Pro-life Awkwardness

[ToJesusMyHeart]

Just wanted to share some awkwardness going on in my life currently.

I'm in the application process right now and one of the things we need to do is get a "letter of reference" from a "professional associate." I decided to ask a former professor of mine, whom I also worked with in tutoring his students. I emailed him, asking if he would mind writing the letter for me and he  agreed, stating (he says he is freaking out because I told him "Now, don't freak out, but I'm applying to enter a convent!") :

 

 

Hi Katie,  I'm only freaking out a little bit. I am however happy to recommend you for anything you choose for yourself. Please send any relevant information I.e. the qualifications they are looking for and a link to the place.  

Best wishes.

 

 

"Great!", I thought to myself. Then, today I got another email from him, saying: 

 

 

Katie,

 

I know that I said I would support you in anything that you want for yourself but I am struggling to write this letter and may need to retract my offer.  As I think about it, can I ask you a few questions?  May I ask whey you have chosen this pathway for yourself?  Do you plan to stay there forever?  And can I ask a very personal question about your philosophy?  Do you think that there is ever a reasonable time for an abortion, e.g. in cases of rape when the mother to be wishes to have an abortion?

 

 

OH NO.  :sos:

 

Anyway, the main purpose of this thread is to see if you think I replied to his inquiries in an acceptable manner or if I totally messed up. I replied: 

 

 

Dr. ------,

Of course you are welcome to ask me questions. I have chosen this for myself because I have felt an invitation from Jesus Christ to give my whole life to Him. In marriage, you give a large portion of your heart to your spouse and your children, but I feel Jesus asking me to give Him the entirety of my heart, and this can be accomplished in the convent. With the Sisters, I can give myself exclusively and wholly to Jesus as a bride of Christ. In this way, I can give Him all my love and offer my life as a sacrifice for the salvation of souls. 

Yes, I plan to stay with the Sisters forever, if it is the will of God. I sure hope it is! :)

As for my philosophy about unborn children--I believe that every person, born or unborn, is a child of God and worthy of great respect. All humans have immense dignity because we are children of God, created in His image, and therefore it is never okay to kill another human. It is our responsibility as humans to work for the protection and enhancement of the sacredness of every human life--born or unborn. No matter where a human person is currently living--whether inside the womb of their mother or outside the womb--they have unfathomable dignity and must not be killed. So no matter the circumstances in which a baby was created in the womb of their mother, they must not be killed. Aborting a baby that has been created through rape will not solve the immense harm caused by the rape. It will only add trauma and pain to the life of the mother, and the life of the baby will be lost entirely. The baby did nothing to cause itself to be created, and the baby should not be punished for the crimes of the rapist father. I have friends who were raped, and conceived a child, and out of great courage and love for that baby, did not choose to kill the child, but rather placed the baby for adoption. I also have friends who were themselves the product of a rape. Thank goodness that their parents did not abort them, or else I would be missing a great friendship in my life. The child is never to blame in rape situations and should not be killed because of the crime of the rapist. All human life has unspeakable value and dignity, and we must protect all humans-- especially the weakest and most vulnerable among us, including those who cannot protect themselves because they are in the womb.

Sincerely and with respect,
Katie

 

 

If he needs to retract his offer, I have others whom I can ask. But man, talk about awkward, right?! 

 

Anyway, just needed to share.  :unsure:

[Antigonos]

I find the whole situation very odd.  What your position is, regarding abortion, is really none of his business, any more than other private issues, such as your sexuality.  You didn't choose him to give you a reference because of HIS position on abortion, or his sexuality, or whether he likes chocolate milk.  You were asking for a reference based on how he perceived your work in tutoring students along with him.  Were you effective, organized, behaved in a mature fashion, etc.

 

I don't think it's any of his business what you intend to do with his reference, either.  I would never impose my own views on someone who is discerning religious life, no matter how much I might disagree with someone whose avowed aim is to revive Hindu thuggee or become a hermit, or even become an ultra-Orthodox Jew.  If I were asked for a reference describing your qualifications which brought you to me, and the quality of tutoring you did, and whether this indicated, in my opinion, your suitability for teaching, then I'd give my opinion. That's all.

[Kateri89]

That right there was a wonderful evangelizing moment and I'm glad you didn't pass it up.  I wonder if you had told him you were joining a different order if this would have come up.  Probably not, right?  But then that makes one wonder what society thinks nuns believe.  Even if you were entering with a different order, I would still imagine that your beliefs on the sanctity of human life would be the same even if the apostolate of the order was different.  So even if he declines to write the letter for you, I think this was a gift from God that you were able to preach the Gospel of Life to him and maybe one day he'll feel differently on the issue, especially if he sees that it's something you and many other women have devoted your entire lives to.  Awkward? Sure.  Worth it? Absolutely.

[maximillion]

I agree with Antigonos, this was IMO an inappropriate request from him to you - great response by the way!

 

He is being asked for his opinion as a professional associate, does he enquire into the philosophical/religious leanings of every person who has asked him for a reference?

I doubt it. Therefore he ought not to have done so on this occasion.

[Antigonos]

Perhaps you should have told him you are an advocate of sacrificing children to Moloch and watched his eyes bug out. In the immortal words of the comedian, W.C. Fields, "I'm very fond of children when they've been properly cooked."

[Sister Marie]

I think, at the most, this was bad manners.  Obviously it made you uncomfortable which isn't okay.  Your answer was very well written, kind, and a great witness... so, good job!

 

When I read his email it spoke to me of a sort of care for you that comes from someone who doesn't necessarily understand what you are doing but wants to.  His concern that, 1.you are doing this of your free will, is actually really nice.  It's written about in many documents on formation and religious life that every step of the process must be of one's free will.  He doesn't know it, but he's with the Church on that one!  His question about 2. you staying "forever" also seems to be one that is concerned with your happiness and the use of your gifts which is nice because it is an acknowledgement of your goodness. 

 

The question about abortion can be seen from a few different angles.  I always try to assume the best unless I know something else so I read his question from the best perspective I could think of.  Maybe he has an experience of abortion or is interested in the politics and morality of it and hasn't figured out where he stands yet.  He seems to actually want a personal answer - not an argument.  He probably knows that this was a little too personal to ask, as he stated as much in his question, but he took a chance and asked you anyway, which says to me that he is searching and that he respects you.  I'm sure that because he respects you, it hits him that you are willing to stake your life on this! 

 

He may not be able to write the reference but I think the reason will be more along the lines of not understanding what you need him to say than your views on abortion.  When I entered the convent our first "class" was about how religious life was like going to another country and having to learn how to do everything over again - it is a different culture.  For your former professor... It may usually be easy to write a reference for something he knows about but this is a whole other culture, a whole other world that he isn't familiar with. 

 

Anyway, good job with your response and I hope that this turns out well in the end. 

[Sister Marie]

PS - If he is searching, if he wants to understand, he's on your side (and on the side of life) because we are all seekers of the truth... and we all come to it in different ways.  You could be part of his way to truth even if you never find out.

[ToJesusMyHeart]

Update:

 

He replied with: 

Thanks Katie,

 

Sorry to pry.  I'll send a letter directly to the convent on Monday.

 

I replied with:

 

Not a problem at all. I'm glad you asked the questions that were concerning you. I hope my reply was clear and sufficient. 

Thank you for writing this letter for me. I really appreciate it! 

Have a wonderful summer,
Katie

 

And he replied again with:

 

Katie,

 

A strong letter of support is in the mail for you.  Please keep me posted, stay in touch, and let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.

 

Looks like this has turned out well. I hope Jesus will use our conversation and the letter to touch my professor's heart. 

 

Thank you for listening, pham! :)

 

[OnlySunshine]

Update:

 

He replied with: 

 

I replied with:

 

 

And he replied again with:

 

 

Looks like this has turned out well. I hope Jesus will use our conversation and the letter to touch my professor's heart. 

 

Thank you for listening, pham! :)

 

Praise GOD!  :yahoo:
 

[AnneLine]

Wow.   Amazing response, amazing witness.

 

And it sounds like it turned out VERY well.

 

It could also be.... he was concerned about your ability to take the stands he knew or sensed you would need to take as a Sister of Life.... and if so, you certainly passed that test with flying colors.

 

Praying that this (and every other interaction you have en-route to the convent) will bring all of you in closer connection with God.

[domenica_therese]

I'm not surprised at his original response, actually. A lot of people not very familiar with religious life are a bit afraid it's a cult or something. Anyway, I thought you gave a beautiful answer re: the rape issue, and I'm glad it all resolved well. :)

[Spem in alium]

I also wasn't very surprised by what he asked. The abortion question was a little awkward. There are many people who only advocate abortion in the instance of rape, and perhaps he was just interested as to whether that was the case for you and the Sisters. As for the other inquiries, they do make sense in this day and age. Though I know if I'd been asked similar questions, I probably would not have been able to answer as beautifully as you did. Very well done, and God bless.

[ToJesusMyHeart]

:blush:

 

Thanks y'all, you're sweet.

[LittleWaySoul]

This is beautiful :love: So glad it went well and happy I decided to read this thread. Praying for you and proud of you, Katie! :smile3:

[TIWW]

One reason he might possibly have asked this of you is that he perhaps knows someone who might be in a position to be thinking about abortion.  I also think that there are  folks who are void of core values or who do not have a spiritual belief system and he truly was seeking a response from someone who obviously is grounded in a strong belief in God. It is a rather sticky position to put you in, and thankfully, he had someone like you to answer this querry for him.

 

I remember many years ago when I was about to enter a convent, and finally let it be known to co workers etc.and

found myself answering some interesting questions. I did feel like the Holy Spirit afforded those opportunities for me

to say that I felt called by God, and was looking forward to trying my vocation as a nun. If one believes in God, and with prayer and direction,we want to follow His will for us,there really is no choice but to answer.

 

Edited June 19, 2013 by TIWW