Guilty/ Never Felt Better

[Annie12]

Okay, so here's the deal. Ever since I have started my discernment break I have been avoiding VS. But I really need to ask exsperienced dicerners a question. So, its been so weird not discerning and I think I still am but don't want to admit it. But. I feel guilty about leaving the idea of religious life behind, but I have never been happier thinking about marraige! Whats going on? I hope I haven't wasted your time...I'm just so in need of some advice right now. I pray about it and I cant tell where God is leading me! Help! Please!

Edited August 7, 2012 by Annie12

[maximillion]

Is it that you feel guilty at the thought of not entering? Or guilty that you are not discerning with communities at the moment?

Seems to me from this post and the previous ones, that you either need the break or that you are far happier not discerning re Religious life.

Whichever it is, there is no need for guilt. You are still discerning His Will for you, however it ends up, and sometimes we need to let go of something, learn what we need to learn from that, and then in His time, it comes back to us, this time with more clarity and urgency, so we can be more sure.
Maybe this break from discerning will mean things become clearer down the line.
However, you are not yet down the line. Be in the moment, in His moment of now, pray and keep your gaze fixed on Him, and He will let you know what direction to take.
Sometimes He says 'Wait'.
Waiting and being open is extremely good preparation for a life in Religion.................

Prayers for you, for knowing His comfort, and knowing how to wait.

[Tally Marx]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1344347124' post='2463977']
Okay, so here's the deal. Ever since I have started my discernment break I have been avoiding VS. But I really need to ask exsperienced dicerners a question. So, its been so weird not discerning and I think I still am but don't want to admit it. But. I feel guilty about leaving the idea of religious life behind, but I have never been happier thinking about marraige! Whats going on? I hope I haven't wasted your time...I'm just so in need of some advice right now. I pray about it and I cant tell where God is leading me! Help! Please!
[/quote]

You are still discerning, Annie. Discerning means being open to God's Will, no matter where that Will takes you...even to marriage. If you are open you have nothing to be guilty about.

You are in such as rush. Just slow down, and focus on God. Not yourself, or what you are going to do for Him, or Him for you. Just God. You are right where He has put you, and the greatest Love you can show Him is by staying there and not struggling to leave, or move on to the next step. Perhaps if you found something else to focus on, something more concrete to devote youself to than just discerning, that would help. Find a project to do, volunteer somewhere, write a book. It could be anything. When you find yourself thinking about discernment and worrying about tomorrow or next year, stop youself, say a prayer of thanksgiving to God for leading you to where you are, and focus on this project. If you worry too much about how you are going to serve Him ten years from now, you are going to forget to serve Him now. I know it is hard, and it takes effort, but you can do it.

Prayers!

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Slow yourself down! You're not leaving discernment behind! Our whole life is a vocation story, no matter what vocation we are called to. Taking a break from [b]actively[/b] discerning the religious life doesn't mean you have to start thinking about the married life instead!

I too am taking a break from active discernment, but still participating in VS. I have many reasons for this break from discernment, but one of them is that right now, in my state in life, I need to be living in the present, seeking what vocation God has for me TODAY. Because I don't know what will happen tomorrow! None of us really do. But for me, because of some personal issues, it is essential that I focus on the present right now. And just leave the rest to God.

Now, I'm not doing a very good job of that. I decided I wouldn't begin contact with any new communities, well, yesterday I had to send a vocation inquiry in. But actually, when I found that community, I forgot all my problems for a minute, and was just thrilled. I love their mission and their way of life. So I decided to ask some questions! It has actually helped with doubts.

Anyway, I don't know how that will turn out or anything. I have two visits scheduled before school starts with two orders, and we'll see how that goes. After that I'm going to try and just take it slow and chill for a while. Because it's what's best for me right now.

God won't call me somewhere I can't go, that's what I tell myself every day.

Take it slow, and I'm praying for you.

Edited August 7, 2012 by FutureCarmeliteClaire

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1344347124' post='2463977']
Okay, so here's the deal. Ever since I have started my discernment break I have been avoiding VS. But I really need to ask exsperienced dicerners a question. So, its been so weird not discerning and I think I still am but don't want to admit it. But. I feel guilty about leaving the idea of religious life behind, but I have never been happier thinking about marraige! Whats going on? I hope I haven't wasted your time...I'm just so in need of some advice right now. I pray about it and I cant tell where God is leading me! Help! Please!
[/quote]

I've been discerning for a year and a half, and I know what you are talking about. Why? Because what you are experiencing is [i]normal. [/i]It's okay to sometimes feel more called to marriage. In fact, Seminaries and Religious Communities sometimes send people off because they [i]don't [/i]want to get married. One man in charge of a Seminary said "If some of you here do not want to get married, leave. I want real men in my Seminary." You are supposed to find marriage attractive, and it is normal to find it more appealing at times. My spiritual director said that you can't say you are called to be a Priest (Or Nun/Sister in your case) if you do not also feel called to marriage, because it's the same thing but doing it in a different way. So if being married did not appeal to you, then you would have had the problem to worry about. But this is nothing to worry about at all. Just last Saturday I was instilled with the thought of having a beautifully devout wife and having at least ten daughters (I want daughters over sons). I of course came back to wanting to join the Franciscan Brothers Minor the next day, but even now it appeals to me and I in fact [i]want [/i]to get married and have lots of daughters still. Sometimes you will find one or the other more appealing, but this is okay. Really. That is a normal thing in most cases of discernment. As FutureCarmeliteClaire said, take it slow! You don't have to make a decision today. You may find that you will get married, just as you may find yourself professing final vows in eight years, but each of these things is a long way away, so there is no reason to put yourself through unnecessary stress when it comes to your vocation.

[OnlySunshine]

Annie, you really need to stop stressing yourself out over this. Like FP said above, this is NORMAL! It's absolutely natural to feel called to marriage -- it's the natural attraction that God gave us. You may not figure everything out right away -- these things take time. Work on your spiritual life and leave the worrying to God.

[i]“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? [sup] [/sup]Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? [sup] [/sup]Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? [/i]
[i][sup] [/sup]“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. [sup] [/sup]Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. [sup] [/sup]If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? [sup] [/sup]So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ [sup] [/sup]For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. [/i][i]Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. [/i]-- Matthew 6:25-34

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

Put everything into His hands, try not to be anxious because when we're anxious nothing is clear and you can't hear Him. But just think; In marriage the two unite and bear life, and also one who is consecrated to Our Lord unites themselves to Him and also gives life; in this way you become a mother of souls. If you would make a good mother you would also be a good religious.

[Annie12]

I'm having issue though because I didn't want to get married or have kids the whole time I was dicerning. Now, I do... more than anything. I feel like I may have been running from even the though of marraige because it scared me. The strangest part is that in gaining my desire for marraige, I've lost my desire for religious life... I never thought that could happen... in a million years! I really feel that I just need time for adjustment. Before all of this happened I was very much into the extreems. For example, I was supper scrouplulous, anxious, obsessed and just plain odd surrounding spiritual matters. Right now I'm thinking my "vocation" was fabricated by my subconscious in order to run away from my fears. Maybe this is Gods way of saving me from myself... I dunno... I must have been a nut... or something.

I thank you all for helping me out with this! I really am thankful from the bottom of my heart! I hope I'm not wasting your time...

[mantellata]

Dealing with some scrupulosity when first handing oneself over to a more intense way of living the Catholic life is normal enough - especially if (as you say) you had some learning to do and fears to get over. I really think you need to give yourself a break. Our dear Lord wants your happiness - you are his beloved daughter. He wants to see you smile and enjoy living in His love - not anxious of "proving" yourself to Him. Ask Him for grace and He will supply. If you are loving where you are at - go for it. The Church [u]needs[/u] holy mothers and wives who are on fire for their faith and bring up children to praise and glorify Him!!!

Edited August 8, 2012 by mantellata

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1344398009' post='2464343']
I'm having issue though because I didn't want to get married or have kids the whole time I was dicerning. Now, I do... more than anything. I feel like I may have been running from even the though of marraige because it scared me. The strangest part is that in gaining my desire for marraige, I've lost my desire for religious life... I never thought that could happen... in a million years! I really feel that I just need time for adjustment. Before all of this happened I was very much into the extreems. For example, I was supper scrouplulous, anxious, obsessed and just plain odd surrounding spiritual matters. Right now I'm thinking my "vocation" was fabricated by my subconscious in order to run away from my fears. Maybe this is Gods way of saving me from myself... I dunno... I must have been a nut... or something.

I thank you all for helping me out with this! I really am thankful from the bottom of my heart! I hope I'm not wasting your time...
[/quote]
[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1344398009' post='2464343']
I'm having issue though because I didn't want to get married or have kids the whole time I was dicerning. Now, I do... more than anything. I feel like I may have been running from even the though of marraige because it scared me. The strangest part is that in gaining my desire for marraige, I've lost my desire for religious life... I never thought that could happen... in a million years! I really feel that I just need time for adjustment. Before all of this happened I was very much into the extreems. For example, I was supper scrouplulous, anxious, obsessed and just plain odd surrounding spiritual matters. Right now I'm thinking my "vocation" was fabricated by my subconscious in order to run away from my fears. Maybe this is Gods way of saving me from myself... I dunno... I must have been a nut... or something.

I thank you all for helping me out with this! I really am thankful from the bottom of my heart! I hope I'm not wasting your time...
[/quote]

Before you do anything: Take a deep breath. Relax. It is okay to sometimes not find the Religious life appealing anymore. I think we have all experienced that. Did you know that Saint Therese didn't find it appealing right before she professed final vows? This is okay to experience, and it is in fact good. It helps with the discernment process and it helps you to discern better. I don't know how old you are, but I imagine you are still in high school, which means you have plenty of time to discern. Don't figure out your lifelong vocation today, tomorrow, or anytime soon, because it's unnecessary and trust me, you will fail. I know you will fail because I spent the first year of my discernment trying to discover my vocation. But trust me when I say you will not succeed, so there is no reason to try. You wouldn't try to run up the side of your house, so don't try to do the impossible with your vocation either. It's illogical. So relax, and trust that God has it all covered. You will know as soon as God wants you to know, and generally that will not be until you say "I do" or until you profess final vows.

[emmaberry]

Annie, I have been having serious doubts about my vocation right after the first part of my application was accepted by the Poor Clares. I think this is a common occurrence with any discernment.

If you get married in the future, you will have times where you no longer feel called to marriage. Being a Catholic, you will know that this should lead to an inner renewing of your vows and not divorce. The same goes for religious life.

It seems that your desire for a religious vocation came from a time when you were scrupulous and went to extremes concerning your spiritual life. If this was the foundation for your vocation, it is 'sand' and will not withstand the serious trials of life.

In contrast, your desire for marriage seems to come from a new peace you are experiencing...I would say, as would many spiritual directors, to pay more attention to your natural inclinations and desires in times of peace.

Desire for marriage is not a bad thing..you are not betraying God by no longer intensely desiring to be a religious. I would ask for the intercession of Bl Zelie Martin, who you might identify with.

Edited August 9, 2012 by emmaberry