Sarah147 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 [quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1296610485' post='2207609'] i speak more of those families that believe cable/internet is a necessity, or the latest newest cars, or high-end electronics, etc. etc. ad nauseum. [/quote] I think internet is important; the other things, not so important. Also, things like eating out a lot, big vacations, pricey clothes, name brand items, etc.
CatherineM Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I wish that my mom had worked. We really struggled financially. She worked off and on doing things like hair dressing, and catering, but she wasn't very healthy, so couldn't work full time. It was especially hard when my dad was off work after he had a heart attack.
Ed Normile Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I have only ever seen stay at home mums, I guess the ones in a pot could be prtable but the ones we put in the ground always stay right there! A fine example of stay at home mums. [img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3524/3924846996_e82b6491c9.jpg[/img] ed
add Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) [quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1296613325' post='2207630'] [b][color="#ff0000"]** I wish that my mom had worked.[/color][/b] We really struggled financially. She worked off and on doing things like hair dressing, and catering, but she wasn't very healthy, so couldn't work full time. It was especially hard when my dad was off work after he had a heart attack. [/quote] just because you are a stay at home mom doesn't mean you don't work. [b][color="#ff0000"]**[/color][/b] what a ridiculous statement. Edited February 2, 2011 by apparently
ClareOfAssisi Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 [quote name='apparently' timestamp='1296639057' post='2207710'] just because you are a stay at home mom doesn't mean you don't work. [b][color="#ff0000"]**[/color][/b] what a ridiculous statement. [/quote] I think CatherineM is saying that she wishes her mother had had a full time job which would have eased their financial difficulties. That is not to say that SAHMs do not work.
rachael Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 [quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1296606163' post='2207587'] not always Red, in our case if my mum hadn't worked as a catholic school teacher, we would have been on the street. Even with her salary we could barely afford food. Lovely if you can afford it. [/quote] My grandmother worked as a nurse for a while and then eventually as a school bus driver to be bring in $$$, but still be around the 8 children. You have to do what you have to do...
CatherineM Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I was a SAHM. Not by choice, but by disability. I know SAHMs work. I was the only one in the apartment complex, so I did things the other moms couldn't, especially in the afternoon when the latchkey kids needed owies taken care of. Most were single moms, so they didn't have a choice either.
Lilllabettt Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) I am a radical I guess. But I don't view this as a moral issue. And I don't see stay-at-home motherhood as the universal ideal ... what I mean is, even if you can afford it, that doesn't mean you should do it. Working outside doesn't have to be something women do only if they "have no choice." Maybe they want to. Maybe that is whats best for them and their family. There are trade-offs either way. Every family is different and the cost-benefit analysis will be different. For me, the #1 issue is education. Whether or not a girl plans to be a stay-at home mom, she should learn how to do "domestic" things. I have wished a million times I knew how to sew. And cook. And whether or not they plan to be SAHMs, all women should be well-read and educated to the highest level their intellect will allow. Even if a formal degree isn't possible ... there is a good education to be had reading the classics at the library... If a girl doesn't take to book learning then she needs to know a trade of some kind. Besides the fact that learning is good for its own sake, and allows a girl to really enjoy life to the fullest ... things happen: The marriage becomes abusive. Or the breadwinner gets sick. The breadwinner wants a divorce. The breadwinner dies. My best friend's dad, age 45, recently took a nap on the couch and never woke up. His wife, mother of five, has no degree, knows no trade, had no outside work experience for 20 yrs, and now has to support the family. I always think of "cheaper by the dozen," where the mom had to support 12 kids, fighting all the while to be taken seriously as a woman in the workforce. I think part of being a responsible parent is making sure you can provide for your children no matter what happens Edited February 2, 2011 by Lilllabettt
add Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 (edited) [quote name='ClareOfAssisi' timestamp='1296653719' post='2207720'] I think CatherineM is saying that she wishes her mother had had a full time job which would have eased their financial difficulties. That is not to say that SAHMs do not work. [/quote] i know what she said and i don't mean to be rude, but, my point is money isn't everything. Quality time or family togetherness is valuable too. it is difficult for me to put what i,m saying into words --- being poor financially does not necessarily mean "poor in spirit" or something like that Edited February 3, 2011 by apparently
Lil Red Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 when it makes a difference between actually feeding or clothing or heating your children....yeah, having two parents working (or in some cases, a single parent who works multiple jobs) is a necessity.
Lilllabettt Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 (edited) edit Edited February 3, 2011 by Lilllabettt
Maggyie Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 [quote name='apparently' timestamp='1296695834' post='2208018'] i know what she said and i don't mean to be rude, but, my point is money isn't everything. Quality time or family togetherness is valuable too. it is difficult for me to put what i,m saying into words --- being poor financially does not necessarily mean "poor in spirit" or something like that [/quote] I know what you're getting at, but Catherine is right that money problems can make childhood smell of elderberries. I don't mean being problems as in "Mom and Dad can't afford to get me an I-pod touch," I mean problems like getting visits from the repo man or having creditors calling constantly. Kids can sense the stress their parents are under and they tend to take that into themselves. My mother was only able to work sporadically (not by choice; she's partially disabled) and it made life tough for all of us. Although we never had the repo man... almost, though.
CatherineM Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I think the main thing I would have liked to have had financially, is the money for Catholic highschool tuition. Not just because I would have preferred that to the education I received at the over-crowded public school (where the teachers were also on strike for half my senior year), but because I got separated from all my friends, that I'd gone to school with and played sports with for 8 years.
Cherie Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I think the whole issue should be prayerfully considered by each woman in her situation. If something ever happened to my husband, I would not be able to support my son or any future children. I don't have a degree, and in today's world, if you want an income on which to support a family you need one. I have worked as a secretary, but the income as a secretary wouldn't be enough to support my family. I entered the convent at 18, which was a stupid move to all my teachers and some of my family and friends since it meant I wouldn't get a college education. But I knew it was what God wanted, and the time I spent in the convent shaped who I am today. I don't regret a single second of being there. Once I left and later met my future husband, I gave up going back to school. Why? Because I didn't want to incur debt, I didn't really want to go, and more importantly after prayerfully considering the situation I felt it was what God wanted me to do, and I decided to trust in His Providence. That's not saying that women who get a degree as a "back up" aren't following God's Providence for them; not at all - on the contrary, each person must discern God's will for themselves, and that very well could be God's will for them. My intellect would have "allowed" me to go much further in formal education, but I chose not to because it just didn't fit. This was God's will for me. If something ever happens, thankfully I have family who will be able to help me. I do believe that every woman should be well-read, and continue to pursue some form of self-betterment through reading or lessons or another way. Examples to me would be things like learning an instrument, or a yoga class, or reading a history book, or reading classic literature, or learning a language. I also think it's a great asset for women to be taught how to cook, clean, and sew. A lot of that is lost nowadays, and it's a shame. For me, I tend to think that mothering lends itself to staying at home to raise children. I realize many women simply [i]can't [/i]do that. Many women who are very dear to me, including my own mother, [i]couldn't.[/i] I am grateful beyond words that I can. Statistics on day care, and statistics on both parents working outside the home just reinforce the idea to me that the ideal environment for raising children is with a caregiver, preferably a mother, who stays at home. In today's world, where there is so much dysfunction, often that [i]isn't[/i] the ideal situation. Not every family would "fit the mold" for that. And some women who are mothers have an emotional or psychological need to work outside the home. There are all sorts of legitimate reasons why a mother must work outside the home. And yes, I'm sure the children will turn out JUST fine!!! But I think there are many situations in which a family could have the mother stay home to raise the children, and it would be better for the children, but they don't because 1) the husband does not support the idea, or 2) a wife doesn't want to for selfish reasons.
Archaeology cat Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I agree, Cherie. Yes, I have a BA & MA. I'm still not all that employable in my field. If, God forbid, something were to happen to my husband, I'm not sure what I'd do. I suppose I could apply to work for SSA like my MIL, but I don't know. I don't regret my degrees, despite the debt; I choose the field because I love archaeology, not because I thought it was lucrative. So yes, education (formal or otherwise) is important for mothers, I think. The library is my friend.
tinytherese Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 How about stay at home dad's? Maybe he's more nurturing or also good with the kids and or mom can make enough money to support the family. Ah and now I'm thinking of the movie Mr. Mom. Also, I thought of something. Why should anyone look down on a stay at home mom if it is best for her and her family's situation? Does anyone have a problem with a teenager getting paid to babysit or a nanny who take care of children for a career? Probably not and yet just because a stay at home mom isn't paid to do it she is somehow different from them? Also, people who say that being a SAM is staying at home doing nothing, then they must not realize what it's like to take care of kids! It IS work.
add Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 MY MOM IS PRICELESS [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXgoJ0f5EsQ[/media] and she also cooked, cleaned , did the shopping, laundry and a million things more (besides giving birth).
Archaeology cat Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 [quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1296982876' post='2209278'] How about stay at home dad's? Maybe he's more nurturing or also good with the kids and or mom can make enough money to support the family. Ah and now I'm thinking of the movie Mr. Mom. Also, I thought of something. Why should anyone look down on a stay at home mom if it is best for her and her family's situation? Does anyone have a problem with a teenager getting paid to babysit or a nanny who take care of children for a career? Probably not and yet just because a stay at home mom isn't paid to do it she is somehow different from them? Also, people who say that being a SAM is staying at home doing nothing, then they must not realize what it's like to take care of kids! It IS work. [/quote] Seconded. My husband's father was the one who stayed home until the youngest was in school, and then he went to work. While the kids were still breastfeeding, my MIL came home on her breaks to nurse the baby. Part of this arrangement was because my MIL's job paid more and had good benefits, but she also enjoys working. I was rather surprised when she retired, actually. And yes, being a stay-at-home-parent is definitely work. I may not get a salary, but that doesn't mean it isn't important and rewarding work.
add Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 [size="5"][color="#0000ff"]Home is where your mom is[/color][/size]
CatherineM Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 My dad would have make a great stay at home. Infinitely better than my mom did. He was the main nurturer between the two.
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