For me

[superblue]

That I will be able to start sending out my paper work to the abbey for the postulancy, and that they will accept me.  If not this year hopefully next.

I fall into despair so much an it is aggravating , at the abbey i feel myself spiritually growing, i like knowing i am expected to participate in prayers ,be at mass daily ,praying with the brothers , and having work duties through out the day. and back at home it's like i feel so useless and worthless.

i got siblings coming over for my moms birthday that haven't shown up for any of her other birthdays because evidently they were too busy and i guess this one is all of a sudden important, and i just don't want to give in to i guess resentment an unnecessary anger at them when they do show up.

I was in a funk an didn't attend Holy Thursday mass,  i will be at mass for Good Friday though.... and i don't know if i have done anything worth while for lent, other than for once in a long time remembering to refrain from meat on Fridays, and going to reconciliation a bit more often.... hope that is worth something in the end.

and i am scared, right or wrong i am putting all i got into following Christ as a religious to hopefully one day the priesthood, and i have no idea how i am going to bounce back and make something of myself in life if i am wrong on this. Going all in, is a gut wrenching feeling when the stake is ones own future and there is no safety net. An being crazy enough to test my own faith in this manner is making my stomach turn too at times.