Being Open To God Isn't The Same Thing As Keeping Your Options Ope

[Lisa]

I wanted to know your thoughts on this.

Theory: Being open to God isn't the same things as keeping your options open.

Thoughts: We have this tendency to gravitate towards safety, especially in this culture that recognizes success by things like material comfort, a lucrative job, stability. Prudence is a virtue, but sometimes in my own discernment, I've leaned more towards safety and comfort than trust.

What if they don't accept me? Should I be looking at the job market, even though I feel called to enter? What if I meet the right guy while I'm discerning religious life- will he not be there afterwards?

Conclusions: When we are open to God, we should completely abandon ourselves to His will. There is no back-up plan; it's letting Him lead us. We can be passionate in our search to do His will, but we should never let our search overwhelm the end goal... loving Him in eternity! But sometimes, we go the opposite direction, and say "I'm open to His will" but hold back... it becomes "keeping our options open," like our vocation is something equivalent to choosing between colleges or job offers. We don't need a back-up plan for His will. Honestly, in my journey of growing to love Him more, I've realized it's not safe, it's not easy, it's not comfortable. I can't keep my options open when He's asking me for so much more- to be open to Him!


**Ok, I will go back and read this later. I'm not sure it's coherent.

[TheresaThoma]

I get what you are trying to say. When you try to keep all your options open you can easily miss an opportunity because you didn't want to take the risk. At the Cannoization of St Teresa Benedicta, he said [font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif]"[i]“Your life is not an endless series of open doors! [/i][/font][i]Listen to your heart! [/i][i]Do not stay on the surface but go to the heart of things! [/i][i]And when the time is right, have the courage to decide! [/i][i]The Lord is waiting for you to put your freedom in his good hands.”[/i]

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1325690356' post='2362757']
When we are open to God, we should completely abandon ourselves to His will. There is no back-up plan; it's letting Him lead us.
[/quote]

I just have to say, I love this phrase. Wow.

[marigold]

It is coherent, at least it makes sense to me because I have similar trains of thought all the time. Sometimes I wonder if there's a better monastery and/or monastery I'm 'supposed to go to', and I've somehow missed it. Or I hear about how people struggle and search for the place where they belong, for years or even decades, and go through all sorts of heartbreak in the meantime, and I wonder whether I've done something wrong in deciding to enter the first monastery I contacted (about vocation), where I get on with every Mother & Sister really well, and have been given an obedience I adore. Am I choosing it because it's [i]my [/i]will to go there? (As you put it, gravitating towards safety.)

As for meeting someone while discerning - a TON of guys have turned up at the parish in the past two years. When I first cautiously started investigating monastic life, there wasn't really anyone my age or eligible. I wasn't certain whether I wanted to marry or be a nun, but I figured since there wasn't a particular person I was interested in, I'd start writing to monasteries and see where that took me. It all went very well and when I came back from my month-long stay, suddenly all these great young men started showing up, men who are good friends and possibly even marriage material. Now there were particular people to be interested in! I don't think it was a serious 'temptation' as such... by that point I was already relatively certain about myself and didn't feel like I was being 'thrown off track', but definitely I was being given the option (or a get-out clause!). I won't lie, I considered what it might be like to throw in the towel on the monastery and go for marriage instead. "Could I give this up and not regret it?" (I did this both ways round.) I realised that I love men, 1-on-1 close companionship, and physical intimacy BUT, what I thought I wanted to get up and do [i]every day[/i] for the rest of my natural life was work on a farm and go to church seven times a day in a little hilltop chapel.

So yes, I don't think there's anything wrong with having your options open, options are good, but at some point you have to choose one which you think you might regret if you don't at least try. (And in some ways monastic/religious life is better for 'at least a try' because you have stages before it's final.)

A nice thing happened recently when I met up for drinks with an ex-boyfriend over Christmas. There was that thing in the air of both of you remembering everything you did together, but despite both of us knowing that we could try again if we wanted, I didn't feel any real desire to change my plans at this point. So maybe I will end up a nun after all

Well there ya go, rambling on about myself again.

[Guest hermanita]

When I accepted my late husband's marriage proposal, it was because after a great deal of prayer and discernment, I realized that I couldn't imagine my future without him. And it was a good decision; even though for us "until death do us part" came sooner rather than later. Now as I discern religious life it is much the same; the Lord has brought me to a place where I cannot imagine any other future than one of life consecrated totally to His service in community... And if He surprises me again..so be it.

[marigold]

Well said.

Maybe the scary thing, scarier than saying no to a particular way of life (or 'vocation'), is putting all your eggs in one basket. 'No back-up plan', as you said Lisa. Come to think of it, nearly everybody who has objections has put forward some version of, 'And what will you do if it doesn't work out?' And I don't really have an answer for that.

[FutureSister2009]

This is something I needed to hear based on where I am right now in my discernment

[i<3franciscans]

It made sense to me Lisa and it was beautifully put too! Honestly what you said is something that I learned this summer. I was taking life way too seriously and had to slow down and give God full control again. Needless to say this year is turning out much better than the last.

[Strictlyinkblot]

I agree. You can have options, its whether you cling to them or not. They're not supposed to be a safety blanket, we're preparing to give everything to God.

[InPersonaChriste]

I almost cant help making backup plans.. its like breathing, as soon as I think of a plan i already have 4 backup plans to support it....

Like when I thought I would take my brothers out for a walk I had already thought of 6 different places we could go if the weather proved to be strange, or if the boys couldn't walk that far. So I have personally struggled about not making back up plans because I can get a little crazy (intricate, Sherlocky..) when I think.. (seriously.. you dont want to spend time in my brain..)

I know that making back-up plans for vocations is sort of.... well unhealthy. Because then you aren't abandoning yourself completely to whatever God is trying to bring you to.

[Sarah147]

I will always have this nagging if I don't finish discernment with the two orders I'm looking into. So, even though I really find marriage attractive, I will have to wait until I know more.

[Nunsense]

This is an interesting question. when in doubt, I try to use common sense. The Rule of St Albert says...

[i]See that the bounds of [b][color="#000000"]common sense[/color][/b] are not exceeded, however, for [b][color="#000000"]common sense[/color][/b] is the guide of the virtues[/i].


If it's good enough for religious, it's good enough for me

[Sarah147]

I've written to the two orders to keep communication and discernment open. It was killing me all the silence this past month, and I sure have gotten carried away with marriage when I don't even know if it's my calling. I'm soo human.

[bmb144]

I think prudence is also something that must come into everything. I am speaking though as a middle 30's woman and knowing that I won't have family or friend support on the outside, when and if I enter, I want to be very sure its God's will and choice because starting again if I have to leave will be very difficult due to not having support. So for now, I care for mum, I continue to study so I am work ready and let God work out his will for my life. I think there has to be balance and I also think that it does depend on a persons situation.

A person with a supportive family they can go home to verses someone who has to sell up and place money into a trust so there is something there, "just in case" is two different situations.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1325722465' post='2363013']
I've written to the two orders to keep communication and discernment open. It was killing me all the silence this past month, and I sure have gotten carried away with marriage when I don't even know if it's my calling. I'm soo human.
[/quote]

You just have to remember that feelings are linked to emotions. One thing that gets most people is impatience. I know because I am a victim to it. We live in an age where we expect instant gratification. When it doesn't happen -- whether with discernment, career, etc. -- we want to move onto the next thing. The most important thing is the peace you feel when you make the decision. Is it a deep peace that lasts? Or is it fleeting? With my change in discernment recently, I've realized that God was molding me into His servant for the here-and-now. I will be more experienced when it comes to any future children discerning if I get married or if a friend needs help. I know, without a doubt in my mind, that this is the sure path for me. Now, I cannot say that I will never discern religious life again because I don't know what the future holds. No one does except God. But I do know that where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be.

Edited January 5, 2012 by MaterMisericordiae

[AnneLine]

This is a really interesting topic. I like what you all have said on it.

To me, I always find it helpful to remember that every time I take a step in discernment, I only get closer to Him, provided I am trying to find out what God wants and make the best choices I can to serve Him better. And he is constantly offering me new ways of finding Him and His will for me.

The best image I can come up with for this was given to me in prayer during a trip I made through the California Napa Valley. (That is the area of California where some of the best wine grapes in the world are grown). The Discalced Carmelite Fathers have a House of Prayer right in the middle of the Napa Valley vineyards in Oakville. Getting there requires traveling long time along a highway through the vineyards; as I was on a bus, I had a lot of time to look at the vineyards and pray as I rode.

If any of you have ever driven near vineyards (or even near many other things growing in rows in fields), it looks like there are hundreds of potential paths through the vineyard!

If you look straight at the rows of grapes, it looks like there is one road straight ahead of you (12 o'clock) but there also look like there are two OTHER options at '10 o'clock' and '2 o'clock'. One would be hard pressed to say which was the 'right' path!!!

I had been pondering my vocational options, and it seemed to me that the '12 o'clock' road was the call to religious life, but that the other two 'roads' also beckoned to me… and I wasn't sure what God was saying. (I had recently learned that I would be unable to follow the vocational path I had planned to take, and now I was afraid that I would make the wrong choice, that I had 'lost' my vocation.) But as the miles went passed, it dawned on me that no matter how far we travelled, the image stayed the same -- three paths -- new choices…. every moment of every mile of the way.

I realized that what God was saying to me was that God just wanted me to make the best choices I could when they were presented to me…. to pray for light and use all the resources I could to make a good choice, but not to be afraid to forward with my hand in God's. All God wanted was my willingness to follow where He would lead me. He would guide me to make the right choices.

When I got to the House of Prayer, I asked Father about the image, and he said believed it was a very beautiful and accurate insight into vocational discernment.

Later I would realize that what I had stumbled onto was what St. Ignatius called [i]'lo mejor' [/i]- the concept of choosing the BETTER of two choices. St. Ignatius says in the Spiritual Exercises that we exhaust ourselves and allow the devil to influence us if we get overly concerned with making the 'right' choice or the 'best' choice.... and that satan can get in at those moments to discourage us. Ignatius felt it was enough to try to choose the best option each step of the way... and if we find we have made a mistake, we need to be humble, go back, and try again. With God's help we will make a better discernment the next time.

'Way will open' is a Quaker expression that sums this up nicely!

This image has really helped me - hope it may be helpful to some of you!

Found a couple of photos that make this clearer… who can't use a picture of going into a vineyard when praying about being called to serve the Lord? I hope some of you will find them a good starting point for prayer! I also found a video if anyone wants me to post that.



This one is a pretty good example of a vineyard ready to harvest....

[url="http://www.escapeartist.co/Buy_A_Vineyard/Wine_Investing_In_Argentina/"][img]http://www.escapeartist.co/Buy_A_Vineyard/vineyard_estates_2.jpg[/img][/url]




And this one really shows the details of the several paths I was talking about (it only has the '12' and '2' options, but you can see what I mean....


[img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-raZn2f--FQ4/TdtEnN0-cSI/AAAAAAAAAIk/pkcFwd6CZ4k/s1600/DSC_0049.JPG[/img]

Edited January 5, 2012 by AnneLine

[TheresaThoma]

Anne,
I really like your descriptions of choosing a path. I often use that image in my prayer when I have to make a decision. I imagine myself in a forest and I'm standing where the path branches out. Each branch of the path represents one option. I imagine myself taking a few steps down each path and I pay attention to my inner feelings (anxiety, peace etc). Sometimes it is very clear that I shouldn't choose one path (I feel stressed and anxious during that part of the meditation.) Many times though I have to revisit the meditation before I have any idea about which choice to make. Often it is just a small nudge that lets me know this is the right way.
Like others have said though I do have to make the choice in the end. At that point I ask God to walk with me and we head off.

[Chapel Rat]

I've come to the conclusion in my own discernment that as long as I'm not slacking in striving to grow in holiness and learning to accept and deal with the crosses I have today. Then, He'll come and get me because the more I grow in my desire for Jesus, He desires for me even more; if he wants me to be His Bride, He desires this more than me.

I've always approached my vocation discernment as if I'm looking for a lost pair of car keys, so I can get on with my life and look towards the future. Now, I'm approaching it as if I've joyfully put on a blindfold and expect to stumble and bump into things on my way, but with a trust that the Blessed Mother has my hand in hers and she's leading me the on the right way.

The fruit has been able to become more sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit. One of my biggest crosses actually feels "lighter," whereas my smaller crosses feel more burdensome, so now I know what decisions I have to make regarding that because I know what needs to be changed and what to accept

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='In His Light' timestamp='1325734080' post='2363111']
I think prudence is also something that must come into everything. I am speaking though as a middle 30's woman and knowing that I won't have family or friend support on the outside, when and if I enter, I want to be very sure its God's will and choice because starting again if I have to leave will be very difficult due to not having support. So for now, I care for mum, I continue to study so I am work ready and let God work out his will for my life. I think there has to be balance and I also think that it does depend on a persons situation.

A person with a supportive family they can go home to verses someone who has to sell up and place money into a trust so there is something there, "just in case" is two different situations.
[/quote]

InHisLight is right. It is different when you are young and have a family to fall back on, vs. when you don't. Both of my parents have already passed, and before I left for my last experience in religious life I made sure to have some savings and my credit lines in order, so that if I needed to leave I would have a way to do so.

It was very important -- because otherwise I would have had to come up with the way to fund a cross-continent trip. Current flights from Argentina range from $900-$1500.

I laugh looking back ... because the amount of money I had left was precisely enough for me to sign a new apartment lease and for a downpayment/minimum needed for a car. I signed the lease and the loan a day after I started working again ... and I had about $200 left in the bank account. Talk about clearing out an account quickly. But I see God's hand in it -- it was sufficient.

[AnneLine]

I really like what Chapel Rat and CMariaDiaz have said - and it matches my own discernment into and out of religious life and through various options as a secular, too...... God really does and will lead us and give us the tools we need (spiritual, temporal, monetary, relationships, etc.) if we ask for them God is our loving Father and will of course give us what we need - but we need to be humble enough to ask and to use what we have before ask for anythnig more!

Using finances and 'goods of this world' in an appropriate way is vital for a lay person and for an older person discerning... and for young ones, too! It is a good traiing for learning to live in poverty - whether as a religious or with the financial issues ALL people have to live with. Creatively using God's giftss well is a learned skill!!!

I like to think Phatmass and the relationships we are fostering here are part of God's providence to discerners, too....

It would have been a wonderful help to have this resource when I was looking at going in... and when I was coming out. I found the right people, but this group would have been a gift!

Discernment isn't easy, and community helps HUGELY!!!! Glad to be here and with you on your journeys!

Edited January 10, 2012 by AnneLine