OnlySunshine Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Has anyone ever experienced loss of interest in discerning because you couldn't discern with a community at that present time? It seems like, in the beginning, all you want to do is get to know everything about them, but when you find out that you have to wait a long time to visit, that's when it seems like you just want to quit. I feel that way currently. It's been going on all this month and it makes me wonder if I truly have a vocation or not. I'm not even interested in looking at other communities. I seriously thought that I wanted to visit the Sister Servants of the Eternal Word, but now it just seems like I couldn't care less. Maybe it's because I have too much on my plate as it is with trying to find a job and finish school. Is it selfish of me to want to stop discerning for these reasons? I have had this happen before, but it was a bit different because I had just finished my job and was experiencing depression. Now I'm on my medication, but I don't want to think about religious life anymore. I hope this is just a passing phase.
faithcecelia Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I think sometimes God gives us a break like this to allow us to 'recover' - whether that is physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc - before starting to poke us again. Last year I was sent for an assessment and the feedback wasn't amazing. I believe there were some particular and unavoidable problems that really did affect the assessments, but even so, I was disappointed. For 6mths from then, while I hadn't lost or given up on my vocation, it was very much on the backburner. Then I lost my beloved grandfather very suddenly, just as we thought he was almost recovered from an horrific fall 3-4mths earlier when he broke both legs, all his ribs and his back in 5 places! He has up and walking, but then got pneumonia. This caused me to call my old prioress just for a chat/cry. Once his memorial had taken place a couple of months after his death (his body had gone to research) I heard od tell me I had had enough of a rest, it was time to get on with it again. I am now so much stronger and more together than I had been before this break. I have faith in myself and 'life-events' had shown me that I was now able to cope very well with hard, painful and emotional situations. I believe I am now in a far, far better posotion in myself to be able to push on with discernment, and have the inner calm and insight I need to explain what has happened and what I feel and believe, than I ever was before. I firmly believe these lulls can be from God. Just take time, build yourself up, and when the time is right you will be motivated again. God bless you.
MargaretTeresa Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 MM, I totes get where you're coming from. I have to finish school before I can really, fully discern, so I kind of go in and out with discerning now. It also doesn't help when I don't hear back from vocations directors after being like, 'hey, can we chat sometime?'. But I know they're busy, as am I I think God puts these obstacles in our paths to make us stronger. It also allows us to lean more heavily on Him.
OnlySunshine Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 [quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1306802092' post='2247862'] I think sometimes God gives us a break like this to allow us to 'recover' - whether that is physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc - before starting to poke us again. Last year I was sent for an assessment and the feedback wasn't amazing. I believe there were some particular and unavoidable problems that really did affect the assessments, but even so, I was disappointed. For 6mths from then, while I hadn't lost or given up on my vocation, it was very much on the backburner. Then I lost my beloved grandfather very suddenly, just as we thought he was almost recovered from an horrific fall 3-4mths earlier when he broke both legs, all his ribs and his back in 5 places! He has up and walking, but then got pneumonia. This caused me to call my old prioress just for a chat/cry. Once his memorial had taken place a couple of months after his death (his body had gone to research) I heard od tell me I had had enough of a rest, it was time to get on with it again. I am now so much stronger and more together than I had been before this break. I have faith in myself and 'life-events' had shown me that I was now able to cope very well with hard, painful and emotional situations. I believe I am now in a far, far better posotion in myself to be able to push on with discernment, and have the inner calm and insight I need to explain what has happened and what I feel and believe, than I ever was before. I firmly believe these lulls can be from God. Just take time, build yourself up, and when the time is right you will be motivated again. God bless you. [/quote] That makes me feel better. The last thing I want to do is turn away from a call leading to my vocation. Of course, I was never 100% sure I had the call to begin with. I guess I will see. The last time I decided to end my discernment, God gave me a pretty big nudge which I was unable to ignore. I'm sure He will do it again if He still wants me to look.
OnlySunshine Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 [quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1306802544' post='2247867'] MM, I totes get where you're coming from. I have to finish school before I can really, fully discern, so I kind of go in and out with discerning now. It also doesn't help when I don't hear back from vocations directors after being like, 'hey, can we chat sometime?'. But I know they're busy, as am I I think God puts these obstacles in our paths to make us stronger. It also allows us to lean more heavily on Him. [/quote] I really think it's the job search that is putting a damper on everything. I posted a prayer request a little while ago because I am so tired of looking. I also found a novena to St. Expeditus because St. Joseph needs some help apparently. I finished my novena to St. Joseph about a week ago and nothing has come through yet.
MargaretTeresa Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1306802759' post='2247871'] I really think it's the job search that is putting a damper on everything. I posted a prayer request a little while ago because I am so tired of looking. I also found a novena to St. Expeditus because St. Joseph needs some help apparently. I finished my novena to St. Joseph about a week ago and nothing has come through yet. [/quote] God's schedule for us isn't always the most...beneficial for us humans. But He has a plan. We just have to trust in that. God bless you. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/amen.gif[/img]
OnlySunshine Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 [quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1306803787' post='2247891'] God's schedule for us isn't always the most...beneficial for us humans. But He has a plan. We just have to trust in that. God bless you. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/amen.gif[/img] [/quote] I know this in my heart, but it's hard for my head to get the message straight. I'm like, "I want it now!" I'm definitely impatient, I know that.
TeresaBenedicta Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I'll simply echo the best advice ever given to me as I began discerning... Work on your relationship with God. Focus on prayer and growing in the virtues. Let the question of 'vocation' stay on the back burner until [i]God brings it up in a definite way[/i]. The latter happens both in prayer and in circumstance. When I began discerning, I was a brand new Catholic. A neophyte. Circumstances did not permit me to fully discern (my spiritual director asked me to wait three years). Almost exactly at the three year mark, everything fell into place, regarding discernment. I had (mostly) focused solely on growing in prayer and virtue... then when God's timing came, it was very clear. The same is the case for me right now. I'm accepted into my community but can't enter because of student debt. Circumstances make it clear to me that I'm not supposed to enter right now, despite how badly I desire it. So what do I do? Focus on prayer and growing in the virtues. I think every question can be answered in such a way: Pray and work on virtue. Focusing on loving God alone and then letting everything else fall where it will. Of course there are times when specific discernment is needed- for example, as I was searching for work, I needed to discern whether I was to stay at home and work, or live with the Sisters and work... and those two options were 3,000 miles away from each other. I applied to jobs at both locations. When I interviewed for my current job and was offered it... I took it to God for quick discernment... is this where You want me? And I felt that surpassing peace about taking the job. So I did. But most things in discernment, I think, are meant to fall into place. I don't mean everything is passive, of course... But that, when focusing on prayer and virtue, things become all the more clear and self-evident. When you're supposed to act, when you're not, etc. All of this to say... be at peace!! You've done your part- you've responded to the promptings that God was giving you. Now current circumstances show you what you're supposed to be doing. Focus on loving God in your current circumstances. As St. Augustine says, "Love and then do what you will."
JulianofLdn Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 And, as you say, you've got a lot of real-life issues on your plate at the moment. Religious life, at the moment, belongs to the future: but when the present is pressing, the lure of the future loses its grasp. That's fine. Don't worry about it. Besides, if you do have a call to the religious life, it won't go away. It'll still be there, no matter what happens. You can trust in that, for sure. In the meantime, keep talking to God and keep listening. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img]
Santa Cruz Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I agree with what the others have said. Focus upon your prayer life, study and work on the virtues. A good spiritual director can help you discern God's Will. One prayer I have found particularly helpful is simply, "Lord make Your desire my desire, what I want most is to carry out your Holy Will". It sounds like you are living in the present moment, not lost in impatient waiting but embracing God's Will as it enfolds here and now. That to me, seems to be a blessing and time will fly by. Praying for you!
Chamomile Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 TB has really good advice. For those who just skimmed over it, go back and read it completely
OnlySunshine Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 [quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1306805986' post='2247921'] I'll simply echo the best advice ever given to me as I began discerning... Work on your relationship with God. Focus on prayer and growing in the virtues. Let the question of 'vocation' stay on the back burner until [i]God brings it up in a definite way[/i]. The latter happens both in prayer and in circumstance. When I began discerning, I was a brand new Catholic. A neophyte. Circumstances did not permit me to fully discern (my spiritual director asked me to wait three years). Almost exactly at the three year mark, everything fell into place, regarding discernment. I had (mostly) focused solely on growing in prayer and virtue... then when God's timing came, it was very clear. The same is the case for me right now. I'm accepted into my community but can't enter because of student debt. Circumstances make it clear to me that I'm not supposed to enter right now, despite how badly I desire it. So what do I do? Focus on prayer and growing in the virtues. I think every question can be answered in such a way: Pray and work on virtue. Focusing on loving God alone and then letting everything else fall where it will. Of course there are times when specific discernment is needed- for example, as I was searching for work, I needed to discern whether I was to stay at home and work, or live with the Sisters and work... and those two options were 3,000 miles away from each other. I applied to jobs at both locations. When I interviewed for my current job and was offered it... I took it to God for quick discernment... is this where You want me? And I felt that surpassing peace about taking the job. So I did. But most things in discernment, I think, are meant to fall into place. I don't mean everything is passive, of course... But that, when focusing on prayer and virtue, things become all the more clear and self-evident. When you're supposed to act, when you're not, etc. All of this to say... be at peace!! You've done your part- you've responded to the promptings that God was giving you. Now current circumstances show you what you're supposed to be doing. Focus on loving God in your current circumstances. As St. Augustine says, "Love and then do what you will." [/quote] I honestly don't know why I'm worrying about it so much. If I have a vocation, I trust that God will call me in His own time. As long as I stay open to His will, then He'll tell me when the time is right.
OnlySunshine Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 [quote name='JulianofLdn' timestamp='1306829246' post='2248086'] And, as you say, you've got a lot of real-life issues on your plate at the moment. Religious life, at the moment, belongs to the future: but when the present is pressing, the lure of the future loses its grasp. That's fine. Don't worry about it. Besides, if you do have a call to the religious life, it won't go away. It'll still be there, no matter what happens. You can trust in that, for sure. In the meantime, keep talking to God and keep listening. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img] [/quote] [quote name='Santa Cruz' timestamp='1306853009' post='2248146'] I agree with what the others have said. Focus upon your prayer life, study and work on the virtues. A good spiritual director can help you discern God's Will. One prayer I have found particularly helpful is simply, "Lord make Your desire my desire, what I want most is to carry out your Holy Will". It sounds like you are living in the present moment, not lost in impatient waiting but embracing God's Will as it enfolds here and now. That to me, seems to be a blessing and time will fly by. Praying for you! [/quote] Thank you both. I have recently started trying to attend Mass during the week again, which used to help me so much the last time I was unemployed. It has helped my prayer life already, especially today, after hearing the Gospel of Mary's Magnificat and the Visitation. Today is my favorite feast day and it really lifted my spirits to hear about my favorite saint Elizabeth.
FutureSister2009 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I hope I never lose interest. That has to be my biggest fear about going away to school in the fall. I'm going to do everything in my power to not lose it while I'm there and trust that God does want me there.
Divine Mercy 9999 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1306891660' post='2248459'] I honestly don't know why I'm worrying about it so much. If I have a vocation, I trust that God will call me in His own time. As long as I stay open to His will, then He'll tell me when the time is right. [/quote] I'm guessing that you worry because you are human. It's hard to wait for God's timing. I'm always glad that He knows me better than I do.
OnlySunshine Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 [quote name='Divine Mercy 9999' timestamp='1306949834' post='2248762'] I'm guessing that you worry because you are human. It's hard to wait for God's timing. I'm always glad that He knows me better than I do. [/quote] It's strange how we have these periods of worry and inadequacy, but I believe it's good because it helps us build humility and make us realize that God is bigger than anything else.
LaPetiteSoeur Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1306950027' post='2248763'] It's strange how we have these periods of worry and inadequacy, but I believe it's good because it helps us build humility and make us realize that God is bigger than anything else. [/quote] We doubt that God calls us to Himself or we doubt our callings. While this is good (we should [i]always [/i]be discerning God's will in our lives), it is very, very difficult. "Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty." (from the movie, [i]Doubt[/i]) Prayers, attending Mass, and Adoration are the best weapons we have! I understand the loss of interest, but for me it was more an internal conflict. I was conflicted whether or not God was calling me to the Dominicans. Through prayers to Mother Mary and St. Catherine Laboure, I had help from above to solidify my call! Prayers, ladies (and gentlemen, if you be here), will help us stay constant to God's holy will.
OnlySunshine Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 I've been trying to attend Mass at least semi-daily and after Mass today, I went out to the new Marian garden that the Church has and sat in front of the Crucifixion scene and prayed. I prayed the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary for Thursday and just soaked in nature. It felt so peaceful in that garden. I was surrounded by green trees, bushes, flowers, birds, butterflies, etc. I felt so loved by God during my time in that garden that I will definitely return tomorrow. I'm going to try to go there after every daily Mass I attend unless there are groups in the garden. Today, I was the only one and it was so quiet and relaxing--I'm actually tired now because of how relaxed I became. All the stress just melted away and I was in the silence of God's presence. One of the most amazing days I've had in a long time.
Sarah147 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1306950027' post='2248763'] It's strange how we have these periods of worry and inadequacy, but I believe it's good because it helps us build humility and make us realize that God is bigger than anything else. [/quote] I can totally relate. It just reminds me that we are human and we go through all sorts of emotions and thoughts all the time. It makes me wonder sometimes, too, but I lean on the fact that vocations are a calling, and I know the interior desire and attraction to this life that is there even when I'm not super excited or emotional all the time. It relieves me to know that this Order will be discerning me, as I discern them, so we will come to know God's will for me. I have to at least try, even though my health issues are discouraging. Just the other day, I was out in public, and ran into two full-habited Sisters and I got so excited. It totally reminds me of the higher calling and the beauty of the life. Hang in there and don't worry so much about up and down feelings. It may help to include in your daily prayers a meditation on Religious Life. I find thinking about the life and returning to the desire that I want it above other vocations helps me remain firm in my conviction that I'm called. God could totally surprise me with a whole different vocation, but I do currently believe that it is the RL. I understand that it took you a long time to figure out college and a major, too, so you may be among those that generally find discernment and introspection to be difficult. I'm among the crowd. Edited June 3, 2011 by JoyfulLife
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