talking to family and timing

[MarysLittleFlower]

As some of you know I'm seriously thinking about consecrated life of some sort and I'm the only Catholic in my family and an only child. I don't think my parents would be happy at all if I became a religious and this might be a lot of suffering for them. I love them so thinking of that is a major cross for me. I really don't want to hurt them but I really want to discern too. My SD recommended that I write to a community and ask to visit them for a bit. I wrote to them and they requested more info about me.. so I'm hoping to write them another letter this week and see what they say. If they invite me to visit though.. I'm wondering what I could tell my family. I don't know AT ALL if this would be the community for me. If I tell them I'm discerning and they'd get all stressed out, and then it turns out to be something else, it would be like I worried them for no reason... at the same time, I don't want to be deceiving and say something like "I just want a general retreat". I have no idea what to say. There are a few reasons I haven't spoken about all this to them yet and I don't know if now is the best time... one reason is that I know I'd get a lot of opposition and I'm scared I would just give up. The second reason is I'm wondering if maybe in a couple years they'd be more prepared as I keep praying for them. Maybe God would draw them closer to Himself and give them graces to deal with this. The reason I say "couple years" is because I have to pay my loans anyway, so it's not like I can enter right now. I don't even know if I'd be able to pay my loans in time and if I'd be accepted into any community. So I just feel like it's too early to tell my family... yet if I go to visit a community, what could I tell them? could I say just something like "I just want to spend some time praying for God's guidance in my life"? Is that a lie or not? I don't want to lie either. I can't go without telling them cause they'd think I disappeared somewhere. This is causing me a lot of anxiety and I'd be grateful for any advice!! thank you

Edited January 7, 2016 by MarysLittleFlower

[vee]

IF the community invites you for a visit it is one initial step out of many so just tell your family youre going on a retreat looking for God's guidance like you said.  Its not a lie either because if you visit thats really what  you are doing.

[sr.christinaosf]

Definitely pray about the situation (obviously)  Use 'discreet language,' as the catechism says.  You don't want to deceive them but you want to be careful, too. God bless you.

 

[DominicanHeart]

Seems to be a lot of us in this situation around here

[Luigi]

First of all, in my experience, God doesn't usually magically change hearts in response to prayers. In my experience, he's always made me deal with the person/problem head on. Which I hate, but that is how we grow in virtue after all. And, of course, the prayers beforehand probably do have an effect on the person when you're actually talking to her.

Second of all, in the 'discreet language' category I can offer some vocabulary:

You're not actually 'discerning' yet, you're going for an observation, just like you would do if you thought you might be interested in nursing or engineering or teaching or working for XYZ Corporation. You're just going to see what this life is like. Or compare it to a campus visit when you're thinking about going to college - you're not committed to anything yet, but you are curious, or perhaps interested. Or you're going to learn about their spirituality - which is true - how they pray, whether that suits you well, what you can learn from them (even if you never join them). In the travel industry, they have "fam tours" - quick trips to a destination so travel agents can familiarize themselves with the sights, the better to sell them to customers. So maybe you just want to get familiar with this order and their spirituality.

I do think it would be best to at least put the topic on the table, the earlier the better, in that "just looking, just curious, maybe a little bit interested, sometimes I wonder about" kind of way. Because if your discernment gets more serious, you don't want it to come as a complete surprise.

[vee]

I would focus on replying to the community first and go from there.  If they invite you for a visit keep in mind it likely wouldnt be until after Easter anyway, which is March 27th this year, so youre looking at April, May June something like that.