Annie12 Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Hello to all, In the past month in which I have been away from Phatmass, so much has happened! As you may remember I had become convinced, even after three years of discernment, that my vocation was not to religious life but rather, to marriage. I proceeded to look for a young catholic man that would confirm this inclination. But, instead of finding peace, I found myself anxious and saddened and worse yet, distrustful of God. I became obsessed and unhappy. Then I had time off from University. This is what began to change me. Having time away from the hullabaloo of every day life in college gave me time to reflect and pray about my life. By the end of my break, I had decided I didn't want to pursue any men at this moment in time, though I still wanted to marry. Then, I went to the March for Life. The witness of so many women religious there had an effect on my soul. I found myself starving for a deeper union to Christ. I had been running away from my vocation. I had cold feet. All along, somewhere deep down I always knew what God wanted of me. It was in acknowledging that I do indeed have a religious vocation that I have found my peace. I just didn't have the guts to accept it fully. It took five months to realize how truly in love I am with Christ. The moral of this story is, no matter how fast or far one runs away from Christ, being Love, he will never give up on anyone. He will peruse you until you say yes. Though, all the same, he respects our free will in doing so. Right now I am struggling with the temptation to be distracted by young men, but I know God will give me strength to carry on whilst faithfully carrying out his will. Even when we give up on God's will, God never gives up on us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totally Franciscan Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Beautiful post, Annie12. Your story reminds me of the wonderful poem, The Hound of Heaven by Francis Thompson. A long time ago, a Franciscan sister told me about it and suggested I read it. When I finally sat down and read it, I cried buckets. This poem talks to what you have gone through; I highly recommend it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 God is a very relentless lover! So glad that you have found peace in your discernment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 WB, Annie! Your story reminds me very much of my own -- I really thought I was called to discern marriage after about 2 years of discerning religious life. I saw a young man who I had a crush on for a while but he always seemed unattainable. Then, I saw him in a nearby Adoration chapel with a young woman after Confession. It turned out that young woman became his fiance about a year later. They are now married with a little girl. Because of this, I had to reassess my own vocation and realized, although marriage was beautiful, I have a strong desire to belong only to the Lord and become consecrated -- either as a religious, virgin, or in a secular order. No matter how MANY times I gave up discernment, I inevitably feel drawn back to it and now I'm really sure I am not called to marriage. Even if I never become a religious Sister, I intend to stay single for God. I'm so glad that you feel peace in your heart. It's almost like you are wrestling with God's will, which makes you very unhappy. There's an emptiness that only God can fill. Like the song says: "There's a God-shaped hole in all of us, and the restless soul is searching. There's a God-shaped hole in all of us, and it's a void only He can fill." [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHlkRcZqz7A[/media] Prayers! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savvy Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Thank you for sharing your story Annie. When I first started discerning I too was going back and forth with religious life and marriage. My friends around me had boyfriends, or were getting married. I really wanted to fit in with them, so I kept brushing the thought of religious life aside, but just thinking about surrendering to God's will, would bring me such peace. I knew I would not be as content somewhere else. I will keep you and other discerners in my prayers. Waiting is not easy, when we want things to move quicker, but God gives us time to make sure we are truly prepared for the life he has for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristinaTherese Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 I'm reminded of what a woman (whom I had never seen before, to my knowledge) told me in Adoration one day: "It is a gift you have been given. Don't worry about boys." (Those might not be the exact words, since it's been almost a year, but the meaning is there.) And I would second the recommendation of The Hound of Heaven, it's a very beautiful (and probably timely) poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 I have been praying for you daily, Annie, and very happy indeed to see you back posting. One can be attracted to more than one vocation and these attractions are an invitation from The Lord. At some point one needs to make a decision from one of those attractions - and thus accept one of those invitations and this can mean embracing some wonderful things, and it can mean letting go of, or abandoning, equally wonderful things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Share Posted January 27, 2013 One can be attracted to more than one vocation and these attractions are an invitation from The Lord. At some point one needs to make a decision from one of those attractions - and thus accept one of those invitations and this can mean embracing some wonderful things, and it can mean letting go of, or abandoning, equally wonderful things. In the past few weeks I feel very strongly that God set before me two paths I could take. I believe he showed me that I could be married if I chose to be, but that His will was that I devote my life entirely to him. The funny thing about the Lord is that when he shows you his unfathanable Love, there is no way in which you can reject it without feeling ashamed because his love is the ultimate good! If I chose marraige when the Lord had set before me the option of religious life, I wold be settleig for second best. Currently I am trying to work out what God wants me to do next. I'm not sure if he wants me to wait a while before getting very serious about this or if he wants me to act as soon as possible. I'm considering filling out a vocational inquiry with an order I am absolutely in love with but I'm getting cold feet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisAlone Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 I'm not sure if he wants me to wait a while before getting very serious about this or if he wants me to act as soon as possible. I'm considering filling out a vocational inquiry with an order I am absolutely in love with but I'm getting cold feet! Try reading this discernment piece by Father David Mary of the Franciscan Brothers Minor...it may help. http://www.franciscanbrothersminor.com/FBM/Discernment_Part_X_-_Age_Discrimination.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) In the past few weeks I feel very strongly that God set before me two paths I could take. I believe he showed me that I could be married if I chose to be, but that His will was that I devote my life entirely to him. The funny thing about the Lord is that when he shows you his unfathanable Love, there is no way in which you can reject it without feeling ashamed because his love is the ultimate good! If I chose marraige when the Lord had set before me the option of religious life, I wold be settleig for second best. Currently I am trying to work out what God wants me to do next. I'm not sure if he wants me to wait a while before getting very serious about this or if he wants me to act as soon as possible. I'm considering filling out a vocational inquiry with an order I am absolutely in love with but I'm getting cold feet! 'Cold feet' is not unusual in vocational discernment. My advice would be to seek out a spiritual director/make an appointment with the vocations director in your diocese. Feeling and feelings are like emotional windmills, they will shift this way and that in the slightest of breezes. Feelings do tell us in part who we are at points in our life, but they are never ever the whole of us. Unity with God is in the will/in what our will chooses and be feelings fair or foul. In every vocational state in life and no matter what it is we will be called upon at time to make choices and to act on some level or other (thought, word and/or deed) - which will go against what we may be feeling. Whichever vocation you choose, be assured that you are called to make The Lord prime in your life and to a life of holiness. No matter our vocation in life, we are called to Unity with God and His Will and we all receive the necessary and sufficient Grace in life for Unity. Certainly an attraction to religious life should never be disdained in my book and if one is attracted to this life and something else, then to at very least carefully discern religious life always. Religious life is THE STATE OF PERFECTION and the surest and safest way to holiness, but not the only way. We are all called, regardless of vocation, to the way of perfection, while religious life is the state of perfection. Sometimes it does take spiritual direction (and no just one appointment either) to embark on a journey of choice between attraction to more than one vocational state - and also spiritual direction to discern re that vocational state to which one is most attracted and for you, this seems at this point to be religious life. A call to a certain vocational state or states is only ever an invitation from God. It is not an expression of His Will for a person in that if the person does not take up the invitation they would be going against God's Will for them. Where a vocation is concerned, God's Will is inviting not commanding - He is presenting a possible option or choice to the person, not commanding them in that direction in any way. Re the vocational inquiry with a religious order, put the 'cold feet' aside and submit the form would be my advice - and also do look into acquiring a regular spiritual director. Catholic discussion sites can be very helpful indeed, but sometimes posts can present different even conflicting points of view which can sometimes lead to confusion. Edited January 28, 2013 by BarbaraTherese Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeniJesuAmorMi Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Waiting is not easy, when we want things to move quicker, but God gives us time to make sure we are truly prepared for the life he has for us. I really like how you said that. :) It holds a lot of truth and also the fact that He is so gentle with us and wants to be sure that we want the life he has for us also. Prayers for you Annie that you stay on the path that will lead to union with Our Lord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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