toledo_jesus Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 A Jesuit was in his office smoking a cigar as he prayed the Divine Office. His secretary noticed him smoking and asked if that was permissible. The Jesuit responded "I don't know, I've never asked. I'll ask my superior tomorrow." The next day, he reported to his secretary that "I asked my superior, and he said, 'Of course it's okay to pray while you smoke!'" I'm thinking that Jesuits are kind of like lawyers when it comes to jokes...
Crusader_4 Posted June 13, 2004 Author Posted June 13, 2004 Here is another one: A Jesuit, Fransican, and Domincan were sitting at a table having a meeting. All of a sudden the lights turn out and all of them are stunned. looking to make good out of a poor situation the fransican said "Let us use this time to reflect upon how without God we are void" and the Domincan said "Let us think abotu all those in poverty who see the darkness of this world" and the Jesuit "Would someone PLEASSE turn on the lights!"
voiciblanche Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Gosh! We're just trying to stir up vocations to Jesuit orders, now, aren't we?
voiciblanche Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 (edited) Whoops! Computer mix-up. Edited June 13, 2004 by voiciblanche
Crusader_4 Posted June 13, 2004 Author Posted June 13, 2004 Jesuits rock with that...another joke.... A Jesuit, Fransican, and Dominican (they sure hang out lots eh?!) were playing golf together. It had taken already three hours and they were only on the 5th hole because the two-sum in front of them was taking forever. So eventually the Fransican realized he had to celebrate mass at 6 so he walked up to the group to find out why they were taking so long. He found out that in fact the group ahead of them was the USA Blind Golf Team so he didnt want to offend them by asking to pass through so instead he came back to inform the Dominican and the Jesuit about this marvel in front of him. So the Fransican quickly comments about "how God works marvels among his children" and the Dominican said "Yes that is true and how he is able to use his Children and isntill hope among them" then the Jesuit commented "If they are blind cant they just play at night?!"
Mickey's_Girl Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 [quote name='toledo_jesus' date='Jun 13 2004, 12:11 AM'] The next day, he reported to his secretary that "I asked my superior, and he said, 'Of course it's okay to pray while you smoke!'" [/quote] HA HA HA HA!!! ("pray while you smoke") HA HA HA HA!!!! :crackup: MG
voiciblanche Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Pray while you smoke... I should tell that to Sam... he's agnostic, I guess, but if I could get him to pray while he smokes... hmm...
RandomProddy Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 (edited) After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph straight out of Rome. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the carabinieri ([i]italian militia[/i]) approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," said the Chief. "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the officer. The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!" "No, I mean really important," he says. The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?" Officer: "Bigger." Chief: "Berlusconi?" Officer: "Bigger." "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?" Officer: "I think it's God!" Chief: "What makes you think it's God?" Officer: "He's got the Pope for a limo driver!" Edited June 13, 2004 by RandomProddy
voiciblanche Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Lol. I've heard that one before, but without the last two lines. It's funnier with those two lines, too!
RandomProddy Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 (edited) Jesus was walking along one day, when he came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone the her, so Jesus made his now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone." The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a little old woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman. Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom." And when He was a little toddler.. One day, Jesus was playing out side in the mud. Mary was inside cooking. Jesus wanted to come inside, so he ran in, leaving a mud trail behind him and the door wide open. "Jesus!!" Mary cried. "Shut that door! You wern't born in a ...." Edited June 13, 2004 by RandomProddy
RandomProddy Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 And the last one before I'm off.. Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made webpages. They did every known job. But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known to man. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past 2 hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?" God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves!"
Crusader_4 Posted June 13, 2004 Author Posted June 13, 2004 Those two are great!!! lol cracked me up.
voiciblanche Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 I agree. Good ones, RP. You'll have to tell us some more tomorrow... or I guess, today, since it's one in the morning.
OwNeD_byGoD Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 HAHAHAH i had a good crack up, eventhough idn get some of them kus i dont understand Jesuits but ok, deng you guys crack me up
Mickey's_Girl Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Random Proddy-- You stole my "cast the first stone" joke! :angry: (see the first page of this thread) Oh, but I LOVED the other two! Born in a barn! Jesus Saves!! HA HA! :rotfl: And your pope joke...I laughed right out loud. And long!!! RP, you are awesome. MG
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