Satan Attacking

[Golden Years]

Am out of props or I would give to you!  Great posts! 

[Kateri89]

ROTFL I LOVE THAT VIDEO

I actually don't get "retreat highs" per-se... I usually come back from retreats - if they're good retreats; our LifeTeen retreats...not so much - on fire and that fire never really goes out.

And we don't own a copy of the Screwtape Letters!!! :cry: The cheapest copy I could find at Barnes and Noble was 17 bucks! :pinch:

Best $17 you'll ever spend :) that book is fantastic

[Golden Years]

I wanted to add, just as a suggestion, that in general I don't think it's a good idea to automatically assume that all doubts and anxieties are from satan because for me at least, that just causes me to have more anxiety.  Sometimes it's evil but sometimes I think it's just our fallen human nature.  For me, when I have things happening that cause me anxiety or distress, like my cat meowing like crazy when I'm trying to pray, I just try not to react emotionally, and offer it up.  Sometimes I even do it in advance ("I offer all distractions I may experience in prayer for the salvation of souls", etc.) That way, if it is evil in origin, they lose because I just offered it up.  And if it's my own fallen nature, I still win because I didn't allow it to disturb my peace.  Doesn't always work of course, but it helps.  And it gets easier with practice (and age!)

 

BTW I think you have a beautiful vocation.  :nunpray:

 

[krissylou]

I've noticed that every time I finish talking to someone about my retreat experience and discernment, thoughts like "What if this isn't for you?" and "What if you don't get accepted?" start going through my head. I think this is Satan just trying to egg me on, but how do I know? The thought definitely doesn't give me any peace. I did get a very clear message during adoration at the retreat that these doubts will be my biggest cross instead of having to worry about family getting angry or things like that. I also have had several dreams involving me, Therese, roses, and getting pricked by the thorns. I woke up with a very clear message in my head - probably from Therese - that "Yes, you've gotten roses. And yes, you've gotten signs. But if you want roses, you're going to have to deal with thorns, too."

 

So I know to not take these doubts too seriously, but should I be considering them at all? Everything has been lining up (if that's how you could put it) to fit with where I truly believe I am called. I've also been using these temptations as incentive to irritate the c.rap out of Satan, i.e. doing extra chores I hate doing, saying extra prayers, etc. He's been trying to scare me away from going to Adoration, Mass, and saying prayers with fears of hearing something I don't want to hear...and then I go/say prayers, kick his a$$ and hear the opposite of everything I was afraid of. 

 

So how exactly do I know when these doubts come from Satan or if it's something God's trying to tell me? Another thing I've found myself doing is totally over-thinking everything, which I didn't even realize was a flaw of mine until just now. But any advice would be great!

 

Well, maybe it's Satan attacking, or maybe it's really normal jitters.  People get anxious when approaching major life steps.  This is really really common.

 

It definitely sounds like you're getting ahead of yourself.  The next step is to continue to discern whether you should be applying for a potential September 2014 entrance.  You won't be making perpetual profession until at least 2020 so "what if it isn't for me after all????" concerns are more than a little premature.

 

If you don't get accepted well then that will be sad and hard.  But you'll get through it and be one step closer to finding what God DOES have in mind for you, and will have a richer faith life for having discerned.

 

If you get accepted and enter and then discern out, well then that will be sad and hard.  But such things happen, are not the end of the world, and you will be one step closer to finding out where God IS calling you and will be a better <whatever you end up being> for having tried out religious life.

 

As worst case scenarios go, these are okay.

 

In some ways, religious life has a big advantage over marriage in that marriage is all or nothing.  Living together before marriage to see if this works for you is neither moral nor helpful.  In religious life, on the other hand, you aren't "married" until you've been there for years and it is required by canon law that you take your time, and discern step by step before making a life commitment.

 

So focus on discerning the next step, and leave the more distant steps for later.

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

There will always be trials and temptations especially when we choose to follow Jesus more closely. Ultimately, the more surrendered we become to God's will the less we will have the anxieties and worries about what will happen (and will have more patience in waiting.)  This is something to pray for so much. To be able to realize that the way we feel will not change what is going to happen, because we know that what will happen will be what He wants. We really have to be detached from ourselves and our circumstances and trust that while we are doing our part He is doing His and everything in His time will happen. I find that constant recourse to Our Blessed Mother is most helpful. She helps us to be the way we should be through everything. She more than anyone was surrendered completely to the action of the Holy Spirit and fulfilled God's will most perfectly. I could really go on and on about Her, but She will help you; no matter what is the cause of your feelings put it all in Her hands and keep your gaze on Jesus. :)

[Sister Marie]

Could it be too that you might have too much time to think right now? I don't know what your schedule is like or if you have finished school for the summer but if you find yourself thinking all the time about your retreat experience, I'm not surprised you would be continuing to analyze it. Retreat is not an end in and of itself. It seems like you did some good discerning while you were there and you desire to live a life focused on following the poor, chaste, and obedient Christ. That's wonderful!

Get out of your own mind and follow him now in the circumstances in which you live. Volunteer to work in a ministry where you have to be focused on others intensely. It will be school of love, a healthy and holy activity, and a way of living right now the desire in your heart to follow Christ. He isn't asking right now for the you of the future. He always wants the you of now! Maybe in the future that you will be entering the convent, but since we know that that you isn't entering today or tomorrow it's a great time to discover what god wants for you TODAY.

[DiscerningCatholic]

I definitely have a lot of time right now... :| Probably too much time, like you said. I'm not used to having just days of nothing to do except for a handful of school assignments. :pinch: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And remind me again, which community are you a part of? :blush: I can't remember. Which is awkward since I've only met two sisters on here... :| 

[Sister Marie]

I'm an Immaculata IHM. Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary of Immaculata, PA. There are a few different communities that are IHMs that's why the "of Immaculata" :)

Edited to add - don't be embarrassed! It's all good!

Edited June 8, 2013 by Sister Marie

[DiscerningCatholic]

Okay. I should be able to remember. Because there's another Sr. Marie (or Maria) who is a cloistered Dominican, so I can't keep track of who's who. :| 

[Laurie]

I've noticed that every time I finish talking to someone about my retreat experience and discernment, thoughts like "What if this isn't for you?" and "What if you don't get accepted?" start going through my head. I think this is Satan just trying to egg me on, but how do I know? The thought definitely doesn't give me any peace. I did get a very clear message during adoration at the retreat that these doubts will be my biggest cross instead of having to worry about family getting angry or things like that. I also have had several dreams involving me, Therese, roses, and getting pricked by the thorns. I woke up with a very clear message in my head - probably from Therese - that "Yes, you've gotten roses. And yes, you've gotten signs. But if you want roses, you're going to have to deal with thorns, too."

 

So I know to not take these doubts too seriously, but should I be considering them at all? Everything has been lining up (if that's how you could put it) to fit with where I truly believe I am called. I've also been using these temptations as incentive to irritate the c.rap out of Satan, i.e. doing extra chores I hate doing, saying extra prayers, etc. He's been trying to scare me away from going to Adoration, Mass, and saying prayers with fears of hearing something I don't want to hear...and then I go/say prayers, kick his a$$ and hear the opposite of everything I was afraid of. 

 

So how exactly do I know when these doubts come from Satan or if it's something God's trying to tell me? Another thing I've found myself doing is totally over-thinking everything, which I didn't even realize was a flaw of mine until just now. But any advice would be great!

 

DiscerningCatholic, I will be praying for you as you try to sort this out.

 

I recommend anything by Fr. Gallagher. He has a number of books and online videos. Here one video:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pE-AGnkBzWk

 

He has a very calm, prayerful, learned demeanor.

 

You are already in a very good place, spiritually, because you are aware of your thoughts and the patterns that are cropping up in your interior life. This is the first and most difficult hurdle for people in discernment, so you've already got step one in the bag. The next step is to increase your awareness, perhaps by jotting down these thoughts as they arise (so you can keep track of them, and identify patterns later on, without having to carry them in your mind all the time, which can lead to the over-thinking that you mention has been a difficulty for you) or by habitually sharing them with a spiritual advisor you trust. The idea is to increase your capacity to identify a thought that is unsettling as it arises, and deal with it in that moment. We are all busy, and we tend to shuffle along with spiritually depressing thoughts and not stop to face those thoughts. (Like I said, you are already right on track in doing this.)

 

The next step, once you identify the kinds of thoughts that are troubling you, is to analyze them in prayer. Fr. Gallagher's books, or having a spiritual director, will help with this.

 

For example, you expressed your thoughts below:

 

"I've noticed that every time I finish talking to someone about my retreat experience and discernment, thoughts like 'What if this isn't for you?' and 'What if you don't get accepted?' start going through my head. I think this is Satan just trying to egg me on, but how do I know?"

 

It seems to me that Satan is trying to distract you and burden you with worries that aren't real. Looking from the outside, here's what I see:

 

1) What if this isn't for you? Well, what if it isn't? If it's not for you, you want to know! It might be painful at first, but you do want to do God's will for you. So if His will for you isn't this specific vocation, or this specific religious community, that's not a negative thing. It's a positive thing because you have stepped toward what you thought was His will, discerned that it wasn't, and are now free to move on to the next step He wants you to take. You are safely in the palm of His hand. It is a distraction from Satan to make you worry that you have to know beforehand what God's next steps for you are. You don't! You just have to take the baby steps as you get them from God and let Him worry about the bigger picture. He has a reason for bringing you to the retreat, and to the community you are currently involved with. He is using it for a reason, whether or not it is your actual vocation.

 

2) What if you don't get accepted? Again, this strikes me as a distraction. The beauty of discerning communal life is that you are not alone! You have others, right alongside you, discerning what God's will for you is. This is a positive thing, not a negative. (That's to say it might not be sad or painful to not enter a community that struck a cord with you and in which you felt at home.) The point is you are not alone in this discernment, you don't have to figure it all out yourself, and you can trust that God will work with others in bringing you towards Him in His plan for you.

 

Satan's key objective is to isolate us. Generally speaking, things he presents as negatives are really positives. He tries to make you think you are alone precisely when you are not! The aim of that is to discourage us and lock us up in our own interior lives. If he can get you to fear X outcome, then he can work towards keeping you from stepping towards Christ.

 

Some people do find it helpful to just keep a notebook to jot down these types of thoughts. It's also a good idea to jot down the positive thoughts and times where you receive consolation in prayer. That'll help you start to discern the patterns. Fr. Gallagher's works will then give you tools for interpreting the patterns.

[domenica_therese]

I definitely second the recommendation of Fr. Gallagher's books. I would start with Discerning the Will of God, and then if you want more read The Discernment of Spirits. Buy it. Buy it now. Before Screwtape. You can get a kindle version for a little under 10, and you can get a kindle reader app for any computer, and even one that's built into the chrome browser. Here's the book: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=discerning%20the%20will%20of%20God

 

Two little pieces of advice:
- Focus on living your vocation now, in the world. Everything proceeds from us first following his call in small things. If we attune ourselves to the still voice in everyday life, it is easier to know the big things are of God.

 

- It sounds like God is speaking more in a loud voice in a still voice right now, so I wouldn't worry about that. I think what is clear beyond a doubt is that right now he is calling you to discern further with the Dominicans. This was mentioned before, but it needs to be further emphasized. I got to a point with my sisters where I didn't know where else if not them. I felt I could not "claim" them because I had not been accepted. If I thought about it in terms of "I don't know where this will end," that attitude wasn't healthy. I had to center myself on what I had felt in those moments of consolation, and that even if maybe I didn't know for sure where I was going, this was the path I was supposed to be on. God is giving you this desire for the DSMME's, but maybe he is just giving it so you will pursue them, and in that pursuit you will find your true vocation. When you have it grasped firmly in your hands, it will be beautiful.

 

 

When I visited my whole purpose of visiting was basically to ask for papers, and the sisters knew that, and were so so supportive. Yet when I got there that first night, I was beset by doubt. It was really the first time I really was aware enough of where I was spiritually and what was going on to be conscious of the fact that perhaps I was being attacked by Satan. I like to consider myself a very practical, level-headed person, so that was a strange admission for me to make. As I sat there and prayed, I felt like all the things which had seemed so beautiful to me about their night prayer were stripped away, and I was left with dryness. I was very tired, and I thought "Can I really do this for the rest of my life? Can I do this when I'm exhausted from a long day of teaching? Can I devote my life to teaching and to this?" Sister came and found me in the chapel after night prayer, and I told her about how I was feeling, all my doubts, and how my confidence was stripped away, and I didn't know if I should apply. She didn't see any impediments to my application though, and I decided I did want to talk to the Novice Mistress. Once I was alone I had a good cry about it; it was enormously difficult to get over that hump and make that act of surrender. That I DO want to do this for the rest of my life, even if it isn't always rosy. That promising frees us to strive upwards. And it was amazing, because once I battled through all that obscuring fog, when I latched on to what I deeply felt and let Him pull me through, the farther I got along the process of formally asking, the lighter I felt. When I finally got my packet, I was giddy, positively giddy. And let me tell you, I am not generally a very giddy person. I even sat in the airport for awhile and hugged it.  Since then I haven't had any doubts; none whatsoever. I'm not saying they won't return. In fact, unless God gives me some tremendous grace I'm sure they will right before entrance, but that's normal. I think that I have such pride in my own intellect that God has to give me a "thorn in the brain" sometimes to keep me from getting conceited. Stuff like scrupulosity, irrational doubts, etc., I have learned that I can't master them on my own. Rather, I have to treat them as a trust exercise. I got my application on Divine Mercy Sunday, and I think it's super fitting.

 

tl;dr: When you have doubts, just pray "Jesus, I trust in you" continually until you finally believe it.

[DiscerningCatholic]

tl;dr: When you have doubts, just pray "Jesus, I trust in you" continually until you finally believe it.

 

Fr. George's of the Fathers of Mercy one-stop cureall to any problem was to say "Jesus Christ, have mercy on me"!!!! I say that prayer constantly and it does help. Over the past week, I've discovered that the Memorare is a great go-to prayer as well. I'm gonna jinx it by saying this, but I think Satan's backed off a bit because I haven't been dealing with any of what I mentioned in the original post for a while. :) 

 

On a side note, I got to spend about an hour last night with my mom in our driveway. (I was out there to re-pot some morning glories and we ended up just staying out there and chatting for a while.) I was talking to her about my discernment and my thoughts about entering. You know those times where you get so happy that you can't even describe what you're trying to describe and just sit there smiling, stammering, making weird sounds, and trying to put a coherent sentence together? That was me the whole talk. I think she may have cried a bit, but she gets a runny nose and burning eyes pretty easily, so I'm not sure. And obviously, I wasn't about to ask. But nothing gives me greater joy than talking about what I believe to be my vocation. 

[EmilyAnn]

If you are truly honest with yourself, if you heard God distinctly say right now "your vocation is not to the religious life", what would your reaction be? It's very easy to piously say "I would accept His will" but a lot of the time we want something so badly that isn't true. There is often talk of detaching from things in order to discern the religious life, but the biggest thing you have to detach from is in a way the religious life itself. As things become more serious with a specific community, that is really when this is most important. I know exactly what it's like to want it so badly that it ends up clouding your ability to hear what God is actually saying. You need to be able to honestly say you would be okay if God led you somewhere else before you can really hear Him clearly - it's very easy otherwise to mistake your own desires for God's voice. 

[PhuturePriest]

You know, I used to worry about the same thing (And still do since I'm kinda-sorta discerning still). What you need to remember is to trust in God. I've had to do that while discerning religious life and marriage. Before I discerned marriage, I was always worried that I would be given some sign that I wasn't called to religious life. When I discerned marriage exclusively, I was always worried that I would see some sign that told me I wasn't called to marry this or that girl that I was interested in at the time. But here's the thing: If God wants me as a Franciscan Priest or as a Diocesan Priest, I will be, no matter what man-made obstacles get in the way. If God wants me to marry Kate or some other girl, it doesn't matter if she doesn't like me romantically right now. God's not going to let something like that get in the way of His will, and she will eventually. Just have trust in God. Even though we like to think we are in charge, we're really just along for the ride.