Annie12 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 God is doing unexpected things with my heart... Prayers please! Pax!
Spem in alium Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Nice to see you! You are in my prayers. :)
Annie12 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Okay, so I have had this problem since the beginning that I feel called to religious life but (besides wanting a family), I don't think I could happily live with the vows Religious make. Its really troubling me because I LOVE the idea of giving up your life totally to the Lord but at the same time I don't see my self being happy taking vows of obedience and poverty. So, I don't know if anyone is even interested but this is where I am right now. I also just came out of a heartbreak. So, I don't really desire to date anyone either. I am so torn right now. :unsure:Thank you for everyone who is praying for me! You are all in my prayers! Pax!
the171 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 If it won't make you happy, then why do are you seeking it? Heartbreak shouldn't instantly lead to religious discernment. Take some time away from dating and discerning. Focus on the vocation you have now: student, daughter, friend. Be holy, and God will lead you. Have faith, and choose JOY.
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Okay, so I have had this problem since the beginning that I feel called to religious life but (besides wanting a family), I don't think I could happily live with the vows Religious make. Its really troubling me because I LOVE the idea of giving up your life totally to the Lord but at the same time I don't see my self being happy taking vows of obedience and poverty. So, I don't know if anyone is even interested but this is where I am right now. I also just came out of a heartbreak. So, I don't really desire to date anyone either. I am so torn right now. :unsure:Thank you for everyone who is praying for me! You are all in my prayers! Pax! You are called to give your life totally to the Lord in whatever vocation you are called to, especially NOW, in your present vocation. Faithfully live out where God has placed you, and the rest will fall into place. By worrying so much about marriage or religious life and not where you are currently, you aren't giving God your all. I've learned that if I can't give God my everything where I am, I can't expect to be able to give Him my everything in the future. NOW is a good place to start.
Annie12 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 If it won't make you happy, then why do are you seeking it? Heartbreak shouldn't instantly lead to religious discernment. Take some time away from dating and discerning. Focus on the vocation you have now: student, daughter, friend. Be holy, and God will lead you. Have faith, and choose JOY. Thank you for your comment! I think I made is sound like as a result of being heartbroken I was now discerning again. That isn't the case. I think because I found myself is a low place I sought God and it seems like an unquenchable thirst for him has opened up again. I guess, I just don't know what to make of this. As for now, I will seek him will my all in the present. But, I do agree with y'all about choosing joy now and trusting that God will lead me where I need to be. :saint2:
cmaD2006 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Agreeing with the171 here. If you just got out of a relationship this is NOT the time to discern a religious vocation, at least not until the hurt starts healing. You can't see very clearly. Your emotions are probably running high too. Same goes when someone leaves a convent, or is turned down by an order. Time is needed to process and get over the rejection/hurt/etc. Annie12 I think I can say that we're here for you ... just take your time, and wait a bit. I'm sure that over time things will become clearer.
Sister Marie Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 You are called to give your life totally to the Lord in whatever vocation you are called to, especially NOW, in your present vocation. Faithfully live out where God has placed you, and the rest will fall into place. By worrying so much about marriage or religious life and not where you are currently, you aren't giving God your all. I've learned that if I can't give God my everything where I am, I can't expect to be able to give Him my everything in the future. NOW is a good place to start. Piggybacking on the above (which was great!) in response to wanting to give yourself radically to God, that gift isn't a one time event. It's a lifetime of moments of gifts regardless of what vocation you find yourself in. One who enters, is received, or makes vows hasn't finally reached this destination of self gift. If it were only that easy! It's in the circumstances of ordinary life that anyone gives their life radically to God and it is a continual process not a one time event. So, start now, give radically, in the life you live now. Regardless of your future vocation, this practice will help you to give more in the future.
Annie12 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Thank you all for your great advice! These are all wonderful reminders. Its sort of weird though because I was hurt at first but, now I am completely in "whatever" mode. I don't know really how to describe it. I am just not emotionally invested in any vocation right now. Its not about the emotions for me at this time (in the past, yes but now, no). Yet, I feel such joy whenever I am with the lord during adoration or mass or whatever (and joy is different than happiness, the emotion)... Since I have given my future to him in the form a short prayer, all I can say is that I am at peace and I can feel joy! God is so good! I have ceased trying to plan my future and am making a real effort to live in the present and neither in the past or future. Thank you all for your support! God bless!
AveMariaPurissima Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Agreeing with the171 here. If you just got out of a relationship this is NOT the time to discern a religious vocation, at least not until the hurt starts healing. You can't see very clearly. Your emotions are probably running high too. Same goes when someone leaves a convent, or is turned down by an order. Time is needed to process and get over the rejection/hurt/etc. Annie12 I think I can say that we're here for you ... just take your time, and wait a bit. I'm sure that over time things will become clearer. Not to highjack, but I just wanted to thank you for what you said above...I needed that. :)
Annie12 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Guys... God lead me to a bunch of nuns today. I NEVER see nuns!!! Well, "thy will be done". I think I have ran away from this for too long. :saint2:
beatitude Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Guys... God lead me to a bunch of nuns today. I NEVER see nuns!!! Well, "thy will be done". I think I have ran away from this for too long. :saint2: This reminds me of a train journey I took when I was about twenty years old. I was thinking hard about religious life at the time, praying for signs, and then when I changed trains I saw two nuns at the station in bright blue habits. On the second leg of my journey, I chanced to glance out of the window at a warehouse belonging to the Carmel company. CARMEL in huge letters! I had made several visits to a Carmelite monastery and was talking with them about an aspirancy, so I leaped on both of these things as a 'sign'. Six or seven years down the line, I'm not a nun and I doubt I ever will be. It's a common mistake to invest too much significance in signs. In my experience it's usually a hint that someone is anxious - solid life decisions tend to be made on a much more prosaic basis. Awareness of my own vocation dawned very very slowly through my work with people who have severe learning disabilities. I want to work with people who are truly 'the least of these'. Then I came across Jean Vanier, who taught me about living in community with the vulnerable; and Brother Charles de Foucauld, whose spirituality was one of pure humility and littleness, and who saw the entire Gospel in the phase 'least of these'. There were no signs, no trumpets, no fanfares. I just saw my work making more and more sense in the light of what I was learning. It was gradual. Then, seeking spiritual support from like-minded people, I joined a lay prayer group affiliated to a Carmelite monastery that promotes reconciliation and unity between churches (a favourite theme of de Foucauld, and close to my own heart). But again, it was a purely practical decision, not something I did because I saw a signboard on a warehouse. Through the prayer group I heard about the secular institute that I'm a candidate with now. And so it goes on. No blinding lights from heaven, no road-to-Damascus moment. Gradual.
domenica_therese Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Some of us do need signs though; it's because we're really stupid. :hehe2:
Annie12 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Not to sound like a complainer here and all of you are posting very good reminders, however, I feel like if I say something about what I think God is calling me to, people (not even just on VS) tend to tell me that I could be wrong and that I should be skeptical regardless about what vocation I am discussing. Shouldn't there be more faith in this matter? Is it wrong for me to follow the conviction of the Holy Spirit? I know you all mean well but I tend to feel that when I am on Phatmass, I am often written off. Maybe you all are right. Maybe everything is in my head. However, I doubt it. You all can continue this thread but I don't see the gain for me to continue defending myself. Thank you all for your prayers! God bless!
cruciatacara Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Not to sound like a complainer here and all of you are posting very good reminders, however, I feel like if I say something about what I think God is calling me to, people (not even just on VS) tend to tell me that I could be wrong and that I should be skeptical regardless about what vocation I am discussing. Shouldn't there be more faith in this matter? Is it wrong for me to follow the conviction of the Holy Spirit? I know you all mean well but I tend to feel that when I am on Phatmass, I am often written off. Maybe you all are right. Maybe everything is in my head. However, I doubt it. You all can continue this thread but I don't see the gain for me to continue defending myself. Thank you all for your prayers! God bless! Annie, I don't tend to hang out in this forum but I have a sister who has been discerning R/L for a long time and she has been through the same problem of feelingthat others are judging her and accusing her of following her own will instead of God's because she won't give up.Only you and God know what's in your heart and what that means in your discernment. Take a step back from a thread or forum for awhile if things seem a bit critical. Most people mean well, but let's face it, this is an online forum - and no one knows what someone else should do.I support you, not because I think or know you're right, but because only you know what is right for you. Don't get discouraged, whatever you end up doing.
EmilyAnn Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 (edited) Not to sound like a complainer here and all of you are posting very good reminders, however, I feel like if I say something about what I think God is calling me to, people (not even just on VS) tend to tell me that I could be wrong and that I should be skeptical regardless about what vocation I am discussing. Shouldn't there be more faith in this matter? Is it wrong for me to follow the conviction of the Holy Spirit? I know you all mean well but I tend to feel that when I am on Phatmass, I am often written off. Maybe you all are right. Maybe everything is in my head. However, I doubt it. You all can continue this thread but I don't see the gain for me to continue defending myself. Thank you all for your prayers! God bless! Yes, you should have faith and yes you should follow where the Holy Spirit leads you. A little skepticism is healthy in these matters though. I don't contribute much to VS anymore but I do lurk so I have seen a lot of what you have posted over your time here. The regular VSers, like me, have seen your journey and I think it has come across sometimes that you 'flip' between "I'm called to religious life" and "I'm called to marriage" seemingly at the slightest 'sign'. You have, now and in the past, seemed anxious for a definitive 'this is my vocation'. I don't say any of this to criticise, but to try and explain why people may encourage skepticism. Perhaps our impression is mistaken, but that is how things have come across sometimes. You should of course seek to follow the Holy Spirit in your life, but discernment should encourage you to think with a little skepticism as to whether it truly is the Holy Spirit that is leading you - so many discerners make the mistake of approaching as if things are set in stone and believe me that is not the case! Edited February 21, 2014 by EmilyAnn
SilentJoy Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 God can speak to us through 'coincidences' (my priest likes to use the term 'Godincidences'). However, at one point I was applying to a community that I didn't completely want to enter, largely because there had been what I'm now calling a 'Tyranny of Coincidences' so I kept going forward, thinking that it might be the Will of God even though I was kind of miserable and was actually wanting to try somewhere else. It wasn't a bad learning experience to have and it did end up helping me to understand myself better and to heal, and I am learning that its okay to trust my heart and my knowledge of myself instead of obeying exterior 'signs.' Sometimes, coincidences ARE just coincidences. Or perhaps they could be a kind of invitation to pursue something further, but they aren't a sign that you MUST do this or that. You're still free to make the decision for yourself. But you probably aren't at a point where you're under a Tyranny of Coincidences just yet; you're just trying to be more aware of possible avenues that you might be able to take? :heart:
Annie12 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 God can speak to us through 'coincidences' (my priest likes to use the term 'Godincidences'). However, at one point I was applying to a community that I didn't completely want to enter, largely because there had been what I'm now calling a 'Tyranny of Coincidences' so I kept going forward, thinking that it might be the Will of God even though I was kind of miserable and was actually wanting to try somewhere else. It wasn't a bad learning experience to have and it did end up helping me to understand myself better and to heal, and I am learning that its okay to trust my heart and my knowledge of myself instead of obeying exterior 'signs.' Sometimes, coincidences ARE just coincidences. Or perhaps they could be a kind of invitation to pursue something further, but they aren't a sign that you MUST do this or that. You're still free to make the decision for yourself. But you probably aren't at a point where you're under a Tyranny of Coincidences just yet; you're just trying to be more aware of possible avenues that you might be able to take? :heart: Have you ever read Boethius' Consolation of Philosophy? It is really good...( if you like that kind of reading, that is). But, Boethius writes how nothing is a coincidence how everything... even our mistakes are worked into God's plan because God can only do good and therefore even our slip ups are used to lead us to God's divine will. Anyhow, I DO pay attention to signs. HOWEVER, I do not rely on them. I have learned my lesson on this. And, I can't ever know for sure if somthing is a sign until it has been "fulfilled" (for lack of better words). Right now, I am mostly rustling with the choices that I am going to have to make. I have put my foot in my mouth so much over this whole vocation business that I have become like the boy who cried wolf. However, the reality is that I have been going through this for 5 years now and I keep coming back to "I feel called". In the end, I am the one who has to move forward and say, "this is what I believe to be the will of the Lord and therefore I will peruse it and allow God to lead me". I can understand how people feel about my on and off manner of discernment. I am dreading telling my folks about it for this exact reason. I wish I didn't have to try to get others to understand my situation. I am awful at explaining things.
SilentJoy Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Thanks for the book recommendation, Annie12! I'm not sure when I might get to it but I will try. I agree, even my mistakes are somehow necessary to my story. I learned something important before withdrawing my application to the community, and I think that may be the reason why I needed to apply - not, as I thought, for the goal of actually entering, but so that I could get that little puzzle piece. Prayers for you and your discernment and the reactions of friends and family towards it.
kg94 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Yes, you should have faith and yes you should follow where the Holy Spirit leads you. A little skepticism is healthy in these matters though. I don't contribute much to VS anymore but I do lurk so I have seen a lot of what you have posted over your time here. The regular VSers, like me, have seen your journey and I think it has come across sometimes that you 'flip' between "I'm called to religious life" and "I'm called to marriage" seemingly at the slightest 'sign'. You have, now and in the past, seemed anxious for a definitive 'this is my vocation'. I don't say any of this to criticise, but to try and explain why people may encourage skepticism. Perhaps our impression is mistaken, but that is how things have come across sometimes. You should of course seek to follow the Holy Spirit in your life, but discernment should encourage you to think with a little skepticism as to whether it truly is the Holy Spirit that is leading you - so many discerners make the mistake of approaching as if things are set in stone and believe me that is not the case! With regards to the whole VS thing, just be aware that you are looking to carry out a spiritual discernment and not one based on feelings, emotions, or even one's will. Often it is difficult to take a step back and just check exactly what is from God and what is just in our minds because of anxiety or fear or just a want for clarity in one's vocation. Trust me when I tell you that when the time is right (in God's time - kairos) then you will know. I spent years searching for the right congregation and found it by accident, in a case where I never even meant to visit, and then when I did agree to visit, it was for a write up I never ended up doing for our blog - The Vocation Operation! So don't worry about the VS - just sunbathe in the presence of God and carry on discerning. Read through the Gospels and see if anything jumps out at you. Look particularly at the role of Jesus in the bit that jumps out, and meditate on the daily readings, keeping a journal of what strikes you and what it means to you. Know you have my prayers, Kim Lee The Vocation Operation. xxx Edited February 28, 2014 by kg94
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