Deal Breakers

[franciscanheart]

What are some deal breakers in friendship? Are deal breakers Christ-like?

[franciscanheart]

I can't be friends with bad spellers. Or, at the very least, I can't be friends with people who don't care to be better spellers if they are bad spellers. :|

[Basilisa Marie]

Yeah they are. Heck, the Gospel last Sunday was about dealbreakers to some capacity.  They just shouldn't be for frivolous things. :) 

[Deus te Amat]

one of my deal breakers is when people expect me to be "tolerant" of everyone, but they won't be tolerant of me. 

 

I know I should lead by example and stuff, but:

 

[PhuturePriest]

Your best friend avoiding you all week on a Catholic mission because she's afraid people will know you are best friends with her. True story. :|

 

I got back at her by being one of the most popular people there. Payback's a witch.

Edited September 9, 2014 by The Phetus

[franciscanheart]

I'm struggling with a friend who can only eat Hellmann's mayo.

[Starets]

There is no greater intolerance than the intolerance of the rigidly tolerant.

[Spem in alium]

I can't deal with people who use the r-word either offhand or to ridicule.

[Ash Wednesday]

Self-destructive and outlandish behavior. It's the only time I've ever really had to sever a friendship.

 

(Oh, and I mean the crazy behavior was theirs, not mine)...

 

We did make amends and we're friends now, as long as we're a bit arm's length. Which is easy to do when you live an ocean and a continent away now.

 

I also had something bizarre happen where I was good friends with someone in high school, we seemed to be fine, we were keeping in touch and friends on FB. Then she married some guy and ended up falling off the face of the earth, reappeared as a "glamour model" modeled after a barbie doll and completely changed her appearance -- plastic surgery, provocative modeling in skimpy clothing and poses suitable for stripping or porn. I'm also concerned she's gotten into other stuff I'm not going to mention on here.

 

She had a different profile on FB, I tried to friend her and at first she accepted my friend request and then minutes later, she blocked me. :hmmm:

 

She doesn't seem to be in touch with anyone else we knew, it's like she blocked everyone off for no reason at all. Maybe the deal breaker was that we all know her real age and not the age she claims to be. I get that we all grow up and change, but it's like she turned into a completely different person and polar opposite to the person we knew and I find it unsettling and a little bit hurt to be cut off by someone in that way.

 

Pray for her.

[marigold]

The alcoholism of one of my best friends turned out to be a deal breaker. I used to think it was Christian to keep being closely entangled in it, until my mum called me on it when she saw me burst into tears at the thought of travelling across town to comfort (= reassure the demons of) my friend yet again. A few weeks ago I saw her for the first time in two years, and within an hour we were down to the same base level of her begging and guilting me to get a drink with her. I refused and haven't seen her since, and think I probably won't again until she's sober. You can't have a relationship with that.

I think it IS Christ-like to call a spade a spade. Abusive relationships are abusive whether or not the abuser realises they are doing it. With alcoholism I would go so far as to say it is not the real person at all who is doing it, but their demons, in a very concrete sense. I would never have said something like that before I knew this person, but experience is a wonderful teacher.

However on the mayonnaise front I am open to suggestions.

[franciscanheart]

I can't be good friends with people who enjoy the cinema. Been there, done that; doesn't work for me.

[MIKolbe]

It's difficult to be good friends with people who can't laugh at themselves...people who take themselves too seriously.

[franciscanheart]

Also: dislikers of tacos.

[chrysostom]

Some deal breakers are drug smuggling, extortion, support for jihad and illegal WMD possession.  It's really difficult to stay on good terms with someone who's bragging about the fission bomb in his backyard and planning to buy a ticket to Syria to join up with ISIS.

Edited September 9, 2014 by chrysostom

[Lil Red]

dishonesty. 

 

I reconnected with an old friend from high school - we had some ish to work through (and did), but after she asked me for a recommendation for a hairstylist for naturally curly hair (since we both have that), she made an appointment and stiffed the gal for over  $70 of salon services. I was ticked, to say the least, and decided it was okay not to reconnect with her.

[beatitude]

It depends. I severed contact with two friends. One lied to me multiple times and seriously abused my hospitality. I had offered her a place to stay for a few months while she got her own apartment sorted, but she moved in with the intention of staying with me for always, as she later admitted. She thought that as I was her friend I was obliged to help her in whatever way she wanted, and she resented any time I spent away from her. She even followed me to work one day and was found by other staff sitting in the grounds waiting for me to come out. She refused to answer all questions, remaining silent, and thinking she must have some kind of intellectual disability and be lost, they phoned the police. It was hugely embarrassing having to explain this to my manager. ("I have a new flatmate and as you can see she's a little possessive...") It got worse and worse (she wouldn't let me have any time with other friends, even) and in the end I stopped speaking to her entirely.

 

The other friend also told serious lies, both to me and about me, while simultaneously using me as a 24/7 crisis line for her severe mental health problems (which she belittled and denied to her family and her doctors). I decided that I wasn't going to be used as a crutch indefinitely if she wasn't going to get herself some proper help, so I cut contact there too. There were other problems - she was absolutely obsessed with me and sometimes I felt like she was trying to be me. Looking back on it, there are quite a few similarities between these two girls. They were both mentally ill, obviously, but that wasn't the reason I walked away - it was the lies, and their inability to take any responsibility for themselves and to recognise that I was human with needs of my own.

[CatherineM]

I've had to drop friends who fell into drug culture. I don't really make that many friends. People say I'm intimidating. The ones that bother to get to know me, are usually healthy enough to keep.

[IcePrincessKRS]

I'm struggling with a friend who can only eat Hellmann's mayo.

 

Sorry. :sad2:

[Winchester]

Some deal breakers are drug smuggling, extortion, support for jihad and illegal WMD possession.  It's really difficult to stay on good terms with someone who's bragging about the fission bomb in his backyard and planning to buy a ticket to Syria to join up with ISIS.

So nobody in the CIA.

[marigold]

It depends. I severed contact with two friends. One lied to me multiple times and seriously abused my hospitality. I had offered her a place to stay for a few months while she got her own apartment sorted, but she moved in with the intention of staying with me for always, as she later admitted. She thought that as I was her friend I was obliged to help her in whatever way she wanted, and she resented any time I spent away from her. She even followed me to work one day and was found by other staff sitting in the grounds waiting for me to come out. She refused to answer all questions, remaining silent, and thinking she must have some kind of intellectual disability and be lost, they phoned the police. It was hugely embarrassing having to explain this to my manager. ("I have a new flatmate and as you can see she's a little possessive...") It got worse and worse (she wouldn't let me have any time with other friends, even) and in the end I stopped speaking to her entirely.

The other friend also told serious lies, both to me and about me, while simultaneously using me as a 24/7 crisis line for her severe mental health problems (which she belittled and denied to her family and her doctors). I decided that I wasn't going to be used as a crutch indefinitely if she wasn't going to get herself some proper help, so I cut contact there too. There were other problems - she was absolutely obsessed with me and sometimes I felt like she was trying to be me. Looking back on it, there are quite a few similarities between these two girls. They were both mentally ill, obviously, but that wasn't the reason I walked away - it was the lies, and their inability to take any responsibility for themselves and to recognise that I was human with needs of my own.

Good for you! On both counts. Makes me want to claw my own skin off just reading about it.