When things get in the way

[ErinMarie]

Hi,

I haven't made a lot of posts here and have mostly been lurking, but I wanted to ask a question; when things happen to keep you from continuing in discerning, how do you know if it is God or something else?  I have tried to visit communities four times in the past two and a half months.  Three I had to cancel for one reason or another (mostly work-related reasons) and today as I was supposed to be leaving for the fourth, I missed my flight by only two minutes and couldn't get another one.  Some people are telling me that this is just the devil trying to prevent me from entering religious life and that I should keep trying.  Other people say that this is God trying to tell me something along the lines of 'not right now'.  I am inclined to believe the latter, but two days ago I believed that God wanted me to go on this most recent visit because everything else worked out for me to go--until I got to the airport.  Feeling like I am getting mixed messages here and maybe I am just not making the clearest assessment of the situation.  Is there a way to sort through it all?

[beatitude]

Personally I don't read too much into things like that. It could be neither a sign from God nor the work of the devil, just a run of really bad luck. This week I had my mobility trike stolen and I lost my mobile phone, but I'm not taking this as a divine sign that I should become a hermit and seclude myself from the world. Sometimes things just go pear-shaped for no particular reason.

There is a fourth possibility, which is that you don't really want to visit this community. If you were looking forward to it enough, you would have been at the airport in good time to make your flight, so unless there were unforeseen circumstances (unusually bad traffic due to a road accident, or something) it sounds almost as though you were sabotaging yourself. Equally, if you want something badly enough, you won't be cancelling repeatedly. We all find ways to prioritise what we want. I don't mean this to sound harsh, because I don't think that procrastinating over something that makes you nervy or uncomfortable is a bad thing - for many people, it's a natural reaction to facing the unknown - but I think you should ask yourself if this might be playing a role for you. Self-awareness is important.

[Gabriela]

I tend to think such things do have significance. And actually, @beatitude, recently I've been seeing your "bad luck" as enviable suffering. Srsly, I've been thinking to myself: "How come she gets to suffer so much and not me?" Which is weird for me, cuz I hate suffering. Like, I'd rather die than suffer. So on the one hand, I think God is using such thoughts to tell me something about how I'm changing, because finally I'm beginning to see suffering as a gift from God rather than just Him being mean. And on the other hand, because I see you as being a really holy person (compared to me, at least), I see in your suffering a sign of that holiness, cuz God is giving you that gift more than He's giving it to me.

I hope it's alright that I say all this publicly. I'm not really sure... If it's not, well, you're a Mediator of Meh, so just delete it!  

That being said: @ErinMarie, discerning whether such events are from God or from the stoopid devil can be a really hard task. You need to discern first what beatitude mentioned: Is there something deep within you that doesn't really want to make these visits (for whatever reason)? If you are certain there is not, then you need to discern very carefully whether God wants the same thing you want. And if you discern that He does, then it's down to the stoopid devil.

I'd say get an SD.

Edited November 9, 2015 by Gabriela

[veritasluxmea]

Yes, I agree with Beatitude. Ask yourself why you missed the flight and canceled all those times before. What could you have done differently? why didn't you do it the first time? Are you trying in some way to leave your options open, or is now a bad time for traveling and discernment? You don't have to answer these, just think about them and how you feel about it- and where that's leading you. If you discover you don't want to discern right now, that's fine! There's so much you can focus on and do. If you do want to move forward, plan very carefully! Maybe ask here for help and advice on planning out a trip, I'm sure people around here have a lot of experience with it lol. 

[ErinMarie]

Thank you for your replies; I am thinking a lot about this.  I think work has become a higher priority for me than discernment; I feel guilty leaving to go visit communities.  To add to this, one of the staff on the unit that I manage resigned last night so I won't be able to plan any more visits for at least the next few months.  I want to be able to spend more time and energy on discernment and I am trying to figure out how to do that in the context of my current job--and maybe that simply is not possible and I will have to choose between the two.  I still have the time off that I had planned to use visiting the community so I will have some time to pray about this situation.

[Luigi]

I don't think it's the devil - I personally believe that the devil doesn't control the vicissitudes of life the way God can. 

And if God doesn't want you to join a particular order/congregation, I think he'd use Sr. Vocation Director as his primary spokesperson - much more direct, clear, and definitive. 

[chrysostom]

^^^This!

[TotusTuusMaria]

There was a Carmelite mystic named Eleanor who wanted to be a Benedictine nun all her life growing up. She had made plans to enter, prepared herself materially and spiritually for such, saddled the animal that was going to take her to the abbey, and just as she was on her way the horse simply stopped and refused to carry her to the convent. It stopped outside of a Carmelite monastery in Parma, Italy. She - even though she had no previous intentions to enter a Carmel - entered, and she later became the prioress of the Carmel, was gifted with ecstasies and levitation, is reported to have performed miracles, and was later beatified Bl. Archangela in 1864. 

In every account of her life the horse simply stopping was the sign to her that she was to enter there instead of the Benedictines - even though her entire life she had spent desiring to be a Benedictine. 

Circumstances that occur in life shouldn't be written off, but then again, they are not the be all and end all either. Whether she entered the Benedictines or the Carmelites ... in the end, the primary call our Lord had for her was holiness. He desired to give Himself to her totally and desired all from her. She had ecstasies, levitated, and reached the heights of holiness because she had a great union with the Blessed Trinity. She delighted in the Lord, and he "gave her the desires of her heart." Trust in the Lord, He will act. He brings all things out of evil and desires your good above all. If we delight in Him, do our duty, and stay in a state of grace... there is no way we will miss out on the great happiness He has planned for us. 

He is the Prince of Peace. Be at peace, and I will say a prayer you find a good director who can help you to discern things.

[MarysLittleFlower]

^ really great story, thank you!

[Gabriela]

I don't think it's the devil - I personally believe that the devil doesn't control the vicissitudes of life the way God can. 

What do you make of the story of Job?

[Luigi]

What do you make of the story of Job?

 

I don't know the Book of Job perfectly, but as I recall, it was a special deal the devil worked out with God, by way of a test.

I don't recall other Biblical accounts of the devil creating or altering reality. There have indeed been cases of demonic possession, but ErinMarie merely missed a plane.

[Gabriela]

I don't know the Book of Job perfectly, but as I recall, it was a special deal the devil worked out with God, by way of a test.

I don't recall other Biblical accounts of the devil creating or altering reality. There have indeed been cases of demonic possession, but ErinMarie merely missed a plane.

Job was a case of God allowing the stoopid devil to have at Job, but isn't that always the case with the devil? He can't do anything without God allowing it. And the way the devil had at Job was through circumstances similar—in type, if not in severity—to what ErinMarie described.

Of the 35 women religious I interviewed for my thesis, quite a few felt that the devil had attempted to interfere at some point during their discernment. Usually it was when they were much closer to entering than ErinMarie is, but the point stands: In discernment, as in life in general, there can be three sources of influence on any event: You yourself, God, and the stoopid devil.

I don't think we should discount the latter's attempts to prevent us from living a holy life, which finding our God-given vocation is supposed to lead to. The difficulty really comes in figuring out which of the three sources of influence is at work behind any specific event. I can tell you from my own experience (and my SD's confirmation of my interpretations) that, while I myself and God are usually the ones with the most influence, the devil has crept in on occasion. To be able to spot him doing his dirty work, you have to believe that he can work in even the smallest things.