Parental Concern

[savvy]

 

As I prepare to enter religious life. My Mum is concerned about what happens in case, things do not work out. She wants me to have a back-up plan by setting money aside etc. I do not want to, because I am giving my life to God, and keeping something, may not be an act of total surrender. I am caught in the middle, and do not know what to do.

 

 

[Annie12]

Since I don't know your mom, I can give you the greatest advice but I would say that you should come up with some "plan" so to ease her mind. She is your mom and she is worried about you. You should also tell her that Jesus will take care of all your needs and that trusting in him is the most important thing. Its sounds to me like she need reassurement that you will be okay and won't end up on the street. She may be a little anxious. I think if you do have some sort of a "back  up plan", even though it wont be for your ease of mind, your mom will greatly appreciate it. I'm not saying you need to pour hours of thought into it either. Just something simple just to make her more confident that Jesus will take care of you no matter what. Most of all pray about this. God will show you what to do more than I can.

 

I agree with you about setting aside the money. If you don't want to, I don't advise it.

Edited June 25, 2013 by Annie12

[To Jesus Through Mary]

 

 

As I prepare to enter religious life. My Mum is concerned about what happens in case, things do not work out. She wants me to have a back-up plan by setting money aside etc. I do not want to, because I am giving my life to God, and keeping something, may not be an act of total surrender. I am caught in the middle, and do not know what to do.

 

 

You don't technically have to give up your savings until final vows in most communities. A lot of people keep their savings. I know I am glad I did. But maybe you can talk with your SD about it. I don't think it is holding back, but prudence as you are discerning until you take final vows (and then you continue discerning God's will ;) ) but that is just my take on it. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

It might be best to speak to your SD about this :) or if you don't have a spiritual director, speak to a priest.

[FutureSister2009]

I've been thinking about that too. I know there is a possiblity that things may not work out for me. That's why I've been thinking about grad school and stuff just in case

[photosynthesis]

If you have savings and join a religious order, what are you supposed to do with the money?  Are you supposed to give it to the order, or are you supposed to donate it to charity or give it to your family?

 

I never had this issue when I was discerning religious life because I was broke :)

[maximillion]

I can't agree that not having a back up plan means that one trusts God any less than the person who does have one.

 

You may discern out, which won't be a failure, and not having to rely absolutely on others for support if this happens can only be seen as thinking well of them, not thinking less of God.In addition it will set your mum's fears to rest and make your entry easier on her.

 

Sr Faith Cecilia's story as well as that of nunsense both come to mind.........

I doubt if the plans wise nunsense made for meeting the eventuality  of discerning out has ever meant that she was less than fully given..... 

The two are by no means incompatible. Keep a bit of money back and don't give away/get rid of absolutely everything.

You can think about it some more once Clothing comes along.

[To Jesus Through Mary]

If you have savings and join a religious order, what are you supposed to do with the money?  Are you supposed to give it to the order, or are you supposed to donate it to charity or give it to your family?

 

I never had this issue when I was discerning religious life because I was broke :)

 

It may differ from order to order, but the order I was with, we had the option to give it to whoever we liked. 

[nikita92]

I struggle with this Savvy! Because I am "older" I have a whole household to have to deal with in regards to disposing of it's contents etc.i am a realist, so therefor I consider the very real fact of discerning out as always a possibility. Therefor, having a safety net in place.. Is logical and very much a consideration. Even if it is to help disapate your mother's concerns etc I think #1-it's not a bad idea and #2- Mother's know best! ;) Pray to our dear Mother Mary in that she may give you so peace of mind on this!

[Sister Marie]

You don't technically have to give up your savings until final vows in most communities. A lot of people keep their savings. I know I am glad I did. But maybe you can talk with your SD about it. I don't think it is holding back, but prudence as you are discerning until you take final vows (and then you continue discerning God's will ;) ) but that is just my take on it. 

 

This is 100% correct.  You are making a commitment with your whole heart right now to DISCERN, not to stay somewhere forever.  Formation is a time to see if you are called to the community and to be formed in their spirit so that at the end of the many years of formation one can truly say with their whole heart - "I give myself forever." 

 

I would be worried if you had a complete back up plan (job, shelter, plans) because it might be tempting to think of as an "out" when times are difficult in formation BUT keeping your savings and protecting your assets while you are discerning is a prudent and good thing to do.  This way you can really be free to discern. 

 

Savvy, how soon are you entering?  It seems that you should have some time still to pray over and think about these things.  That could be a comfort to your mother as well.

[cmaD2006]

I agree with what everyone has said ... it is very prudent to not give everything up.

 

The backup plan is important.  I mean, don't plan on where to live afterwards, or a job, etc.  But -- if you have savings, then keep it.  Your 401k or retirement account is another thing too -- I found out that unless you are making solemn vows of poverty you *can* keep those accounts until you reach retirement age.  In that case, if you are a member of a community then you would turn over what you would get in retirement to the community for your care.

 

Be careful too.  The community I was last with in Argentina would have probably convinced me to cash the retirement out if I had told them about it.  I'm just glad that the 1st community that I entered was truthful with me and told me what was allowed.

 

Clothes -- I would choose some set of clothing (basic stuff) that your family can keep.  It is important because if you do leave you may have nothing and not even have enough money to go get clothing.

 

Finally having some savings does turn out to be important.  I ended up using every dime of my savings to reestablish myself once I left argentina.  I actually had $100 to my name once I was done ... and then the 1st paycheck came in :).  The 1st time -- something very similar happened too.  So trust the Lord in this, and save what you think is best.  (But I strongly suggest saving SOMETHING vs nothing).

 

Anyway this is my opinion from my own experience. :)

[truthfinder]

Communities used to mandate that dowries were brought in so that if you left you would at least have something.  There are many reasons why in some places this practise discontinued, but it most surely did not come from a sense that a sister was not giving her all to God if she had a dowry on the side.

[Antigonos]

I can't agree that not having a back up plan means that one trusts God any less than the person who does have one.

 

You may discern out, which won't be a failure, and not having to rely absolutely on others for support if this happens can only be seen as thinking well of them, not thinking less of God.In addition it will set your mum's fears to rest and make your entry easier on her.

 

Sr Faith Cecilia's story as well as that of nunsense both come to mind.........

I doubt if the plans wise nunsense made for meeting the eventuality  of discerning out has ever meant that she was less than fully given..... 

The two are by no means incompatible. Keep a bit of money back and don't give away/get rid of absolutely everything.

You can think about it some more once Clothing comes along.

There's a saying that "God helps those who help themselves".  Common sense and practicality are not incompatible with surrendering one's life to God.  I would certainly, until first profession, and possibly even until solemn profession, maintain some sort of reserve.  It may sound somewhat anthropomorphic, but I think God would definitely approve; I can see Him smiling and nodding, and thinking, now, that girl's got sense!

[TheresaThoma]

It makes sense not to completely cut things off. Keeping a bank account open and such is prudent. You can always close them out when you make final values but will be very helpful if you end up discerning out.

At one point I was struggling about whether to finish my degree and I was advised by a priest friend to continue with my degree. So that I could be truely free to discern and not have to feel like I would no options. That way I would know if I was choosing to stay it was completely free and not because I felt like I have no other option.

[savvy]

 

Thanks for all the great advice. I am entering in September. I will use the candidacy as a discerning period. 

[abrideofChrist]

Until final vows are pronounced, all of the time in a community is a discernment period.  I agree with the others that having some kind of savings is prudent.  In fact, one nun I talked to won't accept candidates who don't have some money set aside.  She says they are not "free" to discern while in the convent if they feel pressured to stay because they will be penniless if they leave.  Since the majority of people who enter a community leave, it is prudent for them to have savings!

[OnlySunshine]

It makes sense not to completely cut things off. Keeping a bank account open and such is prudent. You can always close them out when you make final values but will be very helpful if you end up discerning out.

At one point I was struggling about whether to finish my degree and I was advised by a priest friend to continue with my degree. So that I could be truely free to discern and not have to feel like I would no options. That way I would know if I was choosing to stay it was completely free and not because I felt like I have no other option.

 

My friend, who is now a 2nd year novice, was advised by her community to do the same thing.  She was going to school on a scholarship and wouldn't accumulate any debt so they told her to finish.  She got her degree in Theology.  It was a lifesaver for her because she left after 2 years the first time she entered because of health problems.  Her parish hired her as a Jr. High School Youth Minister (which they desperately needed).  She wouldn't have been able to get that job without a Bachelor's in Theology.  She returned to religious life last year in June and was made a novice again in July 2012.  :)

[abrideofChrist]

She wouldn't have been able to get that job without a Bachelor's in Theology.

 

Yes.  A BS or BA is the new high school diploma.  I have seen several with that degree leave religious life and sink fast because they couldn't get a job even with their credentials.  One got a whopping 7 or 8 bucks an hour job that required a degreed instructor.  Others have turned to prostitution or civil marriage because they would have been on the streets after leaving the convent with only a high school diploma to their name.

[Chiquitunga]

Yes.  A BS or BA is the new high school diploma.  I have seen several with that degree leave religious life and sink fast because they couldn't get a job even with their credentials.  One got a whopping 7 or 8 bucks an hour job that required a degreed instructor.  Others have turned to prostitution or civil marriage because they would have been on the streets after leaving the convent with only a high school diploma to their name.

 

abrideofchrist, you know women/a woman who turned to prostitution after leaving religious life because of their financial situation? How very sad!!!!

 

What do you mean by turning to civil marriage? Getting married to a man who would not get married in the Church, but because they (the women who left religious life) felt they had no other option, rather than being on the streets, they chose civil marriage (so they could be with someone who would support them financially)? I'm confused. Sorry! Is that what you mean by that?

[abrideofChrist]

abrideofchrist, you know women/a woman who turned to prostitution after leaving religious life because of their financial situation? How very sad!!!!

 

What do you mean by turning to civil marriage? Getting married to a man who would not get married in the Church, but because they (the women who left religious life) felt they had no other option, rather than being on the streets, they chose civil marriage (so they could be with someone who would support them financially)? I'm confused. Sorry! Is that what you mean by that?

 

I am glad to say I personally do not know a woman who left a convent who has turned to prostitution but I have stories on good authority from people who would have occasion to know them. It is more common in third world countries where priests often use the nuns as mistresses because they have less chance of getting an STD or AIDs. 

 

What do I mean by civil marriage?  I mean in order to escape homelessness, I have known at least one woman who had at the time recently left a convent get "married" before a JP.  She didn't realize (thanks to poor catechetics) that she was entering a public state of fornication by that action.