FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Hey all, I have a friend who asked me a question, and as VS is such an excellent place to ask discernment-related questions, I figured I'd bring it here. Will penitential, contemplative communities (such as the Cristo Rey Carmel) accept women who have been sexually assaulted? Answers are very much appreciated, and I am forever indebted to you people. Blessings, FCC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Of course! Whyever would they not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Sent you a PM, fcc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmaberry Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) Every community I have looked into will-mostly traditional cloistered complatives. May God bless your discerning friend! EDIT: Realized you didn't say whether your friend was discerning. Still, God bless her! Edited June 19, 2012 by emmaberry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantellata Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) I think the only issue at hand is that she is not seeking a religious community [i]because[/i] she was sexually assaulted - and is suffering from post traumatic stress in regards to men and relationships. This is not to say that she couldn't join a community in the future but religious life (with all its silence) is likely to make the problem worse and not better. What she likely needs (if she doesn't already) is a really good and caring therapist - and begin healing. Then she can discern religious life. Also perhaps good for your friend to know - someone cannot [i]take[/i] your virginity - which is why someone can become a consecrated virgin even after having been assaulted. She is [u]not[/u] "damaged goods" but a precious daughter in the eyes of the Lord who is sharing in a [u]very close way[/u] His own crucifixion - particularily His humiliation in being publically stripped and jeered at. (We modestly cover Our Lord but he was likely stripped naked). He intimately knows her suffering - went there before her and still sees her as a pure and beautiful daughter of His Father in Heaven. Edited June 19, 2012 by mantellata Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 [quote name='mantellata' timestamp='1340106360' post='2446225'] Also perhaps good for your friend to know - someone cannot [i]take[/i] your virginity - which is why someone can become a consecrated virgin even after having been assaulted. She is [u]not[/u] "damaged goods" but a precious daughter in the eyes of the Lord who is sharing in a [u]very close way[/u] His own crucifixion - particularily His humiliation in being publically stripped and jeered at. (We modestly cover Our Lord but he was likely stripped naked). He intimately knows her suffering - went there before her and still sees her as a pure and beautiful daughter of His Father in Heaven. [/quote] Amen to this! Thank you so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Case-by-case basis and every community is different. She would be advised to make sure she has recovered her memories or the novitiate will become unbearable for her. If she chose to become a Consecrated Virgin, she would still be eligible, because she was not at fault. HTH. Blessings, Gemma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 What exactly is a consecrated virgin? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmelshrimp Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 If any community rejected her because she had been assaulted - and therefore wasn't a technical virgin - as opposed to suggesting that she needed time to work through what had happened to her before she made a gift of herself to God, for her own sake, they would not be a community worth joining. The church isn't about technicalities which are beyond our control but about demonstrating God's boundless love for his creation. Of course she would be welcome by any community worthy of the name and by her divine Spouse, who would receive her as an absolutely pure bride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Most of the virgin martyrs - Lucy, Cecilia, etc. were probably raped before their deaths, because executing a virgin was frowned upon. But they died virgins in the eyes of the Lord, and they are recognized as such by the Church even today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strictlyinkblot Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 No community I know of would refuse a woman because she had suffered an assault, provided of course that she's not looking to enter because she doesn't want to deal with what happened to her. In the silence things have a habit of bubbling up from the subconscious. As already said your virginity can't be taken from you, not in the real sense. I've read of several stories of nuns who had been sexually abused as children. At Notting Hill Carmel one of the nuns has written a book 'The Silent Struggle' by Sr. Marie of the Cross about a nun who had been abused and suffered from anorexia. Be careful though, its a very painful story and may bring issues up for your friend. It may reassure her to know that other nuns have been through what she'd been through and entered. I suggest that if she decides to discern that she be honest about what happened to her, not in any detail because there's no need. I'll pray for your friend and hope that she has the help she needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 Thanks, guys, this has been very helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Speaking from my and another's personal experience, we were advised to recover memories before making application. Trying to enter religious life after such an incident can indeed be escape. Blessings, Gemma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantellata Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 recover memories?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 [quote name='Gemma' timestamp='1340190097' post='2446641'] Speaking from my and another's personal experience, we were advised to recover memories before making application. Trying to enter religious life after such an incident can indeed be escape. Blessings, Gemma [/quote] Be careful talking about "recovered memories". Psychologically speaking, it's very dangerous and scientifically unsound. It's bad psychology and bad clinical practice. Therapists who encourage it should have their accreditation revoked. Too many people have had their lives and families destroyed by false "recovered memories". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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