Scrupulosity: Condition Or Cross?

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Hi everybody. I am not sure if this is the kind of material to be posted in this section of the phorum, but I am not sure where else to post it.
I have a question about scrupulosity. I have struggled with this for quite a long time now, on and off, but more on. Is this more of an OCD-type psychological condition plaguing a well-formed conscience or can this be a cross? Or maybe both? I understand that this can be the devil trying to keep one away from the Eucharist, but I also know that is can be a psychological condition, either way, could it be treated as a cross to bear. I find that it plagues me on and off, some days I am fine, and some days I am agonizing because of it.

Pax Christe,
FCC

[BarbTherese]

Scruples can have a variety of causes. This link will list those subjects dealing with scruples on the Catholic Spiritual Direction website; [url="http://rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/search-results?cx=007135951951436630254%3Amhpj0lizzog&cof=FORID%3A10%3BNB%3A1&ie=UTF-8&q=scruples&sa=Search+Again"]http://rcspiritualdi...sa=Search+Again[/url]

Whatever causes suffering is a cross - while the response asked to that cross may differ dependant on the actual suffering or cross and cause(s) behind it. Sometimes our suffering and crosses are self inflicted in some way and sometimes without our realizing it - other times they are not. It would probably take a spiritual director to discern re scruples.

From the same website, this link may be helpful (quoted from below) [url="http://rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/2009/07/21/understanding-and-overcoming-srupulosity-part-ii"]http://rcspiritualdi...ulosity-part-ii[/url]
"[quote]

[left][color=#000000]The very nature of the cure, firm and faith-guided obedience to a trustworthy confessor or spiritual director, shows why God at times permits his children (us) to suffer this painful trial: it is an excellent workout for the virtue of humility, and it is a sure way to purify us from hidden attachments.
In our day and age, a lax and lazy conscience is more often met than a scrupulous one. In either case, however, the first sign that we are deviating from the true path of moral and spiritual growth is usually inner turbulence. [u][b]Our God is a God of peace, and his peace goes deep.[/b][/u] When we lose it, that may be because we are trying to paddle through the shallow muskeg of an apparent shortcut.[/color][/left]
[/quote]


The only sin that can keep us from receiving The Blessed Eucharist is mortal sin. If in doubt, go to Confession first (would be my path) and ask Father if one is in fact in mortal sin. That way, doubt would be eliminated and one is free to go to Holy Communion.

Edited January 3, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1325587302' post='2362157']
The only sin that can keep us from receiving The Blessed Eucharist is mortal sin. If in doubt, go to Confession first (would be my path) and ask Father if one is in fact in mortal sin. That way, doubt would be eliminated and one is free to go to Holy Communion.
[/quote]
This causes scrupulous people problems. More likely then not what they are agonizing over is not a mortal sin and sometimes not a sin at all, but they think that if they go to Confession and confess the sin everything will feel better. Sure, it does for the first few hours or maybe even the whole day. But then something else comes up, and it makes you crazy.

The other stuff you posted was great, though!!

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1325592833' post='2362164']
This causes scrupulous people problems. More likely then not what they are agonizing over is not a mortal sin and sometimes not a sin at all, but they think that if they go to Confession and confess the sin everything will feel better. Sure, it does for the first few hours or maybe even the whole day. But then something else comes up, and it makes you crazy.

The other stuff you posted was great, though!!
[/quote]

I had a long journey through scruples and I had the same problem. After Confession I felt better...........for a while and then it all descended again. Spiritual direction is what is needed and even this can bring problems in that one can start to doubt one's director understands. Rather it is oneself who is not grasping what one's director is saying most often. But at least a spiritual director can identify cause of the scruples and discovering that will indicate response in that it may be the underlying cause that needs to be addressed with the help of a spiritual director and perhaps even therapy if one's director should advise. Pray daily for relief because it is a cruel condition to find oneself in - and try to rest assured that The Lord has permitted the trial no matter its cause and that He would never abandon anyone. This too can be plagued by doubts and one needs to invest in what Faith tells us rather than what one is feeling. Faith tells us that The Lord abandons no one even the so called worst in our midst and is Forever Faithful in Love, Care and Concern, Mercy - in His Grace to both sanctify and also to face the problems of life and overcome.
Go regularly to Confession insofar as one's confessor may advise and it is probably important with scruples that one does have a regular confessor who is aware of the problem and also a spiritual director. Be guided by the advice of both and rather than any other source at all. It might be helpful to write down for both the points one wants to address. I was plagued by a blank memory the moment I knelt down in Confession or faced my director and a sort of panic set in which made things worse.
Ask your confessor about Holy Communion and whether one should receive or not without going to Confession. The conscience of a person suffering scruples is highly sensitive to moral wrong, in fact morbidly over sensitive - doubtful one can commit a mortal sin in such a state, but not impossible and be guided by your confessor. Be guided by him and take up his advice.

I hope in some of the articles on the Spiritual Direction Website you will find some support and assurances. The essence of scruples in most cases to my mind is a leaning too much, an over leaning, on feelings. Very often a journey with scruples will detach one from what one feels as the primary inner spiritual focus. We emote 24hours every single day and our feelings can come and go, wax and wane from polarity to polarity and at times quite rapidly. I call my feelings "windmills" - they shift in the slightest breeze. Holding to what Faith tells us (theology of Faith/Church Teaching) in our will is a constant (unless of course God draws one into a more severe purgation and a clinging to God because He is God).

Edited January 4, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

This landed in my email inbox today from American Catholic org "Minute Meditations" (free subscription for Minute Meditation email daily)and I thought it explains well what I mean by "holding to what Faith tells us (theology of Faith/Church Teaching) in our will is a constant" :
[quote]
[color=black][font=Trebuchet MS][size=5][b]In Faith[/b][/size][/font][/color]

[color=black][font=Trebuchet MS][size=4][color=black][font=Trebuchet MS][size=4]We have the gift of faith, the supernatural ability to believe what God has revealed, to trust him for everything, and to expect him to intervene in our lives.[/size][/font][/color][/size][/font][/color]

— from [i][color=#b84d53]Living the Sacraments [/color][/i]
[color=#b84d53][/quote][/color]

Edited January 4, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Thanks so much. I really appreciate all this and it helps.

[BarbTherese]

[indent=1] ...........[/indent]

[InPersonaChriste]

I struggle with this as well. But I implore you to pray to the Blessed Mother, for Scrupulosity is also a form of pride as it was once explained to me.

Who better to assist in vanquishing pride?

[dominicansoul]

scrupulosity is a condition, but struggling with it is a cross

[Maximilianus]

It's also a form of spiritual warfare, or at least I believe so. The devil uses ones over sensitivity to his advantage, to separate you from God. Realizing this helps me handle my scruples. It helps me realize that it's the dark side influencing my tendency to make "mountains out of mole hills" or see sins where there aren't any. Deo gratias that he gave us a Church, and Saints and all kinds of ways to deal with such battles.

Edited January 4, 2012 by Maximilianus

[MarysLittleFlower]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1325558826' post='2362072']
Hi everybody. I am not sure if this is the kind of material to be posted in this section of the phorum, but I am not sure where else to post it.
I have a question about scrupulosity. I have struggled with this for quite a long time now, on and off, but more on. Is this more of an OCD-type psychological condition plaguing a well-formed conscience or can this be a cross? Or maybe both? I understand that this can be the devil trying to keep one away from the Eucharist, but I also know that is can be a psychological condition, either way, could it be treated as a cross to bear. I find that it plagues me on and off, some days I am fine, and some days I am agonizing because of it.

Pax Christe,
FCC
[/quote]

I have scrupulosity. I empathize with you and yes it can be tough to go through this. I've suffered with it a lot. It can also deprive a person of the Sacraments which is a huge danger, if this ever happens to you, please don't try to deal with it on your own but talk to a good priest. I tried dealing with it on my own and this did not work at all.. spiritual direction helps.

The way it was explained to me - I don't know honestly if there's anything psychological like OCD.. but - it's not a well formed conscience. Your conscience is either well formed, scrupulous, or too lax. Scrupulous is when you feel everything's a sin, or you feel things are sinful when they're not, - it takes many forms. It can have spiritual reasons too like pride or distrust in God's mercy, but I guess it depends on the person, I honestly don't know about anyone else. I don't even understand about myself yet. But what you do, is you let your confessor be your conscience for you. Ask a good orthodox priest to be your SD or confessor. If he says something is not a mortal sin, or not a sin at all, - then trust him. Don't rely on your judgement.. don't focus on your feelings.. focus outward, do your duties, pray, etc, don't be too introspective,that just increases it. When you pray, focus on loving God in your will, loving Him much, but regardless of what you feel. Don't constantly think "did I do this? Did I TRULY consent to this? was this a sin? etc". Just ask your confessor for advice, and something else to keep in mind - mortal sin is when you CHOOSE something. My priest said, it's like signing a cheque for a million dollars. You KNOW you're doing it. It's not accidental.. neither is it a temptation. It's when the person chooses the temptation over God. Sometimes people with scrupulosity are also plagued by intrusive thoughts which just increases everything, and that's one of the times it's great to remember this rule.

Hope this helps you but scrupulosity is something where you need a spiritual director/confessor, don't deal with it on your own and there are Saints who had scruples! yes it can be a cross. Maybe it's different for each person. God can make something good come out of any trial, including this... for example, He can help you learn obedience, greater humility, and more trust in Him Sometimes there's so much inner turmoil that it's hard to obey what the confessor is telling you, he tells you it's not a sin and you keep feeling like it is, - that's an opportunity to practice obedience.

God bless

Edited January 8, 2012 by MarysLittleFlower

[MarysLittleFlower]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1325638237' post='2362535']
I had a long journey through scruples and I had the same problem. After Confession I felt better...........for a while and then it all descended again.

Spiritual direction is what is needed and even this can bring problems in that one can start to doubt one's director understands.[/quote]

I can definitely relate to both points. I trusted my SD understands me, accepted what he said, and when it came to actually following it.. all that I was feeling overwhelmed me, and I found it very hard, cause I couldn't let go of my feelings. Then there's the temptation to think, "my SD doesn't understand my particular case" or something similar. I guess it's an opportunity to just keep mortifying your will and attachment to feelings...

[quote]Rather it is oneself who is not grasping what one's director is saying most often. But at least a spiritual director can identify cause of the scruples and discovering that will indicate response in that it may be the underlying cause that needs to be addressed with the help of a spiritual director and perhaps even therapy if one's director should advise. Pray daily for relief because it is a cruel condition to find oneself in - and try to rest assured that The Lord has permitted the trial no matter its cause and that He would never abandon anyone.[/quote]

This is so encouraging - that God allows everything for our good.

[quote]This too can be plagued by doubts and one needs to invest in what Faith tells us rather than what one is feeling. Faith tells us that The Lord abandons no one even the so called worst in our midst and is Forever Faithful in Love, Care and Concern, Mercy - in His Grace to both sanctify and also to face the problems of life and overcome.[/quote]

One of the things that is very hard is detaching faith from feelings. Sometimes people feel they did something unforgiveable and begin losing faith in God's mercy, and there's the temptation to despair. Since they do want to be with God, it causes much suffering. It's only a blind faith in God's mercy that sustains a person then. I worried several times about the "unforgiveable sin". Reading books and Scripture passages about God's mercy can be very helpful, because it's something objective, something outside of yourself that you can hold on to.

[quote]Go regularly to Confession insofar as one's confessor may advise and it is probably important with scruples that one does have a regular confessor who is aware of the problem and also a spiritual director. Be guided by the advice of both and rather than any other source at all. It might be helpful to write down for both the points one wants to address. I was plagued by a blank memory the moment I knelt down in Confession or faced my director and a sort of panic set in which made things worse.
Ask your confessor about Holy Communion and whether one should receive or not without going to Confession. The conscience of a person suffering scruples is highly sensitive to moral wrong, in fact morbidly over sensitive - doubtful one can commit a mortal sin in such a state, but not impossible and be guided by your confessor. Be guided by him and take up his advice.

I hope in some of the articles on the Spiritual Direction Website you will find some support and assurances. The essence of scruples in most cases to my mind is a leaning too much, an over leaning, on feelings. Very often a journey with scruples will detach one from what one feels as the primary inner spiritual focus. We emote 24hours every single day and our feelings can come and go, wax and wane from polarity to polarity and at times quite rapidly. I call my feelings "windmills" - they shift in the slightest breeze. Holding to what Faith tells us (theology of Faith/Church Teaching) in our will is a constant (unless of course God draws one into a more severe purgation and a clinging to God because He is God).
[/quote]

I like the "windmills" idea.. very true for me too I would agree that scrupulosity is over reliance on feelings. Seems there can be different ways to learn detachment from feelings... overcoming scrupulosity is one, but there's also going through spiritual dryness, dark night of the senses, trials, or demonic attacks or temptations to various doubts.

[quote name='InPersonaChriste' timestamp='1325665048' post='2362698']
I struggle with this as well. But I implore you to pray to the Blessed Mother, for Scrupulosity is also a form of pride as it was once explained to me.

Who better to assist in vanquishing pride?
[/quote]

I agree with you and this same point was explained to me too

[quote name='Maximilianus' timestamp='1325699290' post='2362829']
It's also a form of spiritual warfare, or at least I believe so. The devil uses ones over sensitivity to his advantage, to separate you from God. Realizing this helps me handle my scruples. It helps me realize that it's the dark side influencing my tendency to make "mountains out of mole hills" or see sins where there aren't any. Deo gratias that he gave us a Church, and Saints and all kinds of ways to deal with such battles.
[/quote]

I read this too, that - scrupulous people generally don't *want* to sin. When people do want this, their conscience becomes permissive of everything. For the scrupulous person, ithey need to find a well formed conscience eventually.

Edited January 8, 2012 by MarysLittleFlower

[BarbTherese]

[quote][u]Quotin[/u]g[u] FutureCarmeliteClaire[/u]: One of the things that is very hard is detaching faith from feelings. Sometimes people feel they did something unforgiveable and begin losing faith in God's mercy, and there's the temptation to despair. Since they do want to be with God, it causes much suffering. It's only a blind faith in God's mercy that sustains a person then.[/quote]

I was reading somewhere and I think it very true that when our feelings are causing only suffering, we learn painfully to detach from them and invest in what Faith and our theology tells us. But because once our feelings gave us nothing but joy, peace and consolation, intitially this investment in what Faith and our theology tells us is very dry and anything but consoling - it is much effort and labour including to strive to rise above negative feelings and invest in Faith. I went through a rather long passage (in which I probably wrote my best poetry I think) where I could almost see with clarity God's Loving Mercy embracing all without exemption, but never me. But Faith told me that our God and Lord is one of Love and of Mercy and on all without exemption, that I am included in that "without exemption" and that is what I invested in "Lord, I believe. Help Thou my unbelief". I blindly believed in His Love and Mercy though I could feel nothing of it - in fact quite the opposite. Somehow as time went on, I began to feel Peace and Joy in what Faith and our theology tells us and as a very rich consolation and absolute trust and confidence in His Love and Mercy. I found my focus was not so much on myself and striving to bring my selfhood 'into line' as trust and confidence in The Lord and His Love, His Grace. It is interesting that what we focus on, we give power to. More time passes and what Faith tells me and our theology is the guiding light of my life, where once it was whatever I felt - and this needing "to feel" dragged me all over the place. To great heights and right down into the depths. I used to call myself "God's yo yo".
Nowadays, my feelings may blow here and then there and they can be much consolation or a dreadful cross - Faith in the will is a constant and much consolation while it still may take much effort for what I believe to transcend what I am feeling. This may not only be in my relationship with The Lord, but usually moreso in my relationships with others. As an example, I may get hurt by another somehow - and I am angry and striving to forgive takes much effort. But the consolation is, despite all the effort, that Faith tells me that sincerely desiring and trying to forgive is forgiveness, which is rarely an event but probably more often a journey undertaken. Nowadays, with forgiveness as an example, I dont expect my selfhood to forgive in an instant but a great blessing indeed if it happens. Rather I am an imperfect being. Nowadays I accept myself as the fallen creature I am and undertake the journey of forgiving. This very undertaking is the work of Grace. Most of the time, somewhere in that journey I have completely forgotten the 'offence' and hence forgiven and completely surprising to me.
I think that feelings are important in that they tell me some quite valid things about myself, but they do not dictate the whole of me. And Faith, Hope and Love are superior to feelings- and they reside in the will. It is not how I am feeling that is most important, it is how I am acting in my thoughts, words and deeds and this is the life of virtue and the heart and soul of spirituality.

All the above applies to scruples to my mind. When I am scrupulous, I am focusing on and asking of myself to be 'perfect' (my personal concept of 'perfect' that is which is ever unrealistically distant) and imagining every little thing is some kind of sin. My entire focus is on me. I have not yet accepted myself as the imperfect creature that I am (reality of things) prone to failure and shifted my focus to Our Lord of Love and of Mercy in heartfelt praise and thanksgiving.

Edited January 9, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[MarysLittleFlower]

Your post really made me think BarbaraTherese, thank you it seems faith in the will is to overcome feelings of despair, doubting God's mercy, etc, rather than focusing on the feelings and trying to just change them.

Focusing outside of ourselves and on God and neighbour is a great idea. I also read a quote by St Padre Pio, I think... he said that humility is to recognize our abjection, but to love it, that is the greatest humility. So we don't only recognize that basically we are nothing before God, and place ourselves humbly before Him in prayer, but we also love this because He receives the glory and not ourselves, and because then we need His Mercy. This interior disposition of seeing that we [i]need[/i] His Mercy and rejoicing in that (that God is our Saviour and also that we need His grace for salvation), not caring that this makes us very little - is perhaps what the Saints had, and it reminds me of what St Therese said. The proud person would feel uneasy with recognizing that they're sinful, the humble person would weep that they offend God and repent, but would be glad to be so in need before Him, not self sufficient - that only He can save them, and not themselves. They want all the glory to be His. I think it makes sense that trust in God's Mercy is related to humility, thus scrupulosity has something of pride in it.

Edited January 10, 2012 by MarysLittleFlower

[BarbTherese]

Humility is related to Truth - it sees something of the truth of things. Something darkly of the Glory of God and something of the nature of self and one's common human nature. It is not "seen" in that literal meaning I dont think, rather darkly apprehended, sensed. To know without knowing. It is the nature of the fallen, to fall. Hence no surprise when one does fail and fall - rather virtue is the surprise and all Glory to God and His Grace gifted to one so lowly. It is not self that can ever bridge that gap/abyss between God and self, it is solely and only The Love and Mercy of God for His creation. It is in the Love and Mercy OF God that one finds who one truly is I think. Jesus has told us that even a good and just person will fall seventy times seven in a DAY, and seventy times seven is the number of infinity. He also tells us to be perfect as our Heavenly Father is Perfect. The apostles questioned Him on this or a related matter asking "Then who can be saved ('perfect')?" Jesus replies, "What is IMPOSSIBLE to man is possible to God". It is in recognizing myself clearly as a faulted and failing creature (who falls an infinite number of times in a day even if I cannot see it) that I find my rightful or 'perfect' place as a "fallen creature who is Loved Mercifully by God and whom God perfects Himself as Gift of His Love and Mercy". I think too that once I find my rightful place in the scheme of things as a fallen creature Loved by Our Merciful God, I am more compassionate, understanding and empathic, caring, with my neighbour in their faults and failings. I too am a sinner. I more all embracingly and unhesitently "love others as I have loved you" and also "love others as you love yourself".

Finding myself as a fallen and faulted creature whom God Mercifully Loves to distraction, so much He sent His Son who died for us, it is rather insulting to that amesome Love not to love myself and as I am and to embrace my misery. It is to embrace myself as a creation Loved by God and in Mercy, Compassion and Understanding. I may not be able to feel this which would be a great gift, but I can believe it and it is probably in the believing that the foundation is set for the gift. But not necessarily since God can do all things and in an instant.

Scruples can be caused or augmented by not grasping the theology of venial and mortal sin and trusting in it. In which should I trust, in what should I invest primarily? In what my poor feelings are telling me or what The Church in Her theology and Jesus in The Gospel is telling me? One is to invest in self, the other is to invest in Church Teaching and The Gospel of The Lord, in our Faith. Nonethless, scruples is a cruel suffering and it is easier to write 'where things are going wrong [i]possibly'[/i] than to effect a change. It is a journey and not at all easy. Our feelings are not the whole of us, but they are an important part of us and tell us in part who we are. Very often our feelings are beyond our volitional control in that they can be an unchosen [i]reaction[/i] to a circumstance or situation. Our feelings are amoral, it is what we do with our feelings that introduces morality, and right and wrong. Our feelings can be very powerful and passionate and not at all easy to overcome and to allow reason and the will to rule. It is a journey and one with the gift of fortitude (strength of soul or spirit) that may not end until death and perhaps for the most of us. For the most of us and certainly for myself it is a journey of striving, success (Grace) or failing, picking oneself up (this Grace is always present)and going on. With scruples, I am stuck somewhere or other. Edited January 11, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

A problem with scruples too can be that one can only commit sin per se with some degree of deliberateness. I cannot commit sin per se totally indeliberately or some degree of knowing that whatever is morally wrong and consenting. And very often with scruples I 'see' only WHAT happened and not the why of it all - and when you think about it if we fall in any 24 hour span an infinite number of times, then there is endless for the scrupulous person to agonize over.
The only ONLY thing that can separate us from God and His Love and Mercy is by our own free choice and decision to do so:

Mortal Sin has to be [u][b]at the one and the same time[/b][/u]:[list=1]
[*]Grave matter
[*]Full knowledge that it is indeed grave matter
[*]Full consent to commit that grave matter, to do so, and knowing I have totally rejected God
[/list]
If any of the above are not present, there is no mortal sin. The Church in the Catholic Catechism clarifies for us on the matter of "full knowledge" and "full consent"
[quote]
[u]Catholic Catechism[/u]:
[b]1862[/b] One commits [color=#ff0000][i]venial sin[/i][/color] when, in a less serious matter, he does not observe the standard prescribed by the moral law, [b]or when he disobeys the moral law in a grave matter, but without full knowledge or without complete consent[/b].

The Church clarifies for us the matter of "complete consent"

[b]1859[/b] [color=#ff0000]Mortal sin[/color] requires [i]full knowledge[/i] and [i]complete consent[/i]. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God's law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a[b] personal choice[/b]. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart[sup][size=2]133[/size][/sup] do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin.
[b]1860[/b] [i]Unintentional ignorance[/i] can diminish or even remove the imputability of a grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are written in the conscience of every man. [b]The promptings of feelings and passions can also diminish the voluntary and free character of the offense, as can external pressures or pathological disorders[/b]. Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice of evil, is the gravest. [/quote]

As seen in the above, mortal sin and separation from God and His Mercy has to be a very free and personal choice to do just that. Venial sin is forgiven in very many ways, with sorrow for sin - any and all sin (a humble disposition), and including by going to Holy Communion. The Love and Mercy of God is only lost because one has clearly chosen to reject His Love and Mercy by freely and consciously committing grave matter.

Edited January 11, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='MarysLittleFlower' timestamp='1326002925' post='2364881']
I have scrupulosity. I empathize with you and yes it can be tough to go through this. I've suffered with it a lot. It can also deprive a person of the Sacraments which is a huge danger, if this ever happens to you, please don't try to deal with it on your own but talk to a good priest. I tried dealing with it on my own and this did not work at all.. spiritual direction helps.

The way it was explained to me - I don't know honestly if there's anything psychological like OCD.. but - it's not a well formed conscience. Your conscience is either well formed, scrupulous, or too lax. Scrupulous is when you feel everything's a sin, or you feel things are sinful when they're not, - it takes many forms. It can have spiritual reasons too like pride or distrust in God's mercy, but I guess it depends on the person, I honestly don't know about anyone else. I don't even understand about myself yet. But what you do, is you let your confessor be your conscience for you. Ask a good orthodox priest to be your SD or confessor. If he says something is not a mortal sin, or not a sin at all, - then trust him. Don't rely on your judgement.. don't focus on your feelings.. focus outward, do your duties, pray, etc, don't be too introspective,that just increases it. When you pray, focus on loving God in your will, loving Him much, but regardless of what you feel. Don't constantly think "did I do this? Did I TRULY consent to this? was this a sin? etc". Just ask your confessor for advice, and something else to keep in mind - mortal sin is when you CHOOSE something. My priest said, it's like signing a cheque for a million dollars. You KNOW you're doing it. It's not accidental.. neither is it a temptation. It's when the person chooses the temptation over God. Sometimes people with scrupulosity are also plagued by intrusive thoughts which just increases everything, and that's one of the times it's great to remember this rule.

Hope this helps you but scrupulosity is something where you need a spiritual director/confessor, don't deal with it on your own and there are Saints who had scruples! yes it can be a cross. Maybe it's different for each person. God can make something good come out of any trial, including this... for example, He can help you learn obedience, greater humility, and more trust in Him Sometimes there's so much inner turmoil that it's hard to obey what the confessor is telling you, he tells you it's not a sin and you keep feeling like it is, - that's an opportunity to practice obedience.

God bless
[/quote]

I have talked to a priest about this and it appears to him that I am not trusting God. I am really trying to get better at that.

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1326247311' post='2366642']

Mortal Sin has to be [u][b]at the one and the same time[/b][/u]:[list=1]
[*]Grave matter
[*]Full knowledge that it is indeed grave matter
[*]Full consent to commit that grave matter, to do so, and knowing I have totally rejected God
[/list]
If any of the above are not present, there is no mortal sin. The Church in the Catholic Catechism clarifies for us on the matter of "full knowledge" and "full consent"
[/quote]
I do remind myself of these when I am feeling bad about something, and I look back to what I thought at the time. And #2 pretty much eliminates almost any scrupulous sin because you have no idea if it is grave matter most of the time...

You know, some times it is worse than other times. Like today I was just wondering if I had committed a mortal sin. I examined my conscience, convinced I had done something. And then I started thinking about how I could receive Communion if I had committed something I couldn't remember. I went to Confession a week ago, I couldn't have done something. But I truly believe the devil is trying to keep me from Communion, the Eucharist is my strength. He knows he cant take me down once he removes the Eucharist from the picture. That is really scary for me. He has only succeeded once, and that day when I got a blessing instead of receiving Christ in the Eucharist, I went back to the pew and cried. That was the only time I had not received because of scrupulosity. It was awful.

[BarbTherese]

One of the most encouraging books of the Bible for those suffering or under temptation is the Book of Job. We read in the opening paragraphs that the devil cannot do anything whatsoever unless first it asks permission of God to do so:
[quote]
[url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=20&ch=1&l=6#x"][6][/url] Now on a certain day when [u]the sons of God[/u] came to stand before the Lord, Satan also was present among them. [url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=20&ch=1&l=7#x"][7][/url] And the Lord said to him: Whence comest thou? And he answered and said: I have gone round about the earth, and walked through it. [url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=20&ch=1&l=8#x"][8][/url] And the Lord said to him: Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a simple and upright man, and fearing God, and avoiding evil? [url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=20&ch=1&l=9#x"][9][/url] And Satan answering, said: Doth Job fear God in vain? [url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=20&ch=1&l=10#x"][10][/url] Hast not thou made a fence for him, and his house, and all his substance round about, blessed the works of his hands, and his possession hath increased on the earth?[list]
[*][u]Note in the Douay Rheims translation[/u] :[u]The sons of God[/u]: The angels.-- Ibid. Satan also, etc. This passage represents to us in a figure, accommodated to the ways and understandings of men,
[*]1. The restless endeavours of Satan against the servants of God;
[*]2. That he can do nothing without God's permission;
[*]3. That God doth not permit him to tempt them above their strength: but assists them by his divine grace in such manner, that the vain efforts of the enemy only serve to illustrate their virtue and increase their merit.
[/list]
[11] But stretch forth thy hand a little, and touch all that he hath, and see if he blesseth thee not to thy face. [url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=20&ch=1&l=12#x"][12][/url] Then the Lord said to Satan: Behold, all that he hath is in thy hand: only put not forth thy hand upon his person. And Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord. [/quote]

Try very hard and with prayer to put into practise what your spiritual director advises. Obedience is a powerful virtue.
Put your problem that you feel Satan is trying to keep you from Holy Communion to whoever is advising you and ask how to respond. Were it me, I would simply trust in God's Mercy and go to Holy Communion, providing my spiritual director had not advised me otherwise.If
I felt I might have committed a mortal sin and forgotten it, I would do exactly what you did and either refrain from the Communion Procession or join it for a blessing only. This is no victory at all for Satan - rather it is a victory over Satan. Do you think that The Lord would abandon you to less Grace, His Love and Mercy, because of the confusing state you found yourself in and refrained from Holy Communion. Not at all, NEVER! I would then go to Confession at the first opportunity.
There is nothing at all sinful, rather it is a virtue, to refrain from Holy Communion if I feel I may not be in a position to go to Holy Communion. However, for the person suffering scruples, their course would be to be obedient to their director as the safest and surest response.
Sometimes in Confession or speaking with a priest, he may give us a response such as "Trust God more" and we cannot trust God enough; however, if I am having problems putting my trust in God, then spiritual direction is probably needed. which would tackle a problem more intimately and over a longer period - both advising and giving support.
Prayer for relief, and daily, is very important, paramount, for the person suffering scruples - second and very important too, very important, is seek spiritual direction. You may find you only get more confused through a Catholic Discussion site. We are not spiritual directors (well I''m not anyway) which is a very unique personal relationship between the director and directee - and very often on these sites we are drawing on our own experiences which are not necessarily applicable to every person.
I only wish I could be more helpful, but it seems to me that you really do need a spiritual director and this means regular meetings with him or her over a period of time. Rest assured that we are all tempted by Satan, if not here, then somewhere or other there. But God's Grace and His Love and Mercy is more than sufficient to set the beast running. We need to invest in that.

Edited January 11, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

It may be that the person suffering scruples (or even a person not suffering same) refrains from Holy Communion - and then on returning to their seat after the blessing suddenly realize that they could have gone to Holy Communion after all and burst out crying. Or the sheer stress of joining the Communion Procession only for the blessing releases emotion with tears on getting back to one's seat. We can tell ourselves all sorts of reasons for our tears and we may be right, or we may be wrong. The tears are not the issue and could have numerous reasons, it is the refraining from Holy Communion and the why of it that needs to be addressed.

[quote] I do remind myself of these when I am feeling bad about something, and I look back to what I thought at the time. And #2 pretty much eliminates almost any scrupulous sin because you have no idea if it is grave matter most of the time... [/quote]

The Catholic Catechism would pinpoint what is and what is not grave matter. I sincerely doubt (although not impossible!) that the scrupulous person can commit a mortal sin. They are too confused in their reasoning and often too emotional to have full consent - they are too stressed out and most all the time probably.

Edited January 11, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

[quote]
[b]1858[/b] [i]Grave matter[/i] is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: "Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and your mother."[sup][size=2]132[/size][/sup] The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger. [/quote]

Also there are the Precepts or Commandments of The Church:

[font=Arial][b][size=3]1. To assist at Mass on all Sundays and [url="http://www.the-latinmass.com/id92.html"][color=#000000]Holy days of Obligation[/color][/url].[/size][/b][/font]
[font=Arial][b][size=3]2. To [url="http://www.the-latinmass.com/id29.html"][color=#000000]fast and to abstain [/color][/url]on the days appointed.[/size][/b][/font]
[font=Arial][b][size=3]3. To [url="http://www.the-latinmass.com/id87.html"][color=#000000]confess sins[/color][/url] at least once a year.[/size][/b][/font]
[font=Arial][b][size=3]4. To receive Holy Communion during the Easter time.[/size][/b][/font]
[font=Arial][b][size=3]5. To contribute to the support of the Church.[/size][/b][/font]
[font=Arial][size=3][b]6. To observe the laws of the Church concerning marriage.[/b][/size][/font]

Edited January 11, 2012 by BarbaraTherese