When Did You Know That It Was Time To Move...

[4LoveofJMJ]

from passive discernment (thinking, praying, looking at sites, etc.) to active discernment (visiting communities, making contact, etc.)?

 

See, I've been thinking about the religious life for quite some time and don't seem to be making any more head way. Does this mean that I should start visiting communities or something? I read about religious orders and like a few of them but still don't know if one calls to me more then the others. Yet, I still seem to be dragging my feet. Could this be the fact that this type of thing scares me? Or is it God giving me some sort of sign that I can't make a move just yet.

 

Have you guys experienced something like this? What did you do to get over it?

 

Happy New Year!!!!

[superblue]

Everything is at your discretion , there is not a time limit or a right time to cross from one bridge to another, at least  speaking at this level. And what works for one person , doesn't mean it is going to work for you.....   I think it would be fair to say though; that one can not discern an order simply by reading about them and viewing their website,,    Fear, is normal, but if that fear prevents you from ever taking a step forward in any direction you want, then there is an issue you have to personally overcome.  Plus it isn't a one way street of do I like this order vs this one, they can dismiss you at any point just as you can walk away...  You say you are dragging your feet, no one here can answer the why to that, only you.  An if you are just not ready, then that is fine too, it isn't like anyone is taking notes an going uh oh, so n so hasn't checked us out yet.

[Gabriela]

4LoveofJMJ: It sounds to me like you need training in discernment. Have you read Fr. Gallagher's book "The Discernment of Spirits"? I highly recommend it: http://www.amazon.com/Discernment-Spirits-Ignatian-Everyday-Living/dp/0824522915/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420166725&sr=8-1&keywords=fr.+timothy+gallagher

 

If you can, I would also strongly suggest an Ignatian retreat. Do that, and I don't think you'll have any question about what to do next, and when.

[Spem in alium]

I agree with what's already been said. There is no time limit or deadline by which you have to be actively discerning. God knows each of us uniquely, and so He calls each of us uniquely. I don't believe any process of discernment or any vocation journey is the same.

 

Prayer is what most helped me to make the leap and start visiting convents. Also, what pushed me was a sense of dissatisfaction. I was at the stage where I knew that I wanted my discernment to progress, but I could see that I wasn't doing a lot to help it along. I'd definitely recommend doing some reading on discernment, and taking the time to attend some discernment retreats. Even just speaking to people, like your parish priest or the Vocations Director from an order you're interested in, could be helpful. Ultimately, only you can know what's holding you back, if anything, and only you can take steps forward. Remember to be patient and open in your journey with God, and strive not to lose sight of Him. He'll be with you. 

[vee]

Ive always found this article on discernment helpful

 

http://www.lafayettecarmelites.org/god_calling.php

[4LoveofJMJ]

Hmmm I guess I was a bit hasty in making this thread. I don't think I articulated things well.

 

Well I've been thinking about what you all have said and appreciate the advice. It just dawn on me this morning on what might be going on. When I first started thinking that I might have a vocation, I was happy and scared, but thought that I should wait just in case I was imagining things. I always dreamed of getting married and having kids so I didn't want to throw it away on a whim. After praying and reading various materials, I've become more and more convinced that the religious life is for me. Now, with all of the uncertainty that might come with this reality, I wanted to be as sure as I can be. So I kept reading, praying, and talking to people. Now I realize that I might be stuck in the"perpetual discernment" that has come up a couple of times here on VS. I have become so used to the going back and forth that I'm not quiet sure how to get out of it. There is always that fear of the unknown which I think the Devil might be behind...

 

I want to visit some convents so bad! I'm really nervous about asking my mom to drive with me to some of them because they are too far for me to drive to on my own. I don't know how this would affect her. She seems to be coming around to the idea of a vocation to the religious life yet I'm still hesitant... 

 

Have you ever visited any communities with your parent or family member? What happened when you did?

[Spem in alium]

Hmmm I guess I was a bit hasty in making this thread. I don't think I articulated things well.

 

Well I've been thinking about what you all have said and appreciate the advice. It just dawn on me this morning on what might be going on. When I first started thinking that I might have a vocation, I was happy and scared, but thought that I should wait just in case I was imagining things. I always dreamed of getting married and having kids so I didn't want to throw it away on a whim. After praying and reading various materials, I've become more and more convinced that the religious life is for me. Now, with all of the uncertainty that might come with this reality, I wanted to be as sure as I can be. So I kept reading, praying, and talking to people. Now I realize that I might be stuck in the"perpetual discernment" that has come up a couple of times here on VS. I have become so used to the going back and forth that I'm not quiet sure how to get out of it. There is always that fear of the unknown which I think the Devil might be behind...

 

I want to visit some convents so bad! I'm really nervous about asking my mom to drive with me to some of them because they are too far for me to drive to on my own. I don't know how this would affect her. She seems to be coming around to the idea of a vocation to the religious life yet I'm still hesitant... 

 

Have you ever visited any communities with your parent or family member? What happened when you did?

 

I have, yes. My parents have come with me several times when I've visited the convent, have seen the aged care facility the Sisters run, have been to a couple of celebrations, and most recently were present at the convent, along with my siblings, when I entered. Each time, it seems to have been positive for them. I can understand why some people discern privately, without involving their family too much, but for me having my parents and siblings truly part of my discernment and interacting with the Sisters has been so important and such a blessing. When I entered, the Sisters were saying how we were now all "extended family", which is really true. 

 

I'd just recommend you take it slow with your family. Show them that you would like them to be a part of your discernment journey. Invite them to visit with you, but don't push them to come along. And ultimately, pray for them. I'll keep them in my prayers, also.

[Gabriela]

I have, yes. My parents have come with me several times when I've visited the convent, have seen the aged care facility the Sisters run, have been to a couple of celebrations, and most recently were present at the convent, along with my siblings, when I entered. Each time, it seems to have been positive for them. I can understand why some people discern privately, without involving their family too much, but for me having my parents and siblings truly part of my discernment and interacting with the Sisters has been so important and such a blessing. When I entered, the Sisters were saying how we were now all "extended family", which is really true. 

 

I'd just recommend you take it slow with your family. Show them that you would like them to be a part of your discernment journey. Invite them to visit with you, but don't push them to come along. And ultimately, pray for them. I'll keep them in my prayers, also.

 

Wait. What? You're in religious life now?

[beatitude]

I think it helps to begin by going on a general retreat run by religious - it needn't even specifically be a discernment retreat, just some time for quiet prayer with spiritual guidance.

[Spem in alium]

Wait. What? You're in religious life now?

 

:)

 

I entered on the Feast of the Holy Family, so am now an affiliate/candidate. but have a month left at home before I move in. 

[Gabriela]

:)

 

I entered on the Feast of the Holy Family, so am now an affiliate/candidate. but have a month left at home before I move in. 

 

I think congratulations are in order, but I'm still confused: If you entered, how are you still living at home? Do you mean you were accepted for entrance and will enter in a month?

[Spem in alium]

I think congratulations are in order, but I'm still confused: If you entered, how are you still living at home? Do you mean you were accepted for entrance and will enter in a month?

 

Thank you. :)

 

I was officially welcomed into the order in a ceremony on the Feast of the Holy Family, so actually "entered" on that date. But as January is a very quiet time for the Sisters, they asked if I would move in with them in early Feb. I am still living at home, but am a candidate with the Congregation already. It's kind of strange for me, too, but in a good way. :)

Edited January 3, 2015 by Spem in alium

[Gabriela]

Thank you. :)

 

I was officially welcomed into the order in a ceremony on the Feast of the Holy Family, so actually "entered" on that date. But as January is a very quiet time for the Sisters, they asked if I would move in with them in early Feb. I am still living at home, but am a candidate with the Congregation already. It's kind of strange for me, too, but in a good way. :)

 

Huh. That is strange. I've never heard of something like that. But I do congratulate you! :-)

 

Should we get you a "Catholic Religious" tag on Phatmass?

[Spem in alium]

Huh. That is strange. I've never heard of something like that. But I do congratulate you! :-)

 

Should we get you a "Catholic Religious" tag on Phatmass?

 

Thank you. :)

It's been nice, though. It's meant that I could have a relaxed Christmas and New Year with my family, rather than a rushed one, and some extra time to spend with extended family and friends and to organise myself. It's really proving to be a blessed time for me.

 

That would be nice. :)

[Deus te Amat]

Huh. That is strange. I've never heard of something like that. But I do congratulate you! :-)

 

Should we get you a "Catholic Religious" tag on Phatmass?

 

 

Thank you. :)

It's been nice, though. It's meant that I could have a relaxed Christmas and New Year with my family, rather than a rushed one, and some extra time to spend with extended family and friends and to organise myself. It's really proving to be a blessed time for me.

 

That would be nice. :)

 

 

Boom done. Congrats, Spem!

[Gabriela]

Boom done. Congrats, Spem!

 

Mwuhahaha. We tagged her "religious" before her order even put her in habit!  :lol4: 

[puellapaschalis]

Off-topic :(

[Spem in alium]

Off-topic :(

 

Apologies. But thanks, DTA. :)

[corban711]

from passive discernment (thinking, praying, looking at sites, etc.) to active discernment (visiting communities, making contact, etc.)?

 

See, I've been thinking about the religious life for quite some time and don't seem to be making any more head way. Does this mean that I should start visiting communities or something? I read about religious orders and like a few of them but still don't know if one calls to me more then the others. Yet, I still seem to be dragging my feet. Could this be the fact that this type of thing scares me? Or is it God giving me some sort of sign that I can't make a move just yet.

 

Have you guys experienced something like this? What did you do to get over it?

 

Happy New Year!!!!

 

Warning:  Long response!  Hopefully its at least a little helpful....

 

I have struggled with many of those questions a lot over the years at various stages of my discernment process. 

 

During one of those stages where I was thinking A LOT about discernment and really questioning where I was being called, when, which order, marriage, who, where I would live, work, etc, etc. etc. During that time I was spending a lot of time in prayer and I heard a really good talk on discernment.  The priest didn't say anything new really, but he said it in such a way that God really got through to me.  One of the things that really helped me was this:  

 

 

"I don't have the least idea in advance of what Jesus wants for me. And i trust Him so much out of love for Him that i don't need to know. I just need every day to be there for Him.  If it pleases Him, He will move me one way or the other.  If He doesn't, I am happy to be a potato bag in front of Him.  Just loving Him and waiting."

 

 

Simple, I know. But it really set my free interiorly.  This is probably not true of you, but I know it was of me at that time....It was so easy to get caught up in the details of discernment and trying to figure everything out and get it all perfect.  I was more concerned with figuring out where/to what God was calling me than I was with simply loving Him in the present moment.  

 

After that talk, I told Our Lord that I love Him more than anything else in this world and I want with all of my heart to spend my life loving and pleasing Him no matter what He asked of me and I didn't need to know anymore.  If He wanted to share His plan with me, thanks be to God.  But if not, thanks be to God.  I was going to spend my time loving Him anyways.

 

But I was done discerning passively like I was because I realized I would never be able to figure it out by thinking about it more.  All I did was think about it...constantly!   And I was making no progress.  I am far to weak and silly to figure it out for myself.  So I need Him in His Mercy to lead me.  So if HE wanted me to know where to go, what to do, which vocation, etc, then HE was going to have to pour Himself out in His tenderness and mercy and show me.  And He was going to have to make it very clear.  And until He did that, I was not going to move one way or another.  All I was going to do, was sit at His feet and love Him.  Adore Him.  And wait. 

 

Anytime discernment thoughts interrupted prayer or anything else, I tried my best to dismiss them and offer them up to Him as if they were a temptation and asked Him for the grace just to simply love Him and be abandoned to His will not needing to know.  I told Him I didn't have a time frame or desires for myself.  Only to please Him.  

 

VERY shortly after doing this, He started to move in major ways in my heart and He did show me what steps to take.  I can't tell you exactly what He did, but in setting my heart free to love and adore Him without thought or concern about my vocation, He was able to show me my vocation.  And I knew when it was time to move.  And so will you.  He truly guides us throughout all the headaches and difficulties and frustrations and not knowing...Very soon it was no longer a question of should I become more active in the process...it was very clear and I knew I absolutely had to make a move.  

 

It was a beautiful gift.  But He demanded that I be much more abandoned to His Mercy and detached from my own thoughts before He moved.  I had to learn to be content to be a "potato bag" in front of Him like that priest said.  

 

 

 

ps.  Sorry that was so long.  Hopefully you will ask about something I have thoughts about next time!    Haha.  But you are in my prayers and I hope something in there might be helpful for you.

[TheresaThoma]

If it is on your heart to go visit communities then I would say go. Even just making a day visit or a weekend visit can be helpful to start out with. You can get a general sense of religious life and what specific things attract you. I once went on a discernment retreat with a community I wasn't particularly interested in but was still open to. By the end of the weekend I knew that I was not called to that community but it still was helpful. From that I knew what it felt like to be drawn to religious life in general but not called to a particular community. That was definitely something I wouldn't have figured out without that visit. 

 

In general in my discernment I find that I just kind of know when to move on. I just get this feeling that what I am currently doing isn't enough or productive. For example when I had made a couple visits to the community but had yet to express solidly my feelings either way to the Sisters I felt a bit stuck. I knew that I did want to visit more but that I needed to take it to a more serious level, I was treading water rather than making headway. Taking that next step can be really scary but with lots of prayer you can do it and it is definitely not as scary as you think it is!