Single Vocation

[Kayte Postle]

I'm working on compiling information on the Single Life as a vocation in the Church. I think it's a resource that's needed, since there seems to be a lack of information currently. I know there are some wonderful holy single ladies on here, I was wondering if I could ask you some questions, and pick your brains a bit. =)

[Sponsa-Christi]

I wrote an article on this not too long ago: http://aleteia.org/2016/05/04/is-the-single-life-a-vocation/

 

[Guest]

Hi Kayte - Just a nudge on including the lay celibate vocation in Vocation Forum: dUSt (Administrator) made some rulings back some years ago here:

Introduction to Vocation Station (rules & Guidelines)

At times in the past, the subject of a vocation to the lay celibate state has been contentious.

You might be interested in my thread here: Home Mass - Private Vows (Open Mic)

I purposely put the thread into Open Mic, to avoid potentially breaking any Phatmass rules or guidelines, although personally I don't think that private vows in the lay celibate state actually does.  But to be safe, I put it into Open Mic.

There is a whole heap of subjects incorporated in the thread, including some of my personal journey in private vows and also through suffering bipolar disorder..........and other bits and pieces.  Also included in the thread are heaps of items from research (compiled over years) on private vows or the committed lay celibate state from Church Documents and other reliable types of sources - all  with links......although my thread (lengthy!) might take quite some wading through to glean out what you might be able to use or not use.

I am over the moon that someone is compiling information on the single life (lay celibacy) into one place.  May I ask, Kayte, what form your compilation of informatiom will take? Is it a blog, a book - or something else?  Also, are you researching for an uncommitted call to the lay celibate state, or both committed and uncommitted?  Although to me, if one does feel a call to sacrifice marriage and embrace the lay celibate state as one's call and path in life, it is a vocation (vocation meaning "to call") with or without some sort of formalised type of commitment. 

But I wont say any more to avoid breaking possibly Phatmass Vocation Station rules by possibly inviting debate.  What I can do is stay in contact with this thread and anything I may not agree with etc., I can always start a thread in Open Mic (link in this thread), or post into my existing thread on private vows (link in this thread) - if I choose to do so.

2 hours ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

I wrote an article on this not too long ago: http://aleteia.org/2016/05/04/is-the-single-life-a-vocation/

 

Comments at the end of the article make some good reading too - food for thought.

Edited July 11, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[Kayte Postle]

Thank you for the article Sponsa! It had lots of wonderful information.

Barbra- Right now I'm just compiling information and views on the subject. I'm hoping to some day turn it into a book, but that is a lot of research and prayer away. I'm researching for both committed and uncommitted single life. I am wanting the end work itself to be focused on committed single life. The work is going to be almost purely research, as I am too young and inexperienced to draw on my own life. But I have been feeling a call to consecrated single life for a very long time, and while I am still discerning I was hoping for some kind of good resource about what the vocation looks like. Since I couldn't find all the information in one place I decided to just compile it together myself.

[beatitude]

I'm in formation with a secular institute, and a couple of friends and I are in the process of setting up a prayer group for people living the single life in different forms. They're discerning secular institutes too, but aren't as far into it as I am. We would be happy to talk to you and share our experiences.

[Norseman82]

I hate to burst your bubble, but unless there is a vow involved to "lock you in", single life in and of itself is NOT a vocation.

Married people make a "vow" to each other, so marriage is permanent (until death). In the Latin rite, they cannot enter into clerical, religious, or consecrated life while married. Exceptions: permanent deacons, as well as eastern rite Catholic priesthood.

Clergy make vows or "solemn promises", and they are priests forever, unless in special circumstances they are laicized. They cannot enter married life without laicization.

Religious and consecrated take "vows". It is permanent unless they are somehow released from their vows.

Singles who have not taken a vow, on the other hand, do not need to be released from any vows in order to enter marriage, clerical, religious, or consecrated life.

[Guest]

As I live under private vows in the laity, exteriorly it wouldn't look different to a quite ordinary committed Catholic celibate life.  Nowadays, I lean more and more towards keeping it that way.  I'm now almost 71years of age and it has been a very long journey of probably 40 years or so and the journey has gone through various stages of development on various matters at different times due to presenting circumstances........at times I may have moved back to a previous stage for some reason.  "Stages of development" mainly due to the fact that at the time of discerning and then making private vows to the evangelical counsels, I could not find anything whatsoever about them.  All I had was an assurance from a priest religious and theologian (SD and confessor) that I could indeed make such a move quite validly and in accord with Church law and teaching.

My private vow of poverty is spelt out in my rule of life and would not be anything overt or obvious to appearances and deliberately so. It is, however, a radical following of Jesus and His Gospel in poverty - and more demanding than that poverty asked of me by my baptism.

 Obedience is to The Church and my rule of life, again not obvious to appearances - no external difference to an ordinary committed Catholic celibate life.  Again the obedience asked is a radical type of obedience and asking more than my baptism.

As with every vocation, a further call other than baptism will be a building on baptism.

For me private vows to the evangelical counsels is an interior journey and a Gospel ideal for which to strive in all things and circumstances.  The praise and petitions of The Our Father each form a subject heading in the rule.  I'm quite safe in stating that committed Catholic celibate people usually are involved in service in The Church and outside as well - as I am to varying degrees at different times. There are people in my parish, married, widowed, celibate (not privately vowed to my knowledge), who are far more active to appearances in the parish and outside it than I am. My private vows and my rule are means to an end, not ends in themselves.

A feature or mark of my lifestyle under my rule (approved by SD) is the embracing with trust and confidence Divine Providence in all things and this embracing of Divine Providence brings about a wondrous freedom and liberality of spirit............hence it is an unfolding way of life (as God's Will does in every vocation), both in the immediate and long term. My rule presents an ideal and is a striving for a spirit that is far superior to the rule -  yet through the rule. It is a striving for a spirit in which to live and serve in all things ideally and at all times and wherever I might, through Divine Providence, find myself/choose to venture.

I would be truly surprised if anyone identified me as living under private vows and no one has to date really, despite my 40yrs journey with the vows.  My most common 'titles' are divorced or sometimes even spinster or single.  Certainly, my Home Mass to renew my life vows was a surprise to those around me, except those most close to me such as the Carmelite nuns who attended and one of my brothers.  The rest were quite bemused and had no idea what private vows to the evangelical counsels were.  They did not know that a lay person could make such vows while remaining in the lay state in secular life in every way.  I did make available small booklets for those attending the Home Mass.  The booklets did explain what the vows were and were not and what The Church has to state about them and most guests took them with them after Mass and a light supper.  Pebble in the pool of understanding Catholicism.

I collated information and made the booklets for the Home Mass myself.  As well as this, a copy of my rule of life was available for those who may have liked to have a look.  I don't know if anyone actually did, I was too occupied with 'doing the rounds' and speaking to all guests.  It was a small gathering for The Mass of about 20 people i.e. Carmelite nuns, quite close friends and my brothers and their wives only.

Edited July 12, 2016 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

______________________

Edit:  My SD and confessor (priest religious with leadership experience) approached our Archbishop, through our Vicar General, for permission for the Home Mass and the reason for The Mass.  In due course, the VG advised that the Archbishop had given his permission.  The diocese is well aware of my bipolar condition and my history related to it, i.e. serious psychotic episodes.  Father did not mention to me that he intended to ask permission from higher up the line - until after he had done so and while he awaited the decision.  Hence, it was my feeling, that probably I would not get permission due to bipolar and my history (then 10years behind me).  I was wrong and so overwhelmed that when Father told me that he could go ahead, I burst into tears.  Tears of relief, of gratitude and no little humbled.

Subsequently, in accord with protocol, I asked my parish priest for permission to hold The Home Mass in his parish.  It was granted........of course. 

Hence, The Home Mass was preceded by all necessary permissions and protocol at diocesan level.

[He is Risen!]

On 7/11/2016 at 7:30 PM, Norseman82 said:

I hate to burst your bubble, but unless there is a vow involved to "lock you in", single life in and of itself is NOT a vocation.

Married people make a "vow" to each other, so marriage is permanent (until death). In the Latin rite, they cannot enter into clerical, religious, or consecrated life while married. Exceptions: permanent deacons, as well as eastern rite Catholic priesthood.

Clergy make vows or "solemn promises", and they are priests forever, unless in special circumstances they are laicized. They cannot enter married life without laicization.

Religious and consecrated take "vows". It is permanent unless they are somehow released from their vows.

Singles who have not taken a vow, on the other hand, do not need to be released from any vows in order to enter marriage, clerical, religious, or consecrated life.

My former postulant director said the same thing, that there are 3 vocations for women.  Religious life, consecrated virginity, and being married.  She made the point that we are not called to single life because God wants us to find a vocation, not spend a lifetime discerning.  I'm not sure how this fits into the secular institute thing, maybe that would be something you do in addition to a vocation as a married person or consecrated virgin?  Does anyone know what cannon law says about this?

Edited July 14, 2016 by He is Risen!

[Gabriela]

For those arguing that the single life is not a vocation, I wonder what you say to people who have carefully discerned that they are not called to the religious life, consecrated virginity, or marriage. Or what you would say to people who know they are not called to religious life or consecrated virginity, and are open to marriage, but never find a marriage partner.

Would you say these people have no vocation?

[truthfinder]

Single life is not a vocation if it is completely unconsecrated/settled.  I don't think we can be drifting our entire lives - single life can be consecrated virginity, private vows, or maybe just the firm determination to live out your life singly.  But just aimlessly being single is not a vocation. 

[Sponsa-Christi]

1 hour ago, He is Risen! said:

My former postulant director said the same thing, that there are 3 vocations for women.  Religious life, consecrated virginity, and being married.  She made the point that we are not called to single life because God wants us to find a vocation, not spend a lifetime discerning.  I'm not sure how this fits into the secular institute thing, maybe that would be something you do in addition to a vocation as a married person or consecrated virgin?  Does anyone know what cannon law says about this?

Secular institutes are for organizational purposes generally considered to be a form of consecrated life---that is, in the same general category as religious and consecrated virgins.

There is still some very technical debate about whether or in precisely what sense secular institute members can be considered truly "consecrated," but the Church definitely recognizes secular institute membership as a praiseworthy and "real" vocation. 

25 minutes ago, truthfinder said:

 I don't think we can be drifting our entire lives - single life can be consecrated virginity, private vows, or maybe just the firm determination to live out your life singly.

If you'll excuse a bit of crankiness on my part (and I'm truly not trying to be critical of anyone specifically here---I'm just picking on truthfinder because she happened to leave a quotable comment), it's sort of my pet peeve when consecrated virginity is considered as a form of "single life." Consecrated virginity isn't a call simply to remain single, it's a call to be married to Jesus. A consecrated virgin isn't "called to single life" any more than a diocesan priest is. 

[truthfinder]

14 minutes ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

 

If you'll excuse a bit of crankiness on my part (and I'm truly not trying to be critical of anyone specifically here---I'm just picking on truthfinder because she happened to leave a quotable comment), it's sort of my pet peeve when consecrated virginity is considered as a form of "single life." Consecrated virginity isn't a call simply to remain single, it's a call to be married to Jesus. A consecrated virgin isn't "called to single life" any more than a diocesan priest is. 

Thanks Sponsa for this clarification.  I put it this way only because I was trying to echo the implied notion in other parts of the thread. 

[Guest]

HERE

[Guest]

1 hour ago, truthfinder said:

Single life is not a vocation if it is completely unconsecrated/settled.  I don't think we can be drifting our entire lives - single life can be consecrated virginity, private vows, or maybe just the firm determination to live out your life singly.  But just aimlessly being single is not a vocation. 

Well said  (while I do agree with both you (in a later post to the above) and Sponsa that Consecrated Virginity is a division of Consecrated Life and cannot be classified as "single life" which is in the Laity/lay state of Life).

We all have a vocation and call to holiness (with or without a further call to a different state in life).  If I am just aimlessly and selfishly living in the single state then it might be due to an inculpable disposition i.e. lack of lay formation (understanding of the lay state and vocation and general call to holiness) than deliberately chosen. 

There can be so much internet conversation about what is or is not a vocation that the heights and highest calls of The Gospel as a call and vocation to every person is almost put aside.

[allegra]

15 hours ago, Gabriela said:

For those arguing that the single life is not a vocation, I wonder what you say to people who have carefully discerned that they are not called to the religious life, consecrated virginity, or marriage. Or what you would say to people who know they are not called to religious life or consecrated virginity, and are open to marriage, but never find a marriage partner.

Would you say these people have no vocation?

I would not say they don't have a vocation, as the vocation to holyness is meant for us all. But I am tempted to say, either there was an unrecognized flaw in the discernment process, or they have, for whatever reason, not been able to live up to their vocation.

The example given might be the typical one: not finding the right marriage partner doesn't mean not having the vocation to married life! That this could be experienced as unfulfilled vocation and cause suffering is obvious. But the same would be true for a wife widowed in young years, don't you think?

But I have also come across women who late discovered a vocation to consecrated virginity, when they had, through sexual relations, closed that door years ago, and who were quite desperate.

I am convinced that lack of sufficient catechesis and of knowledge about the possible vocations have caused "failed" pursuits of the proper vocation - and many sufferings lateron - for many of those that claim or seem to "have no vocation".

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

I don't have much time to answer but the difficulty is in the way you are using "vocation". It's being used as "state of life" in the canonical sense and that is where probably the difficulty is in speaking about single life. Single life isn't a "vocation" as in a "state of life" because one can change at anytime. But if one is single to belong to the Lord  and makes a deliberate decision to live ones life this way than one "could" say it is a vocation. But if one is single because one doesn't feel called to consecrated life or virginity and hasn't found the man she wants to marry it's not a vocation. It's just being single.

I know a few single women who are deliberately single in order to give themselves up to a life of charity in a very specific way. It's the way they feel God is calling them to become holy. I don't know if they have made a vow or act of consecration.

I love that St. Thomas doesn't even talk about vocation but instead "embracing the religious state". It implies a deliberate choice on ones part. No matter our vocation in life we have to embrace it and choose it.

[Guest]

I am not addressing any particular post in this thread.  It is a general comment on the subject.

A vocation is a call from God - a call or request.  It is best discerned with spiritual direction - and finally it is then embraced whatever that call might be.  Undoubtedly, the celibate lay state was probably the earliest basic type of lay vocation outside of marriage and this celibate lay state evolved over time into the various, defined in Canon Law, consecrated states of life.  Private vows would currently fall under the section in Canon Law "Vows" and therefore are valid in Canon Law. It has never been officially stated by The Vatican that the lay celibate state in the laity outside of consecrated life is not a vocation and call from God at all.  It has been and still is merely an opinion (Catholic cultural consciousness) by some that it is not.  Certainly nowadays post V2 especially we hear more and more clearly (to my mind as I have followed it over 40yrs) that indeed it is a potential call or request (vocation) from God.

The Church as hierarchical decisions grinds slowly. And it is well and praiseworthy that it does as it is determined if a certain movement amongst the faithful for example is indeed a movement of The Holy Spirit.

I do find it difficult to grasp that the lay celibate state in life is so often denied as a potential vocation and in spite of what The Church states - and I am only quoting below from two Documents in the face of many including Documents pre V2.  The way of private vows in the laity can be a difficult road indeed, when (for one example only) the vocation must be lived out in human opposition at various times on various levels, various intensity - the only thing that keeps a person travelling along the road with conviction in the day to day is probably the knowledge that God has (and still is in each and every day) called and one follows - the one called recognizes His voice. He continues to call daily and in the face of human opposition and it is God who provides the Graces necessary to put one's hand to the plough and not look back ........or persevere with conviction in the face of opposition.

Christifideles Laici (Pope John Paul II)  (Vocation and Mission of the Lay Faithful in The Church and in The World)

Quote

Excerpt: "Precisely with this in mind the Synod Fathers said: "The secular character of the lay faithful is not therefore to be defined only in a sociological sense, but most especially in a theological sense. The term secular must be understood in light of the act of God the creator and redeemer, who has handed over the world to women and men, so that they may participate in the work of creation, free creation from the influence of sin and sanctify themselves in marriage or the celibate life, in a family, in a profession and in the various activities of society"(39). "

Latest (to my knowledge) statement out of Rome (Given in Rome, 4 June, 2016.)  Statutes for New Dicastery for Laity, Family and Life

Quote

 

Art. 5

This Section has the duty to discern, encourage and promote the vocation and mission of the lay faithful in the Church and in the world, whether married or single, besides the members of associations, movements, and communities. Furthermore, this Section promotes studies that contribute to a deepening of the doctrinal understanding of the themes and issues regarding the lay faithful.

 

 

[Guest]

May I talk about vocation this way?  One is baptised into the lay celibate state, a state in which one can be called into another state of life. One begins discerning.  In the process of that discernment, which can include even quite a few unexpected experiences and/or developments, one gradually becomes aware that the call is to 'flower where one is planted' or remain in the lay celibate state.  And so one embraces the lay state of life as the result of the discernment process (ideally with spiritual direction).  Then begins the process of defining how one is going to commit and live in the lay state in the day to day, one begins to define one's path to holiness - and ideally again with spiritual direction. 

This line from John Ch 21:22 reminds me of my own personal call :

 Vatican Bible Translation  "Jesus said to him, "What if I want him to remain until I come? ¹² What concern is it of yours? You follow me."

_______________

As I stated in another thread - to live in the lay state as a means of selfishness, lack of involvement and commitment - of self indulgence -  etc. is never vocational and cannot be called (as is glaringly obvious) a vocation and call from God. 

[Sister Leticia]

Just to throw something else into the mix...

There was a time when certain professions, like teaching and nursing, were regarded as a "vocation" by people of all beliefs and none. Many people who entered these professions remained in them for decades, until retirement, and female teachers and nurses were often lifelong spinsters, who dedicated themselves to what they saw as their calling. Yes, there were probably others who wanted to marry and for whatever reason couldn't/didn't, but some definitely saw their work as a near-lifelong vocation.

(And one of our sisters, who had trained as a nurse, used to say that Florence Nightingale's letters to her nurses were often very spiritual)

There were also many unmarried women who joined church mission societies and spent their lives in mission territories.

And there was also a time, until about 80 years ago, when it was quite common for families to have a daughter who remained unmarried, and cared for elderly parents, or who stepped in and kept house for her father and brought up her younger siblings if their mother died or became an invalid. This happened to the oldest sister of Janet Stuart RSCJ (1857-1914), a well known former superior general from England. Theodosia was about 19 or 20 when their mother died, and Janet, the youngest, was still only about 3. Theodosia brought up all the younger children, mothered and cared for them and taught them strong Christian values, and remained with their father until she died of TB aged 37, when Janet was 20. That was her vocation - and Theodosia did regard it as something coming from God.

If you've read "What Katy did" then you'll recall that Aunt Izzy was a spinster who stepped in and cared for her widowed brother and his children. This wouldn't have been seen as unusual by the book's original readers.

Sadly, society's norm being marriage, and novels and fairy tales ending with marriage and living happily ever after, means that many people would have pitied Aunt Izzie and Theodosia for their unmarried state, even while admiring their dedication. But what I'm trying to say is that there was a time when nobody wondered whether there was such as thing as the vocation to the single life, at least for women. There were so many examples of single women living very selfless, dedicated lives, sometimes stemming from very strong Christian beliefs, but certainly from a sense of duty and service.