (she's the sister I met initially, at the Grotto). Never about discernment or anything, mostly about how work is going for me. But I get "the look" often from both this sister and two of the other sisters that come to Mass here (one of those sisters saw me praying the Office one morning and commented on it, giving me "the look"). You know "the look", that knowing, smug, I-can-see-religious-vocation-written-all-over-you, look.

Anyways, I've been encouraged by a priest-friend of mine to make friends with these sisters (which, admittedly, I've wanted to do from the get-go... I mean, who doesn't want to be friends with religious sisters?!). I've hesitated, though, because I don't want to "give the wrong impression", LOL! I feel like I'm concerned about a boy, haha! But, in all seriousness, as much as I want to know these sisters better and be able to talk with them about my own journey (I have [i]no one[/i] here at home that understands my desire to enter religious life, no one who can support me in an encouraging way), I don't want to take advantage of them or give them the wrong impression. I'm set on the Order I'm to enter. Heck, I'm pretty darn set in my discernment in general (barring any change God wants to direct in my life).

But, I've also been in need of [i]some[/i] sort of community, [i]some[/i] sort of support, [i]some[/i] sort of [i]something[/i]! And the way these sisters came into my life, even from the get-go, seemed arranged by God. But I've hesitated because I don't really want to give the wrong impression.

I mean, I guess I don't really think that the sisters would only be interested in befriending me because they think I might join their Order or that they think I'm at the beginning stages of discernment.

And they are willing to befriend me, so to speak. My first encounter with Sister, she gave me the contact info for their convent and gave me an open invitation to visit.

And today I was talking with Sister after Mass-- she's so wonderful. She was asking me how the Rosary night went and then asked me about my dad, since I had prayed for him during intercessions. Then I was all awkward and asked which days she worked across the street... to find out that she works there M-Th, from 9-12 and then has to hustle over to a different campus to teach at 12:30... so I was like, "Ahh, I guess that means you haven't much time to do lunch sometime, eh?" But she was all nice and excused my awkwardness, haha. And she said, "Afraid not-- I eat a coagulated milk sandwhich in the car on my drive! But you haven't been down to our place, have you?" "No." "We should fix that." "Alright." "Alright!"

So, I know that it's definitely open for me to visit and spend time with them. I just don't want to be deceptive, you know? And I don't know...

Is it okay to spend time with an Order even though you don't plan discerning with them?
[/quote]


You ought to just be simple and honest with these Sisters about your intentions, and see what they think.

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"Is it okay to spend time with an Order even though you don't plan discerning with them?"

Absolutely not. To visit - and especially to develop friendships - with religiously like-minded people violates every tenet of the Church. Document after Vatican document has affirmed the doctrine of Separation of Orders first promulgated by His Holiness Segregatus the Two-th. As someone who has trained to work - and is currently working - for the Church, you should know that as well as I do. Nuns - like boys - are after only one thing, young lady, so you had just better keep your distance if you know what's good for you. The very fact, as well as the way, you're asking the question indicates that you already know the answer to this one.

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[quote name='Luigi' timestamp='1286858463' post='2179245']
"Is it okay to spend time with an Order even though you don't plan discerning with them?"

Absolutely not. To visit - and especially to develop friendships - with religiously like-minded people violates every tenet of the Church. Document after Vatican document has affirmed the doctrine of Separation of Orders first promulgated by His Holiness Segregatus the Two-th. As someone who has trained to work - and is currently working - for the Church, you should know that as well as I do. Nuns - like boys - are after only one thing, young lady, so you had just better keep your distance if you know what's good for you. The very fact, as well as the way, you're asking the question indicates that you already know the answer to this one.
[/quote]

:blink:

... :cry2:

:owned:

:lol4:

Okay, okay. I'm convinced. Thanks everyone. I'll just hide up in a hole with all my gosh darn insecurities. :)

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As a student who is [i]just friends[/i] with quite a few orders of sisters, it's perfectly fine. The Felicians just want me to find out [b]where[/b] God wants me, and I have many praying for me. The LSICs are praying for me too...and invite me to their events, like vows professions. I live far away, so I can't go often :( Then there are the Sisters of St. Joseph of Philadelphia, who are also praying and helping me along.

And if my gran has anything to say about it, all the sisters in her diocese will be praying, too!

Think of the sisters as your warriors. They are helping you find God's way.

That [i]look[/i]? It's lovely. I love getting it! :nun1:

:nun2:

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Sorry, Luigi, I think you are dead wrong on this one. The sisters I have met on my journey have been wonderful. They don't seem to care whether I'm interested in their community or not - They ARE interested in the fact that I am discerning to be a member of their "club" as a fellow religious.

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[quote name='ksterling' timestamp='1286890368' post='2179276']
Sorry, Luigi, I think you are dead wrong on this one. The sisters I have met on my journey have been wonderful. They don't seem to care whether I'm interested in their community or not - They ARE interested in the fact that I am discerning to be a member of their "club" as a fellow religious.


[/quote]


I think you missed the humor in what Luigi wrote. If you notice, he talks about a Pope called His Holiness [b][u]Segregatus the Two-th.[/u][/b] I know it's hard to tell tone on the Internet, but his joke is pretty obvious here. He also said that nuns were like boys, they only want one thing....

Actually he was really very funny!! :lol4:

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[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1286891050' post='2179279']
He also said that nuns were like boys, they only want one thing....

Actually he was really very funny!! :lol4:
[/quote]

Oh, I can't understand it... :(

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[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1286832423' post='2179151']
I discerned with the daughters of st. paul for 4 whole years. then I met the carmelites of the Divine Heart of Jesus. I wanted to visit them just for friendship, too...

...in 6 months time I was applying to their convent for admission...

...so...

you never know what God has in store for you...
[/quote]

Wait, DS you got carmelized!!!!!

They're after everyone. LOL

You are right though, you never know what the Lord has in store for you. When I went to visit the community I am hoping to enter, it was primarily for a few days of silent retreat. I [i]thought [/i]that I had found the community God was calling me to. A beauiful, small dominican community with very joyful sisters. However, same as DS 5 months later, I was filling out application papers.

I think you should let them know that you are discerning religious life, and let them know you've a community in mind. However, try to be open about the possibilities and trust God. (Now I just need to take this advice myself).

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[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1286917526' post='2179339']
Wait, DS you got carmelized!!!!!

They're after everyone. LOL

You are right though, you never know what the Lord has in store for you. When I went to visit the community I am hoping to enter, it was primarily for a few days of silent retreat. I [i]thought [/i]that I had found the community God was calling me to. A beauiful, small dominican community with very joyful sisters. However, same as DS 5 months later, I was filling out application papers.

I think you should let them know that you are discerning religious life, and let them know you've a community in mind. However, try to be open about the possibilities and trust God. (Now I just need to take this advice myself).
[/quote]

Funny how that works, eh?

I'm definitely open to God's changing things up... but, like I said, I've applied and been accepted elsewhere, so God would have to make it VERY clear that my community is not where He wants me. I guess I kind of view it like, at this point, I'm "engaged" to a community and that something pretty extreme would have to happen to get me to "break it off" and go in a different direction. I'm open to that possibility, if it is God's will, but my attitude is definitely "friendship" when it comes to these Sisters. At this point in my life, I'm not really a 'seeker' anymore. In some ways, it's almost valid to say I'm not a "discerner" any more (although I recognize that our entire lives are a process of discernment, and discernment in vocation sense does continue on until final vows).

It's actually kind of amusing to me how similar the discernment of communities is like dating. And it makes me laugh when I start thinking in these terms, haha!!

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[quote name='organwerke' timestamp='1286913544' post='2179330']
Oh, I can't understand it... :(
[/quote]

I hope I don't over explain here but...

It's a type of sarcasm, one that is directed at the absurdity of the situation rather than at a person. He is saying the absolute opposite of how he feels, and then supporting it with really stupid reasons. What makes it funny is how ludicrous the arguments are by carrying them to the extreme.

e.g. 'boys only want one thing' - this is a cliche implying that all men want only one thing from a woman and are never interested in friendship for its own sake

'nuns are like boys' implies that they only want one thing (a vocation) from a woman, and are never interested in friendship for its own sake.

In neither case is this true all of the time, or even most of the time, but by stating it as if it is a fact, it's supposed to make it obvious that the person doesn't really feel this way.


Another example...

Someone might ask you if you liked summer camp.
If you wanted to use sarcasm, you might say, "Oh yes, I just love cold showers and bad food and mosquitos and people who snore in the bunk next to me."

It's quite obvious that you don't love all these things, and the person hearing you would probably just laugh and realize that you had a bad time.

or you might say, "Oh it was horrible. I was forced to sleep in late and go swimming and eat huge meals and toast marshmallows on the campfire. And we even sang songs!"

By the tone of your voice (which the Internet doesn't have) and the fact that you are criticizing things that sound pretty good, you are really saying that you had fun - what's not to like about this?

Sometimes humor is really hard to pick up online.

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[quote name='ksterling' timestamp='1286890368' post='2179276']
Sorry, Luigi, I think you are dead wrong on this one. The sisters I have met on my journey have been wonderful. They don't seem to care whether I'm interested in their community or not - They ARE interested in the fact that I am discerning to be a member of their "club" as a fellow religious.
[/quote]
ksterling -- I first took the post the way you took it until I read it a second time. Luigi's post is really funny once you read it right :).

I *almost* posted a "how dare you" post as well :)

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[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1286920818' post='2179347']
I hope I don't over explain here but...

It's a type of sarcasm, one that is directed at the absurdity of the situation rather than at a person. He is saying the absolute opposite of how he feels, and then supporting it with really stupid reasons. What makes it funny is how ludicrous the arguments are by carrying them to the extreme.

e.g. 'boys only want one thing' - this is a cliche implying that all men want only one thing from a woman and are never interested in friendship for its own sake

'nuns are like boys' implies that they only want one thing (a vocation) from a woman, and are never interested in friendship for its own sake.

In neither case is this true all of the time, or even most of the time, but by stating it as if it is a fact, it's supposed to make it obvious that the person doesn't really feel this way.



Sometimes humor is really hard to pick up online.
[/quote]

Thank you nunsense!

I knew it was humor, but I couldn't understand that part. Now that you've explained it to me, I understand and it is funny indeed!

Unfortunately I have always been really late in getting the sense of humoristic stories... I couldn't see where the similarity between nuns and boys was.
It is frustrating when you see all the persons laughing and you are still thinking "have I missed something?" :)

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