Personal intention

[BarbTherese]

I come to this forum requesting for myself always with reluctance - and wrongly i.e. pride, even worse - spiritual pride.

 I hurt my back last Friday and I now have mobility issues (I had a long standing lower back injury from a car accident years ago anyway.) The increased mobility issues mean that some things that seemed an option in my current 'predicament' are now off the board.  I have major decisions to make which are particularly difficult for me.  Frankly, I do not know which way to turn as to these decisions.  I need to stay calm and (re)collected until my bipolar mind (I think) ceases attempts to push me into panic mode because each difficulty is related to another and confusion can settle in and then into panic mode; meanwhile, I need to refrain from deciding - walk on and just accept - and avoid the panic type urge to make decisions -  and right now, immediately!.........until calm and (re)collection do return and the response to Grace, always present, is a logical and called for response to the current situation.  Or is "bipolar mind" my excuse, my rationalisation?  It could be but that I do not know for sure.  Nor is it necessary to know - I can deal with that at my next psychiatrist appointment early August.  Knowing her, I do tend to think she will say "Why is it so necessary to know?"  She dislikes labels as much I do in the more normal run of things.

I am trying to leave things in the Hands of God with intercession from Our Lady.  I know that things will unfold and then settle down and decisions will have been made, they always do. It only takes time.  At least I am admitting to myself as I 'listen/hear' my mind carrying on like a lunatic that I do indeed likely might have the probably classic type of bipolar mind.  Under stress, I have one subject bumping into another and then something else again until I have multiple subjects going round and round not knowing where the ends are, let alone able to make them meet logically. The acknowledgement and acceptance of bipolar disposition (if it is so) is a distinct plus for the journey ahead. That is a blessing.  If it is not bipolar - which I do tend to doubt, it is still a blessing and a bit more of self-knowledge of myself no matter what tag I give it.

What have I indeed to be concerned about faced with the terrible problems and suffering in our world today, especially now in Nice and for France generally - but not only there by far........all also in my heart. 

Nothing!  Rather, I would be Joyful and happy, grateful, to suffer something minor. And I can see the very obvious negative personal revelation in that statement.

A prayer really would be much appreciated for me to just calm down before I (hopefully not) unravel completely - bipolar scares me silly in its potential which is only imaginary at this point - yet based on past experience.......... my prayers for your own intentions (and all those requests in this forum daily - and further afield).

Thanks heaps...........Barb