Discernment With A Different Brain

[SilentJoy]

I would be grateful for any advice for people who may not have a "normal" discernment experience (if there is one).

 

I withdrew an application to a community largely because I was experiencing resentment and darkness that wasn't resolving itself, which I've seen described as an indicator that one is going the wrong way in their discernment (nervousness and uncertainty, yes; resentment and darkness, no). The community agreed that I should wait or stop since I seemed to be too anxious and in a lot of spiritual pain. Later I found out that I have Asperger's and this might just be the way that I'm going to process significant life changes, regardless of the fact that I might be headed in the right direction.

 

Are there different "indicators" to think about in this situation?

[beatitude]

I have AS. Change in routine and making choices can be unusually stressful and anxiety-provoking for autistic people, but in my experience these don't preclude the feeling of peace that comes when I have made a solid choice. If you are feeling anxiety and nothing but anxiety when you consider the religious life, then there may be some other issues at play here.

[maximillion]

A sense of peace and joy are good indicators that things are moving in the right direction.

 

If these seem to be underlying whatever else is going on I would say go ahead.

[SilentJoy]

I have AS. Change in routine and making choices can be unusually stressful and anxiety-provoking for autistic people, but in my experience these don't preclude the feeling of peace that comes when I have made a solid choice. If you are feeling anxiety and nothing but anxiety when you consider the religious life, then there may be some other issues at play here.

 

Thanks - no, there's a lot of joy and peace I think in my thoughts of religious life, but when it was getting closer to the time that I might actually enter a community, there was joy, but also the anxiety with resentment and dark.

[TheresaThoma]

I would talk this over with a spiritual director. They might be able to help you sort through all your feelings to see what is superficial and what is meaningful. As a (somewhat) normal person I think it is completely normal to feel anxiety and perhaps even a touch of "darkness" before a major life change. For example when I was preparing for my year long volunteer position (which meant  moving halfway across the country) even though I knew it was going to be good I was still anxious. I had some doubts and fears but now I am really happy to be here.

[maximillion]

I think it's what makes discernment so very hard. The mix of joy/excitement/natural anxiety.

 

What I have to remember is that the presence of anxiety does not equate to a loss of peace - unless it has meant I have lost my peace, in which case it is something more than natural anxiety - if you see what I mean.