Convent Adventures!

[Feankie]

I wrote about my 2 elderly Sister friends in another post. One of them related this story to me a while back while reminiscing at their Motherhouse. When she was a very young Sister in the 1960's, her Novice Band decided to play a trick on some of the older sisters.
They put saran wrap on the toilet seats in one of the Community bathrooms that was frequented quite often by some of the Professed Sisters they weren't too fond of. Of course, when the Sisters sat on the seat...whoops!!!! And my friend and her fellow Novices never got caught as they all looked the same when you looked at them running down the hallway! Nobody could tell who the culprits were, and they never confessed it in Chapter. Sr. Ruth Eileen told me she'll go to her grave with that story in her mind

[maximillion]

Well, I only have about a zillion, so get a tea or a coffee or a Rosary or something......

In 1976 there was a drought and our poor cows could be heard crying piteously in the fields cos their bellies were empty. Hay was too expensive for us to buy. One day MS got a call from a priest in town who said there were lots of bananas going free on the dock because they had been somehow contaminated by sea water. We novices went trundling off with Sr Farmer (who had Tourettes - another story!) and managed to get three big loads of bananas, and oh joy! the man from the Ag said we could feed them to the cows.
Now Sr Kitchen was a dear soul who was great in every way, but kind of had to do things pretty much by rote. Every Monday she made butter and ch***e from the milk, so she did that week........
It was an amazing penance to put this sort of pale version of a banana shake in the coffee, spread it on the bread and eat it, salted, in an omelette.
Not one sister complained. We grinned lots!!!!!

They decided I could drive the tractor during harvest while I was a still a possie....
I killed the first chicken trying to back out of the barn, another when I crashed into the chicken pen and the third - well, I still don't know that it was actually me. I think it was Bonniface, the dog. She saw her chance for a meat meal and went for it at my expense! Our Chaplain was very pleased though, he had chicken to his plate for some time grace a moi. I knelt in Refectory yet again...asking the community yet again......this time holding the poor blood encrusted chicken in my hands and trying not to get blood on our habit or the floor.
I never did learn to drive that tractor. They taught the next entrant and taught me music instead.

About three weeks after I entered, we were at Compline one night when I noticed something moving along the seat of the pew in front of me. The Psalm progressed as did the most enormous black beetle, the biggest I had ever seen. It was about five inches from tip to tip. Now, I spoke hardly any French, and didn't know the Latin for big black beetle, and at any moment the sisters would all sit down and.......
So I poked Sr Francoise in the back. She ignored me (pesky English Postulant!).
So I poked Sr MC and hissed. She frowned over her shoulder at me, and which point NM poked me in the back from behind. I turned and SHE was frowning at me.
Then everyone sat down.
Sr M erupted, shrieked something in French, and got up on the pew, jumping up and down in the most amazingly vigorous way for the novice who was usually very sedate and correct.
The sisters attempted to go on with Office. NM came out of her stall and shook Sr M, who was by this time incoherent and had lifted her habit, peering into the folds of the two petticoats and habit skirt, shaking them and gabbling about 'grosse bete noir'.
At this point I started to laugh. It really was like something out of a French farce. NM was not best pleased, shoved Sr M back in place, gave me a quelling look and the sisters took up the thread of the psalm again with gusto. Then Sr MC shrieked and ran from chapel.
The poor beetle had got mixed up in Sr M's habit skirts, been shaken out and had landed, unseen, next to Sr MC, and in a brave effort to escape, had tried to clamber over her. Sr Francoise, finally spotting the beastie, belted it one with her Breviary.......
And how, I ask, did[b] I [/b]end up getting the blame for all of this?

Then there was the entrant who had to re-iron her little possie's veil each day to make it look neat......
I tried to tell her she would be doing some sort of penance related to vanity when NM caught her. She never got to do the penance, she left. Sad, I think she would have been lots of fun, and someone else getting into bother besides me!

I volunteered to go with the Extern, Sr J, when she went on her annual begging trip. A nice fresh faced white veiled novice to get at the heart strings of the hard nosed businessmen.
Er....that was before the eau de vie. (Kind of like Vodka). The first guy offered it,and he swigged his back in one go, so so did I. Sr J sipped hers primly and didn't ever finish it.
Hmmm.
I do recall some singing, and even a bit of dance. The rest I will not admit to, never.
We made a fortune that year though!

[linnie]

[quote name='maximillion' timestamp='1317316053' post='2312327']
Well, I only have about a zillion, so get a tea or a coffee or a Rosary or something......

In 1976 there was a drought and our poor cows could be heard crying piteously in the fields cos their bellies were empty. Hay was too expensive for us to buy. One day MS got a call from a priest in town who said there were lots of bananas going free on the dock because they had been somehow contaminated by sea water. We novices went trundling off with Sr Farmer (who had Tourettes - another story!) and managed to get three big loads of bananas, and oh joy! the man from the Ag said we could feed them to the cows.
Now Sr Kitchen was a dear soul who was great in every way, but kind of had to do things pretty much by rote. Every Monday she made butter and ch***e from the milk, so she did that week........
It was an amazing penance to put this sort of pale version of a banana shake in the coffee, spread it on the bread and eat it, salted, in an omelette.
Not one sister complained. We grinned lots!!!!!

They decided I could drive the tractor during harvest while I was a still a possie....
I killed the first chicken trying to back out of the barn, another when I crashed into the chicken pen and the third - well, I still don't know that it was actually me. I think it was Bonniface, the dog. She saw her chance for a meat meal and went for it at my expense! Our Chaplain was very pleased though, he had chicken to his plate for some time grace a moi. I knelt in Refectory yet again...asking the community yet again......this time holding the poor blood encrusted chicken in my hands and trying not to get blood on our habit or the floor.
I never did learn to drive that tractor. They taught the next entrant and taught me music instead.

About three weeks after I entered, we were at Compline one night when I noticed something moving along the seat of the pew in front of me. The Psalm progressed as did the most enormous black beetle, the biggest I had ever seen. It was about five inches from tip to tip. Now, I spoke hardly any French, and didn't know the Latin for big black beetle, and at any moment the sisters would all sit down and.......
So I poked Sr Francoise in the back. She ignored me (pesky English Postulant!).
So I poked Sr MC and hissed. She frowned over her shoulder at me, and which point NM poked me in the back from behind. I turned and SHE was frowning at me.
Then everyone sat down.
Sr M erupted, shrieked something in French, and got up on the pew, jumping up and down in the most amazingly vigorous way for the novice who was usually very sedate and correct.
The sisters attempted to go on with Office. NM came out of her stall and shook Sr M, who was by this time incoherent and had lifted her habit, peering into the folds of the two petticoats and habit skirt, shaking them and gabbling about 'grosse bete noir'.
At this point I started to laugh. It really was like something out of a French farce. NM was not best pleased, shoved Sr M back in place, gave me a quelling look and the sisters took up the thread of the psalm again with gusto. Then Sr MC shrieked and ran from chapel.
The poor beetle had got mixed up in Sr M's habit skirts, been shaken out and had landed, unseen, next to Sr MC, and in a brave effort to escape, had tried to clamber over her. Sr Francoise, finally spotting the beastie, belted it one with her Breviary.......
And how, I ask, did[b] I [/b]end up getting the blame for all of this?

Then there was the entrant who had to re-iron her little possie's veil each day to make it look neat......
I tried to tell her she would be doing some sort of penance related to vanity when NM caught her. She never got to do the penance, she left. Sad, I think she would have been lots of fun, and someone else getting into bother besides me!

I volunteered to go with the Extern, Sr J, when she went on her annual begging trip. A nice fresh faced white veiled novice to get at the heart strings of the hard nosed businessmen.
Er....that was before the eau de vie. (Kind of like Vodka). The first guy offered it,and he swigged his back in one go, so so did I. Sr J sipped hers primly and didn't ever finish it.
Hmmm.
I do recall some singing, and even a bit of dance. The rest I will not admit to, never.
We made a fortune that year though!
[/quote]

Oh my goodness! You should write a book!!!!!

[brandelynmarie]

I will never look at another banana the same way again . Yes, you really should write a book!

[dominicansoul]

i'm saving all my convent adventure stories for the book I'm writing about my convent adventures

[MissyP89]

[quote name='cmariadiaz' timestamp='1317235282' post='2311773']
Did I ever mention the time that I (with the help of my fellow postulants) played a joke on the assistant postulant mistress?



(I will post the details later). It was an april fool's joke.
[/quote]

You would.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1317340326' post='2312609']
i'm saving all my convent adventure stories for the book I'm writing about my convent adventures
[/quote]
I call first dibs on reading it!

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1317340686' post='2312612']

You would.
[/quote]

The best part yet ... the assistant postulant mistress didn't even ASK who it was. Nor did any of us get in trouble. I mean ... it was great. I *think* I posted it in another thread. Will go hunt it down and if I can't find it I will repost.

And yep the idea was mine, and I got all of the other three postulants to go along. Each of us played a role in the joke. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha .

I still to this day do NOT know if the sister knows whose idea was it.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1317340326' post='2312609']
i'm saving all my convent adventure stories for the book I'm writing about my convent adventures
[/quote]

Just be sure your book includes the story about the postulants, uh, "passing gas."

[vee]

It was probably her and she's blaming that group

[brandelynmarie]

[faithcecelia]

One evening at recreation we were celebrating something (cant remember what) and had a few drinkies. By the time we went through to Readings we were a little pink cheeked and, erm, happy. We made it through the psalmody fairly easily, but when one reading was on the evil of drunkenness we were all just gone, half wetting ourselves laughing! How the poor sister reading managed I'll never know.


The elderly former prioress and NM (for a total of about 60yrs!) wrote an absolutely beautiful monologue of the Monastery Cat which she read to use at recreation. It was the most wonderful tale of pride, loss of innocence, humiliation and reconciliation.....as the cat found herself 'in the family way' and was too ashamed to let holy nuns see her like that!!!
Oh I [i]must[/i] see if I can get a copy of it, it was just delightful

[brandelynmarie]

Too funny!!! : : Yes, could you try to get a copy of The Monastery Cat? It sounds wonderful!

Edited September 30, 2011 by brandelynmarie

[HopefulBride]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1317420679' post='2313048']
One evening at recreation we were celebrating something (cant remember what) and had a few drinkies. By the time we went through to Readings we were a little pink cheeked and, erm, happy. We made it through the psalmody fairly easily, but when one reading was on the evil of drunkenness we were all just gone, half wetting ourselves laughing! How the poor sister reading managed I'll never know.


The elderly former prioress and NM (for a total of about 60yrs!) wrote an absolutely beautiful monologue of the Monastery Cat which she read to use at recreation. It was the most wonderful tale of pride, loss of innocence, humiliation and reconciliation.....as the cat found herself 'in the family way' and was too ashamed to let holy nuns see her like that!!!
Oh I [i]must[/i] see if I can get a copy of it, it was just delightful
[/quote]

oooh I am eager to read it. I can visualize all the sisters laughing while the poor sister reading tried to keep her razzle dazzle and I can't stop laughing.