What To Wear To A "come And See"

[nikita92]

Greetings! If this topic has had a thread in the past....My apology. For new comers and those that might not know who to search Phatmass for topics say on google..revisiting topics from time to time is going to happen. That being said...I am calling for guidance on those of you who know and can advise those of us that don't....what are some overall pointers and ideas for dressing for a weekend come and see??? Does active/contemplative verses cloistered communities place a part? Does age of the discerner play a part? I was raised with first impressions make last impressions regardless. While I know they are mostly casual...I wouldn't want to wear a LOUD floral skirt that screams "Look at me" either. Thank you for your input. ;)

[To Jesus Through Mary]

Every come and see I ever did I always debated this. My last one before I enter I finally just emailed the VD to make sure there was no dress code. She said no, so I went fairly casual. I tend to the dark plain colors anyway. But jeans and a shirt come days. I did wear a skirt a couple of times. I think now, I would just stick with my normal work apparel. Slacks/skirts shirts that is all pretty modest and with earth tones, maybe a pair of jeans just in case. I think it is important to make sure you are comfortable in whatever you are wearing. Don't want to add to the stress. ;) Good luck! 

[Pax_et bonum]

It should be casual but not sloppy, nice enough but not dressy. Take into account what you're going to be doing; if it's a come and see as opposed to a retreat, you'll probably have some work duties. Some communities prefer you to wear skirts while others don't care if you wear jeans--it's kind of a feeling communities give off, but feel free to ask them what they prefer. Modest, obviously. If you're going to be there for Sunday Mass, you'll want to take nice Mass clothes, but if you wear jeans, they're fine for daily Mass and prayer.

[Catholicterp7]

I always wear skirts anyway so I typically wear a nicer skirt and solid t-shirt. I agree with the above posts. I think as long as it's modest and comfortable for you there shouldn't be a problem, though I would ask if they particularly want you to wear a skirt or not. 

JMJ+ :heart: 

[DiscerningCatholic]

I'm wearing a blue shirt with Mary on it with a long (postulant-looking) blue skirt and flats... :| I don't leave until May and I know what I'm wearing. :nun:

[OnlySunshine]

Every "Come and See" I've ever been to, the Sisters wanted the girls to wear dresses or skirts.  The Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus in Milwaukee, WI was the only one that I didn't follow the recommendation for because I didn't own more than one dress.  Plus, it was freezing outside and my dress was very thin.  So, pack according to the weather.  I always look ahead at the forecast and plan accordingly.  ;)

[nikita92]

Thank you all. I did ask Sister and all she mentioned (w/o elaborating) was "Dark". I will be flying clear across the states, so taking the time of landing and the weather from and to..warm, dark and comfortable. Dark slacks and skirt with a pr of nice jeans should suffice. ;-)

[Chiara Francesco]

Ask the sisters.  They often have requirements.  I know of a few communities who wanted long jumpers and/or skirts but NOT to the floor or ankle length but mid-calf or so.  Some asked for ONLY soft-soled shoes to help keep the silence as much as possbile and to protect their floors.  Others have color and style preference, etc.  Even ask if you are a woman with long hair and normally at home have it loose or styled a certain way but in the monastery or convent, they might prefer it in a ponytail, a bun or tied back somehow without bows, ribbons, hair bands or fancy barrettes you might bring not thinking because you wear them all the time. 

 

It's best to ask the Mother or/Vocation/Novice Mistress about clothes, personal belongs (bibles, your set of Divine Office books, if you have them, or anything else) when in doubt or if you have no clue, ask the sisters as they've had countless other live-ins or come-and-see-ers before!

[nikita92]

Thank you. I do have long hair and was thinking just a plain ponytail. Quiet shoes is a good idea as well.

[TheresaThoma]

Definitely check on any special requirements they may have but simple, modest clothes always work well. Layers are always good too, you never know what different temperatures you might run into (especially if you are going to be at a couple different locations. During my last come and see we were at the convent, the cathedral,, a school where they teach and a hospital. Plus a couple other "sight-seeing" places thus a variety of temps!)

I hope you have a wonderful come and see!

[Chiara Francesco]

Forgot to add if you can bring other special shoes (boots, galoshes, etc.) or clothes to work in their gardens or whatever.  I woudn't imagine you could bring jeans but perhaps not-so-good jumpers/dresses/skirts to wear outside in the grass and dirt or mud, etc. 

 

Asking for anything you could bring them for you to use OR for them to use and you bring as a gift is good too - as long as you can get it on a plane if you fly!  I once brought some work gloves to a monastery as a surprise gift because in one of my emails, the Mother mentioned how Sr. X was always either losing one of the pair to wearing them out.  So I brought a few pairs in a few sizes.

[nikita92]

It's funny that you mentioned that CF...I was thinking to bring the sister in charge of the come and see a small gift. I also thought she might be interested in seeing a copy of our church bulletin. Thanks again all for the helpful ideas.

[whitneyelizabeth]

I have debated and debated this with myself, because for a long time, I would bring the most modest things I owned and would still feel immodest :) But finally, I discovered some of the same principles as the other posters: simple, not excessively tight, ideally covering shoulders and knees, more muted colors... recently, I bought a black maxi skirt which is my new favorite come and see clothing item...it's feminine, matches everything, modest, unassuming AND it TWIRLS. Enough said :) Cardigans and other sweaters and scarves have also really helped me to "convent-ify" my clothes (because it's so hard to find modest stuff!!) a scarf can cover up a too-low neckline and a sweater can both keep me warm in a chilly chapel at 5:30 in the morning and also cover up my arms a little more...I've also taken to wearing "quiet" shoes that don't clack when I walk (ie ballet flats) because I feel awkward otherwise :)

[nikita92]

Because of my limited finances..plus my sparse wardrobe...I'm shopping at the thrift stores.Here in Washington state...they have more sweaters, cardigans than you can imagine! I wasn't sure of getting a maxi skirt..but since it was mentioned I'll look for one!! Thanks

[Katiebobatie94]

I actually don't own a skirt..........so every Come & See that I have been on, I have worn "nice" jeans & appropriate shirts, and dress pants with a blouse on Sunday (of course). Never anything immodest.

[nikita92]

I did get a cheap but nice blue pr of jeans no holes etc. mid waist slender legs. Going to pr it with a shirt and blazer. casual yet a tad classyI also bought a nice black skirt...and washed it...and ruined it. Ugh

[loveletslive]

that's pretty ridiculous that communities would seriously ask you to wear your hair a specific way or even make you wear a skirt. you haven't joined yet!

 

wear what you are comfortable in, and that is modest, and appropriate. i've been to several communities and just wear jeans and a sweatshirt and bring my usual Sunday Mass clothes. heck on retreats in Nashville girls are usually wearing sweat pants for part of the time.