Bossy Coworker

[tinytherese]

I sack groceries for my job and there's this one cashier who is constantly telling me how to do my job. Some of what she tells me goes against what I was taught when trained. One of her commands keeps changing every so often, which confuses me. 

"You can put the meat in with the produce. It won't hurt it at all."

"Don't put the meat in with the produce. That'll cause freezer-burn."

"Go ahead and put the meat in with the produce."

"Putting the meat and produce together will cause freezer-burn."

Guess I can't satisfy her.

Once when I didn't obey one of her orders, she yelled at me in front of a customer to do it her way. This startled me and I did what she said. 

She later apologized and acknowledged that she can come off as gruff. I told her that I was simply doing what I had been taught in my training. She still bosses me around though. I know that she means well, but I wish that she'd just focus on her job and let me do mine. If I'm doing something wrong, one of the managers can tell me. It also irritates me when she tells me to do something that I was just about to do. 

She claims that we need to use as few bags as possible because they cost the store money and this is taken out of our paychecks. There are a lot of times though when she makes the bags too heavy. I'm afraid that they'll break. I know that she almost always objects to double bagging and claims that if there's room in a bag for something, to put more in it, regardless of what it weighs. I was told in training to double bag heavy sacks.

She's an older woman with grandchildren and I started working in this department 6 months ago. The nature of my job simply won't allow me to ignore her. I don't want to have her mad at me or yell at me again for not obeying her. 

I don't want to have to tell any of the managers, because I'm afraid that my coworker will resent me and see me as a tattleler.

[Credo in Deum]

I say continue to do what you were told in training.  Then if she yells at you again, put a paper bag over your head.  The awkwardness will surely cause her to stop yelling.  For best results use a bag with a facial expression on it.

 

 

[truthfinder]

They take bags out of your paycheck? What? I've never heard of something so ridiculous; sounds like a made up excuse.  Anywho, without 'telling' on her, if you're ever in the presence of a manager and your co-worker, you could just make it into a friendly discussion.  "Hey manager, coworker says the preferred way to bag things is x, but I thought I learned in training that they were to be done y.  Am I mistaken, or has the policy changed?" 

[beatitude]

They take bags out of your paycheck? What? I've never heard of something so ridiculous; sounds like a made up excuse.  Anywho, without 'telling' on her, if you're ever in the presence of a manager and your co-worker, you could just make it into a friendly discussion.  "Hey manager, coworker says the preferred way to bag things is x, but I thought I learned in training that they were to be done y.  Am I mistaken, or has the policy changed?" 

​I wouldn't take this approach because it doesn't convey that the coworker has been getting aggressive, and it might make Tinytherese seem petty if the manager thinks she's concerned over a colleague's plastic bag strategy. Tinytherese, in your position I would just be honest. Say to your coworker, "You keep giving me contradictory instructions and I'm feeling frustrated. I think it's better if I stick with what I was taught in my training." Keep it polite, but keep it truthful.

[The Historian]

I can relate with what you're going through.  I am having difficulties with my manager and one of my co-workers, and it is exasperated by the fact that my co-worker has very little English.  To be honest, it's gotten to the point where I just don't want to be around them anymore.  As I am working in a live-in position, that means that I either stay alone in my room until my shift starts, or I go out and spend the whole day doing nothing util I have to start work.  Granted, it's not all their fault.  I can understand some of their exasperation (especially if I don't do something the right way).  But with other things it's ridiculous.  Some of it is outright vindictiveness.

There are two things you have to do.  First, you have to unite your sufferings with those of Christ's own.  By doing this all of these humiliations and hardships will not be for nought.  They will help others in desperate need.  Offer it up for a soul in mortal sin, offer it for a woman considering having an abortion, etc.

Second, you have to speak with your manager.  Just explain that you can't work under these conditions.  Ask if it would be possible to partner with someone else.  Make it clear that you want to avoid having her reprimanded, you just want to see if it'd be possible to work around other people.  Bullying has no place in the workplace and it shouldn't be tolerated, and this woman, regardless of her intentions, is essentially bullying you.

[veritasluxmea]

I can sympathize. I've had that problem, and similar issues with coworkers, in almost every job I've had, and with people of all ages. I think people have issues and some people will channel that on to you. I don't think they have the social skills or self-awareness to stop. I just... remind myself it's not personal. Do what needs to be done. Ignore them best I can. Get positive about the rest of the job, the free food/drink/discounts/whatever, have fun with the customers. But above all, learning not the take things personally was key for me, and that coupled with avoiding/ignoring really helped. Can you tell the manager you don't want to work with her? The managers I've had will made schedule changes-for you and her- without asking or letting her know you've made the request. 

[superblue]

Another thing to consider is if this coworker actually holds any authority in the store, shift leader, lead cashier, etc, if not, then your coworker figures that seniority of having worked there longer than you, means that she is your boss, and more so because she is older than you and has grandchildren, and that just is not true.

I don't know how people put up with coworkers like this anymore, I can't and refuse to , I have had my share of it an it is too much for me to handle anymore.

An you want more confusion, how about asking the customer how they would prefer their items be bagged, before your coworker says a word or even afterwards, not in any other tone but sincerity ( training or not a manager isn't going to tell a customer that their items has to be bagged a certain way )

 

WHICH side note story

 

at my grocery store I tend to bag my own groceries for plenty of reasons and I remember this one female manager who wouldn't acknowledge me for nothing as a customer, ( small store  an ya tend to get familiar with cashiers etc ) any how , I am bagging my canned items in one bag, and the manager saw what I did and as I am tying the top of it an begin to lift it, she gives this really rude comment of " Ya right " an is looking at me kinda wonky eyed, I didn't say anything but gave a smile, an simply did as I had planned and placed the bag of cans in another bag ( so I got the first bag tied so they don't fall out on the ride home, and a second bag for extra strength ) lol she was livid , and I still cant figure out why and huffed away.

 

I hope that things there work out for ya tiny.

[Gabriela]

Other people have given very good advice, and I have a notoriously difficult personality, but in your situation, I would tell the woman flat-out: "I have been here six months and I'm doing what I was taught in training. Stop bossing me around. It's unnecessary and annoying."

My feeling is that she's doing it because she needs to do it to somebody, and you're the person who's putting up with it, so you're the person who's getting it.

Stop putting up with it. Make it clear that you won't anymore. Put your foot down.

She won't like you, but it seems she doesn't already, and at least after this she might leave you alone!

[tinytherese]

I've noticed her bossing around other sackers too, so I know it isn't just me. The way we're set up, those of us who sack don't just stay in the same spot the whole shift. We go to whoever needs us and we can't refuse helping a cashier unless a different one has an even bigger order.

Standing up to her would be one thing. How I would take her reaction, which would be yelling or her continuing to insist on her way is another. My therapist suggested to just say the same phrase that I originally would say to her when standing up to her like a broken record in a calm voice. If she wants it done her way, she'll have to do it herself.

[tinytherese]

Can you tell the manager you don't want to work with her? The managers I've had will made schedule changes-for you and her- without asking or letting her know you've made the request. 

Now there's a possibility.

[beatitude]

I've noticed her bossing around other sackers too, so I know it isn't just me. The way we're set up, those of us who sack don't just stay in the same spot the whole shift. We go to whoever needs us and we can't refuse helping a cashier unless a different one has an even bigger order.

Standing up to her would be one thing. How I would take her reaction, which would be yelling or her continuing to insist on her way is another. My therapist suggested to just say the same phrase that I originally would say to her when standing up to her like a broken record in a calm voice. If she wants it done her way, she'll have to do it herself.

​I think your therapist has a good strategy. If she yells at you, just say to her, "This is uncomfortable for our customers. You need to stop shouting." Another possibility would be for you to chat with some of the other packers - how do they handle her?

[Ash Wednesday]

I would discuss this with other sackers -- if they notice the same thing and it's not just you, then perhaps you should feel comfortable talking to a manager so that it's not just you feeling like a tattletale. You could be helping out co-workers.

I have had a difficult time with a co-worker. What helped me was to put myself in her shoes and try to understand things from her viewpoint. In your situation there are things to consider with your co-worker, including her own age, personality and working situation. If she has kids and grandkids, she might be used to being "bossy" to keep order in her family. Given that your co-worker has shown a willingness to apologize and acknowledges her shortcomings, that shows that the working relationship has potential to get better.

I also prayed the novena to Our Lady of Knots for the relationship with my co-worker, so that might be worth a try. Plus the Litany of Humility helped me to respond when I was feeling demeaned or put down.

Things between us improved considerably in the past year and we work together a lot more smoothly.

[CrossCuT]

When I had my first job at 13 it was at a privately owned bakery, I filled orders and bagged things in the back. The owners daughter would come in during holiday seasons to help with the extra work and she picked on me soooo much.

I will always remember the day when she said that I will never succeed at anything else in life if I couldnt hold 4 hamburger buns in my hand at the same time while bagging them up. (My hands were small and I could only fit 2 without squishing them).

She was cray.

[Gabriela]

I know this is silly, but for some reason, this thread makes me giddy with happiness. There's so much good advice in here!

Tiny, why don't you print out this thread and take it to your therapist and devise a long-term strategy you feel comfortable with? It might be necessary to use different tactics over time, to really get the point across to her.

The REALLY good side-effect of you standing up to her would be that, then, your co-workers would see that it is possible to stop her bullying, so they would likely be inspired to stand up for themselves, too. You can have a bigger impact here! Go for it!

[Credo in Deum]

Have the other sackers take her to sackville and sack her.