Fear In Discernment.

[Annie12]

So, I've been fearful lately that if I don't find the right vocation, I will hurt God. It causes me much pain because I have started dicerning marriage and I am confused about if God is calling me to it or not. I'm having a hard time distinguishing God's voice from temptation's voice and my voice. I don't know if I wanted to be a nun because I wanted to or because God did and likewise, I don't know if God wants me to be married or I do. Does anyone have any advice to offer me? I have become afraid that God is calling me to be a nun because I am dicerning marriage and have started to desire it. My heart has definitely changed and it was right after I had started my devotion to the sacred Heart. I'm so confused. I need some advice. At this rate I will be single all my life!

[Tally Marx]

Hello, Annie! I know how you feel! I have desired--and still do desire--both the religious life [b]and [/b]the married life. Different aspects of both appeal to me. It can be very confusing!

I don't think you can make a "wrong choice", Annie, for two reasons. The first is this: if you trust God to guide you, He will. If you make a sincere effort to follow His will, He will not ignore that. Your trust is in Him, and you won't be able to make the "wrong choice" because [b]He[/b] can't make a wrong choice. The second is this: To say that you are going to make the "wrong choice" implies that God has pre-determined a right one. But a religious vocation is an [i]invitation[/i], not an obligation. There is no wrong choice because there is no right one. God lets you choose.

Can you hurt God by the choice you make? As regards vocation, I honestly believe that you cannot. God wants you to be happy with Him in heaven. That is what He created you for. Your vocation is a way to get you there. If marriage gets you to heaven, God will be no more hurt than if His invitation to religious life got you there, or vise versa.

As for being single all you life...I highly doubt that! I know the sense of rush that you feel. It took me a while to realize that in being rushed I was losing my peace and just becoming more confused. My SD was the one who pointed out to me that if the cost of discernment is my relationship with God, then I was doing it wrong. I know that you, like I, just want to know exactly what you are going to do and have an answer and begin working on fulfilling your vocation [i]now[/i]...but maybe you should take a step back and just focus on the present. Spend some time with Christ for reasons other than discernment. Your heart will sort itself out in its own time, don't worry; you were made for peace and joy. Just don't let your head get in the way.

I'll be praying for you!

Edited July 27, 2012 by Tally Marx

[Annie12]

Thank you so much! Ironically I gave the same advice to someone else who was confused about their vocation! I guess i just need to listen to my self! Thank you for re-assuring me though! it means a lot!

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1343410461' post='2459351']
So, I've been fearful lately that if I don't find the right vocation, I will hurt God. It causes me much pain because I have started dicerning marriage and I am confused about if God is calling me to it or not. I'm having a hard time distinguishing God's voice from temptation's voice and my voice. I don't know if I wanted to be a nun because I wanted to or because God did and likewise, I don't know if God wants me to be married or I do. Does anyone have any advice to offer me? I have become afraid that God is calling me to be a nun because I am dicerning marriage and have started to desire it. My heart has definitely changed and it was right after I had started my devotion to the sacred Heart. I'm so confused. I need some advice. At this rate I will be single all my life!
[/quote]

This is a little late, but I would like very much to offer my thoughts.

Most importantly: Calm down. You have plenty of time to discern. Don't try to decide now. You will know what you are called to do when God wants you to.

I would offer my sub-par advice, but this looks like a job for the professionals. Father David Mary of the Franciscan Brothers Minor knows a thing or two about vocations, and he has something for this very subject: [url="http://franciscanbrothersminor.com/FBM/Discernment_Part_II.html"]http://franciscanbro...nt_Part_II.html[/url]

I hope the link helps any. If you want more, he has an entire series on it here: [url="http://franciscanbrothersminor.com/FBM/Discernment_1.html."]http://franciscanbro...ernment_1.html[/url] My personal favorites are "If Not Now, When?" and "Age Discrimination".

Edited July 30, 2012 by FuturePriest387

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

From my experience I have had very similar feelings. I first started discerning a priestly vocation 8 years ago. The fear took me so far that rather than trying to figure it out anymore in round about circles of logic and desires I just plain stopped. I ended up joining the military, and decided that for me I needed to be single. I knew that I would be deploying and it would be hard enough on my family I didn'twant to seek out a relationship that would just and another's worries and fears into my life. God used that experience for me and taught me that I can be happy and fulfilled as a single man. I still believe I could be a good husband and father, but those fears have abated thru much pain and grief. My advice is to NOT do what I did, keep your faith in God and do not give up trying to figure it out. Give yourself over to God and he will make sure you end up where you need to be.

PAX

[Gabriela]

I tend to be of the opinion that there is ONE thing God wants me to do, and that no other thing is an option. But one of the nuns I interviewed for my Master's thesis was having doubts about her vocation (after she was already a nun), and the story she told me came to mind when I read TM's response to you. The sister was sitting in the refectory, thinking maybe she should leave, and she saw before her (she wouldn't call it a "vision"; it was more of a "mental impression") Christ Our Lord standing, with His hands outstretched, holding them like a scale, as if weighing an item in each. First, one hand raised as the other fell, then the raised hand fell and the other hand raised, then that one fell and the other raised... She understood that He meant that either option would be ok with Him, but that He preferred she stay, that she was more spiritually challenged and growing and fulfilled in the cloister than outside of it. She said her immediate response was, "Well, when You put it that way!"—meaning, "Well, if YOU prefer I stay...!" And, of course, she stayed.

I don't know if this helps. :-) For me, though, it seems like only one thing will make me happy. Like all other doors in my life are closing. Most of the sisters I interviewed were not in that position. They chose religious life because God gave positive signs to them that that was the path He wanted them to take, even as other doors remained open. For me, it seems that all other doors close, and there is only one left open. Only a few sisters I interviewed described a similar experience. But I guess for some people, it's the way it goes. For us, it naturally seems like nothing else is an option. For those for whom all doors remain open, maybe God really is ok with either. But then again, maybe He prefers one over the other.

I dunno'. Wish I had His cell phone number. ;-)