OnlySunshine Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I know a woman pretty well who has entered and left 3 religious communities. She entered her fourth in August as a postulant with 2 other women. I saw her at Church the last two weeks which I thought was odd because she was wearing a habit even though she had only been a postulant less than 4 months. On the community's website, it says postulancy lasts 1 year at least. The habit really doesn't even look like the community habit as it is a different color and the veil looks different. Also, no community I know allows their Sisters (least of all, novices!) to visit friends around Christmas. Do any of you know any communities that allow Sisters to leave during Advent and Christmas? She was at Christmas Mass this morning at my parish. (I've also looked at the community website and they haven't posted anything about their postulants receiving the habit and this community regularly updates Facebook and their website nearly everyday. They even updated their FB yesterday. They posted the day after the postulants were received into the community and showed pictures. I'm sure they would have posted about the new novices.)
maximillion Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I doubt it is usual for home visits around Christmas, unless there is illness or some sort of family emergency..........
emma8201986 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 At first blush, it looks like this person has a psychological problem and may not be in any community - just wishing it was so. This could be the reason she left 3 other orders. In the community I'm discerning with - Christmas in community is a very big deal - this is the case in every community I have visited.
Sr Mary Catharine OP Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 There may be a number of explanations. Of course, you could just ask her! :-) Sometimes communities have postulants who go home dress a little differently. I know that in my 1st community postulants didn't wear a veil but when I went out I wore a white veil so I would look more like a Sister. Would you mind telling me what community she belongs to? That might give me a clue! Of course, your friend could just be doing her own thing...it's happened! Merry Christmas!
be_thou_my_vision Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 My previous community allows postulants to go home for 5 days over Christmastime. As novices and every year after that they stay at the convent. But its not unknown to let postulants go home at Christmas. :)
NotreDame Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Didn't I just read a comment on here by BarbaraTherese about some lay person at her local church who was just rolling around in a carmelite habit? I've also seen a guy from time to time at a local weekday mass dressed in a strange habit. I guess if it's all in their head, there are worse ways to be crazy!
ToJesusMyHeart Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 The S.V.'s let postulants visit home during the 12 days of Christmas, but not on Christmas Day. This year I believe they get to go home the 27th till the 3rd.
Lilllabettt Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I know a community that lets postulants go home for Christmas, and has them wear a "home habit" which is just a long skirt and a veil. At the convent they wear the long skirt but no veil.
TheresaThoma Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I could see for some communities letting postulants go home over Christmas. However none of the communities I have had contact with do so. I could also understand communities having their postulants wear a "home habit" as Lilllabettt described, especially if they have a very simple postulant outfit. Prevents confusion (ie they are just there for a home visit rather than they discerned out of the community). I would just ask this young lady, and pray for her!
DameAgnes Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I was at prayer in a Manhattan church when I saw a woman in full habit making the stations of the cross. I couldn't ID the habit but it had a purple cape. I asked a priest I know there about her and he made a face and said, "she's a "promesa"...apparently she had made a promise that if her prayer was answered she would spend a year in church at prayer, or something. I didn't quite understand it, and never had a chance to ask if she had the bishop's permission...
OnlySunshine Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Thank you to everyone for your answers. I don't feel comfortable approaching this person as we used to be friends but I decided to distance myself on the advice of my therapist, pastor, and mother. She shows signs of bipolar disorder and has extreme mood swings. She is very unstable. As far as I know, she is presenting herself to others as a novice since my other friend told me of her arrival and knows her better than I do. I would prefer to not reveal the community she supposedly belongs to since they have a strong internet presence and could be on Phatmass.
BarbTherese Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Prayer for this woman you "know pretty well" and for her community, all around her, her family and friends.
OnlySunshine Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Prayer for this woman you "know pretty well" and for her community, all around her, her family and friends. Thank you for praying for her. I think she needs them. I don't want to gossip about her but I wanted to know if my intuition was wrong. ;)
cmaD2006 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 To add to the mix -- one of the communities I was with *did* let their members (professed and in formation) go home for Christmas. It was quite wierd because the ones that stayed were usually international members. I don't know 100% if 1st year novices were allowed to go home ... I assume that if the novitiate was canonical, they probably didn't go home (unless they went home for a week and then were extended a week?)
NotreDame Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I would prefer to not reveal the community she supposedly belongs to since they have a strong internet presence and could be on Phatmass. Now I am curious. :detective:
OnlySunshine Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 To add to the mix -- one of the communities I was with *did* let their members (professed and in formation) go home for Christmas. It was quite wierd because the ones that stayed were usually international members. I don't know 100% if 1st year novices were allowed to go home ... I assume that if the novitiate was canonical, they probably didn't go home (unless they went home for a week and then were extended a week?) I'm going to try to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's really hard to trust her, though, since she has betrayed my trust several times in the past but I need to forgive that and move forward. ;)
OnlySunshine Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Now I am curious. :detective: <_<
NotreDame Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Another reason psych evals can be helpful. If she is severely bipolar a novitiate would be difficult on her and she would likely be difficult on her fellow novices. MM - you can always PM me. I can keep a secret. I have legit reasons for being curious.
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Thank you to everyone for your answers. I don't feel comfortable approaching this person as we used to be friends but I decided to distance myself on the advice of my therapist, pastor, and mother. She shows signs of bipolar disorder and has extreme mood swings. She is very unstable. As far as I know, she is presenting herself to others as a novice since my other friend told me of her arrival and knows her better than I do. I would prefer to not reveal the community she supposedly belongs to since they have a strong internet presence and could be on Phatmass. From what you've said, I suspect the pastor knows about this woman's situation, and not only by the fact that you have spoken with him. The woman probably asked for a letter or letters to future communities from him, or, if nothing else, he might have heard her confession. It's unfortunate that the woman is presenting herself as a member of community to which she likely doesn't belong. Ideally, the pastor (and others) have counselled her to get medical help, since, if she is indeed bipolar, there are medications that can help this condition. I hope she is in counselling, as well. I know must be very hard, or at least feel strange, not to approach this woman since you and she used to be friends. But, without knowing more about the situation, it sounds as if you are doing the right thing for you in not approaching her. I'm sure you are already praying for her, and I commend you for not wanting to discuss her with others, as this could encourage others to gossip, and this woman's circumstances are not really anyone else's business as long as she is not harming anyone. Especially since the woman's dress is not identical to the habit of her most recent community, she is unlikely to be harming the community's reputation. However, if the woman does something that seems like it might harm the community, or other aspects of her behavior are disturbing during Mass, then this is something to talk about only with the pastor. But, as best you can, don't let her behavior worry you (although keep praying for her). Since you don't know her exact situation, and whether she is undergoing treatment etc. I think leaving it to the pastor seems best (at least based on what you have said). Even those with mental health issues are entitled to their dignity and privacy. If she approaches you, and it is a troubling encounter, then speak to the pastor. The woman needs people who talk with her and care about her (if that is what she wants), but you have no responsibility to be one of those people if that is not what is best for you. BTW--Reading about this situation is a good reminder to all of us not to draw conclusions based on a woman's having been with four communities. Since we don't know whether she left the various communities or was asked to leave, ideally the other members of the parish will give her "the benefit of the doubt." (BTW--The generally good advice of giving someone "the benefit of the doubt" when you don't know all the details does not extend to a Religious communities with a candidate they are concerned about. I don't know the specific details of how each community handles this type of situation, but I strongly suspect that healthy communities don't dismiss their concerns and give candidates "the benefit of the doubt," but instead do their best to make sure sure as best they can that a candidate is a good fit for their community.)
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