Courting Vs. Dating

[Nihil Obstat]

I don't think he is, really.  There really is a huge controversy in some circles over the dating vs courting distinction, among all kinds of Christians but also serious Catholics. Lots of chastity speakers talk about the distinction. People hold up "courting" as a counter-cultural dating, trying to remove all the lusty activity connotations that dating sometimes has.  Dating has the stigma of just aimlessly looking for hookups.  But courting in the strictest sense completely removes a woman's ability to make her own decisions, and assumes that young people cannot be trusted to make virtuous choices, so parents have to watch them.  It makes young adults infantile.  

 

Nihil, do think you've got the right view on dating/courting/whatever, though.  I'm just saying the controversy is a "thing."  

 

I have not seen it, but then again I really do not go to many young adult / youth events. I have been to too many that were simply patronizing. :hehe:

 

Looking back to what I posted last night, what strikes me more about the blog post is that he was saying "courting vs. dating is an empty distinction, so throw it out entirely, BUT this is the right way to do it, period. :smile3:

But, whether we like it or not, that is exactly what the 'dating vs. courting' concept is attempting to do. They are just willing to attach a label to it.

 

 

Moving off topic, because of the distance between Katy and me, when one of us visits we stay with the other's family, which has worked out really well. We get a bit of 'alone time', but most of the time we are around other people, specifically family, which is really great because 1) we have a bit more of that supervision aspect, and 2) we have both been able to really get to know the families that we are going to be marrying into.

[GeorgiiMichael]

What I was hoping to do with my blog post was to do away with the simplistic labels of dating and courting, but also explain that there is a right way to go about things. Like I've already said, I generally tend to default to "dating" when discussing my romantic ventures, but I also keep in mind the necessary components of healthy, holy marriage discernment. You've chosen the word "courting" yet still stress the importance of healthy, holy marriage discernment. How our individual relationships progress will be different, because we are two different people, and at least for you,  the person you've found to spend the rest of your life with lives rather far away. But one thing that (if marriage ends up being my calling) will be the same in both of our journeys is that we will both have been actively searching for marriage, not just someone to kiss every now and then. And there is a best way to do this, no matter what our situations are, and that is what I've described as healthy, holy marriage discernment. Open discussion and clear boundaries should be universal, no matter how a relationship starts or continues.

 

EDIT: And while that post was inspired by this thread, it is written for a specific audience. Primarily the young Catholics that find themselves on Tumblr. Which is why I labeled things in the way that I did. They're getting the "Dating bad, courting good" simplistic argument, and I wanted to explain to them that it's not the labels that are important in marriage discernment, but rather the content of the relationship.

Edited January 23, 2013 by GeorgiiMichael

[ContemporaryCaflicCrusader]

Dating is as old as the Automobile.  Marriage statistically hasn't done super well since automobiles hit most American garages.  My folks (Happily married 25 years and counting) met on a blind date, so most anything can work, but marriage obvi isn't something to gamble on. 

[Anastasia13]

Dating is as old as the Automobile.  Marriage statistically hasn't done super well since automobiles hit most American garages.  My folks (Happily married 25 years and counting) met on a blind date, so most anything can work, but marriage obvi isn't something to gamble on. 

 

Well, marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100. I don't think everyone who gets married really understands what that 100 is, IMO.

 

My parents met 30+ years ago at a college party. Mom knew after her first date with my dad that he was the one she would marry.

Edited January 24, 2013 by Light and Truth

[Autumn Dusk]

Well, marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100. I don't think everyone who gets married really understands what that 100 is, IMO.

 

My parents met 30+ years ago at a college party. Mom knew after her first date with my dad that he was the one she would marry.

 

Are your parents my parents? That's how they met, too.  At a College party 30ish years ago.  They dated, married and managed to raise 4 kids as well as 3-5 cats and a a few dogs along the way.

[Spem in alium]

I think "dating" and "courting" are mostly subjective, relative terms.

If I see someone romatically, I'd like them to spend as much time with my family as possible. Time by ourselves would be important too, but not so much as family time. It's important to see a potential spouse in a family setting. I feel most relaxed and comfortable when I'm with my family, so I'd want them to see that. My family's exceptionally important to me and their opinion would be valued.

I do have feelings for someone at present, so am trying to spend more time with them in these situations. Many people - and most of my friends, probably - would most likely see my preferences as archaic, but as I said above, romance and attraction tends to be subjective. Discerning your true path seems like a good route to take.

[Groo the Wanderer]

My daughter does not spend any time alone with her boyfriend. She is either in a group (6+) or has chaperones over 21 with her. He is not allowed in the house unless we are home, nor is she allowed at his house unless his folks are home. We spend time with the two of them regularly. Same for his folks.

 

Biggest diffs between dating and courting:

dating teaches you that all relationships end in a break up - sets you up well for a divorce mentality. it also tends to become physical too fast and too often

courtship teaches that a relationship involves respective family and friends (community) - sets you up for really knowing someone you get involved with. it also does not give the opportunity for temptation to arise.

[Anastasia13]

My daughter does not spend any time alone with her boyfriend. She is either in a group (6+) or has chaperones over 21 with her. He is not allowed in the house unless we are home, nor is she allowed at his house unless his folks are home. We spend time with the two of them regularly. Same for his folks.

 

Biggest diffs between dating and courting:

dating teaches you that all relationships end in a break up - sets you up well for a divorce mentality. it also tends to become physical too fast and too often

courtship teaches that a relationship involves respective family and friends (community) - sets you up for really knowing someone you get involved with. it also does not give the opportunity for temptation to arise.

Apart from chaperones, can you explain to me the difference that you see in dating vs. courting?

 

I have always been under the impression that people can date (go out and do things or hang out inside or whatever) for the purpose of getting to know each other to ascertain marriage potential (and of which courtship is a much more formal chaperoned version), and that some people do this for the differing purpose of just having fun.

[Groo the Wanderer]

dating is casual

 

courtship is more about respecting yourself and the other person enough to take the time to get to know them more fully as well as their family and friends

 

 

 

in either case, if the guy isn't terrified of the father, yer doin it wrong

Edited January 26, 2013 by Groo the Wanderer

[Anastasia13]

dating is casual

 

courtship is more about respecting yourself and the other person enough to take the time to get to know them more fully as well as their family and friends

 

 

 

in either case, if the guy isn't terrified of the father, yer doin it wrong

 

Only the father? I think several major males in a woman's life should intimidate and interrogate the guy. At least that was my plan.

[Nihil Obstat]

Only the father? I think several major males in a woman's life should intimidate and interrogate the guy. At least that was my plan.

Luthien did that for me. :| I deserved it.

[GeorgiiMichael]

dating is casual

 

courtship is more about respecting yourself and the other person enough to take the time to get to know them more fully as well as their family and friends

 

 

 

in either case, if the guy isn't terrified of the father, yer doin it wrong

 

Like, I've said ad nauseum, definitions of dating and courting differ from person to person. Your definition of dating does not mesh at all with mine, which is why I've been stressing the importance of healthy, holy marriage discernment. Which includes but is not limited to frequent, open and honest communication, well established barriers, and prayer. Everyone's relationship is going to start and progress in different ways, but as long as those things are followed, things will be fine.

[HisChildForever]

dating is casual

 

courtship is more about respecting yourself and the other person enough to take the time to get to know them more fully as well as their family and friends

 

I disagree with this. Dating can be either casual or serious. In fact your definition of "courtship" is pretty much my relationship and I define that as dating or going out.

[Groo the Wanderer]

ah...relativism is alive

[Winchester]

Courting is when your intent in hanging out with someone and buying them stuff is for the purpose of tricking that someone into getting hitched. It's like dating, but more serious and creepy.

[Anastasia13]

Courting is when your intent in hanging out with someone and buying them stuff is for the purpose of tricking that someone into getting hitched. It's like dating, but more serious and creepy.

 

I still love you, Mr. French Model.

[Winchester]

I still love you, Mr. French Model.

 

Your taste remains remarkable.

[GeorgiiMichael]

ah...relativism is alive

 

...

 

It's MORAL relativism that's bad, mate. And you'll notice that I advocate for "healthy, holy marriage discernment", not "have the sex with everyone until you find one you like better than the rest marriage discernment."

 

Some things are relative. Your favorite food is not objectively the best food in the world. Your definitions for dating/courting are not objectively right either. 

[catholic3in1]

Like, I've said ad nauseum, definitions of dating and courting differ from person to person. Your definition of dating does not mesh at all with mine, which is why I've been stressing the importance of healthy, holy marriage discernment. Which includes but is not limited to frequent, open and honest communication, well established barriers, and prayer. Everyone's relationship is going to start and progress in different ways, but as long as those things are followed, things will be fine.

 I agree with what you are saying. It makes total sense to me! Great point.

[Groo the Wanderer]

so yer saying you want your daughter running around snorging every cute guy she sees that happens to also find her attractive?

 

snorging = locking lips