Communications During Postulancy

[ajhall]

I am discerning a religious vocation, and I was wondering what is the typical amount of communication that is allowed between postulants and their parents? I was having a conversation with my parents about my discernment, and they said they would be seriously concerned if I joined an order where they would not be able to contact me reasonably at any time.

[mantellata]

It depends entirely on the community you are joining. I don't know of any communities that wouldn't allow for emergency type communication from parents to postulants or vice versa whenever and however it was done. On a more normal basis there is some regular letter writing per week or at least several times per month. Some communities have phone calls scheduled at intervals. Size of the community, whether or not it is active or contemplative, monastic etc... all factor in.

[AccountDeleted]

As mantellate said - each community is different but most allow at least some contact with family. If they didn't allow any contact at all, I would consider them a cult and run screaming in the opposite direction. One of the features of a cult is to separate one from their families and friends completely in order to control the minds of the followers.

If you choose a particularly austere or strict community, then I would expect that there would limited communication allowed only at certain times, but one should always be allowed access in emergency situations. Get to know your community before you enter and there shouldn't be a problem.

[Pax_et bonum]

I'm hoping to enter a rather austere, cloistered community--the Poor Sisters of St. Clare--and their postulants "should write [their] family every Sunday and friends a little less. Family can visit probably once a month formally but if they are in the area there is no restriction." This is more contact than some active communities I know!

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1353814933' post='2516174']
I'm hoping to enter a rather austere, cloistered community--the Poor Sisters of St. Clare--and their postulants "should write [their] family every Sunday and friends a little less. Family can visit probably once a month formally but if they are in the area there is no restriction." This is more contact than some active communities I know!
[/quote]

Discuss these limitations with your family so that they understand the situation before you enter and can learn to adapt to it. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me that you get to communicate with them but it is limited. Very balanced (IMO) and yes, more than some allow and less than others. They have obviously prayed about this and decided it works for them.

[Pax_et bonum]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1353815134' post='2516177']

Discuss these limitations with your family so that they understand the situation before you enter and can learn to adapt to it. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me that you get to communicate with them but it is limited. Very balanced (IMO) and yes, more than some allow and less than others. They have obviously prayed about this and decided it works for them.
[/quote]
I'm confused by your post. I think they allow a lot of contact; it's probably more than if I were away at college or were getting married. If anything, the monthly visits might be too much contact! But then again, I don't think they call home (I'm not sure they have a phone, though the brothers do), so it balances out. And we live only a couple of hours away, so that's not an issue either.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1353820388' post='2516206']
I'm confused by your post. I think they allow a lot of contact; it's probably more than if I were away at college or were getting married. If anything, the monthly visits might be too much contact! But then again, I don't think they call home (I'm not sure they have a phone, though the brothers do), so it balances out. And we live only a couple of hours away, so that's not an issue either.
[/quote]

Sorry - didn't mean to sound confusing. To some people, this contact could seem less than they usually have but obviously it is more than usual for your family. Perhaps my own situation made my reply confusing as my own family probably has more contact with each other than most families do. But I certainly didn't mean to sound as if it were too little or too much for your situation. I meant to say it sounds good.