Question

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334159667' post='2415783']
i should have clarified what i meant. prayer life, sacramental life is so different from couple to couple and really does depend on personal preferences.

combining household stuff is what i meant by common sense - which i guess is not so common.
[/quote]

In the same way no two orders are really the same. But the process of listening to God's will and observing the other...weither it's an order or another person is difficult. I want to know about my guy, but just like their's some similarities in all religious orders there's some within all men (or women).

As far as household....sometimes while they'rs common sence it's good to talk. The boom!!! You're living together...none of this "slowly moving in" that is common these days.

[cmotherofpirl]

AD is right.
I think we are failing our kids by not talking more about marriage as a vocation instead of something we just fall "in love".
Are there any catholic sites out there doing this? Explaining what marriage and particularly catholic marriages are all about?

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Autumn Dusk' timestamp='1334159966' post='2415788']As far as household....sometimes while they'rs common sence it's good to talk. The boom!!! You're living together...none of this "slowly moving in" that is common these days.[/quote]

agreed, but ideally, marriage prep would cover a lot of this stuff.

my husband and i didn't do an engaged encounter weekend, but instead met with an older married couple (over 20+years married) over a period of 6-8 weeks, discussing a chapter a week (of a marriage prep book). this helped us to really go through a lot of issues and really talk through them.

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1334160028' post='2415789']
AD is right.
I think we are failing our kids by not talking more about marriage as a vocation instead of something we just fall "in love".
Are there any catholic sites out there doing this? Explaining what marriage and particularly catholic marriages are all about?
[/quote]

but how do you do that? lol

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334159667' post='2415783']
i should have clarified what i meant. prayer life, sacramental life is so different from couple to couple and really does depend on personal preferences.

combining household stuff is what i meant by common sense - which i guess is not so common.
[/quote]

See I don't think it is personal preference, its an option most people today don't even think about, they have NEVER seen it. DEarie you had good parents, but they are few and far between.

[Jesus_lol]

I believe the process is often referred to as "Dating"

[Lil Red]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1334160277' post='2415792']
See I don't think it is personal preference, its an option most people today don't even think about, they have NEVER seen it. DEarie you had good parents, but they are few and far between.
[/quote]

you don't think when/how much to pray as a couple is a personal preference? i definitely do. (clarifying: between Catholic couples who practice)

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334160172' post='2415790']
agreed, but ideally, marriage prep would cover a lot of this stuff.

my husband and i didn't do an engaged encounter weekend, but instead met with an older married couple (over 20+years married) over a period of 6-8 weeks, discussing a chapter a week (of a marriage prep book). this helped us to really go through a lot of issues and really talk through them.



but how do you do that? lol
[/quote]

Marriage prep today is way too late, because by then the couple has already established a relationship and are probably living together. Kids need to hear married people talk about this stuff when they are in high school or in starting college. Married people need to talk to kids about married sexuality, and spirituality, economics etc before the kids there. Just as an example we fail at teaching NFP because by the time a girl is engaged she has been on the pill for 5-10 years courtesy of her school or gynecologist. We also have to counter this soulmate croutons, because just because you fall in love with someone doesn't mean they are someone you can or should marry.

[Lil Red]

okay. i give up.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334160618' post='2415796']
you don't think when/how much to pray as a couple is a personal preference? i definitely do. (clarifying: between Catholic couples who practice)
[/quote]
It is a personal preference if you know that is an option and married people actually do it.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334160861' post='2415798'] okay. i give up. [/quote]

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334160861' post='2415798']
okay. i give up.
[/quote]

Dearie you had wonderful parents and it shows But for many people out there, they have never seen a happily married couple and simply do whatever the popular tv shows and magazines tell them is acceptable.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1334161012' post='2415803']
Dearie you had wonderful parents and it shows But for many people out there, they have never seen a happily married couple and simply do whatever the popular tv shows and magazines tell them is acceptable.
[/quote]

is that why i married a non-Catholic? lived with him before marriage? had sex before marriage?

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1334160028' post='2415789']
AD is right.
I think we are failing our kids by not talking more about marriage as a vocation instead of something we just fall "in love".
Are there any catholic sites out there doing this? Explaining what marriage and particularly catholic marriages are all about?
[/quote]

Thanks C-mom


[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334160618' post='2415796']
you don't think when/how much to pray as a couple is a personal preference? i definitely do. (clarifying: between Catholic couples who practice)
[/quote]

Except, I was in my mid-20's before I ever HEARD of a family ACTUALLY praying together outside of Mass. Besides some red-and-grey pictures in my baltimore Catechism from CCD. I only know one family that does, and they introduced me to the Divine Mercy rosary thing. Until 2 years ago I had no idea, NONE at all that you could have a prayer outside of Mass and Grace (wich I'd heard of but never did). And to be honest I have no clue how to engaged in a prayer relationship with my future spouse becuase neither did he. We stumble through grace and pray for eachother, but it's not the same as praying togheter.

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1334160782' post='2415797']
Marriage prep today is way too late, because by then the couple has already established a relationship and are probably living together. Kids need to hear married people talk about this stuff when they are in high school or in starting college. Married people need to talk to kids about married sexuality, and spirituality, economics etc before the kids there. Just as an example we fail at teaching NFP because by the time a girl is engaged she has been on the pill for 5-10 years courtesy of her school or gynecologist. We also have to counter this soulmate croutons, because just because you fall in love with someone doesn't mean they are someone you can or should marry.
[/quote]

And thank you again c-mom. This world does in NO way prepare you for the vocation of Marriage, which is helping the other to get to Heaven, not to get their freak on.
[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334161358' post='2415807']
is that why i married a non-Catholic? lived with him before marriage? had sex before marriage?
[/quote]

Dunno your particular past but you're kinda making my point. Wouldn't it of been better to spare yourself that pain, especally if you, as a Catholic weren't interested it to begin with?

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Autumn Dusk' timestamp='1334161564' post='2415808']Dunno your particular past but you're kinda making my point. Wouldn't it of been better to spare yourself that pain, especally if you, as a Catholic weren't interested it to begin with?[/quote]

i don't understand your point.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1334160782' post='2415797']


Marriage prep today is way too late, because by then the couple has already established a relationship and are probably living together. Kids need to hear married people talk about this stuff when they are in high school or in starting college. Married people need to talk to kids about married sexuality, and spirituality, economics etc before the kids there. Just as an example we fail at teaching NFP because by the time a girl is engaged she has been on the pill for 5-10 years courtesy of her school or gynecologist. We also have to counter this soulmate croutons, because just because you fall in love with someone doesn't mean they are someone you can or should marry.
[/quote]Definitely agree.

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334161685' post='2415809']
i don't understand your point.
[/quote]

That MOST of the world thinks sleeping together and living together is okey-dokey. And that for those who choose otherwise there are few (if any) resources for how to know our signifgant other. If I want advice about how to cheer up my boyfriend the answer online is "sex" if I want to talk with others about him being distant the answer is to "move in". Most other problems the answer is "sex". Is he thinking of popping the question, how's the sex? is he angry, how's the sex? it's all about sex, sex and more sex.

Sometimes, it's just a guy being a guy, but there's no one to talk to about it that talks about the melding of the sexes in chaste relationships.

[MissScripture]

I think what Red is trying to say is that you can't discuss some topics about marriage the way you can with religious life. For example, you can't say, "I'm looking for a guy with XYZ" and have people say, "Oh, well so-and-so is like that. You should look into dating him." Doesn't work that way, and well, if it did, that's really demeaning. So, with things like that, it's going to be very, very different than discerning religious life. And the original post did state, "[color=#282828]It seems like people don't talk about discerning it like other vocations. " I think Red was explaining why it wasn't, and other people started talking about why couples discerning marriage need support. I really don't think Red disagrees with this. But how you discern with another person if you should get married IS different than with a community. For one thing, you can't discern out of a marriage after you "enter." You can't compare people the way you would compare communities. Yes, communities are varied, but you're able to get a lot better feedback on a community than you would an individual person via message board. Other people may know the community or something about it, and on a phorum that is far less likely for an individual person. [/color]

[color=#282828]Again, that is different than supporting Catholic couples. And it's also different than what Oremoose was asking --about how you discern between the priesthood/religious life and marriage. So, there are kind of three different, but related topics going on in this thread, and I think that's where some of the confusion lies. [/color]

[Slappo]

Also you get to move in with a community for a couple years before even taking 1 year of vows. Then you have quite a few more years of living together before you take solemn vows.

Usually we look down on that when people do that discerning marriage

[Slappo]

You discern religious life by visiting communities doing research on what each community is all about and spending oodles of time in prayer. Basically you get to go to speed dating sessions for religious communities.

You discern married life by hitting up the local Catholic book store, going to Theology on Tap, participating in your Newman center or attending a Catholic college and being active in parish social events until someone of the opposite gender catches your eye and you hit it off (this list is far from all inclusive...). If you spend oodles of time in prayer as part of discerning marriage, then you never actually meet someone to marry! Honestly it would also be hard to make the change from hours of daily prayer to married life with children where you strive real hard to get in that daily rosary.

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='Slappo' timestamp='1334168070' post='2415865']
You discern religious life by visiting communities doing research on what each community is all about and spending oodles of time in prayer. Basically you get to go to speed dating sessions for religious communities.

You discern married life by hitting up the local Catholic book store, going to Theology on Tap, participating in your Newman center or attending a Catholic college and being active in parish social events until someone of the opposite gender catches your eye and you hit it off (this list is far from all inclusive...). If you spend oodles of time in prayer as part of discerning marriage, then you never actually meet someone to marry! Honestly it would also be hard to make the change from hours of daily prayer to married life with children where you strive real hard to get in that daily rosary.
[/quote]


I'm not concerned with the singlhood and MEETING.

I'm concerned about meeting someone...I'm concerned with the relationship and guidance in that. And I believe that once you meet prayer (alone and together) needs to be just as serious of those who've chosen an order.
[quote name='Slappo' timestamp='1334167776' post='2415862']
Also you get to move in with a community for a couple years before even taking 1 year of vows. Then you have quite a few more years of living together before you take solemn vows.

Usually we look down on that when people do that discerning marriage
[/quote]

Wouldn't that make marriage the HARDER vocation to discern?