I Am Worried!

[mantellata]

I would "expand your horizons" just to get a sense of what "fits" best. Not that you should go looking all over creation - you don't want to get stuck in the perpetual boat of discernment -- looking for that "perfect" community -- but that doesn't strike me as you. I know I visited a couple communities. The one I entered -- and the place that ultimately is leading me to where I am headed next -- just seemed like family. My worry initially (unfounded) was that I wouldn't be able to sacrifice enough because everything was just too joyful, too prayerful, too amazing.It was the right place to be.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1335549644' post='2423968']
Is there only one Community where God could be calling me to? Should I expand my horizons instead of only looking at one community?
[/quote]

If you are being called to religious life, then there is a community that will both fulfill your vocation, be wtihin God's will, and sanctify you. In addition, it will bring you happiness, peace, and life, because the Lord will not call you to something that is not life giving.

Now what that community is? Gosh wouldn't it be wonderful if some day the Lord mailed you a letter that said "Annie12 -- I am calling you to XYZ community. Get ready to enter -- I want you there on such-and-such-a date."

It doesn't work that way.

As mantellata suggested -- expand your horizons. Be open to discover where the Lord wants you, and to discover where you will be fulfilled. Unless you have a strong sense of calling to one community, I would look around. And pray -- prayer makes you more sensitive to the Spirit's guiding. It will help you discern your vocation, and if it is to religious life, the where.

[Theresita Nerita]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1335470119' post='2423690']
I can't understand my own heart sometimes. With religious life, I am scared to be leaving everything behind. With Marriage I am afraid ... well... pretty much everything and with single life I am afraid of guilt that may be because of not following God's path for my life. I have 4 years of College to discern but right now I am terrified of slipping up. I don't want to hurt anyone and mostly God. I have already promised him that I would follow him in religious life and If he really IS calling me there and I don't I would feel guilty for the rest of my life. I feel like this has become a huge burden in my life. I wish I wasn't so obsessed with finding my vocation. I wish it could just happen.
[/quote]

I totally went through this same thing, Annie!

My advice would be,

1) Don't live in the future. Live in the present and trust God to provide for your future. Being a "lily of the field" doesn't just apply to food and clothing - I think it applies to all worries about the future.

and

2) When it comes time to make a decision, the question isn't "which makes me less fearful?" but "which makes me MOST joyful?" Because all life paths have suffering in them. It's not like if you follow God's will nothing bad will happen to you. Pain and sadness will still happen - even if it's not unexpected things but universal things like the deaths of loved ones, and yourself getting old and breaking bones and dying eventually. So it's not about which vocation doesn't scare you - it's about which vocation makes you most joyful! You might as well have some joy along the journey as well, right!

Also I truly believe that if you throw yourself into God's arms he'll never abandon you or neglect to lead you where he wants you to go. You just might not see it until afterward.

Prayers!

Edited April 30, 2012 by Theresita Nerita

[Annie12]

DO I have wrong motivations if I think single life sounds appealing? Am I running from the vocation of religious life I think I have? and by the way, what happens if someone knowingly chooses their will over God's? Is there a consequence for that?

[ACS67]

I would say Annie that when a person chooses their will over God's will they are at best settling for a life of unhappiness.

Edited April 30, 2012 by ACS67

[mantellata]

Or check out the life of consecrated virginity! [url="http://sponsa-christi.blogspot.com/"]http://sponsa-christi.blogspot.com/[/url]
[url="http://sponsa-christi.proboards.com/"]http://sponsa-christi.proboards.com/[/url]

[AnneLine]

Annie 12 wrote:

[indent=1][color=#006400]DO I have wrong motivations if I think single life sounds appealing? Am I running from the vocation of religious life I think I have? and by the way, what happens if someone knowingly chooses their will over God's? Is there a consequence for that? [/color][/indent]

Single life (consecrated or not)(or married life) may sound appealing... because that is what God wants for you!

We can't be sure if God is calling us to religious life or not... I certainly thought God was for me, but the situations in which I found myself made it clear God had other ideas. How did I and my superiors know? Because the others were finding great peace and settling into religious life... and I wasn't. It took me many years to understand how God might have reasons to use me for DIFFERENT things, and that to do the things He wanted me to do, I needed the flexibility and different structure that being a lay person gives me. It doesn't mean I live my life any less for Him, or with any less intensity... and frankly, I still feel very much a spousal relationship with God.... it is the structture that is the key here.

Ironically, we are writing about this on the day this year when the Dominicans celebrate Catherine of Siena. She was a lay woman, a tertiary, just as I am. She did have a vocation to consecrated virginity as well, which I do not). Catherine was called to be just as Dominican as the friars or the nuns... but God had a reason to use her talents in the world. She was influential among the friars, and also instrumental in bringing the papacy back to Rome. THe work she did she could not have done had she been called to be a cloistered nun. It is not a lesser vocation... it is a different one.

All of us have to work at 'discerning God's will'. To knowingly tell God you don't want to do His will is a serious thing... but deciding you don't want to be a religious is not the same thing... for many of us, choosing to embrace life as a lay person is EXACTLY what doing God's will looks like. And it is perfectly OK to be honest with God that you have a preference - single life - but that you are totally open to looking into a convent or monastery if that would please Him. That is the kind of communication between you and God that fosters a good intimacy between you and Him, whether or not you are called to religious life.

Given what you have written, I second (third? fourth?!) what has been said about slowing down so you can listen and discern better. If you are hurrying and rushing around spiritually it is very hard to hear God's voice and to do God's will. Focus on doing what you are doing now well... school, work, friendships.... spend time in prayer and just in 'being' - God will speak to you in and through those things. Listen for Him in your heart.. he will make it clear.

And of course, we will pray for you!

Edited April 30, 2012 by AnneLine

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1335818273' post='2425319']
DO I have wrong motivations if I think single life sounds appealing? Am I running from the vocation of religious life I think I have? and by the way, what happens if someone knowingly chooses their will over God's? Is there a consequence for that?
[/quote]

There is nothing wrong with seeing the beauty in other states of life. I can appreciate the value of married life and of single life and of apostolic religious life even though I believe I myself am called to cloistered religious life. Having children has always appealed to me greatly even though I do not think it is my calling.

I agree with AnneLine that you would benefit from slowing down a bit. It sounds like you're trying to rush and getting ahead of yourself and it's making you stressed and confusing things. You have plenty of time, take it slowly. Don't "do" anything, just listen to God and trust in Him.