Spiritual Direction For Discerners

[Aya Sophia]

Hey, all

How to find a spiritual director for your discernment process?

I would like to suggest a way that worked for me: [b]contact the office of the Vicar for Religious in your diocese.[/b]

The office of the VR in my diocese was able to give me a list of directors (mostly Religious) who specialized in spiritual direction for those in discernment. I chose one and began meeting with her once a month. She helped me stay focused on my goal and provided much needed support, encouragement and understanding.

Besides tapping into your local VR's office for SD suggestions, it's good to tie in with them generally in your discernment process - they can be of real (as distinguished from virtual!) support in a variety of ways.

Examples of offices for VR:

Rockville Center, NY
[url="http://www.drvc.org/office-vicars-for-religious"]http://www.drvc.org/office-vicars-for-religious[/url]

Worcester, MA
[url="http://www.worcesterdiocese.org/vicar/VicarOverview/tabid/280/Default.aspx"]http://www.worcesterdiocese.org/vicar/VicarOverview/tabid/280/Default.aspx[/url]

Galveston-Houston, TX
[url="http://www.archgh.org/About/Secretariat-for-Administration/Vicars/"]http://www.archgh.org/About/Secretariat-for-Administration/Vicars/[/url]

[OnlySunshine]

This was a point given by some people on this phorum a while back when I was looking for a spiritual director. My diocese is mostly concerned with the spiritual needs of those discerning the priesthood. Several priests that I contacted for spiritual direction pointed me to the Delegate for Religious in our diocese. I tried contacting her several times, but was told she was ill and wasn't able to give direction. I also contacted the Catholic retreat center and they gave me information for a lady in our diocese (a laywoman trained in spiritual direction), but she moved or something. I then resorted to calling the Vocations office, but they also directed me to the routes I had already tried. Every which way I went, I was hitting a brick wall. I had spiritual direction with a priest I knew, but he had to stop because he is the pastor and is so busy. I also met with my parish's pastor and he is VERY busy, but said he would be willing to help any way he could.

The point I'm trying to make is to exhaust all your outlets before giving up. God has not seen fit to bless me with a 2nd spiritual director so now my Catholic therapist is "unofficially" acting as my SD.

[OnlySunshine]

Oh, and another route is to go to your university's Newman Center or Catholic Student Union. Often times, they will have an appointed spiritual director who is available. Unfortunately, we don't have either of these in this area, but I will have to remember it if I go to the university out-of-state or in another town.

[HopefulBride]

MM,

Try a vicar in your parish or a nearby parish. Often time their schedule is not as demanding as that of a pastor. My current SD is a vicar and so was my first one.

Prayers that you find one soon.

[krissylou]

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1315170529' post='2300179']
MM,

Try a vicar in your parish or a nearby parish. Often time their schedule is not as demanding as that of a pastor. My current SD is a vicar and so was my first one.

Prayers that you find one soon.
[/quote]

Vicar = Associate Pastor, if your diocese uses that terminology.

Or, if you're a character in a Jane Austen novel, a vicar is typically a highly eligible potential husband! But I'm pretty sure Hopeful didn't mean it like that!

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='krissylou' timestamp='1315175969' post='2300237']

Vicar = Associate Pastor, if your diocese uses that terminology.

Or, if you're a character in a Jane Austen novel, a vicar is typically a highly eligible potential husband! But I'm pretty sure Hopeful didn't mean it like that!
[/quote]



I assumed that's what she meant -- associate pastor.

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='krissylou' timestamp='1315175969' post='2300237']

Vicar = Associate Pastor, if your diocese uses that terminology.

Or, if you're a character in a Jane Austen novel, a vicar is typically a highly eligible potential husband! But I'm pretty sure Hopeful didn't mean it like that!
[/quote]


Ive always wondered what you all mean by vicar - over here its mainly used for an Anglican priest! (who yes, in many cases would have been considered the perfect 18th/19th century husband!)

[faithcecelia]

MM, its such a shame you're not over here, I know someone who would have been the perfect SD for you.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1315247544' post='2300569']
MM, its such a shame you're not over here, I know someone who would have been the perfect SD for you.
[/quote]

Aw! I'm just very thankful to have my therapist right now. She is helping me on a lot of my spiritual and emotional issues. She also knows I'm discerning so she's trying to help me with that.

[Little Flower]

I want a SD. i feel like i have no idea what Im doing. and that Im probably doing everything wrong. and I know I don't pray enough. it seems like everything in my diocese is for guys who want to be priests. But they did have an email address for a woman on the vocation page of the diocese website, so maybe she's the person Im supposed to talk to. Now I just need to get up the nerve to do it. sigh. i hate doing stuff like that. emailing people i dont know. ill just have to smell of elderberries it up i guess

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Little Flower' timestamp='1315260593' post='2300643']
I want a SD. i feel like i have no idea what Im doing. and that Im probably doing everything wrong. and I know I don't pray enough. it seems like everything in my diocese is for guys who want to be priests. But they did have an email address for a woman on the vocation page of the diocese website, so maybe she's the person Im supposed to talk to. Now I just need to get up the nerve to do it. sigh. i hate doing stuff like that. emailing people i dont know. ill just have to smell of elderberries it up i guess
[/quote]

I'm in the same predicament. No one in my diocese is really that accommodating of those who are discerning religious life. It's all about men discerning the diocesan priesthood. So many people I contacted pointed me in the same direction but I got nothing. The Sister who is the Delegate for Religious is VERY difficult to get a hold of since she is often ill. When I contacted the retreat and spirituality center in my diocese, they gave me the name and contact information for a laywoman -- not a religious or a priest. I finally gave up contacting people. I got nowhere.

[Pax_et bonum]

[quote name='Little Flower' timestamp='1315260593' post='2300643']
I want a SD. i feel like i have no idea what Im doing. and that Im probably doing everything wrong. and I know I don't pray enough. it seems like everything in my diocese is for guys who want to be priests. But they did have an email address for a woman on the vocation page of the diocese website, so maybe she's the person Im supposed to talk to. Now I just need to get up the nerve to do it. sigh. i hate doing stuff like that. emailing people i dont know. ill just have to smell of elderberries it up i guess
[/quote]
Ask the Franciscan Brothers Minor if one of them could direct you or know of someone who could.

[Little Flower]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1315261798' post='2300656']

I'm in the same predicament. No one in my diocese is really that accommodating of those who are discerning religious life. It's all about men discerning the diocesan priesthood. So many people I contacted pointed me in the same direction but I got nothing. The Sister who is the Delegate for Religious is VERY difficult to get a hold of since she is often ill. When I contacted the retreat and spirituality center in my diocese, they gave me the name and contact information for a laywoman -- not a religious or a priest. I finally gave up contacting people. I got nowhere.
[/quote]
well st. therese didn't have a SD while she was discerning. so i guess its not like its the only way to prop its helped me to be emailing with the VD, Sr. Mary Catharine, of the Summit Dominicans (I know you read Phatmass - THANK YOU! ) even if I can't have a SD. I can't really explain why but its really nice.

I wish I had friends discerning religious life, especially contemplative life. I have a friend (and a brother!) who want to be priests, but when I was telling my friend I wanted to be contemplative, he seemed to think that was stupid. He has a cousin who just joined the Carmelites in Nebraska, and he was saying he'll never see her again. And most other people and friends I haven't said anything to. They wouldn't understand. They would just think I am the stupidest person ever to walk the planet earth. I know a lot of guys who want to be priests. I know one girl who thinks she's called to religious life, and she wants to be a Consecrated. whatever maybe God wants her to fix the order. but ive heard too many horror stories.

[Little Flower]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1315261922' post='2300659']
Ask the Franciscan Brothers Minor if one of them could direct you or know of someone who could.
[/quote]
hm. good idea! ill have to remember to ask next time i see them! it might be a while though ive been working saturdays. but at least i like my job! FREE PIZZA BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! although actually i like the ham and coagulated milk better

wow i hate that fiddler.

ARRRGH!!!

each of those are separate posts lumped together fyi
dont ask me why phatmass did that. but it did. IT MADE MY SANDWHICH SOUND DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

[Pax_et bonum]

[quote name='Little Flower' timestamp='1315262938' post='2300669']
I wish I had friends discerning religious life, especially contemplative life.
[/quote]
I met someone this summer at the discernment night with the Poor Clares in Kokomo who had just moved to Ft. Wayne. It would probably help if I remembered her name, but I can't. You should just go up to random girls and ask if they ever thought about a vocation to the religious life

[Little Flower]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1315266857' post='2300701']
I met someone this summer at the discernment night with the Poor Clares in Kokomo who had just moved to Ft. Wayne. It would probably help if I remembered her name, but I can't. You should just go up to random girls and ask if they ever thought about a vocation to the religious life
[/quote]
wow. great idea. lol. let me know if you remember her name. maybe I've met her or know her or something

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Little Flower' timestamp='1315262938' post='2300669']
well st. therese didn't have a SD while she was discerning. so i guess its not like its the only way to prop its helped me to be emailing with the VD, Sr. Mary Catharine, of the Summit Dominicans (I know you read Phatmass - THANK YOU! ) even if I can't have a SD. I can't really explain why but its really nice.

I wish I had friends discerning religious life, especially contemplative life. I have a friend (and a brother!) who want to be priests, but when I was telling my friend I wanted to be contemplative, he seemed to think that was stupid. He has a cousin who just joined the Carmelites in Nebraska, and he was saying he'll never see her again. And most other people and friends I haven't said anything to. They wouldn't understand. They would just think I am the stupidest person ever to walk the planet earth. I know a lot of guys who want to be priests. I know one girl who thinks she's called to religious life, and she wants to be a Consecrated. whatever maybe God wants her to fix the order. but ive heard too many horror stories.
[/quote]

Well, yes, that's true. I don't think St. Therese needed one, though, because I have read excerpts from letters that she wrote and she was incredibly mature for her age. She was already a saint when she was alive. I wish I could have known her, but I hope to see her in heaven.

I know what you mean about knowing people discerning religious life. There is a lack of support or camaraderie in this area, too, for those discerning religious life. We pray for it in our intercessions during Mass, but no one seems to take it seriously and encourage vocations. I even asked my pastor if we could start a group for those discerning and he said that since there was so much paperwork, he wouldn't be able to start one for a while since he was so busy. It really is a shame. I wish that my Young Adult group didn't meet so far away. They are all the way on the other side of town and I cannot afford gas to get where they are every week. My grandmother is supporting me financially at the moment, and I feel guilty when I have to ask for gas money too often.

You are not stupid for desiring contemplative religious life. I think it is extremely beautiful for those who are called to do it. I rather envy those who are cloistered because the life is much more rigorous, but I know God is not calling me to be cloistered. Stick with what you feel God calling you to. Friends mean well, but they don't know God's will for you. Only you can know that. God bless!

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1315266857' post='2300701']
I met someone this summer at the discernment night with the Poor Clares in Kokomo who had just moved to Ft. Wayne. It would probably help if I remembered her name, but I can't. You should just go up to random girls and ask if they ever thought about a vocation to the religious life
[/quote]

LOL, that's neat meeting someone discerning just random like that. I found a few people in my young adult group that were discerning but that I had no idea about until I heard of their entrance. Funnily enough, there was one young woman who I met the at the weekend retreat where I experienced my reversion in 2007 who had been discerning religious life for 7 years! She finally entered the Sisters of Life in September 2009 and is now in the 2nd year of her novitiate -- Sr. Annunciata Maria.

Most of the groupies I met who were discerning were young men! My friend, who is engaged to be married in February 2012, was discerning with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal and spent several weeks with them before discerning that he was called to marriage. His fiancee is a former candidate of religious life who was in the [url="http://www.sacredheartsisters.com/"][size=4]Society Devoted to the Sacred Heart of Jesus[/size][/url]. She was in her 8th year of religious life and about to make final vows when she discerned that she was called to marriage as well.

I also learned that we have a member who was formerly with the Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate! He has given several lectures about Marian spirituality. His family is so sweet, too.

We had one young man enter the FFIs in January 2011. We also had a young man enter the Carmelite Monks of Wyoming the same month.