Vocation-less?

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='filius_angelorum' timestamp='1341171463' post='2451217']
I thought we were talking about you...not other people. They can't get to heaven for you. And if you marry and send two kids off to the monastery or seminary or both, the others won't have much gratification or dismay over your decision, now, will they? You are in my prayers. Now stop thinking about your vocation until you can do so in peace.
[/quote]
We were talking about me... But other people are part of this too... Yeah, maybe I should take a break from discerning for a little while?

[Maggyie]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1341171062' post='2451216']
AND, I feel like if I did get married that I would let down the people who DO believe I can attain a religious vocation, and gratify those who don't. I know that's messed up, but it's really how I feel at the moment. And if I become a wife and mother I feel like I'd be a horrible person to teach them about discernment. I don't want that. I also feel like I'd be an awful nun. I can't get up at 7, let alone 5:30.
[/quote]

Ultimately it's not about how others perceive your call. I had someone in my life, N, who was very against me discerning a religious vocation and when one of my wedding pictures appeared on facebook, N commented "You look lovely! I am so glad to see you made the right choice."

This was annoying (because to N, becoming a religious would be the "wrong" choice) and I disliked giving her the satisfaction of seeing me pursuing the marriage vocation. It would have been more fun to be able update my facebook name to Sister Maggie and comment "in your face, N!" so to speak.

But it doesn't change the fact that my vocation was indeed to married life and it gives me great joy to be where God wants me to be. This is in spite of the fact that I'm not very good at it. Right now my sink if full of dirty dishes. It's 4:30 and I haven't made lunch yet. It's not getting made; we're going to go straight to dinner. I don't think I would be able to handle many children because I get very cranky if I don't get solitary time to recharge.

The thing is the Lord doesn't much care if you are not a real pro at your vocation. the idea is that this is the state in life in which you can obtain sanctity. Not professionalism but holiness.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='Maggie' timestamp='1341174907' post='2451243']
Ultimately it's not about how others perceive your call. I had someone in my life, N, who was very against me discerning a religious vocation and when one of my wedding pictures appeared on facebook, N commented "You look lovely! I am so glad to see you made the right choice."

This was annoying (because to N, becoming a religious would be the "wrong" choice) and I disliked giving her the satisfaction of seeing me pursuing the marriage vocation. It would have been more fun to be able update my facebook name to Sister Maggie and comment "in your face, N!" so to speak.

But it doesn't change the fact that my vocation was indeed to married life and it gives me great joy to be where God wants me to be. This is in spite of the fact that I'm not very good at it. Right now my sink if full of dirty dishes. It's 4:30 and I haven't made lunch yet. It's not getting made; we're going to go straight to dinner. I don't think I would be able to handle many children because I get very cranky if I don't get solitary time to recharge.

The thing is the Lord doesn't much care if you are not a real pro at your vocation. the idea is that this is the state in life in which you can obtain sanctity. Not professionalism but holiness.
[/quote]
You are amesome. Thank you so much.

[emmaberry]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1341171062' post='2451216']
AND, I feel like if I did get married that I would let down the people who DO believe I can attain a religious vocation, and gratify those who don't. I know that's messed up, but it's really how I feel at the moment. And if I become a wife and mother I feel like I'd be a horrible person to teach them about discernment. I don't want that. I also feel like I'd be an awful nun. I can't get up at 7, let alone 5:30.
[/quote]

There will always be people in your life who want/don't want you to become a wife/mother/sister/nun. If you live your life in order to gain admiration and respect from certain people, you run the risk of Jesus saying after your death, "Behold, you've received your reward." I'm not saying you are thinking that way at all, but t is very natural to want to please those around us. Some of the sweetest yet most miserable people I know are chronic people pleasers-I include myself in that category. Live for (1) God, (2) Othes, (3) You.

Really, no vocation is possible to live well without God's grace. If your vocation is to be a Catholic wife and mom of a brood of children, without God's grace you will be grouchy and stressed out. But you aren't alone! He will help you. If your vocation is to be an active sister, on your own you will not be as charitable to your fellow sisters and those in your apostolate as you should-BUT YOU AREN'T ALONE! If your vocation is to be a cloistered nun, then without God there is no way you will live between the enclosure walls for the rest of your life without going insane.....here it comes....but you aren't on your own in this!

Vocation is not your personal path to reaching self-led perfection....it is the way in which God has deemed that he can work through you most fully! You are a vessel created to be filled up with His grace and send forth His holiness-sound like the Virgin Mary?

Now, if you really have an issue with rising early, that might be God narrowing down communities for you. Keep in mind that mother's often get even less sleep than nuns because they have to take care of their babies! Personally, I prefer 10+ hours of sleep....but I am not looking for religious life to cater to me, I am looking for penance. It is tricky to draw the line between "Oh I love/hate this particular detail of this vocation" and "God has really created me in this unique way that tells me that I am not called to live in [i]this[/i] community with [i]these[/i] sisters."

Again, I'd just take some time off from discernment. It will be there when you come back for it!

Edited July 1, 2012 by emmaberry

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='emmaberry' timestamp='1341175820' post='2451251']
There will always be people in your life who want/don't want you to become a wife/mother/sister/nun. If you live your life in order to gain admiration and respect from certain people, you run the risk of Jesus saying after your death, "Behold, you've received your reward." Really, no vocation is possible to live well without God's grace. If your vocation is to be a Catholic wife and mom of a brood of children, without God's grace you will be grouchy and stressed out. But you aren't alone! He will help you. If your vocation is to be an active sister, on your own you will not be as charitable to your fellow sisters and those in your apostolate as you should-BUT YOU AREN'T ALONE! If your vocation is to be a cloistered nun, then without God there is no way you will live between the enclosure walls for the rest of your life without going insane.....here it comes....but you aren't on your own in this!

Vocation is not your personal path to reaching self-led perfection....it is the way in which God has deemed that he can work through you most fully! You are a vessel created to be filled up with His grace and send forth His holiness-sound like the Virgin Mary?

Now, if you really have an issue with rising early, that might be God narrowing down communities for you. Keep in mind that mother's often get even less sleep than nuns because they have to take care of their babies! Personally, I prefer 10+ hours of sleep....but I am not looking for religious life to cater to me, I am looking for penance. It is tricky to draw the line between "Oh I love/hate this particular detail of this vocation" and "God has really created me in this unique way that tells me that I am not called to live in [i]this[/i] community with [i]these[/i] sisters."

Again, I'd just take some time off from discernment. It will be there when you come back for it!
[/quote]
Awesome words. And I don't think the sleep issue will be a problem for me, as I will get used to it with practice, but it's still bothersome to me... It's not AS big of a deal, and yes, I know mothers get less sleep, again, I'd be a croutonspy mom.

[Pax_et bonum]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DKm3-XPWIk&feature=plcp

I think some of the things they say about discernment would help you especially what Sr. Lois says about not stressing, if I'm remembering correctly.

A few weeks ago, I was doubting my ability to live the life of a religious until I realized what emma just said. I couldn't possibly live the life on my own, but if I rely on God I can. It sounds like this is a trust problem. Trust God that He will lead you to the right community or guy and that He'll help you be the best sister/wife/mother/etc you can be. There also may be some pride mixed up in there. In the movie The Nun's Story, Sr. Luke says something along the lines of wanting to be a good nun or not a nun at all. Maybe you'll only be a mediocre nun in others' eyes, but God will know your heart.

[AveMariaPurissima]

My 2 cents, since Pax_et Bonum reminded me of a personal story:
Being a perfectionist myself, I know that I personally have a tendency to want to do everything perfectly, and I tend to get upset when it doesn't happen that way. I remember the most recent time I was staying with my Sisters. I still felt called there, but there were a few practical things I was struggling with. At one point I was feeling really discouraged, and I said to one of the Sisters, "I keep wondering how I'm ever going to survive convent life!" I'll never forget her response: "You'll survive. You'll survive because Jesus is going to help you. After all, why are you entering the convent in the first place? It's for Jesus, right?"
So, FCC, in whatever vocation Jesus is calling you to, just trust Him. He will help you!

[Spem in alium]

So much wonderful advice has been given here.

It's hard to feel such doubt, but I think an importance lies in being aware of the fact that we can't please everyone. There's always bound to be someone who will react negatively to your significant choices. I have a few doubts myself. The other day I was speaking with my sister about the growing attraction I feel to religious life, and her reaction was,"But you can't become a nun! Don't do it! I need you here!"

If you listen to your heart and follow it rightly, I believe you will be following the call of God. And that's really the most important thing, because as someone mentioned (either in this post or somewhere else; I forget where), our vocation really belongs to Him. It involves many people, more than simply ourselves, but in the end it directs back to God and His plans for us. All that we do should be done with the desire to grow in closeness to Him, Christ, Our Blessed Mother and all the Saints. If you seek such a closeness with the truth, trust, humility and faith that I see you already possess, I think you can be an exceptional wife, mother, or nun.

FCC, I will keep you in prayer. May God bless you now and always.

[emmaberry]

FCC: I edited my comment after I posted, becaise I felt it sounded somewhat accusatory and that is not how I meant it to sound at all!! Seems you got a hold of it before I finished editing.

Please forgive me if the way I said anything offended you.

[color=#222222][font='Helvetica Neue', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif][size=4][background=rgb(255, 255, 255)]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1341176991' post='2451258']
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DKm3-XPWIk&feature=plcp[/media]
[/quote]

Thanks for the video!![/background][/size][/font][/color]

Edited July 2, 2012 by emmaberry

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='emmaberry' timestamp='1341191636' post='2451316']
FCC: I edited my comment after I posted, becaise I felt it sounded somewhat accusatory and that is not how I meant it to sound at all!! Seems you got a hold of it before I finished editing.

Please forgive me if the way I said anything offended you.

[color=#222222][font='Helvetica Neue', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif][size=4][background=rgb(255, 255, 255)]



[/quote]
I didn't notice anything offensive, hun! You could never offend me. Plus y'all are just trying to help and I appreciate that more than anything.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1341155872' post='2451154']
Thanks guys. I am just really confused. I don't feel like I'd be good at any vocation. I'd be a croutonspy mom, and I'm be a croutonspy nun too. I don't even know anymore.
[/quote]

Haven't read all posts in thread, but our Baptism is a call from The Lord to His Gospel and to holiness. Have you read "The Apostolate of The Laity". Chapter One is titled : "The Vocation of The Laity to The Apostolate" and a vocation is a call from God. The Decree is a long document, but can be read over a number of sittings - perhaps one chapter at a time. It's worth it !

[color="#663300"]DECREE ON THE APOSTOLATE OF THE LAITY
[i][b][size="+1"]APOSTOLICAM ACTUOSITATEM[/size][/b][/i]
SOLEMNLY PROMULGATED BY HIS HOLINESS,
POPE PAUL VI
ON NOVEMBER 18, 1965[/color]
[url="http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_decree_19651118_apostolicam-actuositatem_en.html"]http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_decree_19651118_apostolicam-actuositatem_en.html[/url]

[PhuturePriest]

I suppose this is about the young man you met recently, correct? Well, as many have said, everyone has a vocation. You have plenty of time to discern whether or not you are called to be a Carmelite or to be married, so I wouldn't worry about deciding tomorrow. Even if you are certain you are called to marriage at one point I would still recommend visiting the Carmelites because you really can't discern fully until you have lived the life for a week to get the feel of it, just as I would recommend staying open to marriage and discerning the vocation (As I know you already are). Most of all, just trust in Jesus. He loves you and simply wants you to be happy. He knows what He is doing, even when we question it.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1341197845' post='2451358']
I suppose this is about the young man you met recently, correct? Well, as many have said, everyone has a vocation. You have plenty of time to discern whether or not you are called to be a Carmelite or to be married, so I wouldn't worry about deciding tomorrow. Even if you are certain you are called to marriage at one point I would still recommend visiting the Carmelites because you really can't discern fully until you have lived the life for a week to get the feel of it, just as I would recommend staying open to marriage and discerning the vocation (As I know you already are). Most of all, just trust in Jesus. He loves you and simply wants you to be happy. He knows what He is doing, even when we question it.
[/quote]
It's not him, it's me. But I mean, I guess doubts about him helped form other doubts, but most of it is just me. I've visited the Carms and can't do a live-in until Senior year. Have found opportunities with other cloisters, though. Praise God. I'm still discerning, I'm just confused at this point. I've hit a fork in the road.

[Queen'sDaughter]

I love Sr. Lois!!!!!!!!!!

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1341234903' post='2451439']
It's not him, it's me. But I mean, I guess doubts about him helped form other doubts, but most of it is just me. I've visited the Carms and can't do a live-in until Senior year. Have found opportunities with other cloisters, though. Praise God. I'm still discerning, I'm just confused at this point. I've hit a fork in the road.
[/quote]

Well, we all have our doubts. I am terrible about it. But we must remember God has a plan for each one of us, despite what alleged problems we think will get in the way of that. Visit different communities, keep praying, trust in God, and he will take care of you. If you can I would recommend bringing all your doubts to your spiritual adviser. He or she can help you much better than any of us can.