Phatmass Community Of Perpetual Chat

[TheresaThoma]

Love it Antigonos! Thanks for sharing

[Antigonos]

So sorry, second half of "Hilchos Xmas" came through as gibberish. Will try to correct it.

[Antigonos]

Here goes, again:

[center][color="#000000"]3. DECORATING THE TREE[/color][/center]
[left][color="#000000"]1. AS WITH ALL MITZVOS, THE TREE SHOULD BE TASTEFULLY[sup]19[/sup] DECORATED. POPCORN TASTES EXCELLENT, AND SOME STRING POPCORN TOGETHER (WITH NEEDLE AND THREAD)[sup]20[/sup] TO MAKE LONG CHAINS WHICH ARE WRAPPED AROUND THE TREE.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]19[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] In order to keep children actively interested and participating in all the goings-on, "tasteful" is defined by the youngest person in the household. This generally results in displaying all sorts of holiday projects in school, no matter how tacky or amateurishly done, giving great prominence to "artwork" which is normally allowed nowhere but the refrigerator door.
[sup]20[/sup] To remind us of the verse, "We're all connected." (Nynex)

[/color][/size][/left]
[left][color="#000000"]2. THE MAIN DECORATION FOR THE TREE IS STRINGS[sup]21[/sup] OF COLORED[sup]22[/sup] LIGHTS. The circuitry of the lights is arranged with parallel[sup]23[/sup] wires, not in serial. A certified[sup]24[/sup] electrician should inspect each set of lights.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]21[/color][/size][/sup][color="#000000"][size="2"] The numerical value of the word "orot" (lights) is 613, similar to the value of the word "tzitzit". [/size][/color][size="2"][i][color=blue][tzitzit = ritual fringes][/color][/i]
[color="#000000"][sup]22[/sup] The lights may be of 5 colors (corresponding to the knots in each tzitzit) or of 8 colors (corresponding to the 8 strings in each tzitzit). Where these combinations are unavailable, all the lights must be white. (Some use all white lights, with each eighth light being blue.)
[sup]23[/sup] Just as the eight strings of the tzitzis are tied in two parallel groups of four strings to help keep them kosher in the event a string breaks, similarly, arranging the lights in parallel will keep the other lights lit even if one light goes out.
[sup]24[/sup] By mutual consent, certification of Xmas lights is handled not by the OU but by the UL.[/color][/size]

[/left]
[left][color="#000000"]3. ADDITIONAL LIGHTS ARE SET UP AROUND THE OUTSIDE OF THE HOME,[sup]25[/sup] EACH ACCORDING TO HIS OWN ABILITY. THE MORE LIGHTS and other decorations[sup]26[/sup] ONE SETS UP, THE MORE PRAISEWORTHY HE IS.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]25[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] The minimum which one should strive for is the outline of one window which faces the street, and this is sufficient for apartment dwellers.
[sup]26[/sup] Those who have a front yard or lawn put all sorts of decorations up, whether lit by lights or not. Some say that if a snowman was built before Xmas, and by New Year's it still has not melted, it is a sign of blessing for the home for the coming year.

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[left][color="#000000"]4. THE LIGHTS MUST STAY LIT[sup]27[/sup] UNTIL[sup]28[/sup] MOST PEOPLE CAN BE PRESUMED TO BE IN BED[sup]29[/sup] OR ASLEEP.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]27[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] One may use a timer to turn the lights off each night automatically, but not on Shabbos. Because of the public nature of the lights, they must stay lit lest anyone think that they were turned off manually, which would be a violation of the holy Shabbos.
[sup]28[/sup] 11:35 pm Eastern, 10:35 Central/Mountain time.
[sup]29[/sup] Watching Leno or Letterman.

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[left][color="#000000"]5. TREE DECORATIONS ARE CONSIDERED "MUKTZA L'MITZVASA", "SET ASIDE FOR ITS MITZVAH", AND MAY NOT BE USED FOR ANY PERSONAL USE UNTIL AFTER XMAS IS OVER.[sup]30[/sup] FOR EXAMPLE, EDIBLE DECORATIONS MAY NOT BE EATEN UNTIL AFTER XMAS. SIMILARLY, SINCE THEY MAY NOT BE USED FOR PERSONAL USE, ANY DECORATIONS WHICH FALL FROM THE TREE ON SHABBOS OR ON YOM TOV MAY NOT BE REPLACED[sup]31[/sup] UNTIL AFTER SHABBOS OR YOM TOV.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]30[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] See Siman 9 below for opinons regarding when Xmas actually ends.
[sup]31[/sup] Or even handled.

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[left][color="#000000"]6. IF THE LIGHTS WERE NOT[sup]32[/sup] PUT AWAY AFTER XMAS, THEN IN THE FOLLOWING YEAR EACH[sup]33[/sup] BULB MUST BE REMOVED[sup]34[/sup] FROM THE WIRING AND REATTACHED.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]32[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] But if they were put away properly, then the act of restringing them the following year suffices for the mitzva. It is only where they stayed up all year that the lights must be renewed by removing and reattaching them.
[sup]33[/sup] If is enough if this is done for the majority of bulbs.
[sup]34[/sup] The bulb does not need to be totally removed, but it is adequate if the bulb is so loose that the electricity will not flow to it to light it.

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[center][color="#000000"]4. GIFTS[/color][/center]
[left][color="#000000"]1. ONE IS OBLIGATED TO BUY PRESENTS, REGARDLESS OF HIS INCOME LEVEL, FOR EVERY PERSON THAT HE HAS EVER SPOKEN TO IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE and their immediate family members. ONE MAY GO INTO SERIOUS DEBT IN ORDER TO CARRY OUT THIS MITZVAH. PRESENTS MAY BE EXCHANGED AT ANY CONVENIENT TIME DURING DECEMBER UP UNTIL THE 25TH.[/color][/left]

[left][color="#000000"]2. REGARDING A CHILD WHOSE BIRTHDAY OCCURS ON OR AROUND XMAS, SOME SAY TO GIVE HIM A DOUBLE PORTION OF GIFTS,[sup]35[/sup] AND OTHERS SAY TO GIVE HIM A SINGLE PORTION.[sup]36[/sup] SOME RESOLVE THIS BY GETTING HIM A NORMAL NUMBER OF GIFTS, BUT THEY WOULD BE DOUBLE IN SIZE OR VALUE.[sup]37[/sup][/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]35[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] Which may cause others to feel cheated.
[sup]36[/sup] Which will surely cause him to feel cheated.
[sup]37[/sup] Another idea has been to celebrate "Xmas in August". See Rabbi Edward's opinion below, in section 9:2.

[/color][/size][/left]
[center][color="#000000"]5. THE OFFICE PARTY[/color][/center]
[left][color="#000000"]1. "WHEN DECEMBER ARRIVES, OFFICE PRODUCTIVITY DECREASES."[sup]38[/sup] BEGINNING AT 9:00 AM ON THE MONDAY PRIOR TO XMAS, ALL REAL OFFICE WORK STOPS.[sup]39[/sup] IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN THE ILLUSION OF DOING REAL WORK, EMPLOYEES BUSY THEMSELVES WITH TASKS SUCH AS THE COMPANY NEWSLETTER, OR PLANNING THE OFFICE "HOLIDAY PARTY".[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]38[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] As it is said, "It's a slow time of year."
[sup]39[/sup] When that Monday is Erev Xmas itself, this work stoppage is moved up to the preceding Monday.

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[left][color="#000000"]2. IT IS A REQUIREMENT THAT ALL COMPANIES CONDUCT AN ANNUAL "HOLIDAY PARTY" EACH YEAR. THIS HAD BEEN CALLED A "XMAS PARTY" UNTIL 1972, WHEN THE SUPREME COURT RULED IT TO BE A DISCRIMINATORY NAME. THE TERM "HOLIDAY PARTY" WAS ENACTED SO THAT NATIVE AMERICANS, ASIANS, AND MUSLIMS[sup]40[/sup] WILL ALL FEEL EQUALLY UN-AMERICAN.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]40[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] When Ramadan is not in December.

[/color][/size][/left]
[left][color="#000000"]3. THE "HOLIDAY PARTY", IN ORDER TO BE DONE PROPERLY, REQUIRES A GREAT DEAL OF RITUAL DRINKING AND DEBAUCHERY. "AD'LOYADA" - ONE MUST DRINK AND CONTINUE DRINKING UP TO[sup]41[/sup] THE POINT HE CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIS FAT DUMPY WIFE AND HIS GORGEOUS 22 YEAR-OLD BLOND SECRETARY.[/color][i][sup][color=blue]42[/color][/sup][color=blue] [on Purim, at the celebratory meal, one should drink until he cannot distinguish between "Mordechai the Blessed" and "Haman the Evil". See the Book of Esther][/color][/i][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]41[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] In this case, "up to" means "ad v'lo ad b'clal" - "up to but NOT including" the point when he cannot tell the difference. Once one has reached this point he is excused from further drinking. See next note for more details.
[sup]42[/sup] The example above presumes that he is a male, and his secretary is a female. However, if his secretary is male, and he has reached the point where he cannot tell the difference between his fat dumpy wife and his handsome 22 year-old blond male secretary, then he is forbidden to drink any more alcohol until Purim.

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[left][color="#000000"]4. ALL BANKS AND OFFICES MUST CLOSE AT NOON[sup]43[/sup] ON THE 24TH OF DECEMBER SO THAT EVERYONE MAY BE ABLE TO GET HOME IN TIME TO TAKE CARE OF THE LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]43[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] Retail establishments remain open until 4 PM on Erev Xmas, and restaurants a bit later. There is a popular saying that "Denny's never closes," leading many people to ask, "So why are there locks on the doors?" The answer is that until recently, Denny's restaurants had been non Xmas-observant, and in fact did not have locks on the doors. Locks were installed only a few years ago when Denny's became Xmas-observant and began closing for the holiday.

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[center][color="#000000"]6. THE FESTIVE MEAL[/color][/center]
[left][color="#000000"]1. IN THE EVENING, AFTER THREE STARS APPEAR IN THE SKY, THE FAMILY GATHERS TOGETHER FOR THE EREV XMAS MEAL. THERE ARE VARIOUS OPINIONS AS TO WHAT IS TO BE EATEN AT THIS MEAL. ONLY FISH IS TO BE EATEN AT THE EREV XMAS MEAL.[sup]44[/sup] In our lands, the custom is to eat 12 fishes[sup]45[/sup] at this meal corresponding to the 12 days of Xmas.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]44[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] When Erev Xmas is on Friday, and the dinner coincides with the first Shabbos meal, only gefilte fish may be used.
[sup]45[/sup] Even on Shabbos, one can easily reach 12 different kinds of gefilte fish: How can we show that four different fishes can make twelve different dishes? Because we ate four different fishes in Egypt, (whitefish, pike, carp, and whitefish-pike,) but we are now able to buy them three different ways. We can buy them ready-to-eat in jars, frozen in loaves, or ground raw at the fish store. Now, it follows that if there were four different species made three different ways, then there are 12 different gefilte fishes. How can we show that each of the twelve fishes is actually eight dishes? Because they can be made with or without salt, with or without sugar, and with or without matzo meal, and there are eight combinations of those three options. Thus, if there are twelve fishes that can be prepared eight ways, then there are a total of 96 dishes! How can we show that each of the twelve fishes is actually [i]sixteen[/i] dishes? Because each of the eight recipes can be made either cooked or baked. Thus, if there are twelve fishes that can be prepared sixteen ways, then there are a total of 192 dishes[/color][/size][i][color=blue][size="2"]! [This is a take-off on part of the Passover Seder, where the miracles of the Exodus are listed in a variety of ways][/size][/color][/i]

[/left]
[left][color="#000000"]2. ONCE THE MEAL IS COMPLETE, THE FAMILY GATHERS IN THE ROOM WITH THE TREE WHERE THEY SING ZEMIROS [/color][i][color=blue][hymns][/color][/i][color="#000000"] AND DRINK EGGNOG.[sup]46[/sup] AT MIDNIGHT THE FAMILY HEADS TO SHUL FOR TIKKUN CHATZOS. Some say that Tikkun Chatzos can be said as early as 8:00 PM,[sup]47[/sup] but it is good to be stringent on oneself. [/color][i][color=blue][Tikkun Chatzos = the Jewish "equivalent" of Midnight Mass, if we had such a thing][/color][/i][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]46[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] Eggnog being a milchig drink, some hold that this is the real reason for eating fish instead of meat.
[sup]47[/sup] So that the children will be awake.

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[center][color="#000000"]7. SANTA CLAUS[/color][/center]
[left][color="#000000"]1. FOR MANY YEARS, THE EXISTENCE OF SANTA CLAUS WAS A SUBJECT OF INTENSE DISPUTE IN THE ADULT COMMUNITY. IN 1897, A TEAM OF INVESTIGATIVE REPORTERS WAS COMMISSIONED BY ONE VIRGINIA O'HANLON TO RESOLVE THE QUESTION. THEIR FINDINGS CONCLUDED "YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS."[sup]48[/sup] THIS WAS REAFFIRMED SEVERAL DECADES LATER IN A COURT CASE BROUGHT IN NEW YORK COUNTY SUPREME COURT.[sup]49[/sup][/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]48[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] New York [u]Sun[/u], September 21, 1897. (not in December as one might think)
[sup]49[/sup] Testimony from the United States Post Office proved to be crucial in deciding this case, as documented in [u]Miracle on 34th Street[/u], 1947.

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[left][color="#000000"]2. IT IS ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN TO LIGHT ANY KIND OF FIRE IN THE FIREPLACE ON THIS EVENING.[sup]50[/sup] THOSE WHO WANT TO ROAST CHESTNUTS ON AN OPEN FIRE SHOULD USE A BARBECUE.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]50[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] DUH! (But see also below, note 39)

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[left][color="#000000"]3. TO DEMONSTRATE OUR FAITH[sup]51[/sup] IN SANTA, EACH YEAR WE LEAVE HIM A PLATE OF DONUTS OR COOKIES ON A TABLE NEAR THE TREE, WITH A GLASS OF MILK TO DRINK. SOON AFTER THIS PRACTICE BEGAN, CHILDREN BEGAN TO QUESTION WHY THE MILK WAS STILL ON THE TABLE THE FOLLOWING MORNING, SO THEIR PARENTS ADOPTED THE CUSTOM OF DRINKING THE MILK AFTER THE CHILDREN WENT TO BED. HOWEVER, JUST THREE YEARS AGO,[sup]52[/sup] WHILE DELIVERING HIS GIFTS, SANTA ACCIDENTALLY REVEALED TO A YOUNG GIRL THAT HE SUFFERED FROM LACTOSE INTOLERANCE, AND THAT THIS IS WHY THE MILK HAD BEEN LEFT UNDRUNK ALL THOSE YEARS. THE FOLLOWING YEAR, SHE LEFT HIM A GLASS OF PAREVE SOYBEAN "MILK", AND THIS PRACTICE HAS SPREAD FAR AND WIDE SINCE THEN. (IN COMMUNITIES WHICH ACCEPT THE USE OF GOVERNMENT SUPERVISED MILK IN LIEU OF RABBINIC CHOLOV YISROEL, LACTAID™ MILK IS USED INSTEAD.)[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]51[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] "I believe with complete faith that he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake." Ani Maamin #11, daily siddur.
[sup]52[/sup] [u]The Santa Clause[/u], by Tim Allen, produced by Walter Disney, 1994. This film also showed Santa's new fire-resistant suit which was developed just that year. Nevertheless, the principle is that a protective measure is not abandoned even if the reason no longer exists, and so the ban on lighting fireplace fires remains in full force.

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[center][color="#000000"]8. OTHER CUSTOMS[/color][/center]
[left][color="#000000"]1. ONE IS TO RISE EARLY ON THE MORNING OF THE 25TH IN ORDER TO OPEN THE PRESENTS. THERE IS A RITUAL MEAL WHICH MUST BE COMPLETED BEFORE SUNSET.[/color][/left]

[left][color="#000000"]2. MEAT AND WINE MUST BE SERVED AT THIS MEAL. LOTS ARE DRAWN TO CHOOSE A DESIGNATED DRIVER WHO MAY NOT HAVE ANY WINE.[/color][/left]

[left][color="#000000"]3. THE MEAT MAY ONLY BE ROASTED. ONE MAY NOT EAT ANY BOILED OR BROILED MEAT AT THIS MEAL. [/color][/left]

[left][color="#000000"]4. AFTER THE MEAL, MANY HAVE THE CUSTOM TO RETIRE TO THE FAMILY ROOM TO WATCH SPORTS ON T.V.[/color][/left]

[left][color="#000000"]5. KIDDUSH IS NOT RECITED ON XMAS, BUT HOLLY IS REQUIRED[/color][i][color=blue]. [Kiddush = the prayer over wine which is recited at the beginning of any celebratory meal on a holiday or the Sabbath, "holly" being a corrupted form of "challah", the braided loaf also blessed on Sabbaths and holidays][/color][/i][/left]

[center][color="#000000"]9. HAVDALA [/color][i][color=blue][the concluding prayer of a holiday or the Sabbath][/color][/i][/center]
[left][color="#000000"]1. THERE ARE MANY OPINIONS REGARDING WHEN THE XMAS SEASON IS OVER.[sup]53[/sup] SOME HOLD THAT XMAS IS OVER WHEN THE LAST ITEM IN THE AFTER-XMAS SALE HAS BEEN SOLD. OTHERS ARE STRICT AND HOLD THAT XMAS IS OVER IMMEDIATELY AT THE CONCLUSION OF THE FOOTBALL GAME. The last opinion is the main one.[/color][/left]
[left][sup][size="2"][color="#000000"]53[/color][/size][/sup][size="2"][color="#000000"] Many are confused by the term "twelve days of Xmas", implying that the Xmas continues until and including January 5. Today, this view is accepted only by the Eastern Orthodox, who hold that December 26 through January 5 constitute Chol Hamoed Xmas. This view is opposed by both the Modern Orthodox and the Ultra Orthodox (and even the Non Orthodox) who hold that Xmas is only one day long, and any context which seems otherwise actually refers to the Xmas [u]season[/u].

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[left][color="#000000"]2. WALLED CITES CONTINUE XMAS UNTIL THE END OF THE WINNING TEAM'S TICKER-TAPE PARADE. A RECENT AUTHORITY, RABBI EDWARD, CELEBRATED XMAS IN AUGUST. For this he became known as "Crazy Eddie[/color][i][color=blue]". [The holiday of Purim is celebrated on 14[sup]th[/sup] Adar on the Jewish calendar, unless one lives in a city that was walled at the time of the original event. This wreaks havoc with schedules in Jerusalem since many suburbs are outside the municipal boundaries and celebrate a day earlier.][/color][/i][/left]

[left][size="2"][color="#000000"] [/color][/size][/left]
[color="#000000"]HAGADA FOR XMAS [/color][i][color=blue][this is a parody of the retelling of the Exodus from Egypt, recited at the Passover Seder in every Jewish home. The songs are also parodies of Passover songs. Anyone wanting to read a real Hagada can Google the term. There are many online.][/color][/i]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]This is the fruitcake of our affliction, which our ancestors baked 400 years ago.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]All who are in need, come and celebrate Xmas with us.
All who are hungry, come and partake of this 400-year-old fruitcake, as it is written, "Let them eat cake!"
This year we watch football in the living room, next year may the Super Bowl come to our city![/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Some have the custom to place the gift-wrapped presents under the tree so that they will pique the curiosity of the children so that they will ask the Four essential questions:[/color][/size][/left][list=1]
[*][size="2"][color="#000000"]How come I have presents and Santa Claus didn't come yet? [/color][/size]
[*][size="2"][color="#000000"]Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway? [/color][/size]
[*][size="2"][color="#000000"]How much is that gorilla in the window? [/color][/size]
[*][size="2"][color="#000000"]Why did the chicken cross the road?[/color][/size]
[/list]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]We were slaves to our employers, working seven days a week with no benefits, and then the Unions were organized, and decreed a five-day workweek and many holidays in the end of the year. Now if the Unions had not gotten their act together, then we, and our sons, and even our grandsons, would still have to work on Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Xmas, and New Years. But our daughters and granddaughters still await their salvation.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]There are four types of children who ask questions on Xmas: the wise one, the bad one, the simple one, and the one who does not know to ask.
- What does the wise one ask? I don't know; I couldn't understand him either. Him you must send to a school for gifted children.
- What does the bad one ask? He says, "What is this holiday to you?" Because he excludes himself from the community, you must exclude him from your table, and he will go back to his employer and get paid double-time and a half for working on Xmas day.
- What does the simple one ask? He simply asks, "What is this?" You will say to him, "This is dinner."
- As for the one who does not know to ask, you must go to his room, wake him up and say, "Next year, come to dinner on time!"[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]If we would have a beautiful tree, but not have stockings hanging from the fireplace, it would have been enough.
If we would have stockings hanging from the fireplace, but not get today off from work, it would have been enough.
If we would get today off from work, and not get off on Erev Xmas as well, it would have been enough.
If we would get off on Erev Xmas as well, but not get presents, it would have been enough.
If we would get presents, but not a delicious dinner, it would have been enough.
If we would have a delicious dinner and no dessert, it would have been enough.
If we would have dessert, but not watch the football game, it would have been enough.
If we would watch the football game, but not see our team win, it would have been enough.
If we would see our team win, and have a hangover the next morning, it would have been enough.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"](Pick up the eggnog and say:) But we do have a beautiful tree, and we have stockings hanging from the fireplace, and we got today off from work, and we got off on Erev Xmas as well, and we got presents, a delicious dinner, and dessert, and we watched the football game, and saw our team win, and so we will now toast our team, and pray that we do not get a hangover tomorrow morning: "Yay team!"[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Next year is Purim![/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"][b][u]ZEMIROS[/u][/b][/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Who knows one?[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]I know one!
One is a partridge in a pear tree.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Who knows two?[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]I know two!
Two are the turtledoves, and
One is a partridge in a pear tree.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Who knows three?[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]I know three!
Three are the French hens!
Two are the turtledoves, and
One is a partridge in a pear tree. ... ...
Who knows four? I know four! Four are the calling birds! ...
Who knows five? I know five! Five are the gold rings! ...
Who knows six? I know six! Six are the geese a-laying! ...
Who knows seven? I know seven! Seven are the swans a-swimming! ...
Who knows eight? I know eight! Eight are the maids a-milking! ...
Who knows nine? I know nine! Nine are the drummers drumming! ...
Who knows ten? I know ten! Ten are the pipers piping! ...
Who knows eleven! I know eleven! Eleven are the ladies dancing! ...[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Who knows twelve?[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]I know twelve!
Twelve are the lords a-leaping!
Eleven are the ladies dancing
Ten are the pipers piping
Nine are the drummers drumming
Eight are the maids a-milking
Seven are the swans a-swimming
Six are the geese a-laying
Five are the gold rings
Four are the calling birds
Three are the French hens
Two are the turtle doves and
One is a partridge in a pear tree.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]-------------------[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]One little reindeer, one little reindeer,
My father bought for two zuzim.
One little reindeer, one little reindeer.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Then came a cat and ate the reindeer
My father bought for two zuzim.
One little reindeer, one little reindeer.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Then came a dog and bit the cat,
That ate the reindeer,
My father bought for two zuzim.
One little reindeer, one little reindeer.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Then came a stick and beat the dog,
That bit the cat that ate the reindeer
My father bought for two zuzim.
One little reindeer, one little reindeer.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Then came a fire and burned the stick, ...
Then came the water and quenched the fire, ...
Then came an ox and drank the water, ...
Then came a shochet and slaughtered the ox, ...
Then came the angel of death and killed the shochet, ...[/color][/size][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]Then He came and slew the angel of death,
That killed the shochet that slaughtered the ox
That drank the water that quenched the fire
That burned the stick that beat the dog
That bit the cat that ate the reindeer
My father bought for two zuzim.
One little reindeer, one little reindeer.[/color][/size][/left]
[left][b][u][color="#000000"]APPENDIX[/color][/u][/b][/left]
[left][size="2"][color="#000000"]The authors are proud to have been students of Yeshivat Ohr Somayach (Akiva in 1976-80) and Neve Yerushalayim (Ilene in 1979-80) in Jerusalem, Israel. Akiva has written and published some serious Torah on the Internet over the past few years, but it has not gotten the wide and speedy distribution enjoyed by "The Laws of Xmas." (The reason for this is simple: The Guinness Book of World Records used to list "lashon hara" under the heading "fastest known form of communication", but this changed in 1996 when "funny e-mails" moved into first place.) [/color][/size][/left]
[left][font="Georgia"][size="2"][color="#000000"] [/color][/size][/font][/left]

[Little Flower]

that was hilarious!

just curious, are you Jewish?

[Antigonos]

Yes. And I live in Jerusalem.

[HopefulBride]

Anti I think we might need to start a phoundation in Jerusalem. One specifically for our Jewish sisters

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1324751108' post='2357029']
Anti I think we might need to start a phoundation in Jerusalem. One specifically for our Jewish sisters
[/quote]

"Jewish Sisters"

[Antigonos]

[quote name='i<3LSOP' timestamp='1324752816' post='2357035']
"Jewish Sisters"
[/quote]

I think I am the only one, and remember, the Pope referred to the Jews as the "elder brothers" of Catholics, which I undoubtedly am, both in age and, ahem, wisdom, so don't disrespect me! You may address me as "Mother" [giggle].

Writing from a very cold and wet J'lem, this a.m. Merry Christmas to you all.

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='Antigonos' timestamp='1324792508' post='2357299']
I think I am the only one, and remember, the Pope referred to the Jews as the "elder brothers" of Catholics, which I undoubtedly am, both in age and, ahem, wisdom, so don't disrespect me! You may address me as "Mother" [giggle].

Writing from a very cold and wet J'lem, this a.m. Merry Christmas to you all.
[/quote]

Oh my goodness....I didn't mean that I don't like Jews!

I just think that the term "Jewish Sisters" is cute... I think everything is cute.

Edited January 3, 2012 by i<3LSOP

[i<3franciscans]

[quote name='Antigonos' timestamp='1324792508' post='2357299']
I think I am the only one, and remember, the Pope referred to the Jews as the "elder brothers" of Catholics, which I undoubtedly am, both in age and, ahem, wisdom, so don't disrespect me! You may address me as "Mother" [giggle].

Writing from a very cold and wet J'lem, this a.m. Merry Christmas to you all.
[/quote]Hi Mom!

[Antigonos]

[quote name='i<3franciscans' timestamp='1325615851' post='2362348'] Hi Mom! [/quote]

Genuflect when you say that, Sister! [Just kidding]
Mother Sarah Yenta* of the Divine and Everlasting Chicken Soup

*A yenta is an interfering busybody, and a gossip

[i<3franciscans]

I kissed the ground twenty times. Am I forgiven?

[Antigonos]

[quote name='i&lt;3franciscans' timestamp='1325683765' post='2362714'] I kissed the ground twenty times. Am I forgiven? [/quote] IMO, that is an excessive penance. Ego te absolvo. Go and sin no more, or not until tomorrow at least.

And brush your teeth after kissing the floor.

Edited January 4, 2012 by Antigonos

[i<3LSOP]

Hail [color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Mother Sarah Yenta of the Divine and Everlasting Chicken Soup! [/font][/color] Edited January 4, 2012 by i<3LSOP

[i<3franciscans]

[quote name='Antigonos' timestamp='1325692956' post='2362768']
IMO, that is an excessive penance. Ego te absolvo. Go and sin no more, or not until tomorrow at least.

And brush your teeth after kissing the floor.
[/quote]Thank you kind mother!

I like this whole mother thing.

By the way. It is a good thing you said tomorrow.