Private Vows in The Laity/Spirituality

[Guest]

Picked the following link up from Catholic Answers (Spirituality Forum "Writing of The Saints and Lives of The Saints"

https://my.pcloud.com/publink/show?code=VZFSXlZGwIlcInirwz6RByRbWyRNHUec5Yk (Writings of Dorothy Day - download free)

The poster on CA in the thread above has done an amazing amount of research.  The above link is only one link in very many links indeed.

[Guest]

 

 WHAT IS INTERIOR PENANCE

(From "Catechism in a Year" No. 300)

"It is a movement of a "contrite heart" (Psalm 51.19) drawn by Divine Grace to respond to The Merciful Love of God.  This includes sorrow for and abhorrence of  sins committed, a firm purpose not to sin again in future and trust in the Help of God.  It is nourished by Hope in Divine Mercy"

See CCC Nos: 1430-1433.  1490

[Guest]

One of the amazing things to me about The Lord and His Grace, His Holy Spirit, is that He can be so absolutely humble and self effacing. 

One cruises along pretty normal and one thinks nothing outstanding of note is going on.  Then you can read something somewhere on what can be taken as rather good authority - and think to yourself "Ahhh so that's it" recognising something in yourself that is complete news to you, nor would you have thought in a million years that that is what is going on.  In fact, on a first read you think "Nahhh that's not me".

Make sense?  I hope so.

Edit:  Thank you, Lord - You knew I needed something or other to prop the old chin up.

Laudate Dominum

Edited July 4, 2017 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

Wrote a very long post indeed about the stress I am under just now.  I deleted it all thankfully before I posted...........too personal for the internet.

But thank you so much for always being here Phatmass and fellow Phammers  Prayer for you all and all your intentions.  I am not going to mention dUSt - he might think I am trying to butter him up again.

 

  

[Pax17]

Hang in there...

:prayers:

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Pax17 said:

Hang in there...

:prayers:

Thank you very much indeed, Pax - encouragement and support is invaluable where MI is concerned - it is right up with the most important of all.  Thank you for prayer most of all.  However, reaching out on a very human level is also right up with the most important of all for MI sufferers too.  We are created body and soul to work in unity in partnership.  Thank you very much for reaching out to me in a very human sort of way in your post.

Cheers and may God bless you and yours.........in my prayer.........Barb  

 

[Guest]

Just had a phone interview with Emergency Mental Health (about 1hr I reckon).  I have been assessed as low risk which is an absolute consolation (Deo Gratius).  The emergency team will meet tomorrow to discuss today's interview and decide whether they should visit or not.  My psychiatrist is a respected voice in Public Mental Health though in recent years working in a special field of psychiatry - she also consults publicly (no charge to low income patients) two days weekly.  She has asked the EMH Team to stay in contact with me especially after my brother and his wife leave for the USA on the 13th next week, return at the end of August 2017.

I may not post as I usually try to do at least once daily.  Rest assured if things do escalate I will be getting myself into hospital pronto.  If I do decide on hospital, I will simply post "Going to hospital" only - or this is what I envisage doing now.  At the moment my anxiety level has dropped right down to nothing but a nuisance really.  If I don't post that I am going into hospital and this thread goes really quiet indeed - it means that I am continuing to muddle through it all "as I can.....leaving the rest to Jesus".  insight from our Aussie St Mary of The Cross MacKillop.

At times like this I live most entirely in The Now more than ever - minute by minute or perhaps even seconds.  I do what I feel I need to do and should do depending on my interior circumstances and where bipolar might be in my case.  The interviewer on the phone commented that I have excellent insight into my brand of bipolar - and that has come about only through so many years in and out of hospital quite seriously ill mentally.  The whole 20 years or so was a learning curve on my particular brand of bipolar.

There can be either a very short or very long lead up to a full bipolar episode. An episode can be quite short to quite long as well and vary in seriousness.  At the moment my situation is not a serious one - just scary  My situation is not escalating and that is a very positive sign too indeed.  At the moment, I am more annoyed than anything that this has happened..........and yet..............

Fiat voluntas tua

Doe Gratius

Laudate Dominum

I am selling raffle tickets after Vigil Mass again this coming Saturday for St Vinnies and next Tuesday is our regular St Vinnies Meeting.  I am hoping and praying I will be ok to take my part...........if Vinnies, of course, will trust me with the float and tin again.  I'm very sure they will.   I never know what to say to those who do pray for me - there are no words equal to the gratitude I don't think.  Prayer is a self effacing and humble worker, I never know just how active prayer is in the life of myself or another.  Who does!

Thanks heaps!

[Pax17]

I'm glad to wake up and read that healthcare professionals have reached out to you.  As a retired nonclinical healthcare employee, I was always touched by and had deep respect for our psych hospital's employees, caring professionals who were often maligned. 

Dealing with anxiety and depression for a long time does help you know yourself better and teaches you to stay in the present moment, if possible.  Painful but useful lessons...

Prayers continue.

 

[Guest]

MORE ON MENTAL ILLNESS

Sadly, the situation in Public Mental Health can be a sad one indeed.  Just as today in The Church due to the scandals - they have given The Church and Catholicism a bad name often - despite the majority of goodness in The Church in priests, consecrated lives, laypeople and outstanding saints, so those 'bad' mental health workers give the whole Public Mental Health system a bad name and often overshadowing the reality of a majority of really good workers.   I have not been in active contact with the public mental health system for 12 years until now -  it is revealing to me just how much PMH has grown for the better since my time 12years ago.

As Shakespeare has written "The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones." ............and where the living are concerned, media shapes our opinions whether we admit to it or not.  And what sells in media is bad news - as wrongful as it is - and we are the market they target.  It is an example where the dollar is the ruling principle, it can and does distort public opinion and the good that does live in our midst and societies.

A Mental Health worker called in today*** and thankfully does not think I am a hospital case at this point - it is a touchy sort of situation just now.  A restless bipolar condition may abate completely or it might escalate completely.  No way of knowing which.  She is going to arrange that a Mental Health Worker can take me out once a week or once a fortnight for coffee.  That will be such a relief to me, a major relief, as I can talk freely about my brand of bipolar with someone experienced -  and as I muddle through the situation with Public Mental Health's support while my private psychiatrist will make all the decisions.  Public Mental Health will only report to her.   She is a voice in Public Mental Health with a private practise two days weekly.  I am a private patient of hers. 

.  My psychiatrist now works in a specialised field in psychiatry as well as privately.  I first met her when both of us (doctor and her patient) were in Public Mental Health over 12 years ago.  I followed her into her private practise.

Now I have been able communicate personally to PMH today (a seed cast into a very big pool) that when Government Housing authorities shift tenants from one suburb to another, they are not only shifting their residence but taking them from a whole way of life into an unknown way of life (into the unknown) where the person must start all over again to try to make a completely new way of life.  For psychiatric patients especially that can be a very tall ask indeed.  The PMH worker and I had a long chat about it this afternoon and she was very interested in what I had to say.

________________

Good and hopeful news is that she tested me for depression and memory.  She said I had passed 100%.

However, with bipolar a situation can change in any direction and in a flash, but not of necessity.

No need to test me for the manic side of bipolar - the rapid nature of my speech hopping around subjects said it all.  I am slightly manic and knew it.  I do feel much better knowing I will have a regular social outing with someone who understands well where I am coming from and the struggles and problems I now have with bipolar quite uneasy.  For anyone supporting a person with a MI, support is right up with the most important of all needs of a sufferer, possibly keeping them sane and sufficiently stable even - a someone(s) who supports with an ear that listens and hears.  The other thing is that if a sufferer states they have a problem - it might not be a problem at all for the supporter nor anyone else, but believe me it is indeed a problem for the sufferer.  If someone, anyone, has a problem - then it is a very real and valid problem for them.   That is what I mean by "an ear that listens AND HEARS".  Sometimes there is no solution one can give to the sufferer; however accepting the sufferer as they are and with warmth and caring as they are, is high up in the essential and primary needs of the sufferer.

I remember fondly my dear Mum.  She had all the answers - all of them.  But I knew she was not even asking the right questions because she was not truly hearing what I was saying.  She listened, but what was going around in her mind was not truly hearing what I was saying, rather her mind and listening were focused on all the solutions she had, which (in her estimation) would cure me completely.

She could not HEAR what I was saying, rather listening to what was going on in her own mind - not deliberately however.  It was born of truly caring.

 

Had to read through all the above a few times, hoping with a prayer it would make sense.  Think it makes sense and hope so........my concentration is not the best just now.

Deo Gratius.........Laudate Dominum

 

One of the questions the PMH asked me today was if my Faith protected me.  I said no it does not in a quite human sort of way, but it supports me fully giving Hope and often consolation in any and all situations I have undergone in my own journey.

[Guest]

Another question was about the voice and voices I heard in the past (none yet or perhaps will not even start up in the first place).

I told her the truth that I don't identify them, they identify themselves.  I have been a Catholic all my life and the voice or voices spell out in gory details quite intricately what will happen to me if I do not give up my Faith.  I have always acted contrary to them, insulted them and/or made fun of them.  I have often gone to hospital in the past in a state of absolute terror as bipolar takes over and I start to believe them.  I have never told PMH that info ever, because their questions around my Faith, I knew, were to discern if I had a "saviour complex" or was delusional on a religious level.  Long ago and from "Freedom of Information" I did read what they had said about me to that point in the past.  My then lawyer in the past advised me to obtain my file under Freedom of Information i.e. to read what PMH was saying about me.  I did so.  She did wonder why I could speak with her quite logically if agitated at times - and then read what PMH were saying about me.  Some pretty insulting stuff at times!  e.g. I was a woman in my low forties who looked more like a woman in her fifties.  As a description of how I walked: strides rather than walks.  Those two statements were in my file as a general description for the police if I ever went AWOL.  And a few times, I did - just walked out the joint, fed up with it all back then.

Because my primary psychiatrist is someone who has known me so many years and with whom I feel able to open up completely and honestly, I felt quite safe in speaking with a senior PMH worker as I have done today.  The problem with psychiatry I have experienced in PMH is that if one is hearing a voice or voices, psychiatry sometimes states "You know they aren't real, don't you?" or similar.  Now that is a crazy thing to say because to the patient they are very real because they are actually physically hearing them with their physical bodily ear, as an exterior voice - then there is an interior voice, or voices, heard only in the head as mine were.  Impossible to switch them off.  How on earth can that be unreal to the patient? 

My own psychiatrist knows the great support my Faith has been and if she ever asks me (never has to date over 12 years) I will tell her the truth too re voices.

The funny thing is that instead of denying them only in my head - so many times I have almost done so out loud in company.    I can laugh about that.  Pretty confusing state of existence when one is socialising with others and at the same time, the voice in the head will not be silent.

13 hours ago, Pax17 said:

Dealing with anxiety and depression for a long time does help you know yourself better and teaches you to stay in the present moment, if possible.  Painful but useful lessons

 Very true what Pax has said above, you learn about your own brand of MI through hard experience.  Staying in the present moment is very important...............if you can!   And yes, painful but quite important and useful lessons over time, a learning curve in dealing/coping with MI.

These long and laboured posts are a real help to me personally.  It gets my mind right off negative matters in my mind and focuses me on positive types of matters - very often sorting out my own thoughts.

To me praying is a Spiritual Work of Mercy - and another Corporal work of Mercy is to really listen and give space to the person to speak, especially in difficulties, and giving space with warmth and caring.  This is just very important indeed and a true and very real (to me) Corporal work of Mercy.  This is what Pham does - we can talk, in an atmosphere of warm listening acceptance, to the other and on a quite human level as well as pray for them.  Therefore to me, Pham is very often is both a spiritual and corporal Work of Mercy.  And both too are an aspiration of Bethany.

God has created us body and soul to work as a partnership.  Not separately.  Reaching out caring and warmly on a quite human level has great merit to me.  Very great merit.

Deo Gratius.

Shower time then The News.

Thank you very much for listening...........and if you got to here, thank you very much indeed and God's richest blessings on you and all you care about........as well as for all regardless.

 

[Guest]

The only way I can work through this bit of a rough time in Peace of soul is with Him and for Him - and in all outcomes come whatever may, His Holy Will be done. Amen.

Very shaky at the moment but taken half an Oxazepam and night medication.  I am now out of Oxazepam until I  can get to my pharmacy after seeing my doctor at 2.30pm.  It will be taxis all the way there and back.  Also my darling little dog, Buddie, might need a trip to the vet. If I don't do it and his situation escalates, it will be double cost over the weekend.  Also, if I do get ill and need hospital, it is going to cost $28 each for Buddie and Missie.........but they have to be vaccinated a month before.  I simply can't afford it and vets do want cash unless the bill is over $400 and then there is a loan available. 

Hence, I am hoping so much and praying in an extremely heartfelt manner that I won't need hospital.  If I do at some point while my brother is away, there will be some sort of answer at the time of the problem, not before.  PMH will support me in every way.  Deo Gratius again and again.

I had a phone call tonight too that has upset me no end in a feeling of helplessness but to listen and care.

Actually, I feel better after writing the above than when I started a few minutes ago.  Probably Ox and night medication is taking a very quick hold.  Deo Gratius and Laudate Dominum.  Medications too are God's Gifts in the struggle against suffering - not only for us humans, but for our beloved animal kingdom and pets too.

As a very happy note to conclude.  Our Monarto Zoo here has just let out for public viewing four beautiful leopard cubs.  They are very frisky and happy indeed - three females and one male - not at all timid to be in the public eye.  Monarto is now asking the public to suggest names for our new arrivals. They were born three months ago (a first for Monarto) but kept out of public viewing while Mum was said to have bonded remarkably well indeed as a first attempt at motherhood.  Even human new mothers make mistakes in the main I think - I know I sure did.

Yep!  Thank God indeed, I think medication has worked very quickly indeed tonight.

The $28 each for boarding kennels and the RSPCA is the charge per day for each.

[Guest]

Daily Reflection - St Vincent de Paul Society

 

Jul 06, 2017

 

“God is satisfied with a soul of good will.”
– St. Louise de Marillac

 

--------------------

Chat:  Hanging in there re bipolar and no sign to date the situation will increase i.e. worsen.......but still at the stage where it could go either way..  I walk around Bethany rather often talking out loud to myself or to Jesus..........i.e. I am not struggling alone.

Overall my situation is not as bad and threatening as it had been.

Thank you very much again for prayer.  

Edited July 7, 2017 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

CHAT

I need to stay away from Phatmass for a while in the sense of general posting is concerned.  Posted a couple of replies this morning - not long ones and nothing contentious I don't think.  However my anxiety level has again gone through the ceiling - I went outside to have a coffee (and a cig I confess) and my hands were shaking too.  Normally, contentious posts are not concerning to me on a shaky sort of level - I take them in my stride if a reply challenges what I have said.   As I said, nothing I don't think contentious about what I have posted today.  However, the anxiety I now feel is an unhelpful type of anxiety in an extreme.  It is not the fault of Phatmass nor our members either - nor any posts at all, it is just a product of my mental illness at this time.

I am hoping to continue posting into this thread - although if I do disappear, it is only temporary.  With bipolar as restless for me now as it is, that situation can change almost in an instant - and I need respond to that change in whatever manner I feel is appropriate for me to keep bipolar in control........I hope and pray.  The illness in me can be insidious - I can feel back to normal and coping quite well.  Suddenly almost, I am in trouble again needing to make adjustments.  Others can find that just as confusing and abnormal as if I was consistently chopping and changing for (to them) no reason at all.  What I have been doing is making adjustments in the hope of bipolar staying in my control.

It has been a complete surprise that bipolar could get as nasty and threatening as it is now - first time in around 10 - 12 years or so bipolar has been as nasty as now.  A very real plus plus plus is that I am not hearing a voice or voices nor do I  have that feeling that they are around somewhere and close before they actually speak up.  But that situation can change suddenly too.

It's a drag! So far so good.  As long as bipolar is in my control and not it in control of me, I am not a hospital case.  Although if bipolar is seeming to be a real threat to my control, then it might be time for hospital.  My psychiatrist is easy to reach and I can also contact immediately Emergency Mental Health in the public system if necessary.

Thank you very much for prayer.  It is a hidden and humble self effacing worker.  Only in Heaven will we know what prayer has accomplished...........and "more than this world could dream of"...... almost a quote from Fulton Sheen I think.

Deo Gratius, Laudate Dominum.

_____________

At this point, anxiety has vanished altogether.

 

___________________________

In most cases of MI, hospitalization is for the patient's protection, moreso than for the community's protection.  As I said: "in most cases".

Edited July 8, 2017 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

VIVIEN LEIGH

An appropriate article just now.  Vivien Leigh suffered bipolar disorder.  What people do need to know is that all mental illness comes in multiple expressions - from mild to most serious and can embrace a multiple of various symptoms or expressions.  The one particular illness suffered by one person, can be as varied as our own unique selfhood is created by God as a-one-of-only, never to be repeated.   Also, where bipolar is concerned, it can be quite insidious.  In my case, I have sailed through much in life including a shift out of my previous suburb which did grieve me without the slightest sign of bipolar - and other serious life stresses too.  My psychiatrist even warned me before the shift that I just might have an episode.  A shift of residence is regarded as a major stress in life - and mine was mandatory, not voluntary.  Nope! I sailed through it all no problem re bipolar despite the fact that I grieved and sometimes still do.   Just now, it is a very mild stressor indeed compared to some others I have experienced.  This rather mild stress has triggered a very restless bipolar and a possible episode.  The first time in around 10-12 years I have had to take the very serious steps I have to address the problem responsibly.

It is a positive learning curve for me.

Some reading about a particular case of bipolar can conclude that what they have read is the only symptoms of the illness.........not so!   I do not know as intimately the other mental illnesses as I do my brand of bipolar.

"Vivien Leigh - A Star With a Secret" HERE

 

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Vincent's Quote of the Day - St Vincent de Paul Society

 

Jul 07, 2017

In God’s eyes, it is a benefit to be treated as Our Lord was,

although it may seem to be an evil according to the world (VIII:233).

 

 

[Guest]

 

LOVE OUR PARISH AS OUR HOMELAND

Excerpt "As Catholics we should love our parish and love our homeland. If they take the kneelers out of your church, that is not a reason to leave, but to stay and make sure they put them back. If your country legalizes abortion, that is not a reason to leave, that is a reason to stay and advocate for the rights of the unborn. When you love a place both the things that go well and the things that go awry are equally powerful reasons to stay.

Catholics should not turn tail and run every time something goes awry in their parish, community, or country.

“When establishing his church Christ assured the apostles that the gates of Hell would not prevail against it"  HERE

(All formatting is mine)

_____________________

Bipolar:  Hanging in there, no better really but then again, no worse.  Laudate Dominum

Edited July 9, 2017 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

WHAT A COMEDY OF ERRORS!

Read only if you have an incredible Gift of patience and understanding!

I keep a Journal and what follows is a copy and paste, with edits to remove actual names.  If tense chops and changes I might have edited without staying in the correct tense.

5.02pm  9.7.17 Can’t help but laugh.  Just rang Chemist to find out if I need any scripts – and they can’t find my scripts!   I took them over there last Wed or Thur as my psychiatrist suggested I get a Webster Pack. (Saw her last Tuesday 4.7.17)  There is a script for Ox among them that my GP gave me so I would have one on hand all the time.  Also someone rang me from Chemist after 4.7.17 and said that I had no more scripts for Seroquel 200XR.  I could not make the Asian chemist understand that I did not need the Ox script filled - because I had almost a full bottle on hand......eventually he got there.

9.7.17 What a comedy of errors, at least I am laughing.  They found my scripts but the chemist I was speaking to (it's Sunday here) was a part time Asian Chemist for weekends - and with a very heavy accent and I found it difficult at times impossible to understand him.  Even the very kind man lost his cool once!   Because my psych. changed my 100mg Seroquel at night (instant release) to 200mg (instant release) at night, I could not make him understand what was going on.  Eventually he found the list of what should go into the Webster Pack that my GP had written out.  Then the confusion was that last time I was in the Chemist, I was told that a Webster Pack would be one month’s supply.  The Asian chemist and I got into confusion over that and eventually I could understand that I can have one week’s supply, two weeks or one month..........not that one month's supply every time as I had thought.

I could not get the dear Chemist to understand that it is not prescriptions I am taking over tomorrow because they have them all.  What I am taking to them tomorrow is all the actual medication I have on hand here, which is what I need do for the Webster Pack.

I have never seen a pack of Seroquel 200mg instant release – I had been taking 2 x 100mg Seroquel at night instant release.  I am just so very confused and thank God indeed my medication will be in a Webster Pack.  Because I do not get the Webster until Tuesday, I have to remember to take out Monday night's medication.  And just now my memory is appalling far beyond the norm.

____________________________________

 

Hanging in there still and at least when the above situation was finally all sorted out, all I could do was laugh.  Still no need today to take half an Oxazepam - and the rest of tonight will be an indication of whether I can take a bit of breath and think that just perhaps I just might work through this ok.........or whether to say on high alert.   Hope.  I see my psych again this Tuesday 11th July.  And a Senior Mental Health worker will be calling in on 13th July Thursday.

 

Deo Gratius, today I have had a shower and actually washed and blow dried my hair.  I have done the usual daily tasks except the catbox (doing that later) as well as check all stock for my shopping list delivered Tuesday after 2pm...........and now thankfully at 5.47pm I THINK I MIGHT have a Webster Pack all organised to be delivered Tuesday too.  See my psych. Tuesday morning after which my brother and I are having coffee here.  He and his wife leave for the USA Thursday and back end August.  If I should HAVE to see my psych while they are away, she is going to arrange transport to her and back.

 

Laudate Dominum Deo Gratius............sometimes that can seem such a shortfall. somehow

 

Forgot to mention that I attended Sat Vigil Mass and was my turn as a welcomer and also to sell Vinnies raffle tickets.  I think I did ok without anyone realising I was so confused inside.  I am very grateful beyond words.

Edited July 9, 2017 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

After posting the previous post, I needed half an Ox to ward off anxiety.  Bit later, I posted into Catholic Answers forums "World News" about the G20 and the anxiety started to increase.  I just have to stop posting anywhere until I am really sure I am well and truly over this hurdle...Hope.....and a very big mea maxima culpa.  I am addicted to posting in either Phatmass or CA or both most daily, it has most often been just a normal part of my day.

[Guest]

 St Vincent de Paul Society

 

Jul 10, 2017

Quote

Trust in God’s infinite goodness,

and you can be sure that He will strengthen you

in the test he wills to make of your patience (VIII:233).

 

 

Jul 10, 2017

 

Quote

“When we meet with things very pleasing,

before yielding to the joy they elicit,

let us raise our hearts to God and thank his loving mercy which sends us the consolation.”

– St. Louise de Marillac

 

[Guest]

INDIFFERENCE

Indifference is to be practiced in things belonging to the natural life, as in health, sickness, beauty, deformity, weakness, strength: in the affairs of the spiritual life, as in dryness, consolations, relish, aridity,; in actions, in sufferings — briefly, in all sorts of events.

- Francis de Sales, Treatise on the Love of God 

 

 

INDIFFERENCE

Indifference is to be practiced in things belonging to the natural life, as in health, sickness, beauty, deformity, weakness, strength: in the affairs of the spiritual life, as in dryness, consolations, relish, aridity,; in actions, in sufferings — briefly, in all sorts of events.

- Francis de Sales, Treatise on the Love of God 

[Guest]

 

Saw my psychiatrist today and I am still sane.  Hanging in there and probably more pluses than the opposite.  Few 'flies only in the ointment'.  Deo Gratius Laudate Dominum.