Talking About Contraception

[ToJesusMyHeart]

Long story to share. This happened to a friend of mine. :) It's lengthy but worth it in my opinion! 

 

*Names changed for privacy purposes*

 

 

"Recently, there was a "Tacky Christmas Sweater Pub Crawl" in downtown Austin.  A friend mentioned that he had 3 goals for the night: to not get drunk, to make sure everyone in his immediate group of friends gets home safely, and to witness to someone, particularly about contraception. 

 

Everyone is standing on the roof top of Maggie Mae's chatting and sipping on drinks.  Enter random guy.   

 

Random guy (to me): HEY!  I have that exact same sweater at home!

Me: Really?  'Cause mine's an original.

Random guy: No seriously I do, it's in my closet at home.  My grandma made it!

 

Mine really was an original that my mom made.  

 

Me: [insert sarcastic tone] Really now, that's so crazy! 

Random guy: Hi I'm Matthew, what's your name?

Me: Hi I'm Sally*, nice to meet you Matthew

Matthew: Wow, that's a big ring. [referring to my Aggie ring]

Me: Yeah? Well his ring is bigger [pointing to Scott]

Matthew: Oh really? Aggies, nice.  So, who is he?  Are you with him?

 

Then Matthew looked at my left hand and before I could answer - 

 

Matthew: Ok so you're not married or engaged, so are you with him?

Me: No, he's a friend of mine.

Matthew: [smiling] Ok.  So what do you do?

 

Oh boy, this is going to either stop the conversation really quick, or get really serious really fast.  (By this point I was suddenly the only one of my friends that was left standing there - hmm).  

 

Me: I run a nonprofit ministry

Matthew: [raising his eyebrows] Oh really? That's awesome, what ministry is that?

Me: Coalition for Life; we help women in unplanned pregnancies.

Matthew: Wow, that's really cool.  So what do you mean exactly, which way do you push them?

Me: We don't push them, but we're pro-life, so we encourage them to keep their baby and in turn point them to resources that are available in the community to help them in their situation.

Matthew: Ok. So do you mind if I ask you a really personal question?

Me: Go for it.

Matthew:  Well...

 

He hesitated for a bit. 

 

Matthew: Ok here goes.  Do you have sex?

Me: No.

Matthew: Ok, so what do you think about kids having sex?  You encourage contraception, right?

Me: No, absolutely not. 

Matthew: You're kidding right?

Me: No.  We are very much about abstinence education, but not in the stereotypical way.  We encourage abstinence but then also talk about the consequences of having sex before marriage.  You know, the obvious reasons.

Matthew: What are those obvious reasons?  And why don't you have sex?

Me: Avoiding contracting any of the more than 30 types of STDs floating around out there, avoiding unplanned pregnancies, not to mention the incredible amount of negative physical and emotional effects, to name a few.

Matthew: But kids are going to do it anyway, wouldn't you rather they do it with contraception than do it without?

 

Oh geez, there it is again, the "they're going to do it anyway" argument that is so overplayed.

 

Me. NO.  Because they are not animals, and we should not treat them as if they are!  You have to give kids more credit than that!

Matthew: Come on, believe me I know that; I'm a middle school teacher in San Antonio; I'm trying to get them to do their best!  I give them a lot of credit!

Me: Why is this the exception?  You have to get to the root of the problem, and that's educating them about the reality and the consequences.  It's more than just an extracurricular thing!  Sex is a BIG DEAL.

Matthew: I agree you have to get to the root of the problem, but it's SEX, they're still going to do it anyway.

Me: NO, that's not always true.  And PLUS, contraception has a higher fail rate than what people tend to believe.  Let me ask you something - how do you feel about drunk driving?

Matthew: It's terrible, of course.

Me: Ok, I agree.  But you know what?  People are going to do it anyway, so why don't we just teach them how to do it "safely"?

Matthew: You can't just expect that kids are not going to do it.

Me: Look, ultimately, they have to make the choice.  But if a teenage boy comes up to me and asks me to buy him a box of condoms because he decided he's going to have sex with his girlfriend, I'm not going to buy them for him!  I will explain to him what the consequences of his choice entail.  That's all I can do. I'm not going to encourage promiscuity, which is what handing out contraception and condoms does.  I'm not going to teach him how to drive drunk safely.  

 

Matthew: So is this based on religion at all? Are you Christian?

Me: Yes I'm Christian. But I don't even have to bring religion into the conversation when it comes to talking about consequences of sexual promiscuity.

Matthew: What denomination are you?

Me: I'm not a "denomination." I'm Catholic.

Matthew: [laughing] That figures!  I should have known.  I've dated several Catholic women.  Y'all are definitely a challenge.

Me: Yeah but what do you mean by Catholic? I mean, there are a lot of "Catholics" out there (as I made the air quotes motion).

Matthew: HA! Isn't that the problem with all Christians??

Me: Yes, there are a lot of "Christians" in name only.  What about you?  Are you Christian?

Matthew: [hesitating and pondering for a bit]... Yes, I would say I'm a Christian.  My dad was a preacher.  I fell away for a while but I just started going back to church recently.  I tell you what though [chuckling], I won't be going tomorrow morning!

Me: Why not? I am!

Matthew: Well I have to drive back to San Antonio.

Me: You know, we do have churches here in Austin.

Matthew: Oh really? He smiled.

 

Matthew:  Well I'll tell you something, I am not a virgin, I do have sex.  I have sex because I get life. 

Me: What does that mean?  You "get life"... what in the world does that mean??

Matthew: Well, I'm not going to marry a virgin.  I'm just not interested in that.

Me: Why?  What's wrong with marrying a virgin?

Matthew: I'm not a virgin, so why would I want to marry a virgin?

Me: So you would rather have a woman who has been 'test-driven', is that it?

Matthew: No! Well, I mean, it just makes more sense [although he couldn't explain to me *how* it made 'sense']

Me: Everyone has to have a first time, right?  

 

Just then a friend of his tapped him on the shoulder and summoned him.  

 

Matthew: Hey I gotta go over there in a second, but I want to continue this.  I'll come back.  Don't go away!

Me: Ok cool.

 

I didn't really expect that he would come back, but no worries folks, it doesn't end there.  I walked over to where Scott was standing.

 

Scott: [big smile on his face] Soooooooooo what was that all about??

Me: That was a conversation that got very deep very quickly.

Scott: REALLY?  What happened?  What'd he say??

Me: He asked me about what I do, so of course it got deep quickly. 

 

I then proceeded to tell him about the conversation with Matthew.

 

Scott: NO WAY, you had THAT conversation in just a couple minutes?

Me: Yep.

Scott: That is so awesome.  Oh man, I hope he comes back, I want to talk to this guy.

Me: Well Scott, you just might get to cross one goal off your list :)

 

Matthew did indeed come back just a few minutes later.  

 

Matthew: Hey Sally, let's keep arguing, I like arguing! 

Me: We were discussing, not really arguing. 

Matthew: Ok so where were we?  Hey I'm Matthew [he shook Scott's hand].

Scott: Nice to meet you man, I'm Scott.  

 

Matthew: So y'all went to A&M together, cool.  So back to what we were talking about…Since I love sex and you hate it [he gestured to me]...

Me: Whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute.  I love sex! Why would you say I hate it?

Matthew: How can you say you love sex when you don't do it?  That's like me saying I love a corvette and all its features and such without owning one.

 

Then he thought for a moment.

 

Scott: No man, that's not the same thing.

Matthew: Ok, maybe that’s a bad analogy.

Me: That's exactly why I won't have sex until I'm married, because I love it and value it so much.

Matthew: Ok, touché.  

Scott: So tell me, what do you want in a relationship?

 

Yep, Scott didn't waste any time getting right to it.  Awesome. :)

 

Matthew: I want someone who shares my values.  I want to marry someone who calls me out on my crap, who challenges me.

Scott: Dude that's awesome! I'm right there with you!

Matthew: Honestly, I don't have any problem with flirting with a girl and taking her home that same night.  No problem whatsoever, but that's not what I want. 

 

[insert record scratch sound effect here]

 

Me: What?!? 

Scott: So why haven't you waited then?

Matthew: I held on to it for a long time ['it' being his virginity]. I knew that I wanted to save myself.  Then by the time I turned 21 I started asking myself, "Why am I waiting? What's the point?"  I mean, I was doing all kinds of other things with girls that weren't exactly pure, why hold on?  Just for some title?

 

OHHH riiiight.... that's why I'm waiting… for a *title*.  I've been waiting so long, where the heck is my "V" Plaque???  

I WANT MY V PLAQUE!!!  Sorry. Continuing...

 

Scott: Hey man, I understand.

 

Matthew: Yeah, that girl over there, she's what I want.

 

Matthew pointed across the balcony to the other side of the roof (same bar).  He was here with her and a group of friends.  He revealed that she was everything he ever wanted in a woman but he couldn't put it into words.  She, however, was with someone else, someone else who wasn't "worthy of her."  By this point, a million questions were coming to my mind all at once. 

 

Matthew: I'm 25 years old.  I had a chance with her 3 years ago and I screwed it up.

Scott: So you say she's everything you ever wanted.  Is she worth waiting for?

Matthew: [he looked over to her] 110%. No doubt about it.

 

At that moment I had to turn away to hold back tears.  Oh my GOD!  This is Theology of the Body at it's core!!!  WHY does he recognize her dignity but yet he treats other women as objects and say he "has no problem with it"??

 

We spent the remainder of the conversation (which lasted a total of about 20 minutes) pretty much re-phrasing and re-emphasizing things.  I really think Matthew left that night pondering more about what he wants, and better yet, what God wants for him.  I pray that seeds were planted, but I guess we’ll never know.  Afterall, he didn’t ask me for my number (crazy huh!?).  (Oh, and he didn’t get Scott’s number either).     

 

 - Witness to someone about contraception (and so much more) – Check."

  :like:

 

[Anastasia13]

Wow. That is a lot more. I thought this was going to be about condoms are bad and we should never use them when I first saw the title, but this was deep and way more important and worthwhile. Good job.  I have no doubt that you gave him pause for thought.

Edited December 22, 2012 by Light and Truth

[ilovechrist]

One more reason why I felt called to begin a career in the bar/club scene - the opportunity to witness in rare moments like these. You never know who God has in store for you that day - it all begins with a mutual friend, a conversation eavesdropped on... life can be challenging in this spectrum, but it is seeing His grace in action that makes it all worth while.

[ToJesusMyHeart]

This happened to a friend of mine, but I just wanted to share it because it's so awesome! But LightandTruth, I'll let my friend know of your sentiments. :)

 

ilovechrist...go for it! so many people at bars will profit from your witness.