Which Order Should I Choose?

[Discerning13]

I am a 13 year old girl living in the UK and I think the Lord is calling me to be a nun. I only recently told my atheist family that I want to be baptised (I have believed since I was 10) so I'm not baptised yet. Praying and worshipping God brings me peace and joy, thinking if a religious life or even seeing photos of nuns fills me with happiness. I pray daily for guidance on whether this is the right path for me. However if I do become a nun, which order should I join? There are so many to choose, I would appreciate some help from other Catholics :) I would like to live a quiet cloistered life but doing some work outside of the convent, like helping the poor and needy. Are there any convents like this?

PS: it would help if you could tell me the habits/whatever they wear for each order you suggest. I love seeing the beautiful different clothes of each order :)

[Lily May Gath]

Hello Discerning13
You ask a really good question. The answer will depend ond the 'charism' of each community. The 'charism' is like the flavour or the call or vocation of each community. Each community will have their own distinctive flavour in response to how they were founded and where God is leading them. Different orders and communities have a different focus. Some are founded to be missionary, to be teachers, to work in social projects. Dominicans have a tradition of study, Benedictines have a tradition of educating and hospitality etc. etc. Your local Catholic Diocese should have a contact for a vocations officer and should also be able to tell you which communities and convents are in your area. The National Vocations Office is www.ukvocation.org
One community with a good vocations director who have one new sister most years are the Dominican Sisters of Saint Joseph in the New Forest near Portsmouth. www.dominicansistersofsaintjoseph.org. (White habit, black veil.) some monastic, contemplative sisters are the Benedictine Sisters of Saint Cecilia Abbey on the Isle of Wight. Just some starters, Lily

[beatitude]

Welcome, Discerning13. :) I'm also from the UK. It's nice to see more UK people on here.

 

You will have to be eighteen before you can enter any community, so at this stage I would focus on getting involved in your parish and taking part in youth activities. Understanding the different spiritualities and communities in the church will come as you grow in knowledge of Catholicism. :) Your sense of yourself as a person and what God is calling you to do will also become clearer in that time. From talking to nuns, I've learnt that a lot of them felt drawn to this life since they were children, but they didn't know which order it would be until they were older.

 

The Dominican sisters whom Lily May mentions have a summer camp for young Catholics, called Fanning the Flame; you could contact them to ask about going one year if it's within easy travelling distance of you. I also recommend getting active with Youth 2000 - they're a very lively and lovely bunch. You have to be sixteen to go on one of their residential retreats unaccompanied (any younger and you need an adult to accompany you) but they have regular prayer meetings for young people of any age across the UK and I can't recommend them enough.

 

If you feel comfortable saying which county you live in, I might have some more suggestions. You could look on the website of your diocese to see if there any religious communities near you - most sisters are happy to chat. But I think the most important thing for you to be doing now is to be going to church regularly on Sundays and talking to the priest about baptism. You will need to take some classes before you can be baptised (nothing difficult, they're usually more like informal discussions with the priest and a few other Catholics - it's just a chance to find out more about the faith!) and you will probably do that with a group of other people in the same situation. :) I will keep you in my prayers. God bless and Mary help you.

Edited January 7, 2015 by beatitude

[Discerning13]

Beatitude, I live in the West Midlands :) and yes I knew you have to be 18, 5 more years to go:( but at least I have lots of time to decide, haha

[beatitude]

West Midlands? There is a major vocation event that happens every year in or near Birmingham, Invocation. At least, they've had one for the past four years - I hope it's returning for 2015. It lasts for two days and lots of sisters and priests from different communities go to give talks and answer questions. They have a lot of time for prayer, and social time too.

 

The best way to discern is simply to ask God for a good place to go. ;) Don't get swamped by all the choices. Focus on deepening your faith now and living in the way you know is right, and when the time comes, the choice will be easy.

[Discerning13]

Thanks :) however my parents aren't aware that I want to be a nun and I'm not sure if they'll agree, so I probably won't be able to attend that event :(

[4LoveofJMJ]

 

Thanks :) however my parents aren't aware that I want to be a nun and I'm not sure if they'll agree, so I probably won't be able to attend that event :(

 

If I were you, I would focus more on getting them used to becoming Catholic before you say anything else. Besides, why tell them you want to enter the convent before you can actually do anything about it.

 

I made that mistake (telling my parents too early) and it made our relationship very difficult. My mom thought that I was only thinking of becoming a religious because I didn't have a boyfriend. I was at the age where she wouldn't take what I said seriously because she thought I wasn't mature enough.

[corban711]

My advice would be to not choose...not yet anyways!   Tell Jesus that you love Him so much, and that since you love Him so much that you would prefer that He choose what He likes best for you!   :)

 

This may be becoming a nun someday, and if it does He will lead you to the right order.  It might mean getting married to a holy man who loves God the same way you do.  It might mean being consecrated and living in the world.  Right now what is most important is that you love God, love and obey your parents, and decide to live according to whatever Jesus chooses for you!  

[TheresaThoma]

I very deeply second waiting a bit to tell your parents you feel that you might be called to be a nun. I told my non-religious parents very soon after I had told them I wanted to become Catholic (I was in college away from home at the time). It didn't turn out well. I was still in the very early stages of discernment so I was trying to answer my own questions and definitely didn't have answers for my parents. We have had a few very nasty fights over it. I'm not saying hide it from your parents but take a bit more time to deeply discern and answer your own questions (most importantly why you feel called.). The better you understand your discernment the easier it will be to explain it to your parents

As much as you want to dive right into discerning focus now on becoming Catholic and learning about the faith. Let yourself mature a bit in the faith. In fact many communities require you to be Catholic for at least 2-3 years before they would consider you a candidate for the community. Those years are crucial in letting yourself grow as a Catholic. I know this from personal experience. Early on in my discernment just a few months after I became Catholic I started to discern with a community. Over the course of a year I discerned seriously with them and was even thinking of asking to apply. However as time went on and I "matured" as a Catholic I realized that I wasn't called to that community after all. My spirituality hadn't really settled at that point. Now a couple years later and I am discerning with a different community that has a different spirituality. I feel more settled now as a Catholic and I am more confident that I am making the right decision to continue moving forward with this community.

My suggestion now is read lots of good Catholic books and explore different styles of prayer and spiritualities. 

[Discerning13]

Oh gosh I just realised, I meant 'a quiet contemplative life' , not 'a quiet cloistered life'

[marigold]

Another UK poster here! I agree with what the others have said, Discerning13. I recognise soooo much of myself when I was younger in what you wrote (I'm in my 20s now) - my heart goes out to you!

 

I was very young when I first thought about being a nun, and then I became a believer, and then I was received into the Orthodox Church. I wouldn't change those experiences now, but I do think I sometimes put the cart before the horse.

 

It is a wonderful life, without doubt the best way of life that I know about and have (briefly) experienced, but in order to see it through to your very last breath you really have to know yourself, and especially know yourself in the context of your faith. After all, if you are going to be a Catholic nun then the bread and butter of your daily life is going to be Catholic stuff.

 

Keep that flame alive inside you, don't cool it down by telling others, have it as a secret daydream between you and God - but treat it as a daydream, while you work on going to church regularly, getting to know a parish community, figuring out if you want to come into the Catholic Church, and enjoying building up a whole catalogue of life experiences that will serve you so well if you do become a nun. That's what I wish someone had told me when I was in your situation.

[TIWW]

Discerning13, keep following Jesus in you every day life. You are very young, and as you mature, your relationship with God will as well. As you consider becoming Catholic, you will need to find a "Church community" to support and accept you into the Faith. It is a wonderful journey you are beginning. When the time comes, you may have more of an idea how you wish to live out your live as a nun, active or contemplative. Entering a Community  is in the end a two way decision,yours and the communities. At which time, you will have a person you becomes your spiritual guide or Director, who will help you with your journey. How you act as a Christian and person of prayer will say a lot to your parents about your choice and journey.

[Adaly Rosado Jr]

Discerning13,

Hi I'm Father Rosado from New York.  I would suggest you keep praying and ask your parents permission to join RCIA for Children so that you can become a Catholic.  God Bless You.

[Carla]

I give you full support is your desire to become catholic.It is beautiful that someone that young feel desire for religious life.But also you have plenty of time to consider and to learn more about faith.Just be patient and found your self some spiritual gudience in your local parish.That will be very helpful for you and also you should tell you parents that you have desire to become catholic.