Spiritual Direction

[Annie12]

So, my life is getting really annoying.  I honestly have NO idea where God is calling me. I thought I had it all figured out but that's obviously not the case given that I keep "nun-stalking" and thinking about religious life. So I really need a spiritual director to help me discern whether I'm called to Marriage or Religious Life. The strangest thing is though, I don't feel particularly called to either.  I almost feel called to live a single life centered in the church. (But, I have always though single life was only a temporary vocation.) Anyway, my question: are there any spiritual directors online? (Because there aren't any spiritual directors where I live. That's for sure!) 

[inperpetuity]

Finding a good spiritual director is definitely a challenge to say the least.  St. Maria Faustina says in her diary that we must pray very hard for a spiritual director and God will grant us one. I am just now reading this book and I did what she said because I was in great need of one for help discerning where God was calling me.  We have good holy priests at my parish but they are not permitted to do spiritual direction because they are ordained less than 5 years.  Then, I also read in the same diary that Our Lord told St. Faustina that whatever anyone asked Him through the chaplet of divine mercy, He would grant to them, so I started doing that for a spiritual director.  After doing this for about 3 weeks, someone who I never met gave me the idea to write to a monastery that I could get to within about a 5-6 hour drive and ask the superior if he could give me one of the priests there as a director.  I told him a little about myself and he wrote back immediately and said that my request was understandable and most welcome but that I would need to visit in person first for a few days and then it could be continued by letter.  He said that it doesn't really work without this first meeting at least.  This is how God answered my prayer, and He may answer yours in a different way, but He did answer.  You may be closer to a community of good sisters or nuns who would be able to do this.  You can pm me and I could possibly suggest some places to you if you want since I am familiar with where there are communities who might do this.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Have you looked into consecrated single life or consecrated virginity? I mean there are vocations that involve not marrying yet living in the world... they just involve special consecrations, rather than only being single :)

 

I would agree with praying for a spiritual director... and maybe asking at a monastery too :) I know it can be hard to find one... but I think it's important to pray because God knows the exact priest that we would need :)

[TheresaThoma]

My best advice is don't rule out the obvious. I hadn't thought of the new priest at my parish as a potential SD until another priest I know (and respect) suggested I ask my priest. We just had our first meeting this week and I think it is going to work out. A SD doesn't have to be a priest, if you have some Sisters near you they might be able to offer spiritual direction (I know the RSM of Alma offer spiritual direction). 

Most SD's will want to meet you in person at least a couple of times, just to really get to know you. After that it can probably be more long distance (email, phone etc).

[nikita92]

I would love to have a retired 77 yr old priest I know and feel very comfortable with be my SD... But I think he is just to tired!!

[nikita92]

Hang in there Annie12!! You are not alone in feeling not sure of where God is calling you!! Do you have a Archdiocese in your area that you can call and inquire about a SD??

[Annie12]

My Diocese can barely keep churches open. There is an extreme shortage of priests and as a result every priest has multiple parishes that they are responsible for. So, priests are far to busy to do anything but say Mass (at all of their parishes). Its really a sad situation.

[Sister Marie]

My Diocese can barely keep churches open. There is an extreme shortage of priests and as a result every priest has multiple parishes that they are responsible for. So, priests are far to busy to do anything but say Mass (at all of their parishes). Its really a sad situation.

Priests are not the only ones capable of giving spiritual direction, and many diocesan priests aren't certified in the practice of spiritual direction. Look at the religious communities in your area... Do any of them have spirituality/retreat centers? ( you can easily find this information on their websites.). Most centers have CERTIFIED spiritual directors either in charge of the center or affiliated with it. If they are too far or there is some other reason you couldn't go there, call anyway and see if they can direct you to someone they know in your area. They may have studied spiritual direction with someone who could be a good fit for you. It is really important to find a sd who is trained as an sd and who works or worked with some kind of peer group of spiritual directors.

Blessings, SM

[cmaD2006]

Sister Marie is right ... it is very important to find a spiritual director that is trained. A parish priest can work for a while but I dare say that most are not trained in the art of spiritual direction.

I currently have a sd that is from a community that focuses on spiritual direction and it is a big difference from what I had before.

Finally be patient and trust that the Lord will lead you apropriately to a sd or at least to someone who can help you along from time to time

[Kateri89]

My spiritual director is my parish priest and prior to me, he had only been an SD for men discerning religious life/diocesan priesthood.  It is definitely possible that I am in need of a different SD who has more experience with female religious life but I would need to search around for that.  Plus I don't know how I would tell my current SD that I want to change to someone else.  Fortunately I'm not too far from Steubenville and there have to be plenty of SD candidates there.

 

Annie, do some research and see if there are any religious orders within 1-2 hrs of where you live.  I try to meet with my SD once a month so even if he were an hour away, it wouldn't be a big deal for me to make that drive monthly.  Don't be discouraged if there aren't SDs within your diocese.  If you find a priest who is a good SD then that's great.  It's just as possible though that you find a Sister who would be a good SD, too.

 

Keep praying and it will happen!   :pray:

[Spem in alium]

My SD is from one of the communities I'm discerning with. I went on a retreat with them and they asked me if I needed direction. I originally wanted my parish priest as he's a trained SD, but because I see him regularly in other places (at meetings, volunteering etc.) he wasn't sure it would be right. 

 

Personally, I think having a Sister as my SD has been really helpful - probably more so than my priest would have been, even though I respect him greatly. If there are communities nearby, speak with them and you may be able to arrange something. And don't give up. :)

[cmaD2006]

Spem in alium your parish priest is very wise ... I found out the hard way that it can be a conflict of interest to have a sd who is also involved ministry wise with you. Kudos to him!

[Spem in alium]

Spem in alium your parish priest is very wise ... I found out the hard way that it can be a conflict of interest to have a sd who is also involved ministry wise with you. Kudos to him!

 

Yeah, he's great! He offered to informally accompany me so that I'll still have him as support, which was lovely. I do think it would have been hard for both him and me if he had taken on the role as my SD due to the fact that we're often involved in other things together and have previous experience together in ministry. I've found the director-directee relationship really is a special, intimate one. Such relationships can be complicated and damaged if the two people already know each other in other areas.

 

I do see my SD outside of our meetings, but it's always within a social/prayer setting so there's no serious issue and no worry about breach of confidence. Plus, because I know her primarily as my SD (rather than as someone I've previously worked with in ministry) it's given her a good chance to come to know me spiritually rather than to add such knowledge onto a previous impression of me.

[Benedictus]

Good luck on the search -  I'm guessing you've already searched whether there are SD training centre's close to you? Laypeople also offer it, and sometimes someone from a different perspective in religions or lay life is better. Although it's important that you feel it's working after a few initial meetings and that they 'get' you. I've had situations where the person obviously doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from, and therefore where I'm at, or they seem to have no insight into the aspects I'm raising that hint or are central to a specific vocation. I learnt some of this with hindsight the hard way, so if it's not working out early on then I'd advise admitting it and finding someone else.

[Lilllabettt]

My spiritual director is a laywoman who is trained in direction by the Oblates of the Virgin Mary. I sort of stumbled upon her accidentally; but maybe if you contacted the OMVs they could give you a name of someone in your area. It's a major apostolate of the institute and they train people who come from all over.

 

http://www.omvusa.org/