Being Open To God Isn't The Same Thing As Keeping Your Options Ope

[Lisa]

I wanted to know your thoughts on this.

Theory: Being open to God isn't the same things as keeping your options open.

Thoughts: We have this tendency to gravitate towards safety, especially in this culture that recognizes success by things like material comfort, a lucrative job, stability. Prudence is a virtue, but sometimes in my own discernment, I've leaned more towards safety and comfort than trust.

What if they don't accept me? Should I be looking at the job market, even though I feel called to enter? What if I meet the right guy while I'm discerning religious life- will he not be there afterwards?

Conclusions: When we are open to God, we should completely abandon ourselves to His will. There is no back-up plan; it's letting Him lead us. We can be passionate in our search to do His will, but we should never let our search overwhelm the end goal... loving Him in eternity! But sometimes, we go the opposite direction, and say "I'm open to His will" but hold back... it becomes "keeping our options open," like our vocation is something equivalent to choosing between colleges or job offers. We don't need a back-up plan for His will. Honestly, in my journey of growing to love Him more, I've realized it's not safe, it's not easy, it's not comfortable. I can't keep my options open when He's asking me for so much more- to be open to Him!


**Ok, I will go back and read this later. I'm not sure it's coherent.

[TheresaThoma]

I get what you are trying to say. When you try to keep all your options open you can easily miss an opportunity because you didn't want to take the risk. At the Cannoization of St Teresa Benedicta, he said [font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif]"[i]“Your life is not an endless series of open doors! [/i][/font][i]Listen to your heart! [/i][i]Do not stay on the surface but go to the heart of things! [/i][i]And when the time is right, have the courage to decide! [/i][i]The Lord is waiting for you to put your freedom in his good hands.”[/i]

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1325690356' post='2362757']
When we are open to God, we should completely abandon ourselves to His will. There is no back-up plan; it's letting Him lead us.
[/quote]

I just have to say, I love this phrase. Wow.

[marigold]

It is coherent, at least it makes sense to me because I have similar trains of thought all the time. Sometimes I wonder if there's a better monastery and/or monastery I'm 'supposed to go to', and I've somehow missed it. Or I hear about how people struggle and search for the place where they belong, for years or even decades, and go through all sorts of heartbreak in the meantime, and I wonder whether I've done something wrong in deciding to enter the first monastery I contacted (about vocation), where I get on with every Mother & Sister really well, and have been given an obedience I adore. Am I choosing it because it's [i]my [/i]will to go there? (As you put it, gravitating towards safety.)

As for meeting someone while discerning - a TON of guys have turned up at the parish in the past two years. When I first cautiously started investigating monastic life, there wasn't really anyone my age or eligible. I wasn't certain whether I wanted to marry or be a nun, but I figured since there wasn't a particular person I was interested in, I'd start writing to monasteries and see where that took me. It all went very well and when I came back from my month-long stay, suddenly all these great young men started showing up, men who are good friends and possibly even marriage material. Now there were particular people to be interested in! I don't think it was a serious 'temptation' as such... by that point I was already relatively certain about myself and didn't feel like I was being 'thrown off track', but definitely I was being given the option (or a get-out clause!). I won't lie, I considered what it might be like to throw in the towel on the monastery and go for marriage instead. "Could I give this up and not regret it?" (I did this both ways round.) I realised that I love men, 1-on-1 close companionship, and physical intimacy BUT, what I thought I wanted to get up and do [i]every day[/i] for the rest of my natural life was work on a farm and go to church seven times a day in a little hilltop chapel.

So yes, I don't think there's anything wrong with having your options open, options are good, but at some point you have to choose one which you think you might regret if you don't at least try. (And in some ways monastic/religious life is better for 'at least a try' because you have stages before it's final.)

A nice thing happened recently when I met up for drinks with an ex-boyfriend over Christmas. There was that thing in the air of both of you remembering everything you did together, but despite both of us knowing that we could try again if we wanted, I didn't feel any real desire to change my plans at this point. So maybe I will end up a nun after all

Well there ya go, rambling on about myself again.

[Guest hermanita]

When I accepted my late husband's marriage proposal, it was because after a great deal of prayer and discernment, I realized that I couldn't imagine my future without him. And it was a good decision; even though for us "until death do us part" came sooner rather than later. Now as I discern religious life it is much the same; the Lord has brought me to a place where I cannot imagine any other future than one of life consecrated totally to His service in community... And if He surprises me again..so be it.

[marigold]

Well said.

Maybe the scary thing, scarier than saying no to a particular way of life (or 'vocation'), is putting all your eggs in one basket. 'No back-up plan', as you said Lisa. Come to think of it, nearly everybody who has objections has put forward some version of, 'And what will you do if it doesn't work out?' And I don't really have an answer for that.

[FutureSister2009]

This is something I needed to hear based on where I am right now in my discernment

[i<3franciscans]

It made sense to me Lisa and it was beautifully put too! Honestly what you said is something that I learned this summer. I was taking life way too seriously and had to slow down and give God full control again. Needless to say this year is turning out much better than the last.

[Strictlyinkblot]

I agree. You can have options, its whether you cling to them or not. They're not supposed to be a safety blanket, we're preparing to give everything to God.

[InPersonaChriste]

I almost cant help making backup plans.. its like breathing, as soon as I think of a plan i already have 4 backup plans to support it....

Like when I thought I would take my brothers out for a walk I had already thought of 6 different places we could go if the weather proved to be strange, or if the boys couldn't walk that far. So I have personally struggled about not making back up plans because I can get a little crazy (intricate, Sherlocky..) when I think.. (seriously.. you dont want to spend time in my brain..)

I know that making back-up plans for vocations is sort of.... well unhealthy. Because then you aren't abandoning yourself completely to whatever God is trying to bring you to.

[Sarah147]

I will always have this nagging if I don't finish discernment with the two orders I'm looking into. So, even though I really find marriage attractive, I will have to wait until I know more.

[AccountDeleted]

This is an interesting question. when in doubt, I try to use common sense. The Rule of St Albert says...

[i]See that the bounds of [b][color="#000000"]common sense[/color][/b] are not exceeded, however, for [b][color="#000000"]common sense[/color][/b] is the guide of the virtues[/i].


If it's good enough for religious, it's good enough for me

[Sarah147]

I've written to the two orders to keep communication and discernment open. It was killing me all the silence this past month, and I sure have gotten carried away with marriage when I don't even know if it's my calling. I'm soo human.

[bmb144]

I think prudence is also something that must come into everything. I am speaking though as a middle 30's woman and knowing that I won't have family or friend support on the outside, when and if I enter, I want to be very sure its God's will and choice because starting again if I have to leave will be very difficult due to not having support. So for now, I care for mum, I continue to study so I am work ready and let God work out his will for my life. I think there has to be balance and I also think that it does depend on a persons situation.

A person with a supportive family they can go home to verses someone who has to sell up and place money into a trust so there is something there, "just in case" is two different situations.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1325722465' post='2363013']
I've written to the two orders to keep communication and discernment open. It was killing me all the silence this past month, and I sure have gotten carried away with marriage when I don't even know if it's my calling. I'm soo human.
[/quote]

You just have to remember that feelings are linked to emotions. One thing that gets most people is impatience. I know because I am a victim to it. We live in an age where we expect instant gratification. When it doesn't happen -- whether with discernment, career, etc. -- we want to move onto the next thing. The most important thing is the peace you feel when you make the decision. Is it a deep peace that lasts? Or is it fleeting? With my change in discernment recently, I've realized that God was molding me into His servant for the here-and-now. I will be more experienced when it comes to any future children discerning if I get married or if a friend needs help. I know, without a doubt in my mind, that this is the sure path for me. Now, I cannot say that I will never discern religious life again because I don't know what the future holds. No one does except God. But I do know that where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be.

Edited January 5, 2012 by MaterMisericordiae