"child Free" People (maybe A Bit Of A Rant)

[photosynthesis]

A couple of days ago, I was standing outside the Bowery Ballroom, waiting in line for a general admission rock concert featuring Amanda Palmer.  If you want to be way up in the front row, then you need to stake your spot out early and that was my goal for the night :)  So I struck a conversation with the people on my right and on my left.  Not surprisingly, I had nothing in common with them except for liking the headliner for that night but we were having a nice cordial conversation.

 

Until...... I casually mentioned that I had a 4 year old at home.

 

You'd think a bomb went off.  There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.  

 

"Yeah, I could never have kids."

 

"Me neither!  I just think that having them would really keep me from doing all the things I like to do, like traveling and being an artist."

 

"I know what you mean.  I'm a great uncle but I'm just not cut out to be a dad, I'm just too selfish!"

 

"The last thing the world needs is another American consumer."

 

And on and on it went.  I didn't talk about how much I love the Latin Mass, or praying the Rosary outside abortion clinics.  I didn't make them sit through an iPhone slideshow of all my daughter's most endearing moments. I'm not one of those parents that has nothing to talk about other than their kids.  All I did was casually mention that I happen to have a 4 year old and people automatically assume that I'm judging them for not having kids.  I guess this must be how vegetarians feel all the time.  

 

With the exception of my Catholic friends, everyone I know says they're "not ready" for kids yet. Outside the "bubble" of my parish and my circle of Catholic friends, I feel like a freak for having a child, especially at the age I am (29).  I'm in the local Mothers & More and most ladies here didn't start having kids until their late 30's, early 40's.  Whenever I take my daughter to the park, every mother there is over 5 years older than me and it makes me feel like I'm some kind of teen mom who got knocked up behind the bleachers, even though 25 is not young for having your first baby.  I guess my peers think they have better things to do?

Edited June 3, 2013 by photosynthesis

[Papist]

A couple of days ago, I was standing outside the Bowery Ballroom, waiting in line for a general admission rock concert featuring Amanda Palmer.  If you want to be way up in the front row, then you need to stake your spot out early and that was my goal for the night :)  So I struck a conversation with the people on my right and on my left.  Not surprisingly, I had nothing in common with them except for liking the headliner for that night but we were having a nice cordial conversation.

 

Until...... I casually mentioned that I had a 4 year old at home.

 

You'd think a bomb went off.  There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.  

 

"Yeah, I could never have kids."

 

"Me neither!  I just think that having them would really keep me from doing all the things I like to do, like traveling and being an artist."

 

"I know what you mean.  I'm a great uncle but I'm just not cut out to be a dad, I'm just too selfish!"

 

"The last thing the world needs is another American consumer."

 

And on and on it went.  I didn't talk about how much I love the Latin Mass, or praying the Rosary outside abortion clinics.  I didn't make them sit through an iPhone slideshow of all my daughter's most endearing moments. I'm not one of those parents that has nothing to talk about other than their kids.  All I did was casually mention that I happen to have a 4 year old and people automatically assume that I'm judging them for not having kids.  I guess this must be how vegetarians feel all the time.  

 

With the exception of my Catholic friends, everyone I know says they're "not ready" for kids yet. Outside the "bubble" of my parish and my circle of Catholic friends, I feel like a freak for having a child, especially at the age I am (29).  I'm in the local Mothers & More and most ladies here didn't start having kids until their late 30's, early 40's.  Whenever I take my daughter to the park, every mother there is over 5 years older than me and it makes me feel like I'm some kind of teen mom who got knocked up behind the bleachers, even though 25 is not young for having your first baby.  I guess my peers think they have better things to do?

 

I know couples like that. One couple, after tens years on marriage and wife being 40, they decided to have a child before it was too late (yeah, I know. Great attitude). After baby was born, they had much remorse for not having a baby(s) many years earlier. They ended up having another baby.

 

One I love is when couples get a dog and then say it is good practice for a child.  

[homeschoolmom]

Oh man... I remember feeling similarly when my kids were little. Eventually my circles of friends/aquaintances moved to primarily parents-only. So it just sort of stopped being an issue for me.

 

I would LOVE to have a four-year-old again. :love:

[homeschoolmom]

I know couples like that. One couple, after tens years on marriage and wife being 40, they decided to have a child before it was too late (yeah, I know. Great attitude). After baby was born, they had much remorse for not having a baby(s) many years earlier. They ended up having another baby.

 

One I love is when couples get a dog and then say it is good practice for a child.  

Yeah... then the go on to potty train their toddlers by spanking them on the nose with a newspaper-- it's just bad all around....

 

 

What I found ironic in the OP was the juxtaposition of the idea that "I can't do/buy what I want" and "why make more consumers?" Um.... Do you not realize that YOU are the self-absorbed consumer in this conversation??

[Papist]

Yeah... then the go on to potty train their toddlers by spanking them on the nose with a newspaper-- it's just bad all around....

 

 

What I found ironic in the OP was the juxtaposition of the idea that "I can't do/buy what I want" and "why make more consumers?" Um.... Do you not realize that YOU are the self-absorbed consumer in this conversation??

 

Don't think a dog can prepare you for the onslaught of "WHYS" from a 4-yr old. And onslaught of ridiculous unanswerable questions from a 6 yr old.

 

Yes. Very ironic. They are the evil consumer that they don't want more of.

[homeschoolmom]

Don't think a dog can prepare you for the onslaught of "WHYS" from a 4-yr old. And onslaught of ridiculous unanswerable questions from a 6 yr old.

 

Yes. Very ironic. They are the evil consumer that they don't want more of.

Nothing can prepare you for the never-ending "whys"... Maybe a Chinese water-torture.... :think:

[Papist]

Nothing can prepare you for the never-ending "whys"... Maybe a Chinese water-torture.... :think:

 

Or the rack

[Lilllabettt]

Coming from the other side:

 

At least as you get older more people will be able to relate to you!

 

I think all of my co-workers are married, with children. At meetings, at lunch, on facebook, at after hour social events, they talk about their husbands and their children. All the time.  With each other. Its not that they deliberately exclude me.  But I cannot add much when they start with the words "you know how" and ends with a cute/amazing/annoying family story.  It's natural because their families are the BIGGEST thing in their life. But I cannot join in on the photo sharing sessions. No bridal shower for me. No baby shower for me. I buy my own damm blenders. I ignore the pitying looks and reassuring comments that "one day it will happen" for me.

 

Most of my non-work  friends are married now, and there is a steady trickle of babies coming. I have noticed what homeschoolmom says is true outside of work as well: families mostly end up hanging with other families.  Once they get married they prefer to hang with other couples so that their husbands can have a friend too. Once they have kids they prefer to go to Mommy Groups, or make friends with the other Mom at play dates. I understand it, but it still sucks for me. They are busy. And they are going through something so big and important and I cannot share that.  I cannot bond with them over it.

 

I can't have kids, and I don't plan to get married. But I realize that the majority of people do. So mine is going to be a lonely row to hoe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

My mom was 22 when she had me, and she knew NO other moms her age whatsoever. I know she talks about how hard that was, so I do feel ya. I think you're right about people feeling defensive as if you're judging them for not having kids. Which is weird.

[Chestertonian]

Regarding the selfishness of married people who are not open to having children, I read a post on here several years ago that I think about every time I hear a baby crying at mass:

 

"One of the best homilies I ever heard was one sentence long, and came during a homily which was interrupted by the loud crying of a child. After the crying subsided, the priest said, "I love to hear crying babies at Mass, because it stings the conscience of those contracepting couples who selfishly refuse to have children."  ~Sternhauser

 

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/99266-priest-asked-noisy-children-to-leave/

 

 

[Nihil Obstat]

Regarding the selfishness of married people who are not open to having children, I read a post on here several years ago that I think about every time I hear a baby crying at mass:

 

"One of the best homilies I ever heard was one sentence long, and came during a homily which was interrupted by the loud crying of a child. After the crying subsided, the priest said, "I love to hear crying babies at Mass, because it stings the conscience of those contracepting couples who selfishly refuse to have children."  ~Sternhauser

 

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/99266-priest-asked-noisy-children-to-leave/

What a guy. :)

[CrossCuT]

I am completely unable to understand what is so appealing about a life without children.

I am very excited for the day that I become a mother...all in due time, of course.

[CatholicsAreKewl]

I wonder if all this talk ever makes people who can't have kids feel really sad.

[White Knight]

A couple of days ago, I was standing outside the Bowery Ballroom, waiting in line for a general admission rock concert featuring Amanda Palmer.  If you want to be way up in the front row, then you need to stake your spot out early and that was my goal for the night :)  So I struck a conversation with the people on my right and on my left.  Not surprisingly, I had nothing in common with them except for liking the headliner for that night but we were having a nice cordial conversation.

 

Until...... I casually mentioned that I had a 4 year old at home.

 

You'd think a bomb went off.  There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.  

 

"Yeah, I could never have kids."

 

"Me neither!  I just think that having them would really keep me from doing all the things I like to do, like traveling and being an artist."

 

"I know what you mean.  I'm a great uncle but I'm just not cut out to be a dad, I'm just too selfish!"

 

"The last thing the world needs is another American consumer."

 

And on and on it went.  I didn't talk about how much I love the Latin Mass, or praying the Rosary outside abortion clinics.  I didn't make them sit through an iPhone slideshow of all my daughter's most endearing moments. I'm not one of those parents that has nothing to talk about other than their kids.  All I did was casually mention that I happen to have a 4 year old and people automatically assume that I'm judging them for not having kids.  I guess this must be how vegetarians feel all the time.  

 

With the exception of my Catholic friends, everyone I know says they're "not ready" for kids yet. Outside the "bubble" of my parish and my circle of Catholic friends, I feel like a freak for having a child, especially at the age I am (29).  I'm in the local Mothers & More and most ladies here didn't start having kids until their late 30's, early 40's.  Whenever I take my daughter to the park, every mother there is over 5 years older than me and it makes me feel like I'm some kind of teen mom who got knocked up behind the bleachers, even though 25 is not young for having your first baby.  I guess my peers think they have better things to do?


S

 

 Sadly those people who you met at the line waiting for the concert are the ones contributing to the Demographic Winter scenerio  where people are too selfish to breed and as a result have a fallout and/or decline in certian geographical popluated areas.

[arfink]

I wonder if all this talk ever makes people who can't have kids feel really sad.

 

I know for a fact that it does.