retreat at cloistered community

[MarysLittleFlower]

Hello,

I'm wondering how one would usually discern with a cloistered community like Carmelites... Would they usually let you stay a few days for a retreat? But you can't go into the cloister right? So where do you stay? Is doing this even an option? Thank you!

[beatitude]

A lot of monasteries have guest rooms outside the enclosure where visitors can stay. I know several Carmels who earn part of their living through people who come on silent retreat and make a donation to stay in the guest quarters. Some monasteries permit a stay in the cloister for serious discerners, and others have one or two specific visiting weekends a year where they relax enclosure in order to introduce Catholic women to their way of life and to demystify it a little bit. Write to the communities you're interested in and ask. 

[vee]

Exactly, you write and talk briefly about yourself and your discernment, they will respond and may invite you for a visit which is a stay on the outside.  Some Carmels do allow live ins but that is for after youve met them already.

 

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

Exactly, you write and talk briefly about yourself and your discernment, they will respond and may invite you for a visit which is a stay on the outside.  Some Carmels do allow live ins but that is for after youve met them already.

 

​As I understand it, this is also what the Summit Dominicans do, along with at least some other cloistered Communities of Dominicans and other Orders. That is, a discerner writes/talks with the Vocations Director, and after that she may be invited for a short visit where she stays outside the cloister. Then, depending on how that visit goes, the aspirant may be invited by the Community for a live-in, usually lasting at least a couple of weeks.

Still, it varies by Community and Order.

Interestingly (at least to me) an aspirant with some active Communities does not necessarily do a formal "live in" before an aspirant applies for entrance. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think an aspirant has a live-in with either the Nashville Dominicans or the DSMMEs before she applies for entrance to the Community. From what I've read here on Phatmass, an aspirant with these Communities sometimes is allowed to make an individual visit, but that isn't necessarily the norm.

However, the Nashville Dominicans (I think) have the participants in their discernment weekends stay in a dorm similar to the type of dorm their postulants live in, so they get more of a feel of what life as a Nashville Dominican would be like. Conversely, the DSSME's hold their discernment retreats in a separate location and the discerners sleep on the floor. I think the DSMME's do have an aspirant period before a woman becomes a postulant, but this comes AFTER the woman has been accepted. (DS, or someone else, correct me if I'm wrong about this.)

[veritasluxmea]

I'm going to give the old phatmass answer.... It depends on the community! But yes, Iggy is correct. 

[vee]

Yup Iggy youve got it. 

I should mention if you are discerning Carmel you often have to actually hand write or type a letter and snail mail it.  Some have email for vocations some dont.  Some will hand write a reply to you some will type it out and print it off to mail back.  Include your phone number so they always have that option to contact you as well.  Expect communication to be slow.  Unlike the Dsmme or Nashville, or even Summit who may get back to you within the day if not a couple of hours Carmels may take a couple of weeks.  It can take even a month or longer for me because Im in Canada.  Part of that is the postal system, part of that is that is they have to read the letter, pray, and reply. 

[dominicansoul]

When I was discerning, the Nashies had a week-long retreat, which was pretty great.  The Dsmme had a weekend retreat like they still do, but also one week of pre-postulancy (this was for the girls who were already accepted and planning to enter in August.)  I believe now they do have an aspirancy period, but that's something that wasn't done when I entered.  (It makes up half of the postulant year, I think.)

[vee]

When I was discerning, the Nashies had a week-long retreat, which was pretty great.  The Dsmme had a weekend retreat like they still do, but also one week of pre-postulancy (this was for the girls who were already accepted and planning to enter in August.)  I believe now they do have an aspirancy period, but that's something that wasn't done when I entered.  (It makes up half of the postulant year, I think.)

​when you were discerning st dominic had just founded the moniales

[dominicansoul]

im old, but not that old 

[TheresaThoma]

I think it really varies from community and from house to house. Also the level of "access" will vary on where you are in your discernment. The community that I am discerning with is not cloistered but I have noticed that the longer I have been in contact more I visit the more the Sisters seem comfortable asking me to do stuff on my own. (ie cleaning stuff or just the schedule in general.)

Convents also run on their own time. I always expect at least a week between emails and with letters, well who knows. I have learned to not get discouraged if I don't get an answer back right away. I give it a few weeks and then send another email. More than once Sister got my email but then just forgot/didn't have time to respond.